AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, I know this update took way too long and this is my official apology. I had a severe case of writer's block about the end of this chapter. I finally figured out a way to end it without making Katara look like a total flake. I also added another twist that I hadn't intended in the beginning! I hope you enjoy, and God bless. Please R&R!
NEVER WORTH WHAT IT COSTS
Sunrise
Aang slammed his fists on the white marble floor. "Why are you ignoring me?" He yelled at the ceiling. His arms shook with anger. The air inside the temple started to whirl around him. Aang forced himself to take deep breaths, and the temple was still again. He cupped his face in his hands. "What am I doing wrong?" he whispered to himself. He hadn't felt this alone since he discovered Gyatso's body at the Southern Air Temple just after he escaped the iceberg. It was like someone had cut a piece of him away. He remembered what if felt like to be able to contact the spirits, but now it was just a hollow spot in his mind. He'd never noticed the actual presence of the gift until it was gone.
Aang felt alone and exposed. That's why he'd come to the Northern Air Temple to get away from the world and figure out what was wrong with him, but he'd been there for four days and nothing had happened. He spent most of his time walking the empty corridors and grieving for his people. Meditation had always been his escape from his burdens and fears, but now it was his greatest fear and burden. If he could not cross into the spirit world, he couldn't go into the Avatar state. Of course, he hadn't had to do that since his battle with Ozai, but he still felt like someone had chopped off his right hand in the middle of a sword fight.
"Roku, talk to me, please." But Aang had the same hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach. A sense of impending doom overcame him, and he started to hyperventilate. "No, stay calm. I'm still the Avatar." As if to assure himself, he caused the earth to shake, conjured a flame in the palm of his hand, made the wind whistle, and pulled water from a trickling waterfall below him into the room. An idea occurred to him. If he couldn't reach the spirits through meditation, perhaps he could through bending.
Aang settled down and exhaled as calmly as he could. Instead of trying to detach himself from the world, he concentrated on each of the individual elements around him. The mountain was massive, and though he couldn't see it, he felt it moving. The energy and beauty of the rising sun tingled across his skin. He felt the heartbeat of life in the cascading waterfall. Air, timeless and unstoppable, encircled him lifting him from the ground. He called upon each of the elements and closed his eyes. They thrummed in perfect unison. He felt the strength and power of earth, the intensity and energy of fire, the calm serenity of water, and the enlightenment of air.
There was something else too. Aang had never noticed it before because he had never been without it. He could feel another element though bending to his will. He couldn't see it or feel it on his skin, but he knew it was there. He concentrated on this fifth thing and tested its limits. As the foreign element got stronger, Aang felt the other elements fading away. At first he panicked, but then a calm familiarity settled over him. When he opened his eyes, he wasn't looking over a cliff, rather he looking down on himself. Aang grinned. "I can't believe that worked."
"Avatar Aang? How did you get here?"
Aang turned around and couldn't help but stare. Standing in front of him was Yang Chen, the air nomad Avatar before him, but that wasn't what shocked him. She wasn't so much standing in front of him as floating in midair ten feet passed the edge of a cliff. Aang shook his head. He bowed low reminding himself that she was still a master and still deserved respect even in the spirit world. "I'm not quite sure," he said, "I couldn't make any contact with the spirits, so I used my bending to, well, I don't know exactly. I guess I opened some sort of doorway to…here."
Yang Chen shook her head. "We have been trying to contact you as well, Young Avatar, but I am impressed. Very few Avatars learn the skill you so easily mastered. Of course, very few have had to learn it, but you are by far the youngest."
Aang bowed his head. "Thank you for your praise. May I ask you a question or...a few questions?"
The Avatar Spirit smiled gently and started walking towards the drop off. She stopped in front of Aang. "Yes, Young Avatar, and I will do my best to answer."
Aang swallowed. "Why haven't I been able to make contact with the spirits? I feel like a part of me is missing."
Yang Chen's face dropped. He saw her eyes flash with regret...and fear? Aang's heart fluttered in his chest. Never had he seen an Avatar Spirit afraid, not even when Roku told him about Sozin's Comet. "Avatar Aang, there is much you do not know about the spirit world, that you were never meant to know until you made your final journey," she narrowed her eyes. "Events are happening in the world right now that will affect not only the living but also the dead, so I am afraid some of our darkest secrets will be revealed."
"Oh, that's…a lot more cryptic than I was expecting. I thought maybe I just had a cold?" Aang felt foolish next to this master and regretted his words instantly.
She frowned darkly. "I assure you, Aang, no common illness has done this to you. It takes great power to close off the spirit world, power that only select beings have. One such being is who has done this. It is a miracle that you were able to break through her influence. There is no way to know how long it will last. We have already wasted too much time. Aang, listen to me, your friends are in trouble."
Aang paused. "What?"
"There is a great evil plotting not only your downfall but the end of all the Avatar's before and after you as well. Her plan is already in motion. Aang, this is very important. Are you listening?" All Aang could do was nod. One innocent face kept breaking his concentration. Katara, please be okay.
"Find your friend, the Southern Water Bender, and at all costs protect her. I will give you what information I can, but you have to find the White Lotus. They can hel-" her eyes looked passed Aang and widened in fear. Aang started to turn around, but she grabbed him by the shoulders. "Leave now, Avatar. Remember what I told you. Find the water bender and the White Lotus. Go!"
"Go? I don't even know how I got here!" He yelled trying to look behind him again.
"No! This is not your fight yet, Young One. You are strong, but you cannot fight this battle alone. Your friends will be more important now than ever before. Remember my instructions."
Aang started to protest but she leaned into his face. A cool breeze washed over him, and she started to fade away from him. He tried to cling to her, but the world slipped away. He gasped when he was back in his body. He turned in a circle knowing it wouldn't do any good. He groaned and slammed his fists down. He thought about trying to cross over again, but he had the feeling it wouldn't do any good this time. Whatever Yang Chen had seen, she wasn't going to let Aang help. He scrambled to his feet as he remembered Yang Chen's instructions. Aang pulled out a bison shaped whistle he always carried around his neck and blew into it. Within seconds, Appa was floating almost exactly where Yang Chen had in the spirit world.
Aang jumped onto Appa and realized he had no idea where he was going. Find Katara. That was Yang Chen's first command. The problem was Aang hadn't spoke to Katara in over a year. The last he heard about her was from Toph, and that was only to complain that Katara was terrorizing Ba Sing Se. Aang had rolled his eyes at the dramatic earth bender. She and Katara had never seen eye to eye on much of anything. Now he was thankful for Toph's complaining. "Appa, we're going to Ba Sing Se. Yip! Yip!" The sky bison rocketed into the sky and over the mountain tops where the air was thinner and easier to navigate. "Fly fast, buddy."
His feeling of doom returned. Aang started to really worry about Katara and the others, but then he was always worried about Katara. He doubted there was a day that had went by since they ended the war that he hadn't thought about her. She was in all his dreams, and every time his mind drifted she was there in his thoughts. More than once he had tried to get over her and respect the choices she'd made, but he could never bring himself to let go of her. There was simply no one else for him even if she thought there was someone else for her. Just the thought of Katara with some other man caused his gentle heart to break.
He thought after the war was over they could begin to work on the love he felt blooming between them, but she had left him empty handed with his arms outstretched. The sad and pathetic thing was though is that he had never retracted his embrace. If at any moment, Katara decided she wanted to be with him, he would be there in an instant. Just like now when she had turned him down countless times, he was still coming to her rescue because that's all he could do. She was everything to him. He tried to imagine his future without her in it, and everything just seemed dark and unimportant. Aang knew, even if it took fifty years, which he hoped it didn't, he would always wait on her.
The wind blew across his exposed face. He bent down against the top of Appa's head for reprieve, but he couldn't escape the tearing sensation in his heart no matter how hard he tried.
Zuko held Azula's burning hand and laid his head down next to her arm. He could feel the heat emitting from her body. "More water," he croaked. To his left, he heard someone dip a rag in water and place it over Azula. He shook with anger and frustration. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to protect her. Why the hell would the spirits bring her back to him just for him to watch her fade away again? He cursed everything: the spirits, himself, the Fire Nation, the assassin, and even Azula for being so stupid and taking the dart for him. That should be him on the table, not her. She had already been through so much…she was his little sister. A dark memory of her screaming and crying while being tied to a sewer popped in his head. He shook it away. No, she wasn't that person anymore. She was never that person. That was only the crazed, power-hungry maniac their father had made her.
"Azula, if you can hear me, please," his throat felt like it was bleeding from his cries, "you've come through worse than this. I've seen you. You're amazing and wonderful and deserve so much more than this. Azula, do not let this poison beat you. Did you hear that? It's going to beat you. If you die, you lose. I know you hate losing, so just kick some ass and come out of this okay?" He looked up at her face. Beads of sweat ran down her forehead and landed in a puddle around her ears. Zuko avoided looking at her neck where the dart had hit her. He knew the skin was blackened, charred, and resembled a burnt log more than a human chest.
Zuko heard a door open and close but ignored it until someone placed a hand on his shoulder. He shook it off. "Go away," he ordered.
"Zuko," it was Mai. He felt her kneel beside him. She wrapped her arms around his and forced him to look at her. He grimaced seeing the concern on her face. "Zuko, you haven't left this spot in two days. I miss you. Our children, Iroh and Ursa, remember them? They miss their father. They're scared." She paused. "I'm scared."
Zuko swallowed the lump in his throat and brought Mai into his arms. He felt his wife crumble. She clung to him as if he were falling off a cliff. "That could be you," she whispered. He heard the tears in her words. Mai had never cried except when their twins were born three years ago. Zuko held her tighter letting her sob into his chest.
"But it's not," he murmured into her neck and letting his lips linger there for another moment. "I'm right here, and I'm fine. I'm sorry I've been so selfish. I should have thought about you and the children. I was just so…I keep thinking what if she dies? How am I going to be able to live with myself?"
Mai pulled away from him just enough to look him in the eyes. Zuko's heart broke seeing her red puffy eyes and the tears brimming them. "I'm going to tell you something that if Azula knew I told you, one of us would end up dead." Zuko glanced back down at his sister then back at his wife. "All she ever wanted was for you to love her."
Zuko pulled away as if Mai had struck him. "Whatever."
"Zuko, I'm not joking." Zuko looked at her again. Mai was never this emotional unless it had to do with the children. She was too scared she was going to get hurt. "You weren't there. I saw her when no one else did. Everything she did, in some twisted, demented sort of way was so you would be proud of her even if it meant you feared her. It was all she knew."
"Why are you telling me this?" he asked. "I already feel terrible," but her words had lightened the load on his heart just a little. He would have never suspected what Mai just told him. For most of his life, he thought Azula was nothing more than a tyrannical power seeker. His father had left severe emotional and physical scars on him. He never stopped to consider the damage he would be able to do against Azula. His teeth ground together just thinking of the horrors Azula had to live through with no one there to help her. At least he had had his mother and Uncle. Azula was forced to live through her own hell with no hope of a way out. So she did whatever it took to survive in the world in which she was raised.
"I'm telling you this so you'll stop beating yourself up over what's happened. She chose this, and, not matter what you feel, this isn't your fault. I stayed with Azula for as long as I could. Maybe I was hoping I could save her, but, Zuko, you did save her. When everyone else had already given up on her, you pulled her out of the ashes. She wouldn't have this any other way."
Zuko smiled at his amazing wife, wondering what in the world he had done to deserve a woman like her. He leaned his forehead against hers, and they both closed their eyes simply enjoying the other's presence. "Thank you," he whispered not sure if she could hear him. Almost instantly after the words left his mouth, her lips gently pressed against his, but the kiss only lasted a second.
"There's something else," Mai whispered.
"Isn't there always?" He half-smiled. Zuko was surprised by how much effort it took just for that little gesture. He felt like his face was set in a permanent scowl.
Mai bit her lip nervously. She looked down at her friend, hoping that she'd understand. It was Azula's biggest secret, one that only a handful of people in the world knew. Mai had sworn herself to secrecy, but this changed everything. She had to be realistic. If Azula didn't make it through this, Mai was going to need Zuko's help. She didn't meet her husband's face but kept her eyes locked on the dying girl. "Azula…Azula has a daughter."
Katara paused with her hand on the lever. "Lady Katara, is everything okay?" the guard asked.
She swallowed hard. "I promised myself I would never be put in these situations ever again," she admitted. She gripped the door handle for support. "And I don't know if I can do this, what you're expecting of me." To Katara it felt like she was admitting defeat just like she had done in the arena. What had happened to her? Her will was what permitted her to do the impossible just a few years ago, but she knew now she wasn't the innocent, dreamer she had been. Katara had seen the darkness of humanity and had quickly realized no matter how hard she tried, she would never be able to stop it. So she had quit trying.
A strong hand landed on her shoulder. She looked up at the man responsible for getting her to this point. Only now did she see the tears that were breaking through his armor. "You are here to save her. I do not believe in coincidences. Just like you were there to bring the Avatar back to the world so you will bring us back our hero. Perhaps you strayed from the path, but I believe you're finding your way back, starting here."
Katara nodded and took in a deep breath. "You're good at this."
He chuckled. "I have experience with teenaged minds. My little brother gave me hell growing up."
Katara couldn't help but laugh. It was the first time in a long time that anyone had addressed her age. Sometimes Katara felt like the world had forgotten how young she was and how much had been taken away from her. She decided she liked this man. "So now I go in and save the day?"
"Now you go in and do what you can, but, yes 'saving the day' would be nice."
"Right," she said trying not to convey her skepticism. Katara took another breath and pulled down on the lever. She blinked and started to open the door, but before she could step in, the ground shook violently throwing her back against the wall. Her ears rang, and she couldn't hear anything else. Her vision was shaky, and her head was pounding with new intensity. When she could finally think and see straight, her first thought was the guard. She didn't even know his name to call out for him, but she found him lying against the wall a few feet away from her. She scrambled to him and checked his neck for a pulse. Katara sighed in relief when she felt his blood pumping steadily.
The doors to Toph's room were hanging on their hinges. Katara sprinted through the doorway as another blast sent her sprawling across the floor. She shook her head trying to find Toph. Two sets of hard hands pulled her to her feet. "Let go! Where's Toph?" Her eyes landed on the large bed and the tiny figure lying there. "Toph…" Katara breathed.
"What are you doing here?"
Katara's ears were still ringing from the second explosion. She didn't even see the tall, lanky woman until she stepped in between her and Toph. Katara glared at her. "Let me go! I'm here to help her, and what the hell is going on?" Something in Katara clicked. Memories that she tried so hard to forget told her exactly what was happening: they were under attack.
"You're Katara Hakoda?" The woman said condescendingly. "I was expecting…more."
"I'll show you more if you don't get these two clowns off me. I'm here to help!" Katara's mind was trying desperately to process what was happening. The Earth Kingdom wasn't at war. Who would be stupid enough to attack Ba Sing Se? Even caught off-guard its military would be assembled and ready to fight unless…unless its leader is dying. She jerked her right arm up and used her captors balance against them to wiggle it free. Without hesitation, she swung her free arm into the face of the person on her left. "Let me through," she growled.
The woman stiffened. Bombs exploded across the city shaking the palace bedroom. Katara could hear the screams of the panicked crowd. Holy shit, they're all targets. A quarter of Ba Sing Se's population had to be out there. She could only imagine the blood being spilled outside the walls. "I'm not going to tell you again: move aside or our fate is the same as the people out there."
Katara sighed in relief when the woman stepped to the side of the bed and knelt down beside Toph. She watched the woman grab Toph's hand. "Please," she whispered. The change in character caught Katara by surprise. She rounded the edge of the bed and began taking in Toph's condition. Beads of sweat ran down her face and most of her body. A pool of sweat surrounded her. Even over the screaming and bombs Katara could hear the girl's raspy, forced breaths. Her skin was red as if she was in a sauna, and her left shoulder was covered in bloody, pink rags. Katara leaned down to touch Toph and gasped when she felt the heat emitting from her skin. She felt like the man from the arena.
That's when she understood. "It was a set up…" she muttered.
"What?" the woman hissed. "Can you heal her or not? If you can't, I need to figure a way to get her out of here."
Katara ignored her. He stared at Toph's face. Her eyes were closed, but her lips were set in a pained grimace. My Dear, I am already suffering. His words echoed in her mind as she ran her fingers inches over Toph's body trying to figure out what was happening inside her. It was almost like blood bending the man from before except this heat wasn't everywhere. She could feel it winding through Toph's bloodstream. It was hard to try to control it though because wherever the poison was the strongest, the water in her body lessoned. "It seems to be…dehydrating her and…boiling her blood. I need to…"
This was more complicated than she imagined. She was going to have to pull the water repellent poison out by surrounding it with water while not altering Toph's blood flow or taking away from what little water she had left. "I can't…I can't do it…I'm sorry." Katara backed away and bowed her hand. The woman broke into deep sobs, but Katara could only look at Toph. "I'm sorry…" Tears ran down her cheeks. She couldn't breathe. She didn't want to breathe. She didn't deserve to breathe. An overwhelming sense of shame and guilt pressed down on her chest. Katara felt herself begin to panic.
A hard, familiar hand fell on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I just…I can't."
"Yes, you can," the guard said. Katara shrugged away and glared at him.
"How do you know? I didn't ask for any of this! Why do you even think I can, huh? Why do you have so much faith in me?" Katara turned back around. She forced herself to look at Toph's face. Katara hadn't hated herself this much since she'd found her mother dead. I couldn't save her, and I can't save you. I'm sorry, Toph.
"I know because you will never give up…just like you wouldn't let my little brother Haru give up."
Katara swiveled around. "You're Haru's brother?" Looking into his eyes now, she could see it. Haru's flash of defiance that had made her believe in his village, in herself, was there in his brother's eyes as well.
He nodded and smiled at her. "My brother told me what you did. You did: not Avatar Aang, the Firelord, or your brother, or even our Lieutenant. You, Katara."
Katara closed her eyes and turned back around. I'm not her anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't fight evil. It always wins even when it appears to have lost. She rubbed her stomach trying to quench the hollow feeling there. "Things change. People change."
Two calloused hands guided hers away from her body and onto Toph's arm. "Maybe so, but no one ever said they couldn't change back."
Katara swallowed hard. Toph's skin was burning under her touch. "I will try," she gritted.
"That's all I ask."
She sighed and concentrated on her friend's body again. I can do this, she repeated over and over in her head. I can do this…for Toph and for myself. A distant memory forced its way to the forefront of her mind. "I can do this."
There is water in the most unlikely of places. You can even make water from thin air.
Katara grinned despite her situation. She exhaled and twisted her wrists over Toph's body. She kept her eyes closed, but Katara heard the water begin to sizzle as it covered Toph's body. There was another explosion. It shook the room, but Katara kept her concentration. That was just a test. The real challenge would be creating water within Toph's body. If Katara knew one thing, it was that hesitation would get you or the ones you loved killed.
Without another thought, she focused all her energy within the earth bender's bloodstream. Almost instantly, Katara could feel her blood replenishing itself with water. The poison was like a blind spot. She knew where it was, but she couldn't see it. Again, Hama's words rang in her head. There is water in the most unlikely of places.
Katara redirected her focus towards the poison instead of away from it. She smiled again when she felt traces of her element inside the toxin. She forced the water into the poison until the created solution was so diluted she could control the substance completely. Already she could feel Toph's skin begin to cool under her hands. "You're doing it," someone whispered close behind her, but Katara refused to break concentration. The poison was still a threat.
Katara felt Toph's heart start to beat slower but stronger. It wasn't until she started to lose control of the poison that she realized it was disappearing completely. She kept hold of the water as Toph's immune system did the rest. When she couldn't feel any more traces of the toxin, she let go of her hold over Toph's body and opened her eyes. She had to steady herself. She thought she was going to feint but strong arms caught her. "You did it," Haru's brother beamed down at her.
She smiled at her new friend and looked at Toph. The redness had already disappeared from her skin and her breathing was steady. The woman was running a wet rag over Toph's face and crying. She looked at Katara. "Thank you," she said tearfully. "Thank you for saving my daughter."
Katara bowed her head. "You're welcome," but their celebration was short lived as another, closer, explosion shook the walls and caused one of them to crack. It threw the inhabitants of the room in all directions and tossed Toph off the bed. A small groan escaped her lips. "We have to get out of here." Katara said standing shakily to her feet. Healing Toph had taken a toll on her body. She felt more drained than she did after a bending battle. Adrenaline kept her on her feet and ready to fight though. She eyed the guard who was getting to his feet as well. "Who is attacking us?"
Haru's brother shrugged his shoulders, but she could see his worry in his expression. "My only concern right now is getting you three to safety." He walked over to the spot where Toph's mother had her in her arms. "May I take her?" The woman hesitated but let her daughter's body slip into her hands. He looked back at Katara. "Our best chance is the underground tunnels. Can you navigate them?"
Katara rolled her eyes. "Let's go." She started towards the door but stopped when she heard another wave of screams as more bombs landed. She looked out the window across the room. She could see the glow of flames, and the smell of sulfur and burning flesh wafted into the room. Bile filled her mouth before she could control it, and she had to bend over vomit. Katara inhaled deeply and wiped her mouth. "I can't leave them."
"We don't have a choice. I can't carry them all. We have to go now."
Katara met his eyes. "No, you have to go now. I will get you to the tunnels. You can use your earth bending to get yourself through them. Get Toph and her mom to safety." She looked out the window again.
"And what are you going to do?"
"I don't know, but I'm not leaving them all to die. I'll help here in any way I can." The words felt right coming from her lips, and she felt a familiar sense of responsibility. She expected the man to object, but instead he nodded.
"If Toph were able, we would both be by your side." He smiled grimly at her. "But we have to get moving. Now."
Katara glanced back at the window before ducking out of the ruined doorway. The guard with Toph in tow and Toph's mother stepped out just after her. The hallway was blocked to their right and was completely silent to their left. "The nearest tunnel entrance is three blocks west of the palace under Gai Pang's Bakery. Can you get us there?"
"Of course. I didn't expect it to be so close. I thought for sure we'd have to leave the Inner City before we could go underground. That makes things much easier."
Katara shrugged. "The Underground is bigger than you can imagine. There's a whole city that exists right under Ba Sing Se. At least there was before the explosions. There's no telling what's going on since the attacks. It could be more dangerous underground than above. Are you ready?"
"Follow me," he sprinted passed her into the hallway. Katara grabbed Toph's mother's hand and followed him. One word was playing over in her head: war. The world was at war again. No one would attack such a powerful city and its leader unless they were trying to make a drastic point. Katara tried not to think about it, but it was like she was finding Aang in the iceberg all over again. She was still in shock and living as if this were nothing but a dream. Katara knew this wasn't over. I am just the beginning, the man at the arena had said. You are the end. She had no idea what that meant, but she knew it would find her no matter how far she ran.
I'm done running, she decided. She would help the people of Ba Sing Se then she would get to her brother and Zuko. Katara hadn't felt this exhilarated since after her match with Azula, but underlining her excitement she could feel her fear creeping in around the edges. What will I lose this time?
