Chapter Three: Everybody's Apparating At Inoppurtune Moments...

"I'm nervous, Dean."

"Don't be. This is right, Hermione, it's okay."

"I just don't like lying to Ron. Are you sure we're doing the right thing?"

"I'm sure. We'll start slow. Really slow. Whenever you're ready."

"Alright. Deep breaths. …Right. I think I am."

"You sure?"

"Yes. No, wait."

"What's this?"

"Mozart. I like to listen to it while I…"

"Well, if it makes you feel better. Let's get to it."

Pop!

"Dean, mate, I- ooh… so this is what you've been doing."

"Seamus! How did you know we were here?"

"I just really needed Dean so I thought of him and Apparated."

"Mate, you're not bi, are you? Because if you were that's kind of stalkerish."

"No, I just need your advice."

"We're kind of in the middle of something here."

"Seamus, you won't tell Ron, will you? Because…"

"Well, I mean, I'm not entirely sure about this but if it's what you want to do, far be it for me to get in the way."

"Seamus, tell me what you want and get out!"

"Okay, okay, who knew this made you so cranky-thought it was meant to be relaxing."

"Seamus!"

"Okay, okay… um… what would you do if your girlfriend was pregnant?"

"Lavender's pregnant?"

"I don't know! I'm asking you!"

"She doesn't think she is, although the alternative is far worse."

"How do you know?"

"She interrupted me this morning to ask. I mean, I assumed, but she-"

"Right, right. What's the alternative?"

"That she's put on weight, and she does not want that to be true."

"I guess she has… I don't want to go out with a fat person!"

"Seamus! That's very discriminating."

"Mate, flip off."

"Fine, fine. Got to go do some spell research anyway. I'll, um… leave you to it."

Pop!

"Are you ready?"

--

Parvati was bored. Rita Skeeter had come to the Prophet and naturally, all the journalists were crowding around her. She was their idol. And Parvati's, however, as she had written mean things about Parvati when she was fourteen, she didn't much talk to her anymore.

Her quill sat at the ready, and she took a piece of parchment and began to scribble on it.

Neville would be glad she'd started.

--

The doorbell rang.

"Annie, s-remain away from that!" Ginny said, pushing the little girl away from the oven on her way to answer it.

"I'm coming!" she said and opened the door.

Only to see Ron in a bowler hat and Luna smoking a pipe.

She shut the door again.

And opened it.

They were still there.

"Any particular reason for the attire?" she asked.

"May we come in, Miss Weasley?" Luna asked.

"I've got my hands full."

"Ah, but my deduction skills tell me that your hands are, in fact, empty!"

Ginny sighed. She had known Luna for so long that really, this was bound to happen at some point. Everything was.

Her brother grimaced. "Luna's idea."

"Why?" was all she could manage. He shrugged.

"If you don't mind, Miss Weasley, my assistant and I would like to look around."

"Go ahead," Ginny said waving a hand. "Only Harry's locked himself in the bathroom. Oh, and Ron, for Merlin's sake, take off that waistcoat, it'll freak Annie out."

"Why?" Ron asked.

"She doesn't like anything green."

"But… she's Irish."

"I know," Ginny said with a shrug. "Apparently she's had some bad Paddy's Day experiences."

"Right," Ron said slowly. "Why's Harry in the bathroom?"

"Oh, elementary, my dear Weasley!" Luna said. "Can't you hear it?"

"No."

"That, my friend, is the sound of tweezers. Clearly he is preparing himself for a photo shoot of some kind, and my guess is that it is for the popular magazine, The Quibbler."

"Well, that's hardly a guess, seeing as you invited him," Ginny pointed out. "So what are you investigating, Detective Lovegood?"

"The whereabouts of my dear Weasley's lady friend, Miss Granger."

"Tell you what," Ron said. "Luna, you go and look round, and I'll keep this young lady company."

"I want no inappropriateness, mind," Luna said, making her way up the stairs.

"She's my sister…"

Pop!

"Ron, I need to talk to you!"

Lavender was striding down the hall. "Everybody says I'm pregnant."

Ginny gave Ron a hard stare.

"It's not mine!" he said.

"So I look pregnant?"

"Not pregnant exactly…"

Lavender's brow creased. "What do you mean?"

Ginny began to back away into the living room. "Teddy, don't pull Annie's hair!" she said, separating the two.

"I mean, maybe you've just put on weight."

Ginny could hear the crack from the next room.

--

"What happened to your face, my dear Weasley?" Luna asked coming down the stairs ten minutes later.

"I called Lavender fat."

"That would most certainly explain it."

--

"Ginny?"

"Fleur? Hi," Ginny said, flustered as she impersonated a Hippogriff.

"Ginny, I am very sorry, but ma maman desires me to 'elp 'er choose a dress for ze charity ball and so, I cannot look after Victoire! Do you zeenk…?"

With a sigh, Ginny replied "Sure, Fleur. What do I need to know?"

Fleur frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You know, for looking after Victoire?"

"Nuzzing. Except keep her away from zat Teddy boy, but he is at Andromeda's. Oh, I must go!"

Pop! The baby was left in a Moses basket on the doorstep. Ginny picked her up and Teddy waddled into the hall.

The babies gave one look at each other and began to cry.

--

"Harry, are you okay? Shut up, Teddy!"

"I'm fine Ginny."

"Only you've been in there far longer than is healthy. You can't have any eyebrow left!"

"I'm not plucking my eyebrows anymore, done with them?"

"Then what are you doing?"

"I- YARGH!"

"Harry!" Ginny screamed.

He rubbed his hand up the hairless spot on his leg. Now he was in trouble, because there was no way he was putting any more wax on.

--