The Fight For Four
Chapter Three
"Derek," Meredith was up as soon as the sun shown through the windows the next morning. She was relieved that Weston was still sleeping soundly. "There's something I need to tell you." She whispered. She couldn't wait any longer. She didn't want her fear to be the reason she made a mistake. She knew their marriage would never recover if she kept their baby from him.
Derek braced himself, watching her. He rubbed his eyes a bit, trying to wake up fully. "Okay," He said gently, rubbing her arm.
She hesitated, the words seemingly stuck. A familiar shake began in her hands, the shake she always felt when a panic attack started. No, stop. Don't do this right now. You have to tell him. You have to tell him first. Don't freak out. She drew in a couple of deep breaths, tears stinging her eyes. "I'm pregnant."
He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting her to say, but that wasn't it. Pregnant. They had been careful, so careful. Derek resisted the urge to throw up. He had to take a minute to process the news, forcing his racing heart to slow. He loved Weston more than his own life, but his birth had almost taken the most important thing he had. When Meredith had suggested they not have anymore babies, he'd agreed, to protect her. He would do whatever it took to keep his wife safe. The thought of her possibly hemorrhaging on their staircase again suddenly flooded his mind, and he struggled not to let her notice his quickened breaths.
"Derek." Her voice wavered. When he didn't answer, she panicked. Tears fell faster. "Please, say something." She could barely whisper. "Please, Derek."
"How far along?" He felt like an idiot, but it was all he could manage. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her close. He noticed the small but all-too-familiar signs that she was panicking, and he struggled to shove his own fears aside.
"Six weeks, I think." She began to cry, really cry, breaking down as her head rested on his chest. "I'm scared."
Tears filled Derek's own eyes when his wife began to sob against him, and he was glad her position made it impossible for her to see his face. "Shhh," Gently he ran his hand over her hair. "It's okay." He whispered into her ear. "It's going to be okay." A deep frown settled on his face when her breathing quickened. He felt helpless as she began to hyperventilate. "Mer, slow your breathing down. Meredith. Breathe with me." He demonstrated some exaggerated slow breaths, relieved when after a couple of minutes she finally started to relax.
"I don't think I can do this." She was sobbing, gasping, and sobbing again. No, she wasn't hyperventilating anymore, but the panic wasn't leaving. "I can't, I..."
"Shh," He whispered against her ear, knowing there was no way they were going to be able to talk about it until she was calm. Derek was sure he was just as terrified as she was, but he knew he couldn't admit that to her, not yet. He'd almost lost her before, and he knew he couldn't go through that again. He couldn't wake up every day wondering if his wife was going to be diagnosed with a potentially life-threatening pregnancy complication. He sighed, letting out a slow breath. Things were never supposed to be like this. They were never supposed to be in a situation where having a baby was anything other than exciting and joyful. Derek wasn't even sure in that moment that he was happy at all. He was just focused completely on everything that could go wrong, though he was sure in time that would fade. He hoped it would. "You're safe, Mer. Right here with me."
Meredith didn't know how long it took before she was quiet and her words were no longer crowded by tears, but it felt like forever. When she finally spoke again, she was quiet. "I called Addison on Monday. I didn't know how to tell you. I was scared you would be happy, and I, I was too scared to face that. I needed..." She struggled to explain it to him.
"Meredith, it's okay. I get it." He assured her, finally shifting so he could look into her eyes. He carefully brushed a strand of hair from her face. "Are you okay?" It was really all he cared about, knowing that she was alright.
"I don't know." She admitted. "Addison, she..." She contemplated whether to tell him the truth. Ultimately it felt like the right thing to do. "She mentioned abortion."
"What?" A darkness flashed across his eyes. "Did she ask you to do that, Meredith? Did she pressure you into that?" He didn't try to contain or hide his anger, his voice rising. Fear or not, abortion wasn't an option. This was their baby. Even if it would be an emotional struggle, he wasn't going to make a decision to kill their baby, and he wasn't going to stand by and let Meredith do it either.
"No. She..." She sighed, hating his sudden mood change. "I think she was just trying to help, Derek. I told her how scared I was. I told her I didn't know if I could do it. And I think she just thought it was the best thing."
"She said that? That it was the right thing to do?"
"Not that first day. But, yesterday. I called her totally freaking out. And she said it might be easier for me, if I just made the decision. She offered to come here."
"Son of a..."
"Stop, Derek." She pulled away from him when he yelled. "Calm down, please!"
"You were going to do it, weren't you?" Sudden realization hit him as he thought back, running every second of the last few days through his mind. He'd watched his wife slowly slip away from him, little by little, their conversations turning more superficial than they had been in years. And he knew. He knew she'd intended to go through with it.
More than anything, she hated that she'd hurt him. She could see the pain in his eyes, and she desperately wished she could take it away. "I was scared, Derek. All I could think about was Weston's birth, Grayson dying, and what she was saying. I didn't want to go through it all again. I just wanted to go back to being happy. And for a little while, it seemed like an easy answer. Just have an abortion. Addison..."
"Screw Addison, Meredith!" He immediately regretted yelling when he saw he hurt in her eyes. "She's not in our marriage. She's a friend. She has no right to tell you to kill our baby! No right!"
"She was trying to help, Derek!"
"No, Meredith!" He was yelling, again. "She was trying to talk you into taking the life of our child without ever telling me! Not that she has any problem with doing that! She's proved it before!"
"Derek," She wiped fresh tears from her cheeks. "I'm not going to do it. I'm not having an abortion. That's why I told you. I wanted you to tell me it wasn't the right thing to do. I needed you to tell me that we could do this."
He just sort of stared at her, fighting his own emotions. "You were going to make a decision to have an abortion, without ever telling me." Suddenly his voice was flat. "After everything we've been through." He got up, heading to their bathroom. "We're going to be late."
"I'm sorry," She watched him go, hating herself for not telling him the truth right away. "Please, don't do this."
"I can't be here right now, Meredith. I can't, I can't do this with you. I need some time."
"Derek, please!" Weston's cries interrupted any chance she had of following him. Quietly, and with tears still falling, she went to get the baby.
** GA ** GA ** GA **
"Shep," Mark looked up when he rounded the corner that morning, handing over an extra cup of coffee. "You look like you need this." He frowned.
"My wife was going to have an abortion. Because Addison Montgomery told her it would be a great idea." Bitterness, anger, and resentment poured from his lips.
"Meredith's pregnant?" Mark had to get over the shock of the news first, honestly just as surprised by that as he was that his friend's ex-wife had been involved in any of it.
"Six weeks. Or, something." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "She called Addison, Mark. She didn't tell me. She called my ex-wife."
"Her friend." Mark wasn't used to being the voice of reason, but honestly, he had rarely seen Derek so flustered.
"Doesn't matter, Mark! She wasn't going to tell me about the baby. Addison had her convinced that she should have an abortion."
"I don't get it." He admitted.
"Meredith's been in therapy for months, Mark. Because of Weston's birth. Because she almost bled to death on the floor of our house, alone. Because her entire pregnancy was one big..." He sighed. "Because our son died. Because I was shot."
"Addison suggested an abortion because Meredith was scared she would die." Mark summed it up for him, really hoping to avoid a conversation about Grayson. He knew with his friend's mood, he'd get hit if they went there.
"Something like that."
"But you found out."
"Meredith told me." Derek sighed.
"So she wasn't going to do it." Mark was confused.
"You're not helping."
"Well, in my defense. Usually you're the one telling me how stupid I'm acting." Mark pointed out.
"She was going to make that appointment, Mark. I asked her. She didn't really deny it. She did, but, she admitted if she hadn't told me...she was going to do it. She said she was feeling like it would be easier."
"Easier than facing the fear of complications again." Mark sighed. "The two of you, Derek, you've been through a lot. I don't think for one second that Meredith would have an abortion without telling you. I don't think she even wants an abortion. I think she wants someone to tell her it won't happen again."
"What if it does?" There, he'd said it. He finally let himself voice his own fear.
Mark took a deep breath, trying to figure out the right response. "You made it through the first time, and you'd do it again. The two of you, you have like nine lives or something. Meredith's not going anywhere."
"Mark."
"I know," He put his hand on his shoulder. "I get it. You're scared. That's reasonable. But don't let this bullshit about abortion be the reason you two screw up everything you have."
Derek sighed, knowing he was right. "Yeah." He glanced at the clock. "I've got a surgery." He tossed his coffee cup into a nearby trashcan and headed down the hallway.
"You look like someone killed your dog." Cristina found her best friend later that morning, wandering the hospital halls instead of looking for surgical cases.
"Derek and I are fighting."
"You and McDreamy fight?" She looked skeptical. "About what?"
"About Addison telling me I should have an abortion because I'm too messed up to even have a baby now."
"You're knocked up?!"
"I didn't tell Derek. And he's hurt. He should be. I should have told him. And I shouldn't have considered having an abortion. I should.."
"I thought you two were done with babies."
"Birth control has a failure rate. Like the tiniest fricken failure rate in the world."
"But you're having an abortion."
"I'm having a baby." Meredith sighed, walking into an on-call room with her. She shut the door. "Addison told me to have an abortion. I couldn't do it. But now Derek's mad, and he walked out without saying goodbye."
"Oh please." Cristina rolled her eyes. "By lunch he'll be following you around like some kind of lost puppy. You two don't know the meaning of fighting."
"This time he really is hurt, Cristina. I was thinking about doing it, without talking to him."
"So what?!" She shrugged. "It's your body. You do what you want with it. He doesn't get to act like you're some sort of criminal. Your body doesn't do babies well. It freaks out and tries to kill you."
"Thanks."
"Sorry." Cristina frowned. "Look, it's going to be fine. The two of you, you're always fine."
"Not this time. This time he's really pissed."
"He's McDreamy, Meredith. He's stupid in love with you. Trust me. He doesn't even have the ability to stay mad. And you, you need to stop blaming yourself for considering something that would have protected your body. There's nothing wrong with that. If you want to have an abortion, he should support you."
"I don't. I don't want to have an abortion, Cristina. I just don't want to die."
"You're not going to die." She rolled her eyes. "Addison may be annoying as hell, but she's really good at what she does."
"Addison's not here, and I doubt Derek would let her come this time anyway."
"Derek's going to have to get over himself. Really. He has to stop looking at things from only the way he sees them."
"Cristina."
"I'm serious. This isn't a black and white thing. Your fears, they are legit. And yeah, probably a bit skewed because of everything you went through, but still, you're not some crazed maniac who has no basis for anything you're feeling. This is a serious thing. And you two need to sit down and talk about this before you make any decisions. I know we don't do this...serious discussions and stuff. But this time, I'm telling you, you have to sit down with him and talk about this."
"I know," She sighed, glancing down when her pager went off. "I have to go." She got up, heading down the hall to check on her patient.
*Revised 6/2017
