A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! Please be so kind and review this chapter too, I love reviews!
Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling owns everything and I own nothing. The title of this chapter is taken from the song "Soul Meets Body" by "Death Cab for Cutie", it belongs to them I just borrowed it.
Chapter Two: Soul Meets Body
I cannot guess what we'll discover, I do believe it's true,
we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels.
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another's,
and not one speck will remain.
that there are roads left in both of our shoes.
If the silence takes you,
then I hope it takes me too.
So brown eyes I hold you near,
'cause you're the only song I want to hear.
-"Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie
Ginny was completely taken with surprise when he asked her about another drink. He had looked so full of thoughts that she didn't think he was aware of what happened around him. Then suddenly he had asked her about another drink, he had talked her! After three years, he had suddenly opened his mouth to her again.
She tried to look normal as she nodded to him and stretched for his glass. She was shaking in her whole body, what if he recognized her? What if he already had recognized her? Ginny felt Harry look at her, as she put ice in his glass. He didn't act as if he knew who she was, maybe it was safe after all. She took down a bottle from the shelf, what was he doing here anyway? From different magazines and newspapers, she had heard that Harry had become shy and reserved after the war, so what was he then doing at a nightclub which was known for being a place mostly visited by single people looked for a partner? Or maybe he had decided that he needed a girlfriend after all. Even if she thought that Harry really did need a girlfriend to make him happy, she couldn't help but feel a bit hurt. She never stopped to care for him, after all.
Ginny turned around and faced Harry once more and gave him his drink with a smile.
"Thanks." He took a sip and then turned halfway away from her, looking at Alex's band playing. She felt that she couldn't let him go so easily, she had to talk to him a bit, it had been three years after all. Without really thinking, she blurted out the first thing she could think about.
"D'you like them?" she said, referring to the band.
"Sure." he said, glancing at her and shrugging his shoulders. "But the singer is too good for them, her voice is too special to sing in a small band like that."
"My opinion to. She's my best friend, but refuses to listen when I say that she should find another band with more talented musicians. She has played with them for so long, so she thinks that would be to fail them."
Harry just nodded, he didn't seem to be very interested. She bit her lip, trying to find an other conversation subject. She really didn't want to let him just sit there, bored to death.
"So, are you here on your own, or what?"
"Nahh, I came here with my friend, Rob, but he disappeared rather quickly and left me on my own. I almost never go to clubs, you know."
"Never? Why not, it's great fun, or at least most of the time. If you don't now anybody, you can always get to know somebody." Harry laughed bitterly at her last remark.
"I've almost forgotten how you learn to know people, I mostly sit around at home doing nothing." His eyes had gone hard now, and he didn't really look at her. Ginny herself was quite shocked, Harry had changed a lot since last time. He almost didn't smile any more, and if what he said was true, he didn't meet friends so very often either.
"Tell me you're kidding, why are you like that? You need to spend time with your friends, or you'll just sit and rot!" He glared at her.
"Maybe I'm totally satisfied with just sitting on a chair and rot!"
"Do you mean that you're happy doing only that?" He glared at her even more, he clearly didn't want anybody to mess with his life and tell him how he should be.
"I never said I was happy, I'm never happy, but I was satisfied. To be happy is something I have learned I'll never be again."
"You were really an optimist. Of course you will be happy, at least if you believe you will." He was quite the same after all, the same Harry who thought that everything depended on him and that the whole world tried its best to make him unhappy.
"You don't get it, do you? I don't even want to live, I don't live any longer. My girlfriend died three years ago, she was all I wanted and needed, but I weren't allowed to keep her. My parents and godfather are dead. I never even learned to know my parents, I was so young when they died. Can't you understand then that a guy doesn't care about making friends anymore?" He wasn't talking loudly, but still fierce and angry. His eyes went black when he mentioned her, and Ginny realised for the first time exactly how much pain she had put Harry through when she left him. Still, there was no way back now. She had made her choice, Ginny Weasley didn't exist anymore. All she could do was to make Harry understand that there was a whole world left outside, he just had to find it.
"So," she said with a heated voice, "you think that loosing almost everyone you love is a decent reason to give up life?"
"Yeah, there is nothing left."
"Of course there is, if you just have the guts to do something! Would you say that I'm acting as if I have lost my whole family and the man I loved in a car crash? I'm not, am I? I live perfectly normal and quite happy too, but I can tell you; three years ago I was sitting in a car with my family and my boyfriend. A drunk driver hit us from the back, and I was knocked unconscious. When I woke up, they told me that I was the only one who survived. All the people who were close to me were gone." Harry didn't say anything, he was looking down at the counter. Then he looked up, with an uncertain look in his eyes.
"Did that really happen?" He didn't doubt her, he just didn't want to believe it. She nodded.
"Yeah. I was like you in the beginning, didn't care about anything anymore. Then I suddenly met Alex," she nodded at the direction of the band, "and she pulled me out of my hole. I know what I'm talking about, you know." Harry was quiet, just looking at her with an intense gaze. She felt that he was taking her in, giving her approval. Then he suddenly held out his hand.
"I'm Harry, by the way. Harry Potter." It was some kind of reconciliation, a gesture of acknowledgment.
"Evelyn Flynn," she said, taking his hand. "but call me Ev, that's what my friends usually do." Harry nodded. He hesitated a bit, and then he began talking again.
"It's not that I want to live like this, I just don't now how to do otherwise. I can't stop thinking about Ginny, my girlfriend, and I can't do one thing without her being there. When I eat breakfast, she is sitting beside me, chatting idly about everything. When I listen to the radio, she is singing out loud, even if she hasn't heard the songs before. When I make food, she is running around, doing everything at once. When I read the newspaper she is sitting beside me commentating every article she reads. Then I turn to her to agree with her, and then I realize that she wasn't there. I can't forget her. I just can't." he was whispering now, as if he was confessing his deepest secrets to her. He lifted his head which had been staring down at the counter and looked at her with sad eyes:
"Can you understand that?" She nodded.
"I was the same in the beginning. I couldn't forget Jamie, who was my boyfriend who died in the car crash. But then I met Alex, and she is like my sister now. She gave me my life back, I have a reason to get out of bed. It was hard to find that reason at first, but believe me, you will find it if you just try." She tilted her head a one side, gazing at him.
"Do you know what I think you need?" she asked.
"No."
"A girl. Somebody who makes you happy, who makes you laugh." He gave her a lop-sided smile.
"You're not the first one who says that. I don't know how many times my friends have arranged meetings between me and a single woman who they think would be suitable for me. But no one has ever been what I needed. No one has ever been Ginny."
"You can't go around looking for Ginny, she won't come back. But there are more girls out there, who knows, there may be somebody who is even better than Ginny…"
"There is no one except Ginny for me."
"You're hopeless, aren't you!" she exclaimed, throwing up her hands in the air, showing that she was giving up.
"There are 6 billion people in the world," she continued, "half of them are women. Do you honestly think that of 3 billion people, there is only one for you? There is only one Ginny, but there is plenty more girls who may fit you." He was grinning at her now, realising that he was sounding rather stupid.
"Hey, who said anything about girls? Maybe I'm gay, but to bloody ashamed of it to tell my friends? Maybe I came here to pick up a guy who can satisfy my secret needs?" he said, with a glint in his eye.
"Maybe." she said. "Now days, half the male population is gay, it's a bit confusing actually. You can't flirt with anyone, because they may be gay, and then you have made a big fool out of yourself. Are you gay?" she asked, even though she was quite sure about the answer.
"No. At least I don't think so. I've never tried, you see."
"I can fix somebody who will be very willing to act your test doll, if you want." she said with a playful smile, thinking about Romain.
"Thanks for the offer, but no thanks. I don't think it's my thing, you know." Harry was grinning widely now, just as he used to do, before the war had made its effect on him. Ginny felt that if she could just make Harry understand and give him some will to live, he would maybe become the man she used to know. He really did need to find somebody, to start a family. Deep inside her, she wanted Harry just as much as before, her love for him had never died, but there was so much pain in the way. She was sure that there was plenty more girls out there who could cheer Harry up, like she could.
They continued talking and joking, but leaving the more depressing subjects out of the conversation. Once he started, Harry really seemed to enjoy himself. Ginny had read articles in the Daily Prophet about how Harry should be named The Hero Who Never Smiled instead of The Boy Who Lived. On almost every picture of Harry after the fall of Voldemort, he looked sad and never smiled, but here he sat after three years, laughing like mad. She couldn't believe that it was so easily to cheer him up, to make him smile.
She hadn't realised how much she had missed seeing him smile, or just sitting across him. Ginny hadn't felt this right and happy for years, something just felt complete with him. Inside her, she warned herself of becoming too attached to him. It was just for tonight, she told herself, and then life would go back to its normal non-Harry life. But still, his green eyes made her knees so week than she almost didn't hear her inner voice, and when he smiled at her, good God, she almost died! She still wanted him, after all these years. And she wanted him bad. She continued to ignore the nagging voice inside of her, Harry was simply just making everything feel so right tonight, she didn't want to spoil that feeling.
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Harry really didn't know what was wrong with him. This girl just somehow made him feel perfect. He couldn't remember that he had had such a good time in years, it was almost as if Ginny was sitting in front of him again. Usually, he rarely laughed or even smiled, but that seemed to be the only thing he could do when he looked at Ev. There seemed to be too much energy in her to fit in her small body, she was never completely still. She was a bit like a child, expectant of what would happen the next minute, even if it only was a normal evening in her life. And the way she almost got angry with him, when he was sitting and complaining about his life. Nobody had ever told him before that he needed to pull himself together, to do something with his life. People had just kept quiet, and avoided him. Except for Ginny, of course.
Harry looked at Ev, she was serving drinks again, a big group of people had just entered, and they all wanted their orders at the same time. At the bar, Ev was really like the fish in the water. She was running around, smiling as if it was the most wonderful thing she had ever done. He couldn't help that he became amazed by her, she was so special, and he had never met anybody like her. When she turned around to get an order she caught his eyes for a second and gave him a small smile, and he felt a flutter in his stomach. She is fucking beautiful, he thought. Her dark brown hair and her eyes in the same colour, against her pale white skin. And those lips, strong dark red. Harry suddenly wondered how they would feel against his own, they looked so soft…he imagined how they would become even darker and swollen after a real hot, wet kiss…
"It's no use, man. You can never have her." Harry's fantasies were abruptly interrupted by a tall, dark man, sitting down beside him.
"What?"
"Ev, you will never have her." The man said again. "She never dates anyone, says that her old boyfriend was the only one for her, and he is dead, you see. There are millions of guys who adore her, but she rejects them all. Quite many of them are real hotties, who I would kill to have, but they don't seem to affect her at all." Harry was shocked about the news, was she just like him, whose behaviour she had gotten furious at only an hour ago?
"What do you mean," he said. "doesn't she date anyone at all?"
"Nope, not since her boyfriend died."
"But…that's three years ago!" The man nodded, and took a sip form his beer.
"We all try to convince her otherwise, but she doesn't listen. I'm Romain, by the way, an old friend of Ev."
"Harry." he said and shook his hand. Romain gazed unashamed up and down Harry's body, with an approval smile.
"I guess you're not gay, seeing the way you look at our little beauty princess," he said. "but please tell me that you at least are bisexual?" Harry couldn't say anything at first, completely taken aback by Romain's boldness. He coughed.
"Ehh…I'm sorry, but no. I'm straight." Romain looked disappointed.
"Are you sure?" he insisted. "I can show you some really incredible things. I have much experience, you know…" Harry's ears were becoming really red at this point and for some reason he seemed to be unable to answer.
"Ok, then. But if you feel bored, you can always come to the bathroom later and join me for some interesting activities... I'm always willing." Romain said, and left with a little wink. Harry didn't answer.
Ev was coming over to him, and was biting her lip hard to prevent herself from laughing.
"What is it? You're looking like a tomato." she said. Harry finally found his voice.
"Your little gay friend invited me to the toilet for some "interesting activities", as he put it. He's not a little forward, that one." Ev through her head back and laughed.
"Typical him. He's always desperate to find a shag." She shook her head, with a smile still at her lips.
"Do you want anything more to drink, by the way? You seem pretty shocked, maybe you need something to calm you down."
"Was that a selling attempt, Miss Flynn?" Ev just smiled and shrugged her shoulders. Right then, Alex's band began playing another song, and immediately began tapping her foot the rhythm.
"Hey," she said, "this is "Just like Heaven", my favourite song." Harry frowned, he recognized the song slightly, he was quite sure that he had heard it some times before.
"It's a cover, right? I've heard it before." he asked.
"Yeah, it was The Cure who made it originally. Have you heard them before?" she answered. He looked at her as if she was mad.
"If I have? Of course I have, it's one of the best bands that existed on this planet!" he exclaimed.
"Looks like we have something in common then, Mr. Potter." she said. Suddenly she brightened up. "Come on, I simply can't sit still during this song, it's impossible." With that she walked around the counter and grabbed his hand, dragging him towards the dance floor.
"Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing, I can't dance!"
"Of course you can, everybody can!"
"But aren't you supposed to stand in the bar and work or something?" he tried desperately.
"Nope, my shift ended ten minutes ago. I'm free to do what I want!" she laughed, and continued to drag him towards the dance floor.
"But…" was all he managed to say, before he found himself crowded between sweaty, dancing bodies. Ev was still holding his hand, and it somehow made him stop careing about everything else. He had this beautiful, amazing girl jumping around like mad before him, to hell with if he could dance or not. Once Alex began to sing, Ev sang with her, she seemed to know every word by heart.
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you,
that I'm in love with you?" she singed, or more screamed, suddenly looking directly at Harry.
"You, soft and only. You, lost and lonely." she sang, staring even more intently at him. Not knowing where his courage came from, Harry leaned against Ev's ear:
"You, strange as angels, dancing in the deepest oceans, twisting in the water. You're just like a dream." When he pulled back, she had stopped jumping and singing, she was standing with her mouth half-open and her eyes were wondering and unsure. He stood still too, pressed against her by the dancing crowd, looking down at her with a straight gaze, not really knowing what he wanted. They stood like that for almost the rest of the song, getting irritated looks from the others at the dance floor. When the song was about to end, Ev smiled brilliantly to him, and he saw her mouth form the last words in the song. He didn't hear what Ev sang, but he heard the words coming out from Alex's mouth instead:
"You, just like heaven."
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Ginny lead Harry from the dance floor, her insides twisting around like mad. Had he meant what he said or had he just wanted to show her that he knew that song as well? Shit, what the hell was she going to do? When she first started to speak to him, it was to cheer him up and then he would forget about her, but she had a feeling that Harry wouldn't forget about her soon. There was a flame in his eyes when he looked at her, a flame that she had seen before when he came to her bed during the nights. A flame that showed that he gave himself to her, a growing desire inside of him to have her. Ginny had never thought that Harry would have this effect on her, but she had a bad feeling about that she looked that same way as he did when she looked at him. Just for tonight, she told herself, I will have him only for tonight.
Harry was standing unsure beside her know, not knowing what she was thinking.
"Well," she said. "my shift is over now, and I got to work tomorrow so I really need to go home."
"Oh," he said, obviously disappointed. "I see. Well, it's not much use for me to stay then." He began looking around the room, searching for somebody.
"Who are you looking for?" she asked.
"Rob, the guy who I came with. I haven't seen him on the whole evening."
"Oh, just forget about him. He has probably already left with his little lady company. Just leave on your own"
"I can't," he said with a sarcastic smile. "I don't know the way from here home. I've never been here before."
The words escaped Ginny's mouth before she even knew what she was saying:
"I can show you your way home, if you tell me where you live." Shit, she thought, what did I just say? Did I just offer him to follow him home? Harry grinned at her.
"Really, that's great!" She couldn't take it back now, not when he was smiling like a child on Christmas Day. And she knew why he was grinning like an idiot, because what she really had offered him was something more than just to follow him home. If you follow a guy that you met on a nightclub home, there is only one thing you're going to do at his place. It doesn't matter what you said you would do, you have just invited yourself to his place to shag him.
Ten minutes later, they were walking down the dark, wet streets of London, hand in hand. Ginny realised that they hadn't let go of each others hands since she was dragging him to the dance floor. She didn't want him to let go either, she wasn't sure if she could manage to walk properly without him holding her. They weren't speaking to each other, just stealing glances and smiles between themselves from time to time. They had been walking for several minutes before Harry spoke up.
"Can I ask you something, Ev?" he sounded unsure.
"Of course."
"When Romain was talking to me earlier," Harry stopped talking for a second, remembering Romain's bold invitation. "he mentioned something about you."
"What?" she urged him on.
"Well, he said that after your boyfriend died three years ago, you haven't gone out with a single guy. Is it true?"
Bloody Romain, she thought, it looks as if I need to have a really long talk to him…she sighed.
"Yeah, that's true." she confessed.
"But why?" he asked, obliviously confused. She decided to drag the same old thing as she did to everyone else.
"You know, it doesn't feel right with anybody else than him. He was the one for me, and now he is gone. That's it."
"Of three billion people on this earth, you say that there is only one for you?" She more heard than saw the smile in his face.
"Ok, ok, that isn't an acceptable reason. I guess I'm scared. Scared of coming too near people, that they will have every piece of me and then just dump it. Scared that the world will take my love away from me, just like they did with Jamie. When he died, I decided that never, never again would I let myself be so weak again. I would have myself, and that was enough. But it isn't enough, I still long for somebody who can make me as happy as he did. But I'm scared, so fucking scared of letting people near me, under my skin. I'm so vulnerable then." Harry had stopped walking, and was looking her right into her eyes with a hard, blazing look.
"Can you read my mind?" he asked. "Because that is exactly how I feel, how I always felt. Ginny was too wonderful to resist, but I was still so bloody scared of her. Of what she could do to me and what others could do to her." They were standing face to face again, just like they did on the dance floor. It was first now that Ginny realised how close they were standing, his knee was touching her thigh and she could feel his hot breath against her nose. His eyes flamed with desire and… fear? Her knees were shaking, what the hell was going on?
"I'm scared of you. Scared to death, actually." Ginny stopped breathing, did he just say that? She smiled slightly and turned her head upwards so that she could see him better.
"I'm kind of scared of you too, you know." Harry was smiling shyly at her now, lifting one of his hands to stroke her cheek. He stopped with his fingers under her cheekbone, and suddenly his mouth was millimetres from her own. He stroke her lips back and forth with his. Ginny was standing absolutely still, not daring to move if he would pull back. Then his warm tongue was inside her mouth, exploring. This broke her immobility and she laid her arms around his neck, playing with his hair as she always used to do. Harry's hands were behind her back, she didn't know where he begun and she ended, all she could think of was his warm tongue in her mouth. Ginny was fifteen again and was kissing Harry for the first time, and the whole Gryffindor Common Room was watching. Nothing had changed, Harry had the same effect on her now as he had back then. Why did she imagine that she was over him? He made her crazy, she couldn't think about what she should do, she just did.
They finally broke apart, panting heavily. The light from a streetlight fell over his face, and gave his green eyes a glittering shine. Of course he looked a bit different from when he was sixteen, but it was still the same face that looked back at her as it was three years ago.
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Harry was lying in his bed, and Ev's cream white was lying beside him, breathing calmly. She had fallen asleep. He had never experienced anything like this, nothing as intense and needing. They hadn't even made it to his bed the first time, she had just dragged him right over to his couch. Shyness seemed to not exist in Ev's dictionary, she had boldly ripped of all his clothes, not hiding how much she wanted him. He had a feeling that he had acted the same towards her, she was simply so fucking beautiful. Her pearl white shoulders, the soft warm breast that fit perfectly in his hands. Her soft hair that seemed to be everywhere, in his mouth, under him, in his hands. It had gone fast too, it was like eating at a beautiful laid table and just chucking everything inside your mouth so fast that you didn't taste half of it. They just swallowed each other. They never had the chance to explore everything, so they simply did it again. In his bed, this time. Harry smiled, that must mean something because he had never been able to do it twice with so little notice before. It was something with Ev that just drove him over the edge, made him stop thinking.
With his arm protectively around her waist, he fell asleep.
