SUBSPACES

FSOGFanFictionAddiction, augiesanne – thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

You should know that it is not very easy for me to share this with anyone who might be interested, it takes some courage. Thanks to you, I am encouraged to continue sharing this. I realize I am be dealing with some controversial topics about which people have different views, and I respect them all. I try to keep in mind that this is first and foremost a work of fiction, a fantasy, and I am intelligent enough to realize that in the real world things would be very, very different.

The usual disclaimer: I don´t own the Fifty Shades Trilogy, it belongs to E.L. James, I am just having fun with some of the beloved characters she created.

This is probably another PG13 chapter. As I said in the beginning, I am rating this story M to be on the safe side, it won´t be very explicit.

See you next week with another chapter!

Happy reading!

Chapter 03

No one knows what it's like

To be the bad man

To be the sad man

Behind blue eyes

And no one knows what it's like

To be hated

To be faded to telling only lies

Behind Blue Eyes, The Who

They are already waiting for us in the living room, drinks in their hands, thanks to the supreme efficiency of Mrs. Jones.

"Ah, there they are!"

"And alive, both of them! What was it, you guys, some kind of sex marathon I didn´t know about? Trying to get into the Guinness book of world records?"

I shake my head.

"Very funny, Elliot. Unoriginal, though... Whoooa!"

My bickering with Elliot is interrupted when Ana - who was walking right behind me, still braiding her hair - trips on the step leading to the living room area and lands with her hands flat on my back.

Right there, in one of my forbidden zones.

She is quick, as she usually is when she touches me accidentally - almost immediately her hands slid to a safer spot, as she whispers.

"It´s all right, it´s me, Christian."

As fast as Ana is, she is unable to prevent the sudden rush of the old paralizing fear and all the feelings that come with it as the adrenaline quicks in - the tachycardia, the cold sweat, the blood draining from my face… and the near physical pain.

It´s Ana.

Only Ana.

Although I can bear her touch now - and only hers - she is always careful to give me warning first. Yes, we´re dealing with it together, it´s not always easy, but we´re coping. It´s a novelty to me, I am still getting used to it.

I remember once in school a similar incident happened, and my reaction was immediate and violent - I broke the jaw of the boy who run into me by accident. That was the first of the four schools I was expelled from. Of course over the years I learned to read the environment around me and control it to avoid similar incidents. However, Anastasia is far from being a threat, that is why I am gradually naturally letting my guard down with her. Occurrences like these are bound to become more common from now on, and I must learn to reset my mind to be able to deal with those.

I don´t know if Elliot and Kate notice my reaction, it is all too fast. Frankly, right now I don´t even care. My brother knows about all that haphephobia shit, but his girlfriend… I am not sure how much he told her about his certifiably insane younger brother. She is very protective of Anastasia, and every time we are together I feel like she watches me like a hawk.

And not without a reason, Grey

"I´m sorry," Ana whispers, standing on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek, before moving to greet our guests.

"I´m good," I whisper back.

Because I was.

I am.

"Sorry about the entrance, guys, it´s always me and my two left feet," she says as she hushes to hug them both, giving me a little time to recover.

Damage control, thy name is Ana!

God, I love this woman!

"Never mind, it´s always fun to watch women lunging at my little brother like that, on purpose or not." says Elliot. "One could write an epic novel about those!"

I take a couple of deep, calming breaths.

Then I start counting to ten.

This is going to be a long evening!

"And I could write an epic novel about Ana´s falls, you know" Kate says humorously, leaning back in the couch. While I poured me and Ana some wine, she starts telling us one hilarious story about my girlfriend´s near legendary awkwardness. Ana starts laughing, I do not. She keeps telling me that she is used to Kate Kavanaugh´s gentle bullying, but I still don´t like it.

I sit next to Ana in the couch, handling her a glass of white wine, I place a protective arm around her shoulders.

"Here, let me do this for you," I say, tugging at her hair. She turns slightly, her back to me, and I start braiding her beautiful thick hair again, since it had come wildly loose during her near fall. I can use the distraction, for I am too close to strangling my older brother.

"Thank you, sir," she whisper, for my ears only. My breath catches.

"I happen to find Anastasia´s clumsiness one of her most endearing qualities, Kate," I say a little dryly.

I hear the lovely sound of one of Ana´s giggles.

It soothes me.

"Endearing, Christian? Oh no, you don´t!" she exclaims. My frown deepens.

"I do." I pull on her hair a little for emphasis. She flinches only slightly.

Control yourself, Grey!

"He doesn´t." She turns to Kate. "You should have seen the look in his face when I fell into his office."

I smirk, raising my eyebrows, tying the end of her braid with a hair tie she promptly provides me.

She is right, of course. I was profoundly annoyed that day, and one of my first thoughts had been would I refine her motor skills with the aid of a cane.

"Oh yeah? You should have seen the look in yours, baby" I retort. That had been the precise moment I mistook her for a potential submissive. I still have no doubt that if I had told her to kneel, she would have done it, without a thought.

The Kavanaugh creature laughs, completely oblivious to my dark thoughts.

"This is interesting. Incidentally, where did you learn to braid a girl´s hair like that, bro?" Elliot asks.

I look at her hair critically. That was good work, not one strand out of place. I will never understand why Ana complained so much about her hair – it was always so beautiful. I shrug.

I remember something then, an experiment I´ve been willing to try, and Anastasia beside me gave me the security I needed to do it. I call it hide in plain sight. I am sure Flynn will have fun with this one, if I ever decide to tell him. The day I told Ana about it, she laughed and called me crazy.

"You won´t be able pull it off, Christian," she said.

Oh yeah? Won´t I? Just watch me, babe.

Sometimes the truth is so far fetched that people do not believe it. I could simply say that the crack whore had taught me to do that to her hair when I was three, and I perfected the technique with a dominatrix who seduced me when I was fifteen and a good number of sex slaves over the years, but that would be going to far. I´m not ready for that yet.

I decide to be cautious. I will start with a half-truth this time. I mention the name of a notorious sex club in Seattle. I had been there just once in my early days after I broke up with Elena. I never came back – just not enough privacy, a necessary requirement for someone like me. The fact that the place was notorious alone was an indication that it was not secretive enough for me. My guests don´t buy it of course, and they take it as a joke – Elliot laughs so hard I think there are tears in his eyes. Anastasia just shakes her head and gives me one of her amused "what am I going to do with you?" looks.

It works! It fucking works.

I should try this more often

"Did you take Ana there?" Kate asks.

"No, but I might."

No, I wouldn´t. I might take Ana to a club one day if she is curious enough, but certainly not that one. Never that one. Perhaps to another place, one that was safer.

"Hey, Ana, we could go there someday. We´ll take Mia too and make it a girl´s night. It would be fun."

My girlfriend and my little sister with Katherine Kavanaugh in a fucking sex club? Talk about the stuff of nightmares.

"Over. My. Dead. Body," I say flatly.

"Don´t be a grouch, Christian, it could be fun," Elliot laughs. "We could tag along, and Ethan too."

Ethan and Mia? No, I don´t think so.

I say nothing, but I gulp down my entire glass of wine.

"I think I need another one of these," I say, reaching for the bottle. The damn thing was already empty, so I walked to the nearby cellar for another one.

"Come on, you guys, don´t torture him like that." My girl´s protective instincts kick in.

"Why not, it´s fun!"

"Elliot…"

"What did I tell you, Elliot? You know, when I first met Ana I thought: this girl does need protection," Kate says.

We agree on that one, Miss Kavanagh, I thought. I just wonder now that they were done tormenting me, she wanted to torment Ana…

"Day one of college, we were in this huge auditorium. Anastasia Rose Steele manages to find the only chair that was broken, and..."

"Oh God!" Ana says, embarrassed. "It was the single most embarrassing moment of my entire life. Please Kate, don´t go there…"

"No, it wasn´t the single most embarrassing moment of your entire life, Anastasia Rose," Kate says. "I can think of half a dozen others, including falling on your face in front of Seattle´s most eligible bachelor. That is a winner."

Before I could say exactly what I thought of that I hear it - dissonant sounds coming from my piano. My prized grand piano, the one I bought soon after I made my first million.

Elliot.

Playing Chopsticks.

I cringe. My ears actually start hurting. It´s worse than fingernails on a blackboard. Almost as bad as fingernails running down my chest.

I don´t think my grand piano has ever known such kind of abuse. I know of concert pianists why twice the musical talent that I might have that would sell their souls to be able to play just once in an instrument like that. And my brother treated it like a child´s toy…

"Elliot, cut that out," I warn him.

He switches to his personal rendition of Smoke on the Water.

"Get the fuck of my piano, Elliot!" I warn him.

I do not raise my voice, but it is that tone I have perfected over the years with undisciplined subs or incompetent employees. The first time I dared to use that voice with Elena, still as her submissive, she made me pay dearly for it. I could still feel the viciousness of the whip cutting through my skin when I close my eyes.

But it never fails. Its full effect is what tells me Anastasia would have knelt at my feet that first day in my office if I only had asked her to.

I´m pleased to see the smile freezing in Kate´s face.

Yes, Miss Kavanaugh, this is me. Deal with it.

And stop bullying my girl friend, or you´ll see much more.

Then I look at my brother. He looks oddly… hurt, which is kind of unexpected… Or it could be that I never payed attention to his reactions to my little outbursts to me, Ana is also staring at Elliot, unmoving. The room is completely silent, one could hear a pin drop. The tension in the air is almost unbearable.

Oh shit!

I don´t know what comes over me, I do not stop to think twice about what I am about to do. In my mind now, there is only one thing that can be done to minimize the damage and save the day from a complete disaster.

I stand up, taking Ana´s hand in mine. She doesn´t say anything, but she has that pleading "please fix it, Christian" look in her eyes.

"Come here, baby," I say, as we walk towards the piano. "You too, Kate," I say over my shoulder. Elliot is looking at me like if I have just grown horns or something.

Good, at least the wounded look is gone, I think.

Keep doing what you are doing, Grey…

"Move over, Elliot. Let me show you how it´s done."

I sit on the stool, with Ana protectively behind me. She places her hands on my shoulders, and then slowly slides them down my chest. Why do I have a feeling that my brave girl is challenging them, that she is making a point? At the same time, she is comforting me, she is being protective. I smile - it is something I was not used to, being protected and I… like it.

Very much.

"Whaat?!" I hear my brother´s exclamation. "No way! No fucking way!"

I don´t know if he is more impressed because I am about to start playing for them or because I am allowing someone to touch my chest. Probably both. Yes, he has noticed it, the whole Grey family is fully aware of the no touching Christian rule.

Yes, bro, she can touch me.

Only her.

Next to him, Kate watches us, puzzled. I am not sure what Elliot told her about my insane life, but I am sure about two things:

1) My brother would be subjected to a lengthy interrogation that same evening;

2) Kate Kavanaugh preparing another one of her "why you should not trust Christian Grey", or "you are jumping into an abusive relationship" lectures to Anastasia.

Yes, I heard about those. Sometimes I wish I could spend five minutes with Kate Kavanaugh to set some things straight - I have a small problem with people who had never suffered any kind of abuse before in their sheltered, protected lives try to lecture others about what they think an abusive relationship is. For years Flynn tried to enlighten about the topic, while we dissected every aspect of my relationship with Elena, but it wasn´t until Anastasia came into my life that I finally convinced myself of what it was and learned – the hard way, I might add – not to overstep boundaries that sometimes are not clear at all. ]

I place my fingers on the keyboard. They are surprisingly steady, in spite of the unexpected flow of dark thoughts.

"Wow dude!" Elliot exclaims. He seems genuinely touched. It is odd. "Seriously, I haven´t heard you play in years. Too bad Mom and Dad aren´t here. Hey, and Mrs. Lincoln... I remember it was her who practically forced you play for us."

Anastasia tenses before I do, her hands retract to my shoulders again.

Please don´t go, I want to plead. She starts kneading my shoulders, as if she heard me.

Stay with me, baby.

I say nothing and I start playing the first thing that comes to my mind.

Eric Satie´s Je Te Veux.

Unusually cheerful for my tastes, but it has a certain nostalgic melancholy that appeals to me. Behind me, Ana starts swaying to the rhythm of the music.

"Hey, I love this one! I didn't know you could play it!"

Baby, you name it, I probably can play it, as long as it was a classical piece. The ridiculously expensive piano instructors my mother hired over the years made sure of it, and what they didn't teach me, I learned on my own.

I feel her body brushing against my back, it is comforting. And she is humming! That is all the incentive I need, and I keep playing with gusto.

When the piece ends, I do not give them time for cheer or applaud - I fucking hate that -, I start the next one. Something to bring the mood down, otherwise I feared that they would start dancing around the penthouse to the sound of my music. No, that would be too much, too soon for me. I think quickly, choosing Francis Poulenc´s Melancholie, which I find less depressing than the title indicates. It suits the weather outside perfectly.

Three more pieces follow, one after another.

I try to keep the mood as light as possible, not going too much into the more somber tunes I favor. I stay away from the Bach piece I played the first night Ana slept here, the Marcello - that one makes her cry, and I hate it when she cries. But I don´t think too much about what I am playing, I just play. After Beethoven´s Appassionata, I finish with the transcription for piano of Montagues and Capulets from Prokofiev´s Romeo and Juliet - an old favorite of mine.

"Wow!"

"Bravo!"

Kate and Elliot applaud after I finish. I always hated that part, so I prefer to focus my attention upon Anastasia. She leans down, nuzzles my hair and kisses the top of my head.

"I love you," she whispers, her cheek against mine, and suddenly I feel like I am seven feet tall again. "Thank you, thank you." Her next kiss lands at the corner of my mouth. I am deeply moved by her tender gesture, much more than I can say or express. It disturbs me, but in a very, very good way.

"Wait until Mom and Dad hear about this. Prepare yourself for a concert next weekend, bro, you won´t get away with it."

Maybe not, but I´ll damm well try!

Elliot continues raving about my performance, while Ana still keeps a tight hold on me, my back to her front.

"And I thought you only knew how to play depressing stuff. That was almost cheerful. Maybe I could bring my guitar and we could try…"

"No," I say vehemently.

No, definitely not that!

"Elliot, don´t push it! Well, I didn´t know he could play at all," Kate says. "But I know enough about music to say it was concert level, Christian. I´m impressed. Wow!"

Anastasia is still silent. Unusually silent.

What is she thinking right now?

Before I have time to ponder about the answer that question, and while they were still exalting my musical talents, she walks slowly around me, her left hand never leaving my shoulder. I should recognize the stride of a woman with a purpose, but this time I don´t. I am much to mesmerized by her, it´s almost like a pas-de-deux, where the ballerina slowly circles her partner before...

With a determined look in her face I´d seem only a few times before, my daring girl straddles me.

The room becomes instantly silent.

Anastasia Steele, the virgin who fell head first into my office. She fucking straddles me. And I let her. Then she gives me one hell of a kiss - that is the only way I can describe it. If I had her talent for storytelling, I would probably be able to detail exactly how her lips felt against mine, soft, then hard, then soft again; and every little motion our tongues together and how she… how we… How I lost myself entirely and grabbed her hips, bringing her even closer to me…

Sorry, I am not able to do that.

I can only feel.

That was definitely another first for us.

My body responds as it should - she intoxicates me. I am sure she was just as inebriated, by my music, by me, she would never have acted so recklessly otherwise. I have no doubt that she wouldn´t have done such a thing in front of my parents, but it was Kate and Elliot. Ana spent the past few years listening while Kate Kavanaugh banged her boyfriends across the hall, Elliot included. I note, not without some amusement, that perhaps Ana is paying them back, even if unconsciously.

"Thank you," she says again, before getting up, touching my nose with hers.

"You go girl," Kate exclaims, laughingly. "So proud of you!"

"That was way better than the concert!"

"Thank you both!" Ana replies gingerly.

"I just wouldn´t to do that in front of Mom, Dad and Miss Lincoln next weekend." I am still too hypnotized by Ana´s kiss to reply properly to that, so I let it pass. "Mom would be all right, but Dad might have a heart attack. Just saying… No, I don´t think I would try that!"

"Oh yes you would, given the chance you would," says Kate.

"Now I get why Mr. Grouch here let you punch his V-card, Ana! I mean… wow!"

Her response to my brother is both quick and unexpected.

"You got it all wrong, it was the other way around: he punched mine."

"It´s true, I can vouch for that!" Kate raises her hand.

"And I´ll punch you if you keep that up, Elliot," I warn him, getting up from the piano stool.

It is nothing but friendly banter, but this time I don´t mind, which is highly unusual for me. I don´t know what it is, only that Anastasia´s presence had everything to do with it.

There is something else there, something almost primitive, definitely outdated, undoubtedly sexist, completely unreasonable and 100% politically incorrect. Perhaps Flynn could help me define that, but I feel an absurd caveman´s pride.

She. Is. Mine.

Still laughing, our guests drift back to the main living room area. We follow - me walking behind Ana this time, holding one of my hands.

And I make the best of the opportunity. I grab her other hand and hold it firmly behind her back. Then I lean closer to her.

"Pull that stunt on me again and I´ll keep you in my playroom chained to my bed for three days straight." I whisper very close to her ear, tugging at wrist, still bound by my hands.

Yes baby. 100% Dom mode.

I say it because I knew it will turn her on. And it does. I say it because I want to, because I need to.

Because I can.

"Promise?" she whispers back breathlessly, looking over her shoulder - a very sexy look. Thermonuclear sexy.

Miss Steele

Not too long ago I made a similar threat that involved her bound and gagged in a crate and she went ballistic, but the final result was an unforgettable 24 hours in Georgia.

My rebellious, reluctant, sometimes submissive…

Oh Anastasia!

If not for our two guests I would carry her back to the bedroom right now and I would lose myself in her, I would fulfill my threat and carry her to the playroom, I would take her so hard and deep she would not be able to walk straight tomorrow, she wouldn´t be able to think about anything or anyone other than me for days. What am I saying, forget the damn playroom, or the bedroom - I would do it right here, right now.

We sit on the couch, my right hand automatically wraps itself around Ana´s braid again, holding it firmly. She loves that, I can tell - it reminds both of us of other happy times. She sits demurely, her hands fidgeting, perhaps only now realizing the full extent of what she has done. Shy Anastasia is back. I cover her restless fingers with one of my hands and hold them firmly.

Later, I want to say.

Meanwhile, of course my older brother will not let that little incident pass. He has to start being funny again, not missing the opportunity to torture us further. The prick!

"Please don´t tell me you two have done it on that piano, because for the looks of it just now…" he says. "Oh geez, I sat on that stool you guys, you could have warned me."

"Elliot," I warn him.

Then Kate decides to join the ranks of the enemy.

"Are you kidding me? It´s 7 pm on Sunday, they´ve been here since Friday evening. From the looks of it, they probably done it everywhere, except for Christian´s desk at GEH and Charlie Tango."

Right again, Miss Kavanaugh!

Mmmmm

My desk

Charlie Tango

The conversation shifts to more normal topics after that and it is… yes, it was nice. As much as I´d like to strangle Elliot from time to time and as much as Kate´s bullying of Ana annoys the hell out of me, I have to recognize the fact that they are brilliant conversationalists. They finally leave about one hour later, and we are alone again.

Anastasia looks at me as soon as the elevator doors close.

"What is it, Anastasia?" I ask softly.

She could go from extreme shyness to extremely assertive to irresistible seductress in the blink of an eye. I would forever be in awe of this woman. She is back to her shy mode now.

"Still sore?" I ask, holding her face in my hands, because I want her looking at me when she answers. "Shall I make it worse or better? Your choice. I love making you sore, you know that."

"Pervert," she whispers, as I bend down to kiss her.

"Your pervert…" I whisper in her mouth, my breath mingling with hers.

"Mine… Christian, this is not helping at all. You said earlier…"

"I know what I said. I´ll take care of you in one way or another. In every way. In any way you ask me to."

She melts in my arms, I can tell her knees are weak because she is leaning into me, her arms around my neck. Yes, I love that.

"I can´t just go to bed and lie down next to you if you keep doing this… Oh God!" she sighs, as I start kissing her neck.

"Bed, Anastasia. Sleep." I breath against her throat. "That is exactly what I mean by taking care of you."

Well, truthfully, not exactly.

"I´ll hold you until you fall asleep. We both have a long day tomorrow."

"Sleep?" she sounds disgruntled and more than a little disappointed. "But I still want you."

"I know, baby. And I want you, always. But you need time to recover."

I lift her and she wraps those incredible legs of her around me as I carry her to the bedroom. Yes, she is right. This is not helping at all.

"I´ll… recover tomorrow. I´ll have hours and hours by myself while you deal with your mergers and aquisitions."

I sit her on the bed, then I remove her shoes. Her shirt is next - or, should I say, my shirt.

"Lie down, Anastasia. I have to take care of you, baby."

"In every way, Mr. Grey?"

"Yes."

With a satisfied sigh, she obeys me instantly. Her hands to the side, palms up, sliding with unconscious ease into one of the classic poses of a submissive.

"How do we do it? How do we stop this?" Her eyes are closed, I bend down and kiss each eyelid.

"Life is short. We just don´t."

Oh, what the hell, I think, as I start removing the rest of her clothes.

I pull down her yoga pants, as she breathes another contented sigh. She is left wearing a pair of simple cotton bra and panties. White. She still favors those when she wants to be comfortable at home, in spite of the fact that she now she has an entire wardrobe of the sexiest lingerie ever designed for a woman, in every color of the rainbow. On the other hand, only Anastasia Steele can make basic cotton bra and panties look like the sexiest lingerie ever designed for a woman.

She stretches, thrusting her breasts up, her thighs slightly parted.

"Your desk?" She yawns. "I think I would like that."

Oh Anastasia!

"Trust me, I am putting that high in my list of priorities, baby."

Charlie Tango

Suddenly, Monday becomes a day full of possibilities!

Francis Poulenc, Melancholie: watch?v=OG_pMHOF8ME

Eric Satie, Je Te Veux: watch?v=wbT9DeULzU4

Sergei Prokofiev, Montagues and Capulets (from Romeo and Juliet): watch?v=TF8pA3vvLDY