No Good Deed: Deeds in Darkness

A Touhou Project Fic in the Danmakuverse by Achariyth


Calling the Hellfire Club a hole in the wall was an insult to dives around the world. A little larger than a walk-in kitchen, the bar room had been scratched into a side tunnel of the Palace of the Earth Spirits. Folding chairs and tables filled up the scant space, and the bar itself was little more than a cooler filled with whatever the bartender felt like serving that evening. Saloon-style swinging doors offered the single attempt at decoration. Hot and dark, the Spartan room provided something every demon missed, a little slice of Hell on Earth, a shadow of Home.

No angel in her right mind would set foot inside. In addition to the demonic patrons, the bartender kept a long stone club carved from the walls of Tartarus. One kiss from that club, and the unfortunate soul would be lucky to wake up merely banished to the Eternal City, if at all.

The doors swung open, clattering against the stone walls. The muttered conversations stopped as all five pairs of eyes turned towards the newcomer, a confident young woman whose blue skirts matched her hair. "Time to drag out your secrets into the light."

"Go away, little Celestial. This place isn't for you," Yuugi Hoshiguma drawled, draining her beer. Next to her, Suika snickered and flung a bottle. Glass shattered next to the Celestial intruder.

"Go find Marisa or Reimu if you want a fight," Alice said. Koakuma cowered behind the puppeteer. "Does Iku know you're here?" Behind her, the bartender and a host of Alice's dolls filled the cooler with the bottles on the table. Top-shelf might not exist at the Hellfire Club, but wasting alcohol was the closest act that the patrons might call a sin.

"Does your mother?" Tenshi Hinanawi said, letting the saloon doors swing behind her.

"Leave my family out of this." With a loud screech of wood against stone, Alice bolted to her feet. On the table that served as the bar, a Shanghai doll picked up an empty bottle. It took a couple times to break it against the cooler, but the doll pointed the broken glass at Tenshi. Next to her, the bartender hefted the black length of Tartarus stone.

When facing a Princess of Pandaemonium in her wrath, two oni, a succubus, and a demon swinging a weapon made from Hell itself, any angel would have refused to enter the Hellfire Club. That's why Heaven kept Tenshi and her fellow Celestials. No other being would have been foolish enough to stay.

"Better get on steppin'" Yuugi said, clamping a heavy hand on the Celestial's shoulder.

"I think not." Tenshi shrugged out of the oni's grasp, slamming a heavy boot against her insole. Placing her hand against Yuugi's body, the Celestial shoved the tall blonde towards the bar. The folding table shattered into kindling.

A Shanghai doll leaped at Tenshi, sputtering danmaku and fury. She ducked under the doll's spray, and a wave of mini-Suikas crashed into her legs. Instead of trampling her, the little oni pressed her into the stone wall.

Tenshi's eyes snapped wide as a steel chair whipped past her nose. She should have known the little devil would play possum just long enough to get a cheap shot in. As Koakuma lined up for her net swing, Yuugi pulled herself out of the table's wreckage. Battle-lust flashed in her eyes, and black hellstone smacked against her palm like thunder.

The Celestial gulped as the oni bore down on her. Tenshi grabbed hold of the neck of the largest mini-Suika pinning her. Before the oni could shift her mass into the copy, Heaven's child sent the horned demon flying at Koakuma. The devil and the oni fell over in a tangle of limbs. In that confusion, two short kicks shook the rest of the mini-Suikias from Tenshi's skirt.

Crouching low, Tenshi charged past Yuugi, sliding under the swung hellfire club face-first into a Hourai doll's kite shield. She staggered to the ground, holding her head. Rolling instantly, she dodged the bartender's kicks. No demon could pass up that free shot on a helpless foe. Try as she might, she couldn't stop to find her footing. Koakuma added her own heavy boot stomps to the bartender's kicks.

Suika clamped onto Tenshi's spinning foot with all the care of a vise. The walls spun as she hurtled through the air, bowling over Koakuma in mid-flight. Wood splinted again, as the oni's drinking table broke under the Celestial's fall. Sparks showered Tenshi, and Yuugi swung the stone club again. Hellstone caught keystone, and a wave of power flung everyone against the walls.

For the briefest of seconds, the room caught its breath, until Tenshi flung herself off the wall. Her kick found Yuugi's ribs, bowling the oni into Alice. Suika stepped into the gap, swinging fists, horns, and chains like a dervish. Sparks flew where metal scraped across rock.

The Celestial laughed as she darted out of the oni's way. "Ole!"

Suika turned beet red. Twining herself, she hurled both selves at Tenshi.

"Watch it," Koakuma shrieked. The succubus cupped her hands together and pointed them towards the swirling brawl.

"No danmaku!" Alice shouted. Her fingers fluttered in the air and a squad of Shanghai dolls flittered around the melee, swinging heavy batons.

Tenshi laughed and laughed, buoyed along in the fight by the whirlwind of motion and adrenaline. No magic, no danmaku, the room was too small for anything but skill matched against strength matched against cunning and sheer bloody-mindedness. Whether it was hurling a Suika clone into a mess of Shanghai dolls, punting the bartending across the room, or tangling Koakuma inside Alice's web of puppet strings, the errant Celestial gave herself to the ecstasy of the fight.

Yuugi's backhand broke through Tenshi's revelry. Staggering back, the Celestial worked her jaw. Had she still been human, her jaw would have been shattered. Then something crashed into her side with all the force of a keystone dropped from on High. Human or Celestial, that blow should have snapped ribs. Yuugi must have pulled her punch. Tenshi threw up her arms in enough time to deflect a monstrous haymaker.

"You should have left when I gave you the chance," Yuugi said. She dropped the club in her hand and cracked her knuckles. The other patrons backed away from the oni brawler.

"You're not going to use that?" Tenshi said, wincing as she rubbed her arms.

Yuugi laughed, jabbing at the Celestial. "I haven't had this much fun in ages. It'd be an awful shame to end it so soon."

"It's a shame to have to disappoint you then." Tenshi weaved away from the oni's quick feints.

"Can you make good on your boast?"

"Don't be stealing all the fun either, Yuugi," Suika protested from behind the last unbroken table. Koakuma and Alice knelt behind the makeshift barricade. "You still owe me for that matter with Kasen."

Yuugi lowered her fists. "If you wish. I'll let the Celestial kick your ass for a while. You losing never ceases to amuse me." Tenshi rolled her eyes at the banter, pressing a hand against her bruised side.

As Suika stepped into the gap left by Yuugi, Tenshi rushed the short oni. Grabbing hold of a long straight horn, she spun on her feet and threw Suika.

Yuugi's laughter echoed off the walls.

Suika rolled to her feet, growling as she massaged the base of her horn. Her eyes widened. "Uh oh," she said, as Tenshi swung at her. Before the Celestial could connect, Suika vanished in a flurry of black smoke. Tenshi's hair floated off of her neck-

Power surged through the room with a blinding flash and the booming peal of thunder. Tenshi fell to her knees, as did everyone else in the Hellfire Club.

"Peace be upon you," a calm soprano drawled, cutting the ringing in the patrons' ears. Iku Nagae walked through the saloon door. Her clothing radiated scarlet, bathing the barroom with red. For once, the Hellfire Club looked its name.

"You have a strange idea of peace," Alice said from beneath a pile of Shanghai and Hourai dolls. The puppeteer stood up and her dolls formed a line of shields around her and Koakuma.

"I'm partial to it," Yuugi said, cracking her knuckles. She fixed the newcomer with a rakish grin. "Care to join the party?"

The oarfish youkai closed her eyes and smiled, pointing at Tenshi. "Don't mind me. I'm only here to retrieve the Eldest Daughter. She's out past her curfew. Sometimes, I think we should chain her to a keystone until she grows up."

"To Hell with that!" Tenshi said, jumping to her feet. Immediately, a thick span of shawl snapped out and wrapped around her body. "Iku-" The cloth wrapped higher, covering the Celestial's mouth. Whatever Tenshi bellowed next was lost inside the muffler.

"I trust that there is no need for this incident to get past these walls?" Iku said, catching the eyes of all in the room in turn. "I see no need to vex Heaven with the matter of a runaway's foolishness."

"As Above, so Below," Alice intoned. She cast a harsh glare at the heavenly servant and her charge. "But this makes the second time today that Heaven has intruded upon us. Don't let us detain you." Steel crept into the Princess of Pandaemonium's voice.

"Very well." Iku tugged on her shawl and led Tenshi from the Hellfire Club.

Out in the tunnel, black smoked swirled around the blue-haired Celestial. A mini-Suika appeared out of the smoke and perched on her shoulder. "Same time tomorrow?" the oni whispered into Tenshi's ear, watching for Iku to turn around. The bound Celestial nodded slightly. "I'll tell the others."

In the blink of an eye, the oni vanished, leaving Tenshi to certain penance.


Author's notes:

Sometimes, you just have to get an idea out. Maybe I'll write that "matter with Kasen" next, or leave it to another to play with. The Danmakuverse is open, after all.