I do not own Star Trek 2009, Supernatural or Stargate SG-1.

This seems to be the story that just will. not. die. However, it's fun, so I'm okay with it.


One month after that very interesting encounter with the other reality in which humans had kick-ass star ships capable of making the Ori turn tail and run in under fifteen minutes (yes, Cam wanted an Enterprise or even an Impala in the worst possible way but they'd have to settle for the shuttle), Cam Mitchell was wandering past Sam's lab with a nice fat slice of apple pie when he noticed something odd about said lab.

Jerking to a halt and sticking his head in, he watched in mild confusion as Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter, usually a calm, contained and cheerful individual, waved wildly at the small laptop screen, voice high and agitated.

"The shuttle's much faster!" Sam squawked, flushed and red.

"And I'm telling you that the fuelling system for the puddlejumper is far more stable! Whether or not the shuttle has variable warp speed is irrelevant if you blow up in mid-flight!"

Cam blinked. Rodney? Rodney McKay? Wasn't the temperamental scientist still in the Pegasus Galaxy? Pulling the fork from his mouth and gesturing wordlessly to a very amused looking Jackson (parked unobtrusively in the corner with a video camera), Cam sidled further into the lab.

"Atlantis is making a report and Sam set up a webcam link. As long as the wormhole's open she and Rodney can…discuss the new shuttle to their heart's content," Daniel informed Cam in a whisper. "Honestly, I'm just interested in the comedy."

"The shuttle has stronger armament and quite frankly, I comprehend the internal systems of the shuttle far better than the puddlejumper and don't tell me you miraculously managed to understand exactly how the Lanteans managed to regulate the naquadha flow because I know you aren't capable of it!"

"Oooh," Daniel and Cam chorused softly. "Burn," Cam added.

On the laptop's screen, McKay flushed bright pink. "Yes well, at least the puddlejumper fits through the Stargate."

It was Sam's turn to glower. The shuttle had been exactly 21 inches too wide for the Stargate despite Sam's hopes and they had had to take the long way home, spending a week in hyperspace.

"Well, the transporter technology on the shuttle is far easier to understand and we don't need Hermoid to tell us how to fix it every time it hiccups." The mention of the Asgaard capable of making Rodney McKay look like a blundering kindergartener seemed to have a negative effect on the egoistic scientist, who lost some of his legendary eloquence. He took a deep breath and regrouped.

"The puddlejumper's faster than the shuttle at sub-light speeds."

"That hasn't been proved yet, right Cam?" Sam retorted.

SG-1 had been feeling a little protective of their fantastic gift (like Cam said, those Starfleet folks had been the best type of people) and Cam immediately chipped in on Sam's side. "Absolutely. I'll take you lot on any time you like."

"Really? Sheppard, Cam says he can beat you in the shuttle!"

"What?" a new voice protested. "The hell he can!" The wild-haired Atlantis military commander appeared onscreen beside McKay and glared at Cam.

At this point, Daniel rolled his eyes as Cam strode over to the webcam, all fired up. "Totally, Sheppard. Name a date and the shuttle'll show you how Earth tech gets it done."

"DanielJackson, I do not understand what is transpiring here," Teal'c stated from behind Daniel, who turned and patted Cam's chair in invitation.

"Oh hey, Teal'c. Didn't see you come in. Um, well, Sam and Mitchell are busy telling McKay and Sheppard that the new shuttle's better than the 'jumpers. Naturally, neither side is willing to concede, even with empirical evidence."

"I see." Teal'c settled down in Cam's abandoned chair. "Is this discussion amusing?"

"Definitely."

"I believe ValaMaldoran would find this entertaining."

Daniel gestured to the little recorder set on a tripod. "I'm taping this for posterity and documentation of the Stargate program. She can watch it once she comes back from P3-5934"

"Naturally." They settled in just in time to hear the discussion dissolve into sheer one-upmanship.

"There's no way in hell that shuttle can fire more accurately than the 'jumper!" McKay shouted.

Sam looked smugger than a fat cat in cream. "Oh, not only is it more accurate, it's got varying intensities. So instead of disintegrating a valuable science lab, you could simply blow open the door."

"Hey. That was so not my fault," Sheppard protested. "Rodney forgot to tell me there was delicate equipment inside."

"But the fact remains," and Sam looked very triumphant, "you blew up what might have been the only known manual for constructing ZPMs." The Atlanteans shifted guiltily and Sam felt a twinge of remorse. That was a little harsh. "Granted," she allowed, "we didn't have the shuttle at the time either."

"And we had Wraith on our asses," Sheppard reminded. "Better the lab blown up than in the hands of the Wraith."

Cam shrugged. "Still doesn't mean I won't beat your ass in a race. Sublight or hyperspace."

"You're on. As soon as the prototype's put together, they're shipping one out here. You can come with it and I'll show you how a real pilot gets it done." Sheppard replied coolly, swivelling back and forth in his chair.

Cam smirked. "I don't need some fancy ATA gene to fly the pants off an over-confident military commander."

"Hey, my gene has nothing to do with my skills!" Sheppard protested.

"Right, which is why the 'jumper flies faster for you than anyone else."

"I'm just likeable."

"So you admit that there's something other than skill at work here."

Daniel raised a hand and everyone spat "What?" at the non-pilot, non-engineering individual.

"The 'gate's about to close," he pointed out with no small glee, tapping his watch.

"You'n'me, Mitchell. Six months. No backing out," Sheppard managed before the connection cut.

Sam glared at the blank screen for a minute before scribbling furiously on the scratch tablet she'd been carrying around. "Six months. I'm going to build a prototype and it's going to beat Sheppard's 'jumper at sublight."

"Damn straight you are. Someone needs to take Sheppard down a peg or two," Cam said firmly, picking up his pie.

Daniel stood and stretched. "Right. So Teal'c and I will just get back to, you know, fighting the remnants of the Ori, beating the Lucien Alliance, saving the galaxy, whatever."

Teal'c inclined his head. "Indeed. Clearly LieutenantColonelMitchell and LieutenantColonelCarter have no need of our assistance in this most important endeavour."

Daniel and Teal'c exited as Sam and Cam stared in silence.

"I hate it when they make me feel like I'm six."