Hello again! Here's episode 3, which features Yusei's first epic duel!

Applejack: Uh, two things partner. 1: He doesn't actually duel in this episode. 2: It's hardly an epic duel, I mean, the main character dueling a security officer that he obviously outclasses by centuries barely even counts as a duel.

Applejack! Spoilers!


Meanwhile, at Yusei's Super Secret Subway Clubhouse...

"We'd better make like a banana and split!" Tuff McBuffins dramatically ordered in his goofy voice, with an overly dramatic camera zoom effect.

"Hey! You said you didn't steal it!" Jamey Simmons yelled as he grabbed Jestin Beaver by the shoulders, feeling immensely betrayed. "Just wait 'til my hitman get's his hitman hands on you!"

"Wait guys! Maybe if we're all really quiet they'll go away?" Tuff McBuffins said as he stood still against the tent, trying to act like a ninja. A chubby ninja.

Yusei stared at the group of idiots in disbelief, thinking they weren't THAT stupid. He opened his mouth to say something-

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhush!" Jesstin Beaver, Tuff McBuffins, Jamey Simmons and Ratchet Nickels all shushed him and stood in awkward ninja-like poses around the small tent.

Yusei and the rest said nothing. After five and a half grueling hours, the lights and sirens slowly died down and disappeared. Slowly the Bum Chums moved around silently, checking if the Sector Security force had actually left the area above the subway.

"Did it actually work?" Yusei asked quietly, still thinking it was a stupid plan.

"Hold on, lemme see..." Tuff said as he walked out on to the subway tracks and looked through the giant crack above. "HEY, YOU GUYS STILL THERE TO CAPTURE USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS?"

Suddenly the lights and sirens returned from the Sector Security force, visible from the giant crack in the subway ceiling.

"Oh, we thought you weren't there, sorry... We'll be capturing you all now."

"M'kay, just checking!" Tuff yelled back up then walked back to the rest of the Bum Chums inside the tent. "They're still there."

"Yet another day saved by Tuff McBuffins!" MC DJ stated from nowhere.

As if on cue, Tuff waved at the non-existent audience with a dopey grin.

YU-GI-OH! 5D'S REDUX - EPISODE 3
YUSEI FOUGHT THE LAH...

Yusei sighed deeply with frustration, muttering non-audible mumbles and curses before flipping open his super-advance CARDBOARD computer, which was powered by a running hamster inside it.

"I'll buy you guys some time to get out of here, go out the West exit," Yusei sighed as he pushed random buttons. "and before you ask, NO, I am not literally buying you guys time."

"Aw..." Jesstin Beaver whimpered in its signature cute-yet-weird way.

"Now fabulously jamming the Security signals, totally kawaii~!" a very effeminate electronic voice spoke from Yusei's cardboard computer.


Meanwhile, above the Secret Subway Tunnel hideout...

Contrary to what it looked like, only three Sector Security vehicles surrounded the underground subway from above; a helicopter, a Duel Runner, and a police car. All providing pointless coverage of Yusei's now not-so-secret Bum Chum hideout by continuously driving in circles. Suddenly, the helicopter pilot screamed with rage!

"Urrrrrrrrrrrrgh! We are being compromised! This is worse than my automart store shop closing due to my crappy motor skillets!" Bob the pilot yelled! "There's nothing about hacking in the manual! Why didn't I go to computer hacking school! Aghhhh!"

Bob the pilot operating the flimsy dark blue helicopter crashed into a building that exploded!

"Bob! Just press un-compromised button!" Guy the patrol officer spoke to the pilot through the radio.

Bob the pilot emerged from the flaming rubble with the helicopter's dashboard in his hands in a overly-dramatic way, followed by a needless explosion in the background.

"Eeeearghhhhh! Now pressing the un-compromised buttooooon!" Bob the pilot yelled as he pressed the button, which triggered another building to explode along with some random poor people.

'Why do we have to push so many buttons? Gee, I hope the writer doesn't start trying to make it a fad or something, 'cause THAT'D be stupid.' a random Security officer thought and I agreed... wait, what?


Meanwhile, in the Secret Subway Tunnel Hideout...

"We'd better make like eggs and scramble!" Tuff shouted. "Or like trees and leaf! Or-"

Yusei ignored him and packed up his cardboard computer into a tiny origami crane and then got on his D-Wheel.

"Listen guys, you go left I go right. Simple as that."

"Where are you going?" Ratchet asked unwittingly giving Yusei's helmet to him, not knowing he'll never see him again... Probably.

"I'm, uh, going to... uh... distract... them... Later!" Yusei raced down the subway at top speed, leaving his 'friends' behind at the hideout. 'New Domino City, here I come!'


Meanwhile, at the streets of (Dump) Satellite City... Yusei flew up the stairs of one of the subway entrances on his Duel Runner hitting the poor man, who was hobbling out on the street, again.

"Finally, those idiots will be gone for good." he muttered as he raced down the abandoned streets, completely unaware he just hit someone.

A gruff-looking Security D-Wheel rider spotted Yusei and spoke to his wrist as if some advance communication device was attached to it.

"This is Officer Tuffles, looks like I just found a guy who finally has a date now... With the LAWH!"

"Cool it will the cheesy police talk Tuffles. And stop talking to wrist, you have a headset!" Guy the patrol officer yelled at him over the radio.

Officer Tuffles revved up his Duel Runner with a sneer.

"The stores also have a sale here on lingerie... and JUSTICE!"

"Just shut up and catch that guy on the red motorcycle!"

Tuffles started chasing Yusei with his lights and sirens, which were blaring the 'Ice Cream Man' song.

"This is Officer Tuffles Tetsu, I found a CRIMINAL and am now in hot pursuit in the NAME OF JUSTICE!"

Soon a swarm of Sector Security vehicles followed behind Tuffles! And by swarm, I mean one other car.

"You on the motorcycle! Stop! You have no chance of escape!"

"Ha! Time to make an es-cape!" Yusei grinned.

He swerved around on the road pointlessly in an attempt to throw off the officers, then casually turned onto another street.

"OH NO! He escaped!" Tuffles yelled with great surprise!

Officer Tuffles spotted Yusei's bright red D-Wheel a second later behind a streetlight, apparently hiding.

"Oooh wait, there he is!" Tuffles said after he spotted him, then stopped right behind Yusei.

"Hey, I'll give you a break! If you beat me in a card game, I'll stop chasing you and drop the charges against your transvestite friend too!"

"I'M A G-!"

"Sir!"

Bob the use-to-be pilot interrupted as he jumped dramatically out of a car that had stopped behind them, and rolled to a stop between Yusei and Officer Tuffles.

"Section 2834, Paragraph 109, Line 1 clearly states that we can't-"

"Eeew! I'm not going to do that with him!"

"Oops. I meant Line 2." Bob corrected.

"Oh... Well, let ME clearly state that if YOU don't allow ME to play a card game, I will promote YOU!"

"S-Seriously?"

"NO! You're demoted! And Guy too! Now get outta here before I demote you both again! YARG!"

Bob the now demoted, use-to-be pilot ran back to the car, and Guy the now demoted patrol officer drove off into the sunset, with tears streaming from their eyes in a manly way. Maybe some day they'll have their chance to be promoted by dueling in the back of a van against two guys on Duel Runners and beating them... Ha! Like that will ever happen!

"Now, let's duel CRIMINAL! In the name of the LAH!" Officer Tuffles yelled!

"I don't want to." Yusei backed up into Tuffles' D-Wheel, giving it a very noticeable dent, then started racing down the narrow back-alleyways of the slums of Satellite. "And you have stupid catch phrases!"

"PLAY A CARD GAME WITH ME, CRIMINAL!" the officer quickly inserted a coin and pressed a giant red button on his Duel Runner with rage!

"It's totally time to Turbo Duel! Switching to autopilot~! Super kawaii desu~!" the effeminate electronic voice spoke with glee as the area around them turned purple.

[Yusei LP: 4000]
[Officer Tuffles LP: 4000]

"For you criminals who don't know what's going on, please do not panic, you are not on drugs, I hope." Tuffles started speaking in a familiar monotone voice.

"You mean I'm NOT?" the poor man, who got ran over by Yusei twice, gasped.

"This is what happens when the duelist activate Speed World! The only spell cards the duelist can use are Speed Spell cards-"

"WE ALREADY KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE FREAKIN' GAME!"

"Well! It is just a precaution. The LAH can never be too careful... But criminals can!"

"Frig." Yusei muttered as his Duel Runner switched to Turbo Duel Mode. "And honestly, what FRUITCAKE designed these voice systems?"

Yusei inserted his own coin into a slot then pressed the 'Mute' button.

"Nooooooo~! Totally not kawaii~!"


Meanwhile, somewhere far, far away...

Lazar shivered while applying makeup in his personal quarters of his obscenely large and elegant mansion deep in New Domino City.

"HEE HEE HEE~ I sense a disturbance... " he said and looked side to side suspiciously as he finished putting his lipstick on. "... as if one of my voice programs cried out, then was suddenly silenced... HEE HEE HEE~..."

Yusei Fought the LAH... - END


Applejack: Hope ya'll enjoyed it!

Yes, I'll try to have a new episode up every month!

Applejack: Please Read n'Review. He still has a lot to learn.