Damaged Goods
Chapter Three
Sakura
It's been a couple of weeks since me and Syaoran have started hanging out, thankfully not in parks selling raffle tickets or washed out roadsides in the pouring rain. And in the time I've known him I can safely say that my life seems to have taken a bit of a U-turn. We see or speak to each other a couple of times a week and I'm finding him to be a really good friend. He's not the shallow self centred guy that I originally assumed, even though he does go through women like I go through clean socks. The fact that I can be the biggest bitch in the world or insult him constantly and he doesn't bat an eyelid is an added bonus. I think he's just happy to have a female friend that isn't a simpering bimbo desperate to get in his pants, and believe me I've meet plenty of them every time we go out. The fact that he has a kick-ass taste in films and isn't part of a couple is pretty good as well.
Our friendship has done me some good though, he forces me to come out of the house and be less of a hermit – even if it's just going for coffee down the road. Don't get me wrong I'm not exactly sharing my 'issues' with the world by shouting it from the rooftops, but he is getting me to open up and talk about some things. Mainly my Dad. I like to talk about him, I have so many early memories of being his little girl that I never share, and as long as I don't think about his death or the aftermath that ensued it's a relatively safe topic. Neither of us talk about the dark things in our past or our time in care and I think that's why I feel happy talking to him, cause I know he's not going to press me to open up like all the therapists used to.
But, of course, just because one part of my life seems to be going better it automatically means that something else has to hit the fan. The eviction notice that was pinned to the door when I left for work this morning highlighted this law of the universe. Just because the owner has decided to up sticks and move half way across the country to be with her grandkids it means I have to move out. Apparently selling shoebox sized apartment is more convenient than renting it out.
"Sakura," Syaoran shouts, catching up with me just as I'm leaving the work for the day. "I just spoke to Eriol who told me about the apartment – what are you planning on?"
Oh yea that's Syaoran all over, avoids the pleasantries and just jumps straight into the conversation. I pull a face at him for bringing up the one thing I'd spent most of the day trying not to think about.
"Hi Syaoran, nice to see you too, I'm fine thanks for asking and yes I'm getting evicted, but I'm trying not to think about it until I've had time to sit down and digest it all. How are you?" I retort with a grin.
He rolls his eyes, "Ok Ok, I get the point so you can stop trying to make me feel bad you know it doesn't work. But seriously are you ok?"
I shrug, "If worse comes to worse then I'll end up either sofa surfing or sleeping in the car. I've done it before so I'll do it again if I have too. Hopefully it won't come to that though." I think back to the days when I was saving up a security for my apartment, of course I would be without a home in the middle of winter so sleeping in my car had been less than enjoyable.
Syaoran looks at me awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other. There sadistic bitch in me enjoys seeing him uncomfortable, but the nicer part of me wins over and I put him out of his misery. "Spit it out Syaoran - you're making me antsy with all the shifty."
"Well, there's still a spare room going at mine after Soka getting his no good ass arrested. So if you need somewhere to stay I could do with the extra cash from having a flatmate." I am pretty sure my face is an abject mix of horror and surprise at the offer, because if possible he starts to look more uncomfortable. It's not that we dont get on, because with the exception of the rocky start to our friendship, we actually get along really well. "It's just an idea though," he states, giving me an out. "You don't have to say anything right away, you've got a couple of weeks before you're out - but just think about it."
I nod mutely, my brain failing to compute anything other than the complete disaster this could end up being. I don't live with other people, my nightmares have previously made it impossible. There is only so much another person can take when they're woken up by someone screaming every night. Ok so sofa surfing doesn't solve the problem either but at least I only impose on people for a short period of time. Helps make the crazy less obvious.
Syaoran
Sakura looks ready to pass out at my suggestion and I feel like an idiot for even asking. But there is just something about her, I feel like I want to help her however I can. The thought of her sleeping in her car in October makes me feel sick.
"Why?" She finally chokes out. "It's a hell of an offer to make someone you've only known a couple of weeks."
I look deep into her emerald eyes, hoping she'll see the truth in my words. "Because you're a good person who's in a shitty situation. I'm not going to make light of the situation but I actually enjoy your company. Plus it is either this or put an advert up in the shop, and God knows what kind of maniacs I'll attract if I do that. But like I said, you don't have to make a decision right now, but it's something to think about. Anyway I need to bounce, only came round to let you know that there is a bed available at mine – no sofa surfing required. So I'll see you later." I give a wave as he I leave off, ready to face an evening of woman fawning over me. I'm not being big-headed, it just seems to happen, even when I go out for a few drinks with some friends.
That's one of the things I enjoy about being with Sakura, I can just be myself. I don't have to keep my distance for fear that's she's going to trap me into a relationship. She easy to be around, and sometimes I think her being around makes it easier to breathe.
But enough of this wishy washy emotion crap. All I need a beer and few hours of playing pool to get my head back in the right place.
Sakura
I make my way home thinking over what he's said. Sure, some of it makes sense, he has a spare room and I need somewhere to live. Plus a bed would be far more practical than other people's sofa's. But then there are the underlying issues that will evolve from me living with anyone, not just Syaoran. I'm crap at sharing my personal space, I like to be able to wander round my place at 4am, not having to worry about disturbing other people. I like wearing short-sleeved tops when I 'm slumming it on the sofa and not worrying about the awkward questions that will arise from me showing my scars. In short there's a lot I like about living on my own, but most of all it is the knowledge that if I wake up screaming I won't have to explain what I was dreaming about. But then there's the cost from living on your own. Sure at the moment I can manage it in my pokey little one bedroom apartment, but there's no way I can save up for a deposit on a new place, or even find a place in my price range that isn't home to a colony of cockroaches or rodents.
I keep thinking about it, mulling it over in my head, drawing up lists of pro's and con's, still no closer to reaching a decision. I lie in bed that night, staring at the shadows created by the streetlight outside, my brain whirring unable to shut down. Eventually I give up on sleep and traipse through to the kitchen. Ok so I wouldn't miss having to wear multiple layers every time I got out of bed, but not being able to crash on the sofa and watch mindless TV because I can sleep I would miss. The list is endless, every pro has a con and vice versa. I'm making myself dizzy chasing this round in circles. Flopping onto the sofa, I bury myself under the spare quilt and turn the TV on, hoping that the background noise will drown out my thoughts.
Three days later and I've not given Syaoran my answer, nor has he not bugged me for an answer. Deciding enough is enough I call Eriol begging him to come round. Figuring I need to put something on to cover my arms I look around the bomb site that I refer to as my bedroom. Another con, if I live with someone then I'll have to make an attempt at being tidy. Just to clarify I am not dirty, I do not leave plates with mouldy food lying around or anything like that, I' m just incredibly messy and very disorganised. Finally locating a clean top, I pull it on and push my fingers through the holes I made for my thumbs. If I keep my sleeves anchored i'm less likely to inadvertently push them up and bare my arms. Eriol has seen the scars, but it always makes him upset that he wasn't around to protect me, so I make a conscious effort to keep them covered up. That's another con, I'll have to spend my life in long sleeved tops to avoid the awkward questions.
Eriol arrives and is greeted by me looking like a strung out junkie. "Holy hell Sakura, you look like shit. What's eating you?"
Yep that is Eriol, straight to the point with a no nonsense attitude. I blow a stray strand of hair out of my face and think how best to start this conversation without invoking his super protective big brother mode. "I've got less than two weeks before I lose this place and I've been made an interesting offer that could save me from sofa surfing, but it would require me having to live with someone else."
Eriol pulls a face at me. "Ooh, you living with someone else. Mind me asking who it is or can I hazard a guess?" I look at him quizzically. "It's pretty easy to put two and two together. Syaoran needs someone to move in; you need somewhere to move to or you'll be out on your ass, probably being stubborn and sleeping in your car."
Sometimes Eriol's insight into things borders on down right creepy.
"Now you see what's got me all wound up. Sure, it makes sense, this way I don't have to risk sleeping in my car and would actually have somewhere to go at the end of the day. But on the other hand, there is a chance that I will end up having one of my moments, scream the house down, end up out on my ass anyway and loose a friend in the process. I am knocking myself dizzy going round in circles trying to figure this out. You know Syaoran better than I do, so please give me some insight!"
Eriol leans against the kitchen counter, arms folded, his faced scrunched up in thought. "I don't know Sakura; both are set in your ways and likely to blow up at the smallest of things. Neither of you has exactly had easy childhood upbringings. It could be that there will be too much emotional baggage for you to live with each other. On the other hand, he makes you open up, you're not nervous around him, so he might be good for you. He's a good guy Sakura, that's got to count for something."
I roll my eyes at him. "Thanks for telling me everything I already knew." I stick my tongue out to soften the harshness of my words. "So you're basically saying I need to make my own mind up and hope that it doesn't all go tits up?"
"You could do much worse. You'd have to deal with girls that traipse coming and going, but at least you wouldn't be relaying on other people for a place to crash. You know you're welcome and mine and Tomoyo's whenever you need a place to crash." Eriol walks over, pulling me into a hug and resting his chin on my head. "Whatever you decide you know I'll support you."
Eriol hangs around for a little longer before leaving to pick Tomoyo up from class. I mull over everything he said, even though it's not helped me reach a decision he's put my mind a bit more at rest. Looking at my phone like it's threatening to bite me I decided I need to man up and call Syaoran
"Hey Sakura," he greets, sounding cheerful. I can hear music in the background so I'm assuming he's out. "Everything ok?"
I fumble for the right words, "err, yea, everything's fine. Just wondering if it's a good time to talk?"
The background noise recedes, he must have moved outside from wherever he was. "Sure, I'm just out playing pool with some of the guys. What's on your mind?"
"Well it's about the offer you made the other day. I'd like to talk to you about it before saying yes or no. Can you pop round sometime when you're free?"
"I can come round later on this evening if you want."
"Sure, that would be great. I'll see you later then."
He hangs up, leaving me alone with my thoughts I'm about ninety percent sure I'm going to say yes, it makes sense, but that all depends on what ground rules he'll agree to. I guess I'm going to have to mention my nocturnal wanderings to a certain degree. I don't want to risk him or scantily clad women wandering round the house when I'm half comatose on the sofa chasing sleep.
I'm loathed to admit it but I've more or less made my decision and I'm amazed at the feeling of relief. At least I won't have to rely on people letting me crash on their sofas or sleeping in my car, something I'd like to avoid given how cold it's getting.
Syaoran arrives about an hour later and I stick the kettle on. He seemed so big in my tiny kitchen, I realised with a pang, that for all its faults, I'm to miss my pokey little apartment.
Syaoran
"You sounded kind of off on the phone." I comment, shifting nervously against the worktops.
"Not off, just wanted to discuss some stuff with you before I say yes that's all." Sakura said nervously, busying herself with making coffee. I try not to smile because she's more or less agreed to moving in with that statement. "There's just a couple of things I want to make sure that we agree on."
I raise an eyebrow at her, now I'm expecting a laundry list of requests, and I can just about guarantee the first one will be about the damn toilet seat. "Go on then," I say cautiously.
"First, I just want to make sure that you know my room is my room. I don't want anyone just wandering in and out. I like my own space and I need to know that I'm going to be safe. Secondly, as you might have guessed this already, I'm not the tidiest of people." she gestures round the small apartment that constantly looks like it's been burgled. "I'll do my share and keep the living room and kitchen clean, but my room will always be disorganised chaos. And I expect the same from you with keeping the living room and kitchen clean, I don't want to come in after work to what is possibly a bona fide bachelor pad. I am messy, not dirty and definitely going to play housemaid."
She looks up at me and I know that whatever she needs to tell me she's struggling to find the words for. She always worries at her bottom lip with her teeth and I hate to admit it but there's a large part of me that wants to pull her lip out of the way with my thumb. But I know anything like that would make her freak out, even when if I didn't mean anything by it.
"Something you'll need to learn to deal with is my nocturnal wanderings, I don't sleep well so chances are I'll be sprawled on the sofa watching TV or making a brew at stupid o'clock in the morning. Sometimes I have nightmares so I need to know you're not going to panic if you hear me screaming or crying in my sleep. Just leave me alone till I come too and it'll all be fine. I appreciate this turning into a list, but I need to know that you're OK with all this , because if not then I can't to move in. I need to feel secure wherever I'm staying and I don't want to mess up our friendship on the off chance that us living together doesn't pan out."
I smile, trying to ease some of the tension that's built up. "You've made some really valid points and I've got a few of my own to add. But first, no one will go in your room without your say so and that includes me. Sometimes I'll have friends over but I don't want you to feel like you can't come and hang out with us if you want. It's a shared house so I expect any housework to be shared, and that's not saying I expect you to pick up after me or do my laundry. I sing in the shower, so you'll have to get used to a what sounds like a cat being strangled. If you use the last of something, I expect you to replace it, especially if it's coffee cause I don't function well without it."
I smile at her, knowing fine well that the chances of us running out of coffee is slim to fuck all. We're both self confessed caffeine addicts. "Rent is $450 and that includes water and electric. I need it by the first of the month, but if you can get it earlier it makes my life a hell of a lot easier. I won't have drugs in the house, that's what got Soka kicked out and I won't hesitate to kick you out for the same reason, friendship or not."
Sakura nods in agreement, "that's fine with me and I'm in complete agreement with you over drugs. So when can I move in? I need to be out of here by next weekend so I all I need to know is when I can start dropping my stuff off"
I pull a set of keys out of my pockets and throw them to her, "you can start moving in whenever you want, you might as well cause the room's sat empty and at this way you don't have to do it all in one mad rush. Just a thought, how much of this furniture is yours - cause I don't know if I need another sofa."
"Pretty much none of it, the coffee table and the hall unit, but that's about it. Place was fully furnished when I moved in. The TV's mine as well as all the kitchen utensils but big furniture wise pretty much nothing.
"Do you want any help? Or are you going make Eriol into help out?"
"Nah I'll be fine, unlike most girls I don't have piles of stuff that I insist on carting round. Are you going to hang out for a while or have you got somewhere to be?" She asks handing me a cup of coffee.
"No plans till late when I'm going out with the boys for a few drinks so I'm good to hang around for a while yet."
She rolls her eyes at me an exasperated expression, "what poor girl are you going to drag home with you tonight." She sticks her tongue out to soften the blow of her words and I had the decency to look slightly ashamed, but then go and ruin that with my next statement.
"There is never any dragging. They follow me home willingly." She rolls her eyes at me again and I shrug my shoulders. I'll admit I'm known for being a bit of a player. Eriol always ribs me about it and Tomoyo always shouts at me for the poor destitute girls doing the walk of shame the next day.
"How many poor girls I'm I likely to come face to face with," Sakura asks, an alarmed expression crossing her face.
"Not that many, most of them have the decency to leave fairly quickly, but there's always the odd straggler that seems to think sex is an invitation to a relationship." I pull a face at the number of girls I've had to turf out of the apartment. "Why are you planning on dragging some poor unsuspecting soul back to my den of iniquity and sin?"
She laughs at my insinuation. "Ha don't know if you'd noticed or now, but I'm a little too prickly for most men to even attempt to get into my pants."
I laugh along with her as we make our way into the living room, crashing out on the sofa. As always she folds her feet under her legs and then pulls the quilt down around her, making a little Sakura shaped tent. I sprawl out, my legs stretched out and my arm casually slung over the back of the sofa. I like hanging out like this, and I hope that for all of our flaws and issues this will continue she moves in, I don't want our comfortable friendship to vanish.
AN: As always please R&R
Happy New Year
dk
