I knew Cam was the distant type and I accepted that. I simply brushed it off as normal that he wasn't very affectionate with me. Ash and Cam were best friends so of course they'd hang out a lot I never suspected a thing. So when Cam said he had something to tell me I was expecting something along the lines of 'I'm going into the city with Ash for a week' or 'Could you babysit Cheryl?" So when he said "I'm in love with Ash." I nearly dropped the pitcher of juice I was bringing to the table. I panicked slightly in my haste to to regain my grip on the handle and spilled some. Ash immediately got up and took the pitcher from me and Cam went to get the mop.
"You, I mean uh well….."
"Lily please sit down I'm sorry I know this is a lot to take in." Cam gently pushed me into the chair and looked from Cam to Ash several times. I had a thousand question when, why, how but only one had slipped out of my mouth.
"Then why did you marry me?" After placing the mop back in the closet he turned and smiled at me apologetically. They sat down and explained, explained how Cam loved me but didn't love me, how they dated for two weeks behind my back, how the took my feelings and sent them through a meat grinder. When they finished I just got up and left. They didn't say anything when I walked out, they knew me well enough to know I needed a walk after that kind of information was dumped on me. I was so angry, angry at Cam for not understanding his own feelings, but I knew I couldn't be angry with him. Nobody sits down and goes 'oh I want to be in love with that person now' it just happens. I was angry at Ash, how could he smile in my face while stealing my husband, but I knew he was probably the one who decided to tell me in the first place. I was mad at myself for being so angry none of this was anyone's fault. I hated the universe for not giving me a scapegoat, I needed someone to blame. I couldn't hate them, Ash and Cam were my best friends but there's no way I could handle watching Cam be with someone else.
I sat by the river and looked at my reflection, I was so lost in anger I didn't even realize I'd been crying. Cupping my hands I dipped them into river and splashed my face. When the water stopped rippling enough to see my reflection again I saw my brother's behind mine.
"Phillip! Hey what brings you to this side of the mountain?"
"I promised I'd bring Rutger a few things. You ok? You look like shit." Phillip sat beside me and began inspecting rocks for skipping.
"I, well Ash and Cam just came out of the closet" I laughed weakly as he dropped his rock mid throw.
"Whoa what? He marries you then tells you he's gay two months later, that's insane!" he gets up, brushing off his pants "So what are you gonna do?"
I sigh and splash my hand around in the water "We get a divorce and Cam lives happily ever after."
And that's exactly what we did. It took a long time before I could hang out with them without getting depressed and honestly the feeling never completely disappeared. I loved Cam and in a sense I still do. Years later I eventually married Mikhail and we're happy, we've got kids and a dog you know the white picket fence life. But somewhere in the deepest reaches of my heart Cam will always be the one who got away.
