Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to us. They belong to BioWare and any other creators of the Mass Effect Universe.
Rating/Warning: This fic is rated MA+ for sexual situation involving two women. Don't like it, don't read it.
Chapter 3
When Shepard woke the next morning, the space next to her on the bed was still warm, but she was alone. For a moment, she reached out without opening her eyes, patting both sides of the mattress with outstretched arms. No Liara. She listened, but the soft sound of breathing was absent aside from her own.
With an ache in her chest, Shepard reluctantly sat up and opened her eyes, still hoping that Liara was somewhere in the cabin. She wasn't, and when Shepard confirmed it with a quick visual sweep of the room, the Commander let out a disappointed, but resigned sigh. Last night had been so beautiful, but this morning was already terrible. For one shining, perfect moment, Liara had been hers. And I was Liara's, she thought as she recalled the intensity of their Union. Now, she had no idea where the asari was. Obviously, Liara had snuck out of the room in a fit of shame, embarrassment, or regret before Shepard woke up. The thought that Liara regretted what had happened last night made the tight painful ball in Shepard's chest worse. She had never really understood the term 'brokenhearted' before, but it literally felt like her heart was split in two.
Shepard's first instinct was to go to Liara, to find out what she was feeling, to comfort her and reassure her if it was needed. But she couldn't do that. Liara had made a deliberate choice to leave her, which meant she probably wanted to be alone. At least, she wanted to be away from the person that had... not raped her, not taken advantage of her... there wasn't really a word for what Shepard had done, but it still felt wrong. Despite how much she had enjoyed last night during the moments she had tricked herself into believing their coupling had been something organic instead of coerced, she could never truly forget that Liara hadn't truly had a choice.
Of course she had a choice, Shepard thought, trying to make herself feel better as she climbed out of bed, flinching as her feet hit the cold floor. With all the expensive tech upgrades on the Normandy SR-1, couldn't somebody in requisitions have put in for heat coils below the floor?
She could have asked someone else to Join with her. The thought of anyone else having sex with Liara made her stomach lurch unpleasantly, and for a moment, she thought she might be sick. But then an unexpected ball of rage came to life in her gut and she was afraid that she would pick a fight with anyone who looked at Liara like they wanted to sleep with her.
She could have taken leave and gone to the Citadel for medical attention. That was true, but it probably would have been expensive, ineffective, or both. All in all, Shepard realized, she had simply amounted to the least worst option. The thought stung.
I am such a coward, Liara thought as she sat down at her terminal, but made no move to start looking over her data. Shepard had made last night perfect, amazing, and absolutely wonderful for her, and she'd skipped out in the morning like she was ashamed of what they'd done. She wasn't sure exactly what she was scared of, but she was definitely scared of something. Maybe that Shepard was really just doing her a favor and didn't feel anything toward her except for the same duty she felt towards any crewmember under her command. It hadn't seemed that way when they'd been in the midst of the Meld last night, but that was new to Liara as well and she wasn't sure if she was just feeling her own emotions reflected back at her.
When she had awoken before Shepard this morning, she'd instantly remembered what had occurred the night before and had felt a pleasant heat bloom to life between her thighs. No one had told her that making love with Shepard would make her want to do it again and again. If their relationship had progressed to that point naturally, then the feeling would have made her happy, but as it was, Shepard had only done it to help her.
Liara hadn't planned to leave Shepard's bed without a word, but when she rolled over to look at the sleeping Commander, Shepard was still asleep and looked so peaceful. For as long as she lived, and Liara realized just how long that would be, she would forever remember how Shepard looked this morning. Liara hadn't been able to resist brushing a strand of hair off her lover's forehead, capturing that errant strand between her fingers and marveling at the silky texture. She realized that she could play with Shepard's hair for hours, not that she'd ever be able to.
It had only been when Shepard released a contented sigh and turned completely over onto her back, that Liara was finally able to pull away. She feared Shepard waking up while she was hovering over her, knowing that she couldn't take it if Shepard told her to get out, that their night together was over. So Liara had placed a gentle, lingering kiss on Shepard's lips before sliding out of bed, careful not to wake her sleeping lover. She dressed as silently as possible and gathered what items of her costume she could find in the semi-darkness before slipping out of the Commander's cabin, resisting the urge to look back at the woman who had taken more than just a piece of her heart.
A few minutes later, after she had crept back into her room wearing her green and white jumpsuit and dumped the remains of her special outfit on top of her bunk, she realized that an important piece of the ensemble was still missing. The white panties that Shepard had so carefully removed the night before were nowhere to be found. Briefly, Liara had considered sneaking back into the Commander's cabin for them, but she didn't trust herself around the naked body of the woman she had Joined with only hours before. And as far as she knew, last night had been a one-time thing.
At least Shepard had seemed to enjoy herself, Liara thought. Perhaps she could keep the underwear as a souvenir. Even if they never Melded again, Liara knew she would cherish the memory of their night together. She hoped Shepard felt the same.
Now, sitting at her terminal, she did her best to push thoughts of Shepard to the back of her mind. There was still research to do, missions to prepare for, a galaxy to save... Her unforeseen crisis had been averted, and that was that. Unfortunately, her body didn't seem to realize that the ordeal was over. The memory of the urgent sounds Shepard had made, the feel of warm breath against her neck, the memory of being filled as a searching thumb rubbed against her in just the right way - and, oh Goddess, the way Shepard's tongue had...
Liara was disappointed that she had never gotten the chance to return the favor. She remembered the Fornax vid that she'd streamed the day before and felt a pang of regret. Propositioning Shepard again would be a bad idea, no matter how much she wanted to learn what it would be like to taste the human. Shepard had accepted her offer the first time because she cared about Liara's health, but there was no guarantee she would be interested in a second encounter.
It took a while for Liara to focus on her work, but eventually she stopped tormenting herself long enough to become engrossed in her research. She'd never had to try before to find the Prothean race interesting, but that was before she'd known Shepard, who was a much more interesting subject, and did more than just stimulate her mind. Unfortunately, even after their night together, Liara found the honorable Commander nearly as untouchable as the extinct race she had dedicated her life to studying.
Liara only stood up from her terminal when she needed to stretch her back, unaware that she'd been at it for so long. It was nearly time for the evening meal, an event where Shepard encouraged everyone to gather in the mess hall. They all spent most of their time on the Normandy doing their separate things, and everyone was comfortable with that, but Shepard still encouraged them all to come together for this one meal whenever possible. Williams had said it was a practice instilled in Shepard by her military training, bonding the crew together through shared experiences.
For an instant, Liara considered skipping the meal, but she argued with herself that she was in fact hungry since she hadn't taken time out of her day to eat earlier. Truthfully, she wanted - no, needed - to see Shepard, even if there could be nothing more between them. It was painful to think that it had taken Joining with Shepard so intimately to realize that the Commander had become her touchstone, the place she felt most like herself, and that she might lose that now.
With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Liara headed for the door to the med bay, smiling at Dr. Chakwas and offering a subdued greeting as she passed by. She made her way to the mess on autopilot, murmuring polite apologies whenever one of the human crewmembers passed her a little too closely. Although she felt somewhat comfortable with the Away Team, and had even begun to think of Tali, Wrex, Garrus, Ashley, and Kaidan as friends, Liara was still shy around the rest of the crew.
She wasn't sure whether she was relieved or pleased when she saw Tali and Ashley already sitting at one of the tables, conversing over their food. When Tali motioned her over with a gloved hand, and Ashley's facial expression remained neutral instead of discouraging, Liara hurried to fix her own plate and join them.
"Well, there you are, Liara. We were starting to get worried. No one has seen you around for days!"
"Not since the last Away mission." Even Ashley looked slightly pleased to see her. "Where have you been hiding?"
Liara remained silent and didn't answer, simply lowering her chin and blushing. Bizarrely, she felt the urge to blurt out everything - her sickness, her research, her first sexual experience, her current confusion, and the ache in her chest that she suspected was a broken heart. She was desperate to talk with someone, anyone, in order to unburden her thoughts, but she knew that she couldn't, especially not in this setting. She supposed that this was her burden to carry alone. Unfortunately, at least part of her secret came out without her having to say a word.
"What's that mark on your neck?" Tali asked, reaching out and pointing at a purple abrasion that showed just beneath Liara's jaw in a place where her green and white jumpsuit didn't cover.
"Well, I - it's just..." Liara stammered.
Liara was saved from answering - not that she could have, since all the breath left her body - by Shepard rounding the corner and into view. It was probably her imagination, but Shepard looked even better than she usually did to Liara, and she was taken in once again by the Commander's military posture and confident bearing. Liara didn't know how it was possible for her to desire Shepard any more than she already did, but just seeing the human brought back a flood of memories from the night before.
"Commander," Williams said as she shot to her feet, but at least refrained from following through with a rigid salute. It had been hard to break Ashley of even that habit, so Shepard didn't reiterate how it was completely unnecessary for her to show that kind of respect while they were on the Normandy. Shepard preferred to earn people's respect through her actions, rather than her position in the hierarchy of military command.
Liara was thankful that Ashley's sudden movement drew Tali's attention away from her as well, because she wasn't entirely certain that her feelings for the Commander had been hidden in that moment when she'd first taken in the handsome figure. As she continued to gaze upon Shepard, trying to tear her eyes away from the sight that she seemed starved for even though she'd seen much more of the Commander just last night, Liara was woefully unprepared for the emotions that bombarded her. Perhaps it hadn't been such a smart idea to come to dinner tonight, because while she desperately needed to see Shepard, she almost felt physically ill when she thought that she'd never touch her again.
So, before everyone's scrutinizing attention was drawn back to her, Liara mumbled an excuse about not feeling well and quietly left for her quarters. While she usually sought solace in her research, her lab would offer no protection against Shepard, since the Commander could just walk in, and Liara couldn't deal with such a confrontation at the moment. Unfortunately, Liara's bowed head as she walked out of the room prevented her from reading the tight, pained expression that briefly flashed over Shepard's features as she breezed past the human.
Liara had successfully avoided any alone time with Shepard for a week, and that hadn't escaped the Commander's notice. When Liara had walked out of dinner the night after they'd made love, it couldn't have been clearer to Shepard that the asari who had found a way to burrow deep into her heart didn't want to continue their burgeoning relationship in any fashion other than that of a professional manner. Shepard had tried to talk to Liara about it a couple of times, but the scientist had always found a way to get them around other crew members and therefore shut Shepard down, since she had no intention of making their private relationship known to anyone else just yet.
Still, duty continued to call, and Shepard couldn't devote all of her time to chasing Liara around the ship even if she'd been inclined to. During the first mission she accepted after Liara's brush-off, Shepard had chosen to leave Liara behind on the Normandy, mostly because she knew the asari wasn't ready to be in the confined space of the Mako with her and because she didn't think Liara's impressive biotic talents would be absolutely necessary to the success of the mission. She had been correct, and their mission had gone as smoothly as possible.
However, on the next mission she was assigned, Shepard knew she would benefit with a strong biotic on her ground crew, so she had told Liara to suit up and meet her down in hull. It had been a hard mission and she'd taken some major damage to her armor, but in the end, they all came out alive, although Shepard was seriously in need of some medi-gel.
After they got back on board the Normandy, Shepard sent everyone off to the mess to refuel and to be regaled by Tali's account of the mission. It wasn't often that Shepard quietly commanded everyone away to collect herself, and the crew knew as well as respected that, so they all followed her wishes and left the hull. All but Liara.
"Shepard?"
Liara was disappointed at how soft and hesitant her voice sounded, but she couldn't bring herself to follow the rest of the crew up to the mess. Avoiding Shepard over the past week had been difficult, but despite her broken heart, she couldn't leave the Commander's side until she was certain of the human's health. Part of Liara feared that if Shepard left her sight again, she would never get another chance to see her.
"Are you all right? When you took that round to the head, I..."
"I'm fine, Liara," Shepard said, holding out her arms. "See? Not even a scratch on my armor." She tried to give Liara a smile, but there was pain behind it, and not from any physical injury. Liara felt a surge of guilt as she realized that Shepard was in emotional pain - probably because of her. She wasn't sure why, but she knew her avoidance was the cause. Perhaps Shepard missed her company as a friend, or perhaps...
"That's because the scorch marks are on your helmet." Although it was meant to be a joke, Liara found her voice breaking again. Her lips trembled slightly as she took unsteady breaths, and her eyes stung. Shepard had made it through this mission, but what about the next? And the next? Who knew when the galaxy would be safe again, or if preserving it was even possible? That's what you get for falling in love with a soldier, Liara thought with an increasing sense of despair, especially one who doesn't love you back.
But Shepard was alive now. Alive and well, if the way she was unfastening the outer layers of her armor were any indication. And despite everything, watching Shepard strip down to her underarmor made Liara's body remember the last time she had seen the human undress.
"I'm fine. The medi-gel kept me from going into shock or losing too much blood. Right now, all I've got is a little headache," Shepard said as she removed her second boot, kicking it into a pile with the rest of her armor. She watched Liara take several steps towards her and tugged at the form-fitting black compression shirt she still wore. Suddenly, the temperature felt warm even though she had just stripped.
Without saying another word, Liara's hand reached up to touch the back of Shepard's neck. Her hair was damp and clung to the side of her head in clumps, but the asari didn't seem to care. She threaded her fingers through that hair, tenderly probing the back of Shepard's head, searching for any injuries or sore spots.
Feeling Liara so close to her after almost a week of brush-offs in the hallway was almost unbearable, but Shepard did her best to keep her composure. Liara had good reason to avoid her, she told herself. She had been forced into something she wasn't ready for, and it was understandable that she needed some time alone to regroup. But still, her hands were so soft... and the way they touched her...
Liara hadn't really meant to touch Shepard, but she needed to reaffirm that the Commander was alive and at least not in any significant pain. And then as soon as she had her hands on Shepard, Liara couldn't seem to stop touching her, reveling in the rich texture of the human's hair even in its messy state. Liara loved everything about Shepard, and she could barely contain the happiness that welled up within her when the Commander groaned pleasantly at her softly kneading touch.
As she dug her fingertips gently into the hard, tight muscles in Shepard's neck, Liara felt a strange mix of emotions flowing through her. She sensed uncertainty, confusion, tiredness, but above all, pleasure, as well as a little kernel of hope that was barely detectable. It took a few long minutes before she realized with a soft gasp that it wasn't just her emotions she was sensing. Even though she wasn't melded with Shepard at the moment, Liara knew that what she was feeling was a mixture of her own emotions and Shepard's. And even as she was drawn to those feelings, wanting to curl up and be surrounded by them just because they were Shepard's, Liara was nearly as compelled to pull away because their connection was so much more intense than she had ever imagined possible.
But when Liara tried to pull away, attempting to preserve at least some of her dignity, Shepard let out a little whimper of disapproval and took a step closer, wrapping her arms loosely around the asari's waist. Liara looked up at Shepard's face, but found the human's eyes closed even as she continued to push into Liara's touch. The arms around her waist weren't there to trap her, and Liara knew that Shepard would release her if she tried to draw back again, but it was nice to know that the Commander needed her right now, even just a little bit, so she stayed.
It was a dangerous line she was walking, and Liara knew it, because her body couldn't help but react to Shepard's nearness, not with the memories of their night together so fresh in her mind. She tried to push them away and focus on loosening Shepard's cramped muscles, but was lost once again when Shepard let out another soft groan, one that reminded Liara so very much of the way Shepard sounded when they'd been in bed together. Liara was helpless when that seemingly innocent sound set the fire within her blazing out of control, and she couldn't stop to think of the consequences as she captured Shepard's mouth in a kiss that unleashed all the hunger she had kept in check for the past lonely week.
The kiss made Shepard's body surge against hers, and Liara found herself wrapped in the Commander's strong arms, both of her hips gripped by insistent hands. Even without her armor, Shepard's strength seemed magnified. Liara felt so safe, so secure in Shepard's embrace, but she felt a sudden spike of adrenaline as Shepard began kissing her back. She might have started this, but it was obvious that Shepard was going to finish it.
There was a sudden pause as both of them realized exactly what they were doing. They froze, their bodies stiffening, but unable to pull apart.
Somehow, Shepard managed to tear her mouth away for just a moment. "Why did you avoid me this week?" she panted against Liara's lips, trying to hold back and recall all the reasons that this wasn't a good idea.
"I don't even remember," Liara murmured, tilting her chin up to stare into Shepard's eyes, obviously trying to entice her into another kiss. It was true. All of her reasons for staying away seemed so foolish now. Part of her wanted to explain them to Shepard, but she was distracted when she felt herself being backed against the nearest wall in the hold and pinned between two stacks of crates. This time, it was Shepard who kissed her, and all of her words melted away.
How had she managed to resist this for an entire week? Liara wondered as Shepard's mouth slanted against hers, teasing her lips with small bites before pressing in with a warm tongue. Kissing Shepard was even better than she remembered, and she wasn't entirely sure she could give up such pleasure a second time.
Shepard wished she was strong enough to hold out until Liara gave her the answer she really sought, but she wasn't. It had seemed like a lifetime since Liara had been in her arms, even though it had only been a week, and she was starved for the asari's touch. All of the hurt melted away now that they were back together again, and Shepard couldn't contain the little flame of hope that flared to life inside of her that it would be different this time... that it might possibly be permanent this time.
When she imagined having Liara again – and she had imagined that scenario many times since she woke up to find the asari gone – Shepard had never thought it would be here. Even though she had ordered the crew up to the mess and they had complied, she and Liara were still out in the open, and Shepard felt that Liara deserved the softness of a bed. She was just about to suggest that they take this to her cabin while she still had the ability to think somewhat rationally, when Liara ran a hand down her back and cupped her ass, pulling them together in such a way that made Shepard growl from the unexpected pressure on her clit.
"Please, Shepard. I need you to fill me," Liara murmured frantically beside Shepard's ear, using her free hand to drag the human's hand between her legs. Part of Shepard knew that this had to be Liara's hormones talking, but the willing warmth she felt was too tempting to resist. Trying to forget that she was taking advantage of Liara's situation and ignoring the uncomfortable way Liara's pants squeezed her hand, she slid two fingers inside of the asari with a quick, violent thrust. Liara's response was nothing but positive – a string of long moans and sighs as she began rocking against the heel of Shepard's hand.
"I shouldn't do this," the Commander said, mostly to herself, as her other hand lifted one of Liara's legs, hooking it around her waist and letting out a low grunt of exertion with each thrust. Part of her realized that she was being unnecessarily rough, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. She needed to take her mate, to have her, possess her, claim her body over and over with every push of her fingers - make sure that Liara could never forget her.
"God-dess – don't – stop –" Liara whimpered in time with Shepard's thrusts, sucking in frantic breaths of air that shuddered in the upper part of her chest. Both of them had lost control, but she couldn't find it in herself to care. She didn't even notice the uncomfortable way her back kept slamming against the wall, or the painful stretch of Shepard's fingers as they plundered her. When Liara realized that she wanted it to hurt, her arousal completely eclipsed the fear and embarrassment she might have felt otherwise. She even managed to rasp out a dry, throaty, "more..."
Shepard's teeth sank into her shoulder in a firm, possessive bite, clearly meant to mark her and display complete ownership. "Mine," she growled around the abused flesh, although the word was still clearly audible.
Liara couldn't stand it anymore. She Melded – quickly and unapologetically, unable to wait for permission. Being within Shepard was so indescribably wonderful, even when she was like this, consumed with pulses of red that pounded in her head and through her chest. Liara drank it in, reveled in it, became lost in the rhythm. She felt a momentary stab of guilt for awakening this beautiful sort of violence in Shepard before all higher thoughts shut down and all she could do was scream.
Through the red haze of the meld, Liara still managed to be astounded at how expertly Shepard manipulated her body. Perhaps the Joining was aiding her, or maybe she was relying on skills she had developed through years of experience, but Shepard seemed to know exactly where to position her thumb to coax the most pleasurable response from Liara without overstimulating her, and she automatically adopted the perfect tempo for her thrusts. Occasionally, she stopped the movement of her hand altogether and just curled her fingers, causing Liara's hips to jerk forward unevenly. Shepard liked that response - Liara could sense a spike of pride every time it happened.
Please, Shepard... Please, I need...
At first, Shepard couldn't tell what Liara wanted, but then she returned her focus to the Meld, her lips twitching up in a smile as she felt Liara's thoughts mixing with hers. Strangely, becoming one entity with Liara made her feel more like herself than anything else in the world. It only took a few seconds for her to figure out Liara's request. Even though she couldn't find the words to ask, she was broadcasting the image at the very front of her mind: the two of them, exactly as they were, pressed against the wall and rocking desperately into each other. There was only one difference...
Shepard reclaimed Liara's lips just as her lover finally recovered her ability to speak - at least in her head. Please - please kiss me...
It was not a gentle kiss, but Shepard knew that Liara didn't want gentleness this time. She wanted to burn, to lose herself, to forget everything that had already happened and would happen until there was nothing left but the two of them. Liara's mouth was soft and yielding under hers, just like the rest of her body, and Shepard sped up the motion of her thumb as she tugged on Liara's swollen lower lip with her teeth.
Even though she had melded with Liara days ago, Shepard was blown away by how powerful their connection was. She almost wished Liara could achieve release without the meld, because it was difficult to focus solely on her lover's body instead of the shadows of pleasure she received from her own ministrations, but she did her best. Kissing Liara helped her for a time, giving her something less intensely stimulating to concentrate on, but when she felt the telltale quivering of Liara's inner muscles, Shepard was helpless to stop her own answering pleasure.
She knew that Liara just needed that little extra push, so Shepard fucked her harder, using deeper thrusts and scraping her fingertips along Liara's sensitive inner wall as her thumb swiped roughly over the asari's hard clitoris. Shepard's own hips jerked at the more forceful touch as Liara's passion spiked and more sensations bled through the meld.
Liara whimpered when Shepard tore her lips away once again, but was mildly reassured when the Commander buried her face in Liara's warm, sweat-slicked neck. Shepard's breath came in short, harsh pants, and her increasingly loud grunts of exertion were nearly as exciting to Liara as what the Commander's fingers were doing between her legs. She clutched at the human's back, her nails digging into the soft skin through the Commander's shirt.
Shepard pushed on through the burning in her wrist, made all the more uncomfortable for the constricted space she was working in. Liara was so close – she was so close – and she didn't care about anything other than giving Liara that final push. She felt more volatile than she'd ever been before, even on the battlefield, more possessive towards Liara than she had ever been with anyone else. Before she could think any better of it, Shepard bit down on the pulse pounding in Liara's neck, leaving her mark and forcing her lover over into an all consuming orgasm, falling helplessly after Liara.
Liara still hadn't stopped trembling, nor had Shepard, when the Commander heard the hum of the elevator in the distance and suddenly realized that they were a few short minutes away from having company. Shepard was already berating herself for being inconsiderate enough to take Liara out in the open where anyone could come along and see them, but she felt a stab of pain wrench her gut when she pulled out of Liara, and the asari whimpered in pain. From the terrible ache in her forearm, Shepard knew she had been rough, and couldn't believe she had been so inconsiderate with someone who was so new to the joys of making love.
As carefully as she could manage while still being expedient, Shepard lowered Liara's feet to the ground and made sure the asari could support herself with the help of the wall at her back. She righted Liara's clothing as much as possible, hoping that no one would suspect what they had just been doing. Then, lifting her hand to Liara's cheek, Shepard gave the asari one last oh-so-gentle kiss that spoke volumes about her true feelings before pulling away. "I'm sorry," she whispered, pain coloring her voice and self-hatred swimming in her eyes, before striding away to meet the descending elevator.
