"Hawkeye..."
Hawkeye could feel the tears collecting in his eyes. There was finally a face to the voice he had only heard over phone calls in Korea.
"Hey, dad," he answered back with a smile.
Daniel stepped out onto the porch and embraced his son as if they were meeting once again after a lifetime of separation. Which is what it felt like.
"Three years, Hawkeye... they took you from me for three years."
Daniel let go and looked over Hawkeye's face. "You're not a little boy anymore."
Hawkeye chuckled, "I'm gone for three years and I come back feeling ancient."
Both were silent when they heard the wooden boards beneath them squeak. Daniel looked down behind him. Erica slowly walked over to Daniel with a little wobble in her step, the little eighteen month-old girl still not having completely polished motor skills.
Erica grabbed on to Daniel's pant leg in hopes of steadying her balance. "Nonno, up."
Daniel smiled and lifted her up in his arms. "Erica, look," he said, directing her attention to Hawkeye, "Remember papa? He's going to be staying with us now."
Hawkeye stared into her wide, dark eyes. They still had the same little sparkle from when he last saw her. She was much bigger now too, probably a little taller than two feet by now. Her dark brunette hair had grown out just above her little ears. And her cheeks were rosey as she gave Hawkeye a little smile.
"Can you say hello?"
She shook her head and rubbed at her eyes.
Hawkeye stared back, wanting to laugh, but instead feeling the anxiety cloud his mind as he remembered what Sidney had to say...
/scene/
They walked together though that grassy trail, further and further away from the festivities surrounding BJ and the little girl. Sidney wanted to talk to Hawkeye about everything that was happening, and Hawkeye just wanted to get away from that child... and that memory of the bus.
"I see that you seemed anxious back there, was it because of that kid?"
Hawkeye nodded and continued to walk along with Sidney.
"You're afraid because of what happened?"
Hawkeye nodded once again, "How else am I supposed to feel around that little girl when I know full well it's my fault that baby died?" He sighed and kicked at a pebble in front him, "So I'm afraid of children? It's probably best I keep my distance anyway, I-
Sidney came to a stop and looked Hawkeye in the eyes, "Hawkeye, it wasn't your fault. And there's no shame in feeling afraid after what you experienced."
Hawkeye nodded hesitantly and the two continued walking.
"How do you think you'll take it when you get home?"
"Good, good. I can't wait to go home... the end finally seems so near."
"Hawkeye, I meant with Erica."
Hawkeye hadn't thought about Erica since after the incident on the bus, which was odd since she was often on his mind.
"Erica?"
"You think you'll be able to handle taking care of a child after what happened?"
Hawkeye froze and looked over to Sidney, "I completely forgot about her until now," he had said.
/scene/
Sidney's question came back to him as he stood there, frozen, staring at his greatest fear, which also happened to be the daughter he promised to love and care for.
He was brought back to the present moment when Daniel chuckled, "Don't mind her, she's just a little shy. I'm sure if you spend some time with her she'll remember you in no time," he said, walking back to the door. "Why don't you bring your luggage in and get settled. I'll check the refrigerator and see what we got, I'm sure you're starved!"
Hawkeye nodded and took hold of his bag, taking in a deep breath of fresh air.
"Sidney, how am I supposed to look at her without remembering what happened? What if something goes wrong and she gets hurt because of me? It'll be the bus all over again! What if I ruin everything..."
*Authors Note*
A bit of research went into this chapter. It was pretty interesting learning about the developmental milestones of infants and toddlers. Plus the name Nonno, Italian for grandpa (I believe a number of others in the fandom have headcannoned Hawkeye's background as Italian, or is that just me?).
