A/N: I don't know how I feel about this chapter at all. It's definitely not exactly what I wanted it to be, but I also didn't want to keep putting off writing it. Feel free to be honest with criticisms or suggestions, I'm very open to it!
Also, the sexual tension will become more eminent soon- along with more of Blair's POV to come!
Dan floats through the party, literally floats.
He has way too many glasses of champagne to prepare for his awkward encounters with Serena and now he feels light as a feather walking through the back yard.
He briefly remembers talking to Jenny about her shoes leaving blisters on her heels and he wondered for a good fifteen minutes how one walks on blisters especially in a public venue.
"Humphrey! I told you two drink limit." Blair's voice is as sobering as it annoying.
"Chill," He throws an arm around her shoulder, "wait…Chill? When did I become Nate Archibald?"
Blair looks less than amused and a small part of him is sort of embarrassed for getting so drunk at Serena's grandmother's house. He runs a hand through his hair a few times and takes a deep breath.
"I should go find Serena."
"Find some water first." she retorts and leaves him standing next to the fountain by himself.
He could swear he'd looked in every room of the house before he finds her.
Serena wears a flowy pale coral dress with ornately decorated white sandals on her feet. She surprisingly looks more sober than him, which is probably why she also looks so discontented.
"Hey," he says quietly as he sits down next to her, "I've been looking for you."
"Cece let me design this room exactly how I wanted it when I was twelve."
Her eyes stay on the floor and Dan looks around at the sea blue walls with a white beaded silk comforter. Sea shells rest on every table in the room and he wonders if Serena was born in the wrong area of the world. Sometimes it seemed she was always meant to be lost at sea.
"You had immaculate taste for a twelve year old."
He hears her snort a laugh, but it's nothing like he's ever heard from her before. There is something so disengaged about it. His eyes start to burn and he rubs them quickly before any moisture can form.
"Speaking of immaculate taste," she briefly looks up at him, "what are you wearing?"
"I actually have no idea." The suit coat comes off soon after and he rolls up the sleeves of his shirt.
"Listen Dan, I-"
"I'm so sorry," he cuts her off, "I hate seeing you like this. I hate knowing that I'm the cause of you being like this. If there is anything I can do to make this better, just please-"
"I'm still in love with you," she cuts him off next, for good measure.
"What?" It's probably the worst thing he could say in response, but it's all he has. The champagne is starting to wear off and a pulsing headache is forming in its place.
"I'm so hurt by what you did and yet I can't stop being in love with you and I hate myself for it. It hurts that much more."
Dan pulls her against his side but she quickly shoves him away.
"No, Dan," a surprising amount of strength comes into her voice at that moment, "you can't keep up this epic hero complex."
He realizes that there's absolutely nothing he can say to make this better. Blair was right, she's still in love with him…but she doesn't want to be.
He remembers the night he found himself in bed with Georgina, at the time, Sarah. She had mumbled romantic things in his ear, things that he had so desperately needed to hear from Serena. He had shoved three fingers in the brunette just to make her shut up.
"I love you," he says softly and she says, "I don't care."
For a moment, he wonders if it would have benefitted him to bring up puppies or Nate's hair.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Dan sits in one of the lawn chairs outside with a full tumbler of whiskey. Every gulp burns the entire way down and he tries to resist the cringe.
"I'm guessing it didn't go well," she sits down primly on the end of his chair and crosses her legs.
"It went splendidly," his mouth rests in a flat line before he takes another sip of his drink.
"Stop drinking or I'll have to call you pathetic," Blair grabs the glass out of his hand and downs the remainder of whiskey.
There's silence for a few moments so Dan asks, "Can I talk about the Clinton administration yet?"
She presses her lips together firmly, resisting a smile and stands up.
"Find me when you're ready to talk."
With that, she's gone.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Lily shakes Dan's shoulder somewhere in the evening and he jumps awake.
"I think it's time for you to go home, Daniel. You've fallen asleep three times now."
Only Lily would correct getting unmistakably drunk and passing out to 'falling asleep.'
"Right, is Blair still here?"
He justifies this being the first question he asks because she was his ride.
"She left an hour ago. Is there something you need?"
"I…I uh, I don't know." He stumbles over his words, then over his own feet as he rises.
Lily had already called him a cab back to Brooklyn, but he asks the driver to bring him to the corner of 5th Ave and 72nd St instead.
Somehow, whether it be luck, fate, destiny, etc., the doorman remembers who he is and lets him in the elevator without question.
When it dings on her floor it startles his drunken haze and he stands up straighter before walking through the parting doors.
"Humphrey?" so she sounds annoyed, but if he were to listen closely he could probably hear a hint of concern in her voice.
He stands in the foyer as she walks down the stairs in a cream colored silk robe and crosses her arms when she meets him face to face.
"You told me to find you when I wanted to talk," he lets out a deep breath and kicks his foot around on the tile, "I want to talk."
"Come on," her voice is soft as she guides him up to her room.
He lays on his back on the floor and she sits cross legged on her bed looking down at him. In some ways, he feels like the girl at the end of the hallway.
"She hates herself for being in love with me," even as he says the words he realizes just how awful it sounds, "she still loves me but she doesn't want to at all. Do you know how that feels?"
"To hate myself for loving someone… or have someone hate themselves for loving me?"
"Either" he says quietly.
"Yes," her voice is just above a whisper, "to both questions."
There's a candle lit on Blair's night stand and it causes her face to have such a glow that he steals glances at her whenever he thinks she's not looking.
"Nate?"
"No," she closes her eyes and he forces himself not to inquire more.
"She looked beautiful tonight," Dan says and then wishes he hadn't, because it shows there's still a part of him that loves her so much more than he cares to admit to anyone, especially Blair Waldorf.
"She always does."
"Yeah."
Blair falls asleep shortly after and he stares at the ceiling until it stops spinning and his eye lids get heavy. He thinks about how wrong it is that he's sleeping on Blair Waldorf's bedroom floor until he passes out for the fourth time that night.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Wake up, you're annoying me."
One of Blair's fingers continually pokes him roughly in the side.
"Jesus, I'm up. How is it that I annoy you even when I'm asleep?"
"Because I don't want you here."
If she wants to talk about annoying she should look in the mirror. It's 8 a.m. on a Saturday and she's already showered, dressed, with her hair and make up perfectly done.
"Fine, I'm leaving."
Conveniently, his clothes are all still on his body, besides the missing suit coat that he's pretty sure he left at Cece's. As he stands to leave, she grabs his arm so gently that he almost can't feel it.
"She needs time."
He knows she's right, so he just nods and says thanks.
"You're not the worst."
Dan doesn't turn around when he hears her voice, he doesn't want her to see the smile on his face.
"Neither are you." Even if she can't see it, she can probably hear it.
He gets down to the foyer when he notices she's standing on top of the stairs still watching him and then she says,
"Serena's gonna be staying here for awhile. She can't live in a house occupied by Bassholes. We'll have to do some of the counseling at your place."
"You know that means Brooklyn."
"Yes."
"My dad's on tour and Jenny's leaving for Hudson this afternoon."
"Why are you still talking?"
These days, Dan finds himself asking that question in his head more and more.
"I don't know, what if you decide to murder me and no one's there to hear it?"
Even from the bottom of the stairs, Dan can see the devilish glint in Blair's eyes when she replies,
"I've always wanted to hear a Humphrey scream."
