Quick AN: There is a pronunciation guide at the bottom of this chapter for Gwaine & Merlin's children's names (and meanings if you're curious).
This whole story was inspired heavily by the Evanescence song "Missing"
I had intended this to be a 3 part story but it looks like it's going to run on for at least one more chapter. Sometimes these things take on a life of their own. I think I can wrap it up in the next chapter, if not, it definitely won't run any longer than 5 chapters total.
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters contained in here. I also don't own any of the lyrics to "Missing" (written by David Hodges, Amy Lee & Ben Moody) some of which appear in Part II. If you'd like to see the original lyrics they are available at any lyric site on the net. I personally prefer Metrolyrics since I've never gotten a virus while visiting that site.
Something Missing-Part III
by Nightfox
The small sip of golden fluid seemed to explode on Arthur's tongue as his mind, heart and soul were overwhelmed by a tidal wave of repressed memories and emotions. He fell to the floor shaking violently and stayed there for God knows how long. It felt like an eternity to the King. He remembered, he remembered! He hadn't expected it would be like this. He'd been so hollow and so empty for so long he hadn't the capacity to imagine what that small swallow of the shimmering potion could do to him. He thought he might just die from all the emotion swelling and surging through him like a tidal wave. It felt like it would split him open from the inside out. It hurt, God how it hurt!
A name echoed louder and louder inside him merlin, Merlin, MERLIN! He couldn't contain it, he began screaming Merlin's name aloud as he rolled around on the floor writhing with the anguish of his restored memories and emotions. Images, visions, sounds, and even scent memories assailed him. Most agonizing of all though, he could feel his skin under Arthur's fingers, pressed against his own naked, sweat slicked flesh. He remembered Merlin's flavor on his tongue, that honey sweet, spicy flavor that only a creature of magic could possibly possess. His lover had always had an elusive, ephemeral scent to him as well. He never stank of sweat, smoke, ale or any of the other ordinary smells that clung to human skin. He'd always smelled of forests and herbs and that same addictive spiced honey was present in his scent as well as his flavor..
It was as if all the little torn edges and left-over strands that had so puzzled and confused him over the years were now shorn completely off. They didn't leave oblivion in their place but a raw gaping hole in his soul where Merlin used to be. All ten years of his lover's absence hit Arthur at once. It was too much. He screamed again, then passed out completely. He was laid out next to the delicate rosewood desk that had held Gwen's secrets for so long. That desk was so like her, pretty, delicate, elegant and so harmless looking while containing within it a dark, vicious and twisted secret. The means to bring a king to his knees and break him.
Almost 150 leagues away Arthur's distress tripped a signal in a ward that had been placed unknowingly around the High King. Within minutes Atlantic blue eyes were gazing down into a large, shallow silver bowl filled with the purest of crystalline water. Under that watchful sapphirine gaze, Arthur writhed on the floor of what appeared to be one of the Queen's chambers (if his memory was correct). There was no obvious reason visible for the blond man's anguish. He did not appear to be physically injured. He lay on the floor next to a small writing desk on which sat an open letter and what looked like wax broken from the small cork that lay next to the letter. Another piece of parchment was clenched in Arthur's left hand and a minuscule glass vial lay empty on the floor close to his open right hand. The vial, I wonder what was in it?
Unable to determine the source of the Warrior-King's ringing distress, the black haired sorcerer concentrated for a moment and reached out with his mind. The druid on the receiving end wasn't as good at projecting thoughts as she was at receiving them so the only response the warlock got was a vague "?". It was enough, she was listening.
"It's the King, something is wrong, I can't tell what but he is down on the floor in one of the Queen's chambers. He was screaming something a moment ago but I couldn't make it out. He looks unconscious now. Go to him immediately."
When he saw the Court Sorceress reach Arthur's side, he widened the scope of his scrying until he was above the city itself. He noted crowds gathering in clumps around the Criers in both the upper and lower towns. He concentrated on one of those knots of citizens to hear what news could possibly draw crowds of that size and intensity.
"...against the King. If ether the former Queen Guinevere or the former Knight, Lancelot are seen in Camelot after sunset tomorrow by any citizen, that citizen is legally bound to inform the nearest guard post or patrol or any other figure of Crown authority in the vicinity. Neither is to be offered succor or support of any kind. Any citizen caught lending aid to either of these outlaws shall be executed as well. Every hand is to be turned against them; every door is to be closed. From this moment hence both are declared legally dead in the country of Camelot. If either are found to return here, they are to be executed immediately so that their legal death will become an actuality.
He shifted focus again, back to the palace and Gwen's rooms. Mairead was with Arthur now, he seemed to have regained consciousness but was still on the floor curled in the fetal position both squares of parchment clenched in his fists. He seemed to be sobbing uncontrollably.
"Mairead!" He called to the druid with his mind. She looked up, as she knew that would be his vantage point. "Is this to do with the Queen's departure? Did she harm him further, after she was already gone? Was it a trap?"
The Court Sorceress looked frustrated by her inability to communicate directly with the more powerful warlock. She leaned down and grasped both of the King's wrists and shook them, then attempted to draw one or the other documents from his hands but he would not let go of either. She looked back up to where she knew those sapphire eyes were gazing down on her and simply shrugged. She made a hand signal indicating she would send a message to him later in the day when she had a better idea of what was wrong with Arthur.
"All right, I will leave him in your capable hands and wait for your investigation." He paused a moment,"Please take care of him...you know, I mean extra care."
The flame haired woman simply nodded and then returned her attention to the King, directing men to lift him gently from the floor. They bore their burden carefully from the room. Maired leaned down and picked up the tiny glass vial that lay abandoned on the floor and also the discarded cork and scraps of red wax from the desk top. As she turned to leave the room, she heard one more unnecessary instruction, "Please, I know I shouldn't say it but I must, please keep his collapse as close a secret as you can. Thank you."
The ivory-skinned warlock leaned away from the bowl and let out a loud sigh. Poor Arthur, he gave up everything in return for nothing. Poor, proud, stubborn prat.
An hour later Merlin was settled in the middle of the huge Royal Bed, cuddling little Myfanwy in his arms, having just fed her when Gwaine burst into the room.
"She left Arthur, just disappeared with Lancelot in the middle of the night! Can you believe that?"
"I assume you're talking about Gwen?"
"Yes. Did you already know?"
The sorcerer-turned King-Consort of Lothian & Orkney simply nodded his head.
"How long have you known?"
"I sensed a great disturbance in my wards on the King and I scried both him and the whole city. It wasn't hard to put together, especially once the Criers began pronouncing it."
"Didn't think it important enough to tell me about it?"
"This is the first I've seen of you since I found out."
"Ah, sorry. It just came as a bit of a shock to me . She left two days ago, why were you just sensing the disturbance now?"
Merlin could read minds when he truly wanted to but he didn't need that particular power to see what was really bothering his husband. It wasn't shock, it was fear.
"I'm not sure why Arthur was so disturbed today as opposed to two days ago. Perhaps it was a case of delayed reaction," he paused for a moment, waiting patiently for Gwaine to meet his penetrating blue gaze, "You needn't worry, Love. I'll never leave you for him. Don't you know that by now?"
Gwaine's shoulders visibly drooped. His voice was low when he admitted, "I know that in my head but my heart still fears sometimes. You were so in love with him back then. I never in my wildest dreams thought you could love me like that. I've never felt worthy of it."
"Come here."
The former rogue came around their bed and climbed in beside Merlin and their youngest child. Merlin settled the lovely infant on the other side of his body and pulled Gwaine close and held him tight.
"You are far more than merely "worthy" of my love. It's me who's the lucky one. You've stood by my side and supported me through some of the most perilous and unhappy times of my life. You stayed with me when I was too blind to see you for the treasure that you are. You never said a word against me when I pined for someone who consistently treated me like an idiot even as he said he loved me. You came after me when he tossed me aside like picked over garbage. Your love never wavered or cracked. You never reached for your own happiness at anyone else's expense. You never pressed any advantage. You patiently waited until the scales fell from my eyes of their own accord and finally I saw you. After that, there was no going back for me, Gwaine. There never can be; I love you with all of my heart and soul. I just wish I'd figured that out a little sooner."
He sealed these words with a kiss so full of passion and devotion that the disquiet in Gwaine's heart dissipated and was gone. When they finally dragged their lips from each other's, Gwaine spoke.
"I believe you, Love and I understand that you still have a duty toward him. We both do. I swore an oath to be his loyal vassal and am bound to serve his needs as much as you are. To serve the needs of Albion. I'll do my best not to let my fears effect my actions. Just know that my first allegiance is to you and our children. Arthur may be High King and we may both be sworn to remain his faithful servants but I will never put him before you."
"Nor I, you. Yes, I still watch over him but it's been nothing more than duty for so many years now. He has nothing to offer me that I could ever want. I have you, the most wonderful man in all of Albion to love. You have given me 4 beautiful, talented, brilliant children. I have everything I've ever wanted right here. We still serve and always will but I promise you, it will never be to the detriment of our family." He kissed Gwaine again, just a gentle nip of his lower lip, "I am not your father."
At that slight rebuke, Gwaine gave Merlin his rogue's smile. "Thank God for that or this marriage of ours would really be breaking taboo! It's bad enough as it is!"
Merlin grinned and gave his husband one final hug before letting go and gathering their three month old daughter into his arms again.
"Do you think her eyes may be starting to turn brown?"
Gwaine peered at her tiny, lovely face.
"Nope, she's going to have your eyes too."
Merlin sighed, "I'd hoped at least one of them would have your beautiful doe eyes."
"Oi! I do not have doe eyes. Only women have doe eyes!" His voice dropped low, husky and seductive before he said, "I have bedroom eyes." He stared up through long lashes at Merlin from where he reclined next to him on the bed. "And frankly, I don't want my daughter inheriting them. She'll be much better off with your big blue, wide-eyed innocent look. Men will be vying with each other to be her protector. Just like the boys already are for Eirawen."
"She's only 6 years old! Shouldn't they still be at that "girls have cooties" stage?"
"Well, they should be but apparently your looks in feminine form begin to make even small girl-hating boys want to run out and slay dragons for her." Merlin couldn't help but smile at this.
"And it's not as if she encourages this behavior in any way...?"
It was now Gwaine's turn to laugh. "Oh no, not our girl. Just one more trait she picked up from you."
"Me? I've never done any such thing."
"No, you probably never did anything on purpose but it's true, Love. There is something about you that makes almost everyone who meets you want to step between you and danger." Gwaine reached up and traced a thumb across one high, prominent cheek bone. "It's certainly the first emotion you stirred in me. That's why I came to your aid that very first time." He paused, smiling as he remembered that epic tavern brawl. "Then, when I first saw you smile at me, I was a lost cause ever after. It's a trait that I'm glad our children have inherited. It will make all of Lothian wish to keep them safe and happy. What could be safer than to have a few thousand unofficial guardians?"
Merlin just shook his head at Gwaine's teasing. He didn't realize it wasn't teasing at all, that every word of it was true. All four of their children had inherited Merlin's huge sapphire eyes and high, prominent cheekbones. Otherwise, their eldest, Cynferth looked mostly like Gwaine, his coloring, his huskier build. He was only eight years old but each day that passed saw him looking more and more like his father, the King. The other three, even baby Myfanwy, were the image of Merlin. At least the girls seemed to have avoided inheriting his ridiculous ears but their second son, Ianto, even at the tender age of three was already developing what would likely turn out to be the same out-sized ears Merlin had sported his whole life.
They'd named little Eirawen for her lovely coloring. Even as he acknowledged that she looked "a bit" like him, Merlin thought she would grow up into a girl of such beauty it would be difficult to keep the wolves at bay. Good God, he thought he'd at least have a few more years before the boys began to queue for her attention but it looked like she was as much an early bloomer in this respect as she was in every other. All of their children were born with magic, just like Merlin. However, even two years younger than Cynferth she was already outstripping him in power and ability. It certainly made the young prince grind his teeth in irritation every time she bested him with magic. The boy certainly had more than enough power and talent of his own to guarantee he'd likely grow into the kind of King few other monarchs would dare to trifle with. However, their eldest child very obviously found it galling that his younger sibling and a girl at that was more magically powerful than he was.
Life in the castle could have easily gone to chaos and mayhem with three (now four) magically gifted children when both of their parents had heavy claims on their time. Like a blessing, they had been able to persuade three druids to give up their wandering way of life in the forests of Lothian (where they'd been welcomed with open arms by the restored King and his magical Consort) to come live in the castle and undertake the education and oversight of each child. Eventually they would need to try and persuade yet another to come forth and help with Myfanwy but for now, Merlin kept her with him at all times so as to keep her powers under control for her. He had done the same for the first year of each of their children's lives.
Merlin was pulled back to the present by Gwaine's next question.
"So how is Arthur taking it? You said you scried the situation when you felt the disturbance in his wards."
"Not well at all, I'm afraid. When I was able to focus on him, I found him laying curled up on the floor in her room sobbing his heart out. There was a letter clutched in his hand. Perhaps that was the cause for the delayed reaction. Perhaps he'd just received the missive from her. I don't really know, he wasn't speaking, just crying terribly."
The Lothian King frowned."I never would have thought she'd do something like that. She always seemed so...faithful and gentle."
"She is! Or at least she used to be. What do I know anymore though? She stopped answering any of my letters after our marriage. Never could figure out why."
Gwaine looked at Merlin, marveling at how he could still, even after all this time be so oblivious to his own powerful charisma. How he drew people to love him as easily as he drew breath into his lungs. The most powerful sorcerer in all of Albion and Gwaine still had to keep reminding him he wasn't responsible for keeping their chambers clean and overseeing all of Gwaine's personal effects himself. He still seemed to see himself as an insignificant servant and Gwaine had never been able to get him to see himself for the wondrous creature he was.
Sometimes he thought the man would still prefer to don the simple, coarse tunics and breeches he'd spent most of his life wearing. However, as consort to a King, even one as relaxed as Gwaine, he needed to dress the part. It had taken a few months before Merlin admitted that the finer clothes were "a bit softer and more comfortable against the skin". He was still the same sweet, humble man that Gwaine had fallen so hard for and for that the king thanked every star in the sky. Power and prestige had not corrupted his beloved.
Author's Note:
I picked Welsh names for Merlin and Gwaine's children for several reasons. One reason was that many of the earliest tales of Arthur came from Welsh myth and legend, another reason is that as I researched names, Gawain turned out to be of Welsh origin (at least according to my on-line research). As I mentioned in the AN at the bottom of Part I, originally Gawain's mother was Arthur's sister, so that would make him half Welsh (while we are assuming for the purpose of this story Arthur & Camelot were situated somewhere in Wales). I also ran across Merlyn as a unisex Welsh name meaning "sea fort". Spelled with an "i" instead of a "y" you get the name of the smallest bird in the hawk family. I've stuck to the spelling used in the TV show, as I have with Gwaine and Gwen's names as well. Anyway, I digress. Here is a pronunciation guide for each child's name and the name's meaning as well. If any of these are incorrect, I apologize in advance, I was using a list of Welsh baby names.
Cynferth (KIN verth) meaning "Beautiful Chief" (age 8)
Eirawen (EYE rah wen) meaning "Snow White" (age 6)
Ianto* (YAN toe) meaning "God is Gracious" (age 3)
Myfanwy (mihVAN wee) meaning "My Little Lovely One" (age 3 months)
* I will admit to being a Torchwood fan and thus slipped this one name in here as a tribute to a lost and beloved character from that show. It is a Welsh name so don't judge me too harshly for it ;-)
P.S. Yes, there will be a face-to-face for Arthur & Merlin coming up. Even I don't know what's going to be said or done, this story has definitely taken hold of its own reins and I am holding on for dear life!
Reviews are GREATLY appreciated!
