Season 2, Episode 7

Story 20: Behind the Scenes

Chapter 3: Answers

Arthur stood outside of Merlin's cell, not making a sound for several minutes. He didn't know what to say to break the silence.

"I can hear your breathing. You might as well get this over with," Merlin called from the shadows.

Arthur forced aside his nerves and unlocked Merlin's door. He felt like his skin was trying to crawl off his body as he neared Merlin.

As his eyes adjusted, he saw Merlin was sitting on the bench that was on the far side of the cell. His hands were clasped in a manner akin to praying. It was difficult to look at him and see a lethal sorcerer. He looked exactly the same as he had before.

"Why?" Arthur found himself asking before he had consciously made the decision to talk.

"Why what?" Merlin asked.

"Why do you practice magic? Why would you do that when you know how I feel about it? And did you teach Morgana? Are you the reason she knows magic?" Arthur asked. His anger was bubbling just below the surface, waiting for the right trigger to explode.

"Do you think I want to be this way?" Merlin asked him, his head snapping up to meet his eyes. "Do you think that I would choose to put myself in danger if I didn't have to? I didn't choose to practice magic. Magic chose me and I did the best I could with it. Do you know what it's like to be born a monster? To hear every day that what you are is wrong. I left home because it became too much, too many people. I thought I was coming somewhere safe, but I was in more danger than ever. And I couldn't leave, because you have an uncanny ability to put yourself in near death situations and it's my job to protect you." Merlin stopped talking to catch his breath.

Arthur stared at him. "Protect me?" Arthur asked.

"You have no idea how many times you've almost died. I've saved your life so many times I've lost count," Merlin muttered.

"Lost count," Arthur repeated. He tried to think back to when he could've almost died. Several instances popped into his head. He was shocked by how many pieces just fell into place. "Cedric?" He guessed. It was something Arthur had puzzled over, trying to figure out why he had just stopped his attack on Camelot.

"Among others," Merlin told him with a shrug.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Arthur asked. It was the root of his anger. He trusted Merlin and all the time, he had been studying magic behind his back.

"How could I?" Merlin asked him. "Put yourself in my shoes. If I were an arrogant prince who preached the evils of magic and condemned men to death for it, would you tell me?"

"Arrogant?" Arthur asked insulted.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "When I found out about Morgana's magic, there were two people I worked hard to help her hide it from. You and your father," Merlin told him. "Because you were the two people that I most feared."

"But why? What have I done to earn your fear?" Arthur asked.

"What haven't you done?" Merlin demanded. "What have you ever done to give me reason to believe that you wouldn't have me beheaded or burned at the stake the moment you found out? You have no idea what it is like to have to pretend to be nothing more than your manservant when all the while I am the reason you are alive."

"Then stop pretending!" Arthur said. His anger had long been diffused, but it was stirring again. "Stop pretending to be my simple-minded manservant and show me who you really are!"

Merlin jumped to his feet. "This is who I really am!" He shouted, spreading his arms out. "I am the man who goes to bed long after the sun sets and wakes long before it rises to make sure that all of your needs are attended to. I am the man that spends countless hours studying a spell book just to find out that I'm still not good enough, that I will never be good enough to change your mind. This is who I am Arthur. I'm the same man you've known all along. My magic doesn't change that."

"How can you say that?" Arthur asked. "How can you say magic doesn't change you?"

"If I need to answer that, then you will never understand it," Merlin told him softly. "I'm tired Arthur. I'm tired of pretending, of hiding who I am. I'm tired of hearing that magic is evil so I must be evil. I'm just tired. I'm not going to justify who I am. I was born like this and I'm tired of being ashamed. So if your goal is to get me to confess that I am an evil creature that would love to see Camelot fall, you're just going to have to accept the same disappointment that I feel every day."

With those words Merlin sat back down. Arthur felt like he should say something, anything to diffuse the tension that had sprung up between them, but there was nothing he could say. He wasn't ready to accept that magic was a force for good – he wasn't sure that he ever would be. This put him and Merlin in drastically different places.

Arthur walked out, securing the door behind him. He didn't know what he had hoped to gain from that conversation, but he felt like he had moved backwards. He absent mindedly roamed the castle. It was still early, but Arthur felt exhausted.

The events of that morning made him feel like he had done an entire days-worth of things. Arthur rubbed the fatigue from his eyes and made his way towards Morgana's chambers.

He knocked and wasn't surprised when Gwen answered the door. He was surprised when Gwen announced that Morgana wasn't there. "Where is she?" He asked her uncertainly.

"I imagine she's visiting Merlin," Gwen told him with a shrug. She saw no reason to keep hiding their relationship. Morgana had announced it to everyone, so it really shouldn't have surprised Arthur.

Arthur went right back towards the prison. Sure enough, as he descended the stairs to the cells, he could see Morgana standing outside of Merlin's cell. He couldn't hear what they were saying until he got to the bottom of the staircase.

"I won't allow you to do this," Merlin warned.

"It's my decision to make," Morgana told him softly. "How long do you think I'll last in Camelot without you? I'll start to go crazy. It'll be like last time."

"It won't be like last time," Merlin told her quietly. "Last time you didn't know what was happening to you. You were setting curtains on fire and making vases explode. Now you know how to control it."

"And what of my visions? I no more know how to control those than you do. They will return when you are gone," Morgana pointed out.

"You've always had nightmares. The king will suspect nothing," Merlin told her gently. "You'll be okay. Better than okay without me. I just complicate things."

"I refuse to stay here without you," Morgana told him. "Besides, Arthur knows I have magic. I showed him."

"Damn it Morgana. Why did you have to tell him?" Merlin asked furiously.

"Because I know what you refuse to admit. My life is meaningless without you in it. You saw my future. Without you, that future will come to pass," Morgana told him. "I don't want that to happen. I don't want to know what needs to happen to me to cause that, but I have no doubt that without you it is likely. I want to be with you."

"And I you, but I cannot provide for you. You will be leaving here with nothing, do you understand that? You'll have the clothes on your back, but nothing more. We'll be living in the woods. It won't be easy," Merlin warned her.

"I don't need easy. I just need you," Morgana said sincerely. "Do you remember what you said to me, when you first started courting me?"

"I hardly think sneaking around in the dark of the night counts as courting you," Merlin commented dryly.

"Do you remember what you said?" Morgana repeated. Merlin looked at the ground. He remembered. "You said that one day, you would take me away from here. That we would get married and you would build us a house for our children. We would live off the land, both of us free at last."

Merlin was silent for a long moment. "Are you sure you are ready for that? It's a big step to take," Merlin told her. "You would be giving up everything."

"Everything means nothing if I don't have you. I'm ready. I've been ready for a long time now," Morgana told him. "The only reason I haven't pushed it was because I understood your duty to Arthur. But now, there's nothing."

Merlin pulled something off, something that had been hanging around his neck. Arthur couldn't see what it was. "This was my mother's. She gave it to me when we all went to Ealdor. I think she knew, even then, that I cared for you. She gave it to me just in case. Will you take it?" Merlin's gaze was glued to Morgana's. "Will you m-"

Merlin's words were cut off by Morgana flinging her arms around him. "Yes," she whispered before she kissed him. "A million times yes."

"I know this isn't the most romantic setting," Merlin said sheepishly.

"It couldn't have been more perfect," Morgana assured him.

The final piece of the puzzle fell into place as Morgana slipped something around her finger. Arthur didn't need light to know it was a ring. He realized that Merlin just proposed.

"You can come out now Arthur," Merlin called. Arthur's jaw nearly fell. How did he always know that he was there?

"Arthur?" Morgana asked surprised. Arthur stepped out from his hiding place and walked towards them. "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you. We need to finalize our plans for tonight," Arthur told her. He was pointedly avoiding Merlin's gaze.

"There's not much to tell. I am going to tell Uther once I leave here. I just wanted to give Merlin warning before I got dragged in here by the knights," Morgana explained. "The rest is up to you. You know Camelot better than anyone. You know how to get us out of here safely. Once we're outside of the gates, Merlin and I can do the rest. We only need your assistance getting out of the city."

Arthur nodded. "I can do that, but what will you tell my father?" He asked her.

"You leave that to me. I'm going to do it after supper though. He will be in there reading grain reports and destroying lives, so I can't think of a better time to interrupt," Morgana told him. "And you will be with him, which will give you the perfect excuse to escort me to the dungeons and fill us in on what needs to be done. Then we orchestrate our escape."

"You make it sound so simple," Merlin said with a small smile.

"Coming from the man whose escape plan was to not die," Morgana teased.

"I thought it was a good plan," Merlin told her.

Arthur watched them go back and forth. At first he hadn't been able to wrap his head around the idea of Merlin and Morgana as a couple, but now he saw it. The affection they had towards one another was obvious.

Morgana sighed. "I suppose I should be going. I'll see you soon, she promised him." She stepped outside of his cell and Merlin magically re-locked the door.

Arthur and Morgana ascended the stairs to leave the prison. Arthur had to give Morgana credit. Just a moment ago, she had been crying, but now you could scarcely tell.

"Thank you Arthur. This means a lot to me, to us," Morgana told him seriously.

Arthur nodded curtly, his nerves on edge because of what he had agreed to do. "I will see you when it is time for you to confess," he told her. He walked away without another word. What was he getting himself into?