A/N: I am thankful for the support that I have been getting. Rhonda's here this time! BTW, who do you guys wanna see next? Timberly is set for chapter six.
Dear Fanfiction writers,
Once I heard about this site, I took a few hours out of my day just to read about it.
There were some things that I liked, and others that I absolutely hated! I decided to take my precious time to write you this entire private letter, so you had better read it!
For the things that I hated, let us start with my role in your stories. As many of you know, I do not usually have a main role in your stories. Did you know that I had to spend five minutes searching for a story where I was the main character? Since there are clearly more than one thousand stories on this site, I was surprised to find that there were less than one hundred where I were a main character!
What is wrong with you people? I am Rhonda Wellington Lloyd! My daddy is rich and I am obliviously going to be the prettiest fifth-grader next year! Since all of this is true, why are my roles so very small in your stories? In fact, sometimes, I'm just mentioned. Just mentioned. Umm… are you guys forgetting that I'm absolutely freaking rich? You know, I had the most expensive toy car when I was four compared to my friends' cars? No? Ugh!
And when you do give me a role as either a main character or a supporting character, most of the time I'm a mean girl! Fashionable, yes, and I'm pleased about that (I'll talk more about it later), but I would never hurt anyone for no reason. You guys make me out to be a character that no one likes, yet you'll sympathize with a bully like Helga. I'll get more into her later, too.
Then there's how you portray my friendship with Nadine. A few of you don't keep us as friends in the future, or if we are, you describe her as my sidekick. There's a difference between a sidekick and a friend. Nadine is my friend. We do things together equally and have fun. We've been best friends since preschool! Phoebe is obliviously Helga's sidekick. They don't do things together equally, and even though Helga is admittedly softer on Phoebe than she is on someone like Harold, I hardly ever see them having fun together. It's just Phoebe following Helga. I believe that Nadine and I will stay friends for life, thank you very much!
Now onto Helga and the many fics about her. Helga is a nobody compared to someone like me. I'm Rhonda Lloyd, and she's Helga Pataki. I'm rich and she's just middle class. I'm pretty and she… ugh! Don't get me started on her. The girl needs a makeover. Despite all of this, Helga gets a bigger role in stories than I do. Everyone's willing to write me as a rude girl, yet they write her as the bully that you sympathize with.
She's a BULLY! Can't you see that? And I'm Rhonda Lloyd! I don't see how you can sympathize with a bully but I'm supposed to be evil. When have I ever done anything that is THAT wrong! Never, that's right! I'm starting to think that the only reason why you guys sympathize with Helga is because you're bullies yourselves! If not, then you… ugh!
I'm sorry. I blew a fuse there. I really want to stop there, I do, but I need to continue. This is just critique to help you based on how I feel. If I don't tell you, then you won't stop. You all need to hear this and really get the idea lodged into your brains.
Now onto who you guys put me with as a couple. Since I just practically yelled at you, I'll start with one of my preferred people to be with.
I love fanfiction where I'm paired with Arnold. Don't tell anyone this, but I've had a small crush on him since he helped Nadine and I be friends again. I saw a lot more fics with us together than I thought I would. Since Arnold's cute, I hope that your fanfiction could come true and maybe I could date him some day.
A few of you pair me with Sid. Gross. Sid is an anxiety freak with absolutely no fashion sense. Those boots are so last year! We would not be a cute couple, so get the idea out of your heads.
Now onto the, unfortunately, most popular pairing not only with fanfiction but with fanart; me and Curly. Since I think Sid is an anxiety freak, then get prepared for what I have to say about this couple.
I don't like-like Curly, let alone like him. He's a freak who's a stalker and Rhonda Lloyd hates stalkers. We will not date. Ever. He's sick. Mentally sick. The kid needs help. I mean… he's Curly and I'm Rhonda! I like hot nice guys like Arnold. Not Curly. You guys must be sick, too.
The idea of us together is even creepier than the idea of Helga and Arnold together.
I don't know where you guys got that one from. I mean, she shoots spitballs at him. Spitballs. I guess I can forgive you for writing me as a mean girl since apparently you guys think that Helga is in love with Arnold and writes poetry about him. Once I read about that, I decided that you guys are insane. Really. She's claimed to hate him more than once. I don't doubt her intelligence since I know that she does well on tests, although her poetry probably wouldn't be that good.
Oh, great. Now I'm probably going to be spying on Helga Pataki for the weekend trying to figure out if what you guys write on her is true or not. Looks like my weekend will be wasted.
Even if she were in love with him, then who's to say that he'd return her feelings? They wouldn't be a good couple. They'd probably argue until the windows broke. Plus, Helga's absolutely ugly with that unibrow and her lack of fashion sense, while Arnold is h – o – t!
I think that Gerald and Phoebe would make a cute couple. I've never thought of them before, but they could work.
Brainy and Lila? Eh, I still think you guys are insane, but it's your job to pair together who you'd like to pair.
Before I go into the last of the things that I like, let me tell you something. I don't like-like girls, especially not Helga. Some of you guys seem to think that we'd make a good pair, but no. NO. Just, no. That's almost worse than being with Curly.
One of the things that I like is how you always let me keep my fashion sense. No fic ever writes me as an ugly girl. I'm always the beauty, and I love that. Sometimes I even get the hot, rich, guy.
I also like how no one ever mentions that horrible incident with glasses. It hurts me just to even think about it.
Let me wrap that up. I hope that you guys understand and that there are no hard feelings. This is just a critique. You know, what you guys could improve on. I'm not trying to insult most of you. In fact, some of you are authors so great that you should go into writing novels – with different characters, of course. Before I end this letter, though, I must ask… how do you guys know so much about us? As Helga always says, are you stalking us or something? It sure seems so!
With my riches,
Rhonda
