A/N - Ah, shit. I totally forgot disclaimer for chapter two! Soz. Well, it's not like any of you reading the fic will have any misconceptions that I may or may not own Twilight or POTC. And I realise that I haven't posted anything in a while and my freakin wench kept on demanding another chappie, so the second was a uploaded in a total rush.

BTW, GreenBeatle my dear, flame me and I'll have Bella make out with Jacob for the next twenty or so pages!

Jacob: Yes! Wooo, I could kiss you Bunny! After I finishing kissing Bells that is.

Me: Yes please. Your actor's a total cutey.

Bella: Erm, your not really going to make us do that are you?

Me: Nah, I won't. Or will I? Who knows? It all depends on what my lovely says in response to the chapter. Anything less than total admiration and I'll have Edward castrated.

Edward: NO! Not my manhood! I need that!

Jack: No you don't son, Bella's got me now.

Jacob and Edward: PISS OFF!

Jack: *whines* Bunny

Me: Now now, boys, play nice. If your going to fight, take off your clothes and jump in that stream over there.

Edward: Geez, your such a perv.

Jacob: I second that.

Edward: I mean, is that all you think about? This isn't going to turn into some random homosexual drivel is it? Because if it is then I'll… JACK SPARROW, PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON THIS INSTANT!

Jack: But Bunny said…

Edward: NOW!

Me: Awww. Eddie your no fun.

Jack: He's such a meanie, Bunny. I never get to do anything fun. I haven't all fic.

Me: Don't worry lovely. As punishment for your transgressions Edward Cullen, I hereby give Captain Jack Sparrow free reign to do whatever he wants in this chapter.

Edward: Wha- NO! No, Bunny, don't do this. Look, I'll behave. No! Jack stop it! Jack I- PUT THE CHEESE DOWN AND RETURN TO THE PICNIC AREA!

Bella: What the…

Me: Sorry, I've been watching too much Will & Grace.

Jacob: God, your so queer.

Me: *giggle* Yeah, I am. Anyway…

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer, POTC belongs to Disney, song belongs to From First To Last, and the yogurt belongs to Julie.

Julie my dear, this is for you.

---

(Bella POV)

"Oh My GOD! WHY?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! WHO? WHO IS RESPONISBLE FOR THIS?"

"Edward" I soothed, "Calm down."

He whirled on me, topaz eyes glinting dangerously. "Bella! How can you say that! This is a catastrophe! Why on earth is HE here?" he waved his hand widely, gesturing to the vampire currently curled up on the sofa sipping what looked suspiciously like warm blood from a mug with "TITANIC is the GREATEST movie EVER" imprinted on the side.

The vampire, Jack, glanced up, looking incredibly smug. "Wazza matter Eddie?" he slurred. "Can' figure it out by yerself?"

"Edward" Esme ventured, "Jack is here because Carlisle invited him to stay."

"YES I KNOW THAT! MY QUESTION IS WHY? ARE YOU INSANE? WHAT ON EARTH COULD YOU BE THINKING? THOUGH JUDGING BY YOUR DECISION, YOU CLEARLY WEREN'T" Edward shrieked, his voice hitting an impossibly high decibel.

"Edward" Carlisle sighed, rubbing his ears. "I invited him to stay because Alice saw a very disturbing vision concerning the Volturi. They have decided to come see if Bella has been turned yet after the little incident involving their secretary." At this, he paused to glance over at Jack pointedly. Jack grinned and shrugged, as if to say, well whaddaya you gonna do?

"But I don't-" Edward began before Carlisle swiftly cut him off.

"Jack just so happens to be one of the few vampires the Volturi are wary of. His capabilities have proven to them in the past that he is a rather large threat, both to them and to the secret. We are the largest coven, excluding the Volturi, and that's make us a threat too. Not only that, but we have Alice and you, and I'm sure you haven't forgotten how interested Aro was in the both of you. And in Bella too. I have no doubt that the Volturi may very well use this seemingly harmless visit to erase any threat that we as a coven may hold. And if that is the case, a little backup won't go astray."

Edward gritted his teeth. "You mean they'll try to make us join them and then kill the rest?"

Carlisle shook his head. "I know it's difficult to swallow but that's the way it is."

"You've got to remember whelp" Jack chimed in, "That the Volturi are only the most powerful vampire clan in the world because a couple of snakes got together and decided to make themselves kings. Aro, Marcus and Caius hold little power on their own. They just got themselves a bunch of thugs to beat up anyone who called them names."

Edward sneered. "I didn't ask for your opinion scum!" Spinning with all the grace of a dancer, Edward stomped out, his angelic face scrunched in disgust.

I would have gone after him, but I honestly didn't know what to do with a sulky Edward. He was acting like a child.

"Oi"

Startled, I glanced over my shoulder to the owner of the voice. He squinted at me. "Wench, stop moving!"

I blinked back, confused. "I'm not moving."

Jack laughed. "Of course your not silly!" He smiled and waved me over. "Come sit and talk with ol' Jackie. I promise I won't bite." He winked. "Unless you want me to."

"Uh?" I threw a startled glance at Carlisle, who smiled from the table.

"Don't worry Bella, Jack promised to not hunt whilst in our territory. He won't bite you. He's got excellent control." Carlisle's smile widened. "Like me."

I blinked, curious. Turning back to Jack, I asked, "Really?"

"'Course" he said gruffly, reaching out and pulling me down by my arm in one of the blindingly fast movements vampires tended to favour. I took a moment to refocus, my brain still three metres away where my body just was.

I eyed the fingers on my shoulders warily as he wrapped an arm around me delicately. "And exactly how old are you Mr. Sparrow?"

"Captain" he corrected absently, as though he had been well versed in the amendment. "Hmm. How old..? Carl'?"

Carlisle looked thoughtful. "Four hundred?" he ventured, looking unsure.

Jack nodded. "Sounds about right."

"Really" I asked eagerly despite myself. "When were you turned? Where did you live? What did you do before becoming a vampire?"

The vampire scratched his nose thoughtfully. "What did I do? Isn't it obvious?" His frowned at my perplexed expression. "I'm a soddin' pirate, love."

My eyes widened. "Seriously?" I asked disbelievingly. I glanced down at his clothes. "And here I thought your getup was just some weird fetish."

"I am a pirate" Jack said childishly, hurt by my disbelieving tone.

"What was the name of your ship" I challenged. "The Jolly Roger."

CRASH

"Are you okay?" I asked as Jack pulled himself up from the floor.

"Th-the WHAT?" he spluttered, mortified. "Why in Hector's name would I call it a lame ass name like the Jolly Roger? I-" Jack straightened his spine out, staring down at Bella, "Am not a queer." He paused. "Though I'm not above experimentation."

I crinkled my nose. "What?"

He shrugged. "Desperate times called for desperate measures. It was a long voyage. And back then woman were rather unlucky things to have on board. 'Sides, Carlisle never complained about it."

CRASH

It was Carlisle's turn to fall to the floor in shock. As Jack's words sunk in, I looked at Carlisle in a different light.

"Oh" was all I managed.

"No!" Carlisle cried, mortified. "It's not- It wasn't like that! Damn it Jack don't say those things… it was a long time ago."

Unable to muster the words, I merely gaped at my future father-in-law. He… Carlisle was… with Jack?! "Your joking right?" I stammered.

Jack merely grinned mysteriously. "Who knows?"

"Carlisle?"

He shook his head. "I'm saying nothing more on the matter."

I couldn't help but pout at that. Did they or didn't they..? "Getting back on the subject…"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, my ship. Well, I was obviously the captain" Jack puffed out his chest proudly. "She was the fastest ship that ever sailed the waters. The Black Pearl." He spoke the name with a reverent hush.

"Uh huh"

"What do you mean "Uh huh"?" Jack snapped, growing defensive.

"Exactly what I mean" I snapped back.

"The Pearl was the greatest ship in all the world, and all you can say is uh huh? How dare you! As punishment-" Jack disappeared with a soft rustle. There was a loud clanging from the kitchen, before Jack settled back in his seat, having taken only three seconds. He held up a dish and smiled, grabbing my shirt and yanking it forward. I cried out as I watched him tip the bowl and it's contents down my blouse. "-You will have cold spaghetti down your shirt."

"Gah!" Desperately, I jumped up, hopping about as the sickeningly cold, slimy pasta crawled languidly down my torso.

Sinking to the floor, I twitched in a pool of spaghetti and my own clothes as the Sexy God of Stuff watched my pain.

"Well" Jack said pleasantly, "I think I'm going to go find the boyfriend now."

---

(Normal POV)

Edward was enjoying a rare moment alone in his car. He had the radio pumped up nice and loud so he could drown in his misery good and proper. So of course, he didn't hear his good friend approach the car at all.

"Note to self: I miss you terribly. This is what we call a tragedy" Edward crooned loudly to himself (A/N Lol, I'm sorry, but I had to put this in there, I've know nothing of the band or song but when I saw the music video by chance I thought that this song was like what Edward would write if he was feeling particularly emo).

"Six foot tall, came with out a warning so I had to shoot him dead. He won't come around here anymore. Come around here, I don't think so!"

Edward paused mid song as a baritone voice sang loudly outside. He knew that voice.

"Don't stop now Eddie! Don't feel shy!" the voice called from the other side of the glass. Edward pointedly ignored him. "Come on Eddie-boy! We can do a duet together! Come on, I'll start us off. 'Yo, I don't think we should talk about this…'"

Despite knowing that it would be hell for his delicate ears, Edward turned up the volume on the car stereo till he could feel the bass vibrating the car. Unfortunately, it still wasn't enough to drown out the voice from outside, who had risen his own voice in retaliation.

"Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things And the bad things that may be. Let's talk about-"

WHUMP

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"Yeah, bring it Eddie-boy. I'll kick your sorry pale ass! You don't stand a chance!"

"Is that a gun?!"

"Yeah, not so tough now are you Eddie-boy! I've only got one bullet but that's all I need!"

BANG

"……"

"……"

"…… Why the bloody hell didn't it work!"

"Guns don't work on vampires. IDIOT."

"…How depressing. Are well, guns are too informal anyway. Say your prayers Edward Cullen and prepare to be castrated!"

"Oh for Heaven's sa- Jack, a sword?"

"Hah! I've got you now! Hyah!"

SCREEK

"………You bent my sword you bloody girl. With your freakin girly chest!"

"What can I say, I work out a lot. And it helps being immortal too."

"Don't be so smug… octopus head."

"… Wow, that was really lame."

"Piss off! Oh, the pain. The pain! Nothing can make me feel better now. Nothing…… except drugs…"

"H-hey! Where're you going?! What about our fight?"

"I'm raiding Carlisle's medicine cabinet. Leave me to my grief!"

"……Whatever."

"Emo!"

"I'M NOT EMO!"

(A/N) Woohoo, another chappie done! I realise that it slowly deteriorated into dribble but in all honesty, the Eddie vs. Jack fight was to random for words, at least in my head it was.

Oh yes, before I forget. Please go to the following webpage right now. A little something with Harry Potter, Dobby, and a toilet. When I found this, I immediately thought of you, for whom I am writing this fic for.

.com/art/The-Flaw-with-Aparation-31765786