A/N: This is the final in the series. It is a combination of the original and the re-write, in some hilariously crazy result.

Voldemort and his gang of Deatheaters were sitting on the floor of a dark forest clearing, playing duck duck goose. It was a guy named Garett's turn.

"Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck..." He repeated as he walked around the circle. It was a very big circle. There were a lot of Deatheaters. The only ones who weren't there was a random Deatheater, who was looking out for Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, who hadn't been seen all evening, and Snape, who Voldemort had killed earlier that day. Oh, and the other few Deatheaters that had died sometime during the evening. Garett was almost around the circle. "Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck... GOOSE!" Voldemort was tapped on the head. "You're the goose my Lord!"
"I'M NOT A GOOSE!" Voldemort thundered, "AVADA KEDAVRA!" He hit Garett with the killing curse and he died. "Nobody calls me a goose and lives to tell the tale." There was a very awkward silence. A young girl who was there with her brother because their parents said they had to spend 'Quality Time' with each other made a fist and held it out. Her brother fist pumped her.

"Iuan!" She practically screamed, "That wasn't a fist pump, you idiot! That was an awkward rock!" There was another awkward silence. Then, breaking the silence, was the random Deatheater I told you of earlier. He ran into the clearing.

"My Lord, My Lord! Potter doth approach, my Lord!" He squeaked in olden timey language.

"Everyone, places!" Voldemort called, and everyone jumped up, running to take the place they'd been appointed to earlier for when Potter showed up. They were all in place. Two Deatheaters specialising in evil make-up sprayed Voldemort's head with some 'Evil Shine Spray', and gave him a few breath mints, which he chewed. Some other Deatheaters moved the branches around so they would make an ominous light shine down to the clearing. A conductor in the background had his orchestra tune up for the background music. "This has to be perfect." Somebody ran up and gave him tiny cue cards. He nodded. He had his speech all planned out, even though it was quite simple really. All he said was 'Harry Potter...' Dramatic pause. 'The boy who lived...' Dramatic pause. 'Come to die...' Annoying pause. Cast curse. Laugh triumphantly, or the worse outcome, break down crying because you just destroyed your second to final Horcrux. Speaking of Horcruxes, Nagini slithered up and around her Master's feet so he could look even more menacing. He had his speech all planned out. Five mintues later, Harry Potter turned up, and he seemed as if he had his speech all planned out as well.

"It's over Tom!" Harry said. "I know you're going to kill me, so now I can wreak all my anger on you!"

"Potter, what are you on about?" Asked Voldemort.

"Yeah he's a Gryffindor!" Nodded Dolhav. "When Gryffindor's get angry, they just shoot birds at a ginger or yell a bit at a Mudblood and a ginger!"

"You killed my parents," Harry scowled, "You killed Quirrel, in a way... Cuz, you know, if you'd never used him I wouldn't have been able to burn him with my awesome burney hands... But yeah, you killed Quirrel! You killed Myrtle and made us all go through torment having to have a hormonal ghost watch us bath-" There were giggles at that point, "You almost killed Ginny, which by the way, I hate, since I'm dating her now, you killed that Ministry worker, which actually I don't mind I never really knew her..." Harry trailed off. "But yeah you still killed her! And that Muggle gardener, what's-his-name! Who'll tend to the gardens now, huh? You didn't think THAT one through, did you? Then you killed Cedric! Cedric! The only cool Hufflepuff that was out there, you know, until the whole Vampire thing, but he was cool, and you killed him! On one hand, that made Cho Chang available to date me, but also it pushed us apart, because she was a dead boy's girlfriend, and, you know that cheating on a dead guy is really wrong! Then you killed Sirius! Sirius! The only person I had as a family! Then you kind of killed Dumbledore! Even though Snape killed him, you had Dumbledore sentenced to death! In a way..."

"What's your point, Potter?" Asked Voldemort, tapping his toe in anticipation and annoyedness. His speech wouldn't fit now.

"Hey, I'm not finished ranting yet! I still have to go through this year's tragedies!"
"Yes, yes, loads of people are dead of me now cut to the chase so I can kill you!"

"Fine I'll go to the end." Harry gave in. "And lastly, you killed the Potions Master. You killed Snape! He loved my mum! In an alterative universe, he could have been my Dad, which is gross, but still! I can't believe you, you even just killed two of your own just then while you-" Voldemort was getting bored, so he had no choice, really.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" A jet of green light shot out of the Elder Wand. As soon as the devastating spell was cast; a pale bald man's unmanicured hands flew up to his pale- wait, I already used that word...- white face, protecting his firey red eyes and his non-existant nose. For a moment he stood like this, his arms around his giant cream head. This man was Lord Voldemort. After a minute, a knarled finger broke away and he peered through the gap. Voldemort scanned the scene. There were trees. And it looked very forbidden. That was good, because they were in the Forbidden Forest. On the floor were leaves. That didn't make sense because it was almost summer. Also on the floor was a young teenage boy with jet black ruffly hair and, if we turned him around, round rimmed glasses. His- Voldemort's not the boy's- red flecked eyes stared at the boys unmoving body. "Did I do it? Did I hit him? Did I kill him? Of course not, he's the boy who lived what am I thinking of course I didn't..."

"My Lord?" Lucius Malfoy, a long blonde haired man who you could mistake for a girl said, "My Lord, are you okay?"

"Is he dead no he's not he can't be I'm not that lucky trust me I know him we shared the same brain for a year he just won't die I know he won't, I missed, didn't I..." The pale man muttered, sounding just a little bit crazy. "Is he dead? No, he can't be dead! He's just pretending isn't he... Yes, yes he is." He closed his eyes, apparently waiting for something. Apprehensivley, he opened them. The boy still lay there, not breathing. "But... But... no! Why isn't he breathing? Why doesn't he breathe? This defies nature! Why won't he wake?"

"My Lord?"

"He's not moving..." Voldemort said, "He's not moving... Why isn't he moving Lucius?"

"My Lord, he's dead." Lucius told his Lord.

"D... D... Dead?"

"Yes, My Lord. The boy is dead. Gone. Poof. You killed him."

"But... But... But he can't be! That's not the storyline! Life hates me it's not going to let me win! He can't be dead! He's the Boy-Who-Lived, not the Boy-Who-Lay-On-The-Floor! He's not dead! He can't be!" He promptly began to hyperventilate. "Nar... Nar... Blonde lady!" He guestured to Luicus' wife, who for some reason looked a lot like him but she had partly brown hair and had a more dignified nose. "Blonde lady, go and... Poke him."

"Poke him?" Narcissa frowned.

"Yes. Go and poke his face! Tell me if you're SURE, if you're absolutely sure he's dead." Voldemort ordered. He couldn't be dead, he couldn't be... Life loved Harry Potter, it wouldn't hand it over to death! Voldemort wasn't this lucky. Surely the spell should have rebounded and killed him instead! Narcissa Malfoy stalked towards the unmotionless body, and crouched down. She pretended to poke and prod it, but what she really did was ask him a question.

"Is Draco Malfoy okay?"

"How should I know I'm not his Guardian Angel!" Harry Potter hissed back, so quietly Narcissa had to strain to hear him, "But from what I saw last he was playing Twister with the Slytherins. Crabbe's dead though."

"I don't care about Crabbe." He whispered back and Harry Potter lightly chuckled. Narcissa stood back up. "My Lord, he is dead."

"NO! NO! NO!" Voldemort yelled, one eye twitching.

"My Lord?" Lucius frowned. This was what the Dark Lord wanted, was it not? To be rid of Harry Potter once and for all? So why was he freaking out over the fact that he'd completed this task?

"It should never... I didn't think that... I never meant that... But..." Voldemort's eyes bulged, he was having trouble breathing.

"The Dark Lord's having a panic attack!" Screamed a nearby Deatheater whose surname was Rockwood.

"Are you sure?" Asked the Deatheater next to him.

"Yes! And we better help him because he doesn't seem like he can breathe!"

"But are positive?"
"Yes!"
"But are you certain?"

"Of course I am!"

"Are you convinced you're certain?"

"YES!"

"Have you got a degree in knowing when a person's having a panic attack?"

"SHUT UP! The Dark Lord's going to faint if nobody helps him to breathe, and to calm him down!"

"But are you positive your sure that your convinced your cer-"
"SHUT UP!"

"Fine." Yet another Deatheater ran over to Voldemort. This was Avery.

"My Lord, calm down! There's nothing to worry about! Harry Potter's dead, we've won!" Avery tried. Voldemort chocked on breath.

"I think that's what he's having a panic attack on, Avery. I don't think he can grasp the concept of his nemesis finally dying." Rockwood said from the sidelines, sounding a bit like a physiatrist.

"Are you sure, Rockwood?"

"Yes."

"Could he not be chocking on a grape?"
"Have you seen him eat any grapes since the battle commenced?"
"Well, no, but... Are you positive?"

"Yes, now somebody go help the Dark Lord before he dies and we all end up in Azkaban, again!"

"Oh, right." This time, it was Dolohov who ran to help his master. "Think of a happy place! A wonderful thought!"

"Any happy little thought?" Chorused all the Deatheaters and Iuan's little sister, who was now sucking a lollypop from Honeydukes.

"A beach..." Wheezed Voldemort, "Mountain... Forest... In bed with Bellatrix..."

"EW BAD MENTAL PICTURE!" Squealed Dolohov, jumping back from his master, disgusted at the thoughts of his Lord. Rodolphus Lestrange spun around to face the panting lord and pointed an accusatory finger at him (and it was manicured too, not like those horrible ones of Lord Voldemort!).

"Aha!" He aha'd. "I knew you were cheating on me, Belletrix! You were all, 'let's spoil our honeymoon and go start working for this guy Voldemort! I hear he's really se-evil!' and I didn't want to work for him, or spoil our lovely honeymoon in Hawaii that I spent LOADS on, but I agreed, for your sake, and then rotted in Azkaban for God-knows-how long while you had broken out and ran free helping out your Lord. I should have known then that it wasn't the same between you and me anymore, but I was blind! I was blinded by my unrequited love for you! I didn't even notice you sneaking out to go visit him during the night and coming back all breathless and giggly! I didn't WANT to notice! But here's the proof! And, do you know what?" Rodolphus paused, "We're over. All of us! I'll file divorce papers in the morning! And YOU- Mr. I-Can-Come-Back-Using-My-Awesome-Horcrux-I-Made-Ki lling-Lestrange's-Pet-Dragon, I will no longer serve you! That's right! I'm leaving the Deatheaters! Right now! Just you try and stop me!" He turned and strode away.

"Rod, it's not going to help anything by you just doing a Snape!" Lucius sighed, while Belletrix stood near him, biting her lip slightly guiltily, slightly angry she'd been found out.

"I don't care!" Rodolphus shouted back. "Lestrange had left the forest. Thank you, and GOOD NIGHT!"

"This place is like a bloody soap on telly!" Iuan's little sister rolled her eyes, "Which reminds me... Did you record Coronation Street for me?"

"No," Replied her brother. "And who likes Coronation Street anyway nowadays?"

"I DO!" Iuan's little sister screamed.

"Well, that seems to have worked." Voldemort said, recovering from his panic attack. "Now where were we... I believe we were playing duck, duck, goose?"

"No, my Lord..." Bellatrix frowned, obviously he had forgotten what had happened due to a traumatic experience of finding out his nemesis was dead. "You've just killed Harry Potter. You were-" She was cut short by a thump and a tuft up of leaves as Voldemort fainted.

No less that five seconds after Voldemort fell, Harry Potter got up, dusted himself down and sent Voldemort to Azkaban via his wand. All of the Deatheaters stared at him in a mixture of shock, amazment, and amusement. Harry looked at them.

"You didn't see anything." He said darkly, before retreating into the shadows. Everyone looked at each other.

"So," Iuan's little sister said, "Whose up for a game of Cluedo?"

"YEAH!"
"That sounds fun!"

"I WANNA BE CORNAL MUSTURD!"
"WELL I WANNA BE A STARSHIP RANGER!"
"I'M A STARSHIP RANGER!"
"You're drunk."

"NO, I'M DRUNK!"

"LET'S DO THIS!"

"Shouldn't we be running for our lives since good won?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... You're such a killjoy, Lucius."