She woke up slowly the next morning, awareness gradually returning to her as she stretched out on the couch. Her body felt completely relaxed, and for a while was content to simply lie there. It must have been a good night last night.
It took some time for her to properly wake up and remember that it hadn't actually been an entirely good night. Her best friend was furious with her, and she'd done something that she regretted - or might soon regret, at least.
That thought sobered her quick enough. All of a sudden that feeling of contentment had drained from her body, and icy dread had shown up instead to take its place. He'd be awake soon.
As she laid there, all trace of relaxation now forgotten, she toyed with the thought that she might have screwed up beyond her ability to fix it. She had gone much further than she'd intended in the heat of the moment, and against his will to boot. It was possible he wouldn't want to talk to her.
Hell, she realized, it was possible he might not even want to see her again. He might just try to get rid of her. And the worst part was that she didn't really have a leg to stand on if she was to argue against it.
What was she supposed to do now? Was there even anything she could do? She couldn't think of anything but to try and talk to him before he did anything drastic, see if she could head his anger off a bit by explaining herself. Maybe now that they'd both gotten some sleep the situation between them might have defused a bit.
She sighed heavily and ended up doing nothing at all, unwilling to gamble that that might be the case. Instead she panicked quietly from her spot on the couch, worst case scenarios running through her head like a freight train was hauling them through.
Her rambling thoughts were interrupted when she picked up the sound of footsteps. Panic seized her as she realized he was already awake and walking through the house, and that a confrontation was surely coming - but he avoided even looking in her direction as he came out from the hall, keeping his eyes directed down and veering into the kitchen without so much as a word.
Cold guilt made her stomach fall even further than it already had. She really had screwed up. She didn't know if she could do anything, but she knew that she had to at least try. Despite her whole body feeling as heavy as lead she hauled herself up off the couch, and followed him into the kitchen.
"Hey," She said gently. He was looking away, but she saw him start slightly. She'd expected it, but it still hurt to see. "Are... you alright?"
"The hell do you think?" His rasped, his voice hoarse. "Leave me alone, Rynn."
It was probably best to just comply. She didn't want to make anything worse. "Alright, but... Look, I'm sorry."
He mumbled something bitter under his breath as she withdrew, but she didn't quite catch what it was. It was probably for the better.
For want of anything else to do she went back to the couch. She thought about finding the remote and watching some television, but it struck her as inappropriate to do something so mundane in her awkward situation.
She was spared having to make a decision when the phone rang just as her trainer left the kitchen and made a beeline straight for his room. He ignored the noise completely.
"Hey! Can't you hear the phone's ringing?" She called after him.
When his only response was to slam his door shut, it became apparent to her that he either couldn't, or more likely, just didn't care.
"Fine. Whatever. It'll stop soon enough." She sank back into the couch, covering her ears with her paws to try and block the sound out.
She sighed in relief when it finally stopped, and spent a few moments enjoying the silence in the wake of the horrible din. Unfortunately for her, the quiet lasted only a few seconds before it started to ring again.
"Oh, come on! Who the hell wants to talk this early?" She snarled and covered her ears again.
At first it was too easy to just be angry, but the gears started to turn in her head even while the phone did its best to interrupt. Whoever it was, if they were ringing twice this early it had to be important. If it was important and her trainer didn't attend to it, they might start to get worried. If they got worried, they might even come to check on him, and that could be an outright disaster. If he decided to throw her under the bus - which he just might, given what she'd done, she almost couldn't blame him - then at the very least she'd be gotten rid of, and who could tell what might come after that?
The panic from before didn't creep up on her this time - it barreled headlong into her. She had to do something, anything to keep what she'd done a secret. She leapt up off the couch and raced to pick up the phone, holding it gingerly in her claws so as not to break it. With a start, she realized that she didn't actually know how to properly operate it - she'd never used it before, she'd had no reason to. Hoping for the best, she put it up to her ear like she'd seen him do before.
"Hello...? Are you there?" The man on the other end spoke hesitantly, almost shocking her into dropping the phone.
Unsure of what to do, she decided to try an illusion of her trainer's voice and just hope against hope that the other guy could hear it through the phone.
"Hi. Uh... Good morning. Sorry, I'm just... still waking up," She said uncertainly.
"Oh, hey. Sorry to wake you up, sir." He said brightly. "I was just ringing to inform you that your order's arrived. You can come and pick it up whenever you like,"
"Uh... Right. Thanks," She replied slowly, somewhat surprised that it was actually working. "I... dunno if I can make it today. Feeling a bit, ah, under the weather."
"Not a worry, it's here for whenever you like. Just ringing to let you know,"
"Right. Well, uh, thanks. I'll come grab it when I can." She smiled, a little more confident now.
"See you then, sir." He hang up.
She gave a giddy, barking laugh as she put the phone back. It hadn't been so important after all, but it was probably better that she'd answered it anyway. She could scarcely believe she'd gotten away with that - he hadn't suspected a thing, even though she was entirely winging it. She'd even learned how to work the phone without any help.
Although, she had to wonder what the delivery was. Maybe it was something he'd ordered in to try and calm her down during the season, despite her protests. Then again, she could see why he might have done that now. She thought about going and telling him about it, but dismissed that idea out of hand. He'd made it very clear that he didn't want to talk to her.
Over the next few days, this became the routine for them. He avoided her as much as possible, sullenly ignoring her when she spoke and sidling away when she tried to come near. Each time she saw him he looked a bit more dishevelled; by the third day, the bags under his eyes made him look more like a skeleton than a person.
Still, he'd made it quite clear to her without actually speaking a word that she really had made a very serious mistake; His rapid deterioration had shown her well enough. Guilt and regret had been building up in her since the morning after the deed and she knew the bitter feelings were well deserved, but they didn't help her in the slightest. She was responsible for what had happened; she wanted to talk to him, to try and help him, but he wasn't giving her any opportunity to, she didn't have the heart or the gall to chase him down and force him to talk to her.
It wasn't entirely her fault, she was certain, but that didn't make her feel at all absolved. In any case, she'd done far worse by him than he had by her. She wanted desperately to turn back the clock, find some way to mend the situation - but she couldn't think of any way she could actually achieve that. Instead she sat sedentary on the couch, watching television and trying to forget that anything had happened. It felt wrong just trying to enjoy herself after how miserable she'd made him feel, but she just kept telling herself there wasn't any alternative.
She was starting to worry that people might notice his absence, and more than that she was really starting to worry about him. He'd eaten nothing but junk food since that afternoon, and they were starting to run out. Besides that, he'd been mostly sitting in his room the whole time, even more despondent than she was. At least she had the TV to watch.
The situation was getting desperate, and she realized as she thought about it that she would have to be the one to take the initiative again - only this time to put things right. The opportunity was slipping away from her - she'd been stalling for too long. It was the exact mistake that had gotten her into this situation. She couldn't just sit here and do nothing again.
She heaved herself off the couch, trying to steel herself for what she was about to do. She needed to apologize properly, to let him know that she was really sorry for what she'd done. She needed to get him to trust her again, before things got any worse.
She needed him to love her, as much as she did him.
As she reached his room, she stopped and briefly considered backing out. Waiting and hoping for the situation to resolve itself would be much easier, and it might work. It could be possible that he'd come out of his room himself later today, and they'd both apologize to each other and work things out. Things could still work out on their own, maybe, if she just waited.
She shook her head in defiance of herself, clamping down on her cowardly thoughts. This had to happen - it was already long overdue. She had to be diplomatic, she had to show him they could still live together. She had to fix things between them.
Before she could make any more attempts to talk herself out of it, she reached out and gripped his door handle gently in her claws. It creaked loudly as she pushed it open, but if he heard it, he didn't acknowledge it. It was dark in, and she couldn't see his face - she decided to test the waters first, calling out softly.
"Hey... You awake in there?"
"Go away," He croaked out after a moment.
She winced slightly, feeling a sudden pang of guilt at his feeble voice - he sounded as if he had been crying. Still, she chose to ignore his entreaty, stepping softly over the threshold into his room.
"No," Rynn said softly. "I gotta say something."
"I don't want to hear it," He mumbled.
"Please just listen for a second, alright?" She implored. "I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't mean to go as far as I did. I just sort of... snapped, alright? Everything was just building up, and you were right there in front of me, rubbing it in my face... I didn't mean to."
"Yeah, I know," He said quietly. "That's exactly what I was afraid of, Rynn, that's what I was saying when I said I didn't want to... get involved with you. I don't know what you could do if you fly off the handle one day. I don't know if you do, either."
He rolled himself over in bed to face her, looking her in the face with bleary red eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in a month.
"I've said all this before, Rynn. It's not that we're two different people, we're completely different things. We're just too different. We can't be like that."
"No way. I don't believe that for even a second." Rynn shook her head. "What happened earlier, that was... an accident. A really bad accident. It was nothing like what I wanted it to be."
"Yeah, sure," He groused. "Were you even listening to what was coming out of your mouth? You were enjoying yourself - a lot."
"Well, I mean, I was enjoying one aspect of it," She backpedalled. "I just flew off the handle a bit. I know I did, alright? I'm not gonna let it happen again."
"What, like you didn't let it happen before?" He said bitterly, rolling over again to face away from her. "Sure, that'll go well."
"It was an accident! And it was really exceptional circumstances. Look, I promise you it'll never happen again."
"I don't believe you."
"Well, I mean it," She said, forcing herself to speak somewhat more gently. "I'll prove it. I'll do anything. Just tell me what I have to do to make you believe me."
"Nothing," He said firmly. "You can't. I don't trust you."
"But we've been friends for ages," She implored. "You trusted me then."
"Yeah - That was before you raped me."
She sighed with rising exasperation, struggling to keep herself from expressing it. "It wasn't... Look, I made a mistake. It was a huge mistake, I know it was, but I'm sorry, and I'll do whatever I have to do to make up for it."
"Then go away. Leave me alone." He flopped back, choosing to look at the roof instead of her.
"I meant anything not stupid," She growled. "Look, I know how bad I screwed up. I'm here trying to apologize and you're just acting like a bitch. Please, don't do that."
"Funny," He seethed. "That sounds like me from a few days ago."
She growled again, but couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't make it worse. She fell quiet, unwilling to heed him and leave off entirely.
Tense silence grew between them. She knew she didn't really have a leg to stand on in this argument, but she had to say something; the alternative was to just leave him alone, seething and hating her. She had to let him know she was really sorry, and that she wanted to make things right. She steadied herself and spoke quietly.
"All this will never happen again, I promise. You said something about some drugs from the Pokémart earlier, right? I'll do it, if that's what it takes... I just mean, you're right, I got out of control. I don't want that to happen again either, so if they can help... then I'll take them."
"... You really mean that?" He asked after a beat.
"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't."
He didn't respond immediately, but she knew he was thinking about it. There was no way he hadn't heard her, and it was clear from his face that there were gears turning in his head.
"And what do I do if you flip out again, huh? What am I supposed to do about that?" He finally asked, his voice bleak.
"You won't need to," She said, surprising even herself with how confident she sounded in contrast. "I'll listen to anything you say. If you think it will help, I'll do it. I'll never do anything you don't want me to, anything like this, ever again. I promise, no matter what."
He was focused now, caught off-guard by her resolution just as much as she was. He opened his mouth to say something, but she barrelled over him, determined to finish now that she'd started. She had to let him know.
"You're my best friend - no, wait, even more than that. I don't want to lose you, or for you to - to send me away..." She struggled to keep her voice from faltering, and took a second to compose herself. "I'll do anything. I really, really do love you. I didn't mean to hurt you, or to get so angry... I really didn't. I just want us both to be happy again."
Something she'd said had given him pause, she could tell by how conflicted his face was. For a second, it looked like he felt even guiltier than she did.
"But, Rynn... Rynn, we're not supposed to... To be like that, with each other," He sat up now, visibly nervous and uncertain. "We're just too different... I don't - I don't know, I don't think I want to..."
"I don't know either," She answered softly, trying to better her explanation. "But, just think about it. We could. I want to try properly. It's just us, alright? And... I love you."
"But, you... We -" He coughed, covering up that he was about to choke. "Don't you think this has been bad enough? We don't know what might happen, what you could do... We can't, we're different!"
"We're not that different," She insisted, sitting down on the bed next to him. "We're not. We both like licorice, and watching TV together, and... and stuff like that. You get my point. We just need to... accommodate each other a bit better, and I need to... to be gentler. And listen more. I... I get that it's been bad, but I didn't mean for anything like this to happen. I swear, I can do better."
He shook his head softly, but she wasn't sure whether he was trying to convince himself or her. She sat quietly and let him keep his silence, giving him a moment to think - without any planning at all, she was getting a bit overwhelmed by what she was saying herself.
She felt now that she'd pushed him far enough - She needed him to accept her. She'd learned now that she wouldn't be happy if she just controlled him; knowing that she'd made him miserable had done nothing but make her miserable as well.
"I think there's going to be a lot more to it than just that, Rynn," His skeptical voice snapped her out of the introspective reverie that she hadn't even realized she'd fallen into. "Do you really mean that, though...? You'll really listen to everything I say?"
She'd been striving fervently to convince him before, but she almost froze up as she realized that he was now putting her on the spot instead.
Despite everything she'd said, she felt trapped by the question. She couldn't say no, not after coming this far. There was no way she could let him down again, especially not with the severity of what she'd done. She'd gotten herself into this mess, after all. She'd pushed a tumultuous change onto their relationship. She'd robbed herself of her choice.
She knew what her answer had to be, what she wanted it to be, but it was harder to give than it should have been. She felt as though she was locking herself in - but still a part of her knew it was only fair considering what she'd done, and what she was asking of him.
"I will." She said solemnly, determining with those two small words to commit herself to another, more difficult change. "I'll do anything."
"Then, alright..." He said hesitantly. "Alright, I'll trust you, but... I just really hope you mean what you said."
Relief flooded over her just like that, as though crushing weight had finally been lifted off her chest. Without even thinking, she leaned over and pulled him into a tight hug, resting her head next to his.
He really didn't hate her.
"Of course I do." She whispered.
A part of her was far too thrilled by the closeness to want to pull away, but she forced it down and did so. Now, more than ever, she had to show restraint, prove to him that she was trustworthy.
There was the barest hint of a smile on his face as she pulled back, and even though he still looked weak and wan, it ignited a spark of hope in her.
"I'd better let you get some sleep," She said, unable to keep from smiling back as she hopped up off the bed. "I'll take the couch again tonight. I just... didn't want you to think I hate you or anything."
Or vice versa, she thought to herself.
"I know, Rynn," He said. "Thank you."
She left him alone for the night, closing his door with a gentle click. She usually slept in the bed with him, of course, but it was probably prudent to let him have his space. After what they'd done, sleeping in the same bed probably meant something different now. The couch would be good enough for another night; it didn't seem quite so depressing now that she knew they were still on talking terms.
She laid down to sleep, now smiling from ear to ear. A lot had changed between her and her friend in just a few days, but now they were at least on talking terms again things could start to change for the better. They had something special, just between them, and a chance now to try and figure out exactly what it was and how they could make it work.
She slowly drifted into sleep comforted by that knowledge, even without her friend beside her as he usually was. Maybe there was still a lot of work to be done, uncomfortable talks to be had and ground rules to be set, but she knew they could figure something out. She was looking forward to tomorrow, now.
I must confess, I've stretched the truth a bit in this story. Licorice is actually among the foulest things in the world.
