Trapped.

Dick Age 18.

Set: Chapter 4 Touch. Requested by La Belle Rose Noire.


I'm the first to admit I like to touch. I think that's because I've grown so used to it, especially being around Starfire, she practically oozes it. I enjoy it, platonic, brotherly, affectionate. I think it had a lot to do with growing up as an acrobat, you're required to do it then. Folding your body around theirs, bits brush together even if you don't mean it, you can't be squeamish about it. On the trapeze, you grab their legs, their arms, their ankles, hips and hands, they climb up you to get to the rope, you climb up them. You can't not touch.

In the parades we used to do through the town before the show, or even the little acrobatics Mom, Dad and I used to perform before the trapeze, we were always touching. I'd be somersaulting through the air, thrown by Dad so I could land on Mom's shoulders. She'd lift her arms above her head and I'd clasp her hands and go into a hand stand.

Everything was about physical contact.

It was a shock to me when I first lived with Bruce. I was so used to getting hugs and kisses from my parents, hugs from the other ladies at the circus, hands on help when I tried an acrobatic move or on that trapeze, the circus is all about family. Bruce, he never touches. The most he'll do is a hand to the shoulder. I had to rein it in. No touches.

Alfred doesn't touch. He falls behind the employee restriction and his self imposed distance. But I remember when I first came to live in the Manor, there were times when he'd hug me, or sit beside me and let me snuggle him as he read me a story. Bruce and I would play basketball and it's perfectly acceptable to become a little physical then. I had to restrain my need for human contact for those moments.

Or until Kid Flash (Wally) and Flash came to visit. Kid Flash was my age, we were good friends. We could do all the sorts of things friends do. Fishing, hiking, mock wrestling, basketball, football. He's rather physical too, liked to plant an elbow on my shoulder as we talked. He asked me to teach him some gymnastics too, to pull the ladies, you have to touch for that. It's not sexual though, never sexual. He's my best friend.

Then, of course, coming to the Tower it was such a relief to find people who enjoyed it, revelled in it as much as I did.

Cyborg. He's not touchy feely. He's not. But he is affectionate, slaps to the back and nudges to the shoulder. We could rib and wrestle each other and have fun. He's still rather physical, it just tends to be toward the sporty kind.

Beast Boy. Now, he is affectionate, overly almost. Especially when he's in animal form. He doesn't mind so much when you treat him like a dog on occasion, throwing Frisbees and rubbing his head when he brings it back. He doesn't mind if you pick him up while he's sleeping in cat form and give him at pat. He doesn't mind draping himself over Cyborg's shoulder when he's in human form, or wrestling with me for the controller.

Raven, I wouldn't touch her. Not really. I mean, sure, I've held her hand, caught her when she fell. I've had my share of the rare Raven hugs. But you can just see the various ways she's plotting to dispose of my corpse if I get too physical with her.

Starfire. Wow. I have never… there's never been a girl that just invited touch as much as she does. She breathes contact. It's never sexual, hell, it's not even close to being affectionate touch by human standards, but she loves the contact. Skin to skin. I took a while to open up to her form of touch, after all, she's a girl, she's an alien, there were cultural ramifications, I didn't know if it was acceptable, and I was leader and had to set an example.

The more we became friends, the longer we had to become comfortable with each other and close, the more the touching became more intimate. We never did any of the sexual stuff, or the blatant touching like holding hands or snuggling, it was just little brushes. Skin contact. Platonic areas. Arms and knees. Shoulders pressed together as we're watching TV. That sort of thing.

My time with Batman has rubbed off on me too. I am fully aware of that. I am. I can be broody and dark and single minded in my determination to find a criminal. I can become overly focussed and angry if things don't go my way. I am very adept at pushing people away.

There's a line that cannot be crossed. Starfire's my teammate, my best friend. She's not my girlfriend. I can't date a teammate. I can't date, period. What we do is important. There's no time for relationships that aren't focused on team building and trust. There's no time for intimacy, not when someone's life could be compromised because I'm worried about her.

As much as I might want to, I can't date her. I have plans. There'll become a time when I have to leave the Titans. At eighteen, I'm neck deep in College courses preparing for that day. Bludhaven waited for me, I'd wanted to do that for years. I don't have time for romance, no matter how much I want to. Always better to believe it will be easier leaving the Titans, and Starfire, if there's no intimate relationship there.

While I was good at showing my feelings through touch and action, sort of anyway, I was absolutely hopeless at expressing them. I mean, really, "Starfire...I think...uh...it's...awesome...the way...you shoot starbolts." So very suave and sophisticated. But she was satisfied with that. It was really all I could give her, I couldn't give her myself.

There are times I'm so very close to kissing her. I am. She's beautiful, sexy, fun and happy. She's open about everything. She listens to me, she gets me, she understands in ways not many people do. But Tamaranians don't kiss, she's probably have no idea what it was beyond the transfer of languages. And I can't ask her either, she'd just start thinking about it and then probably ask me for one. There's no going back from that.

So, I had to be content with the Tamaranian way of showing affection. Touching. Smiles. Laughter. Had to be content that she never asked me for more than what I gave. I'm not even sure if it occurred to her to ask, but I was grateful she hadn't. That would mean confronting something I was not prepared to think about and our entire relationship would change. I couldn't tell if it would be a good change or a bad change, so I was adamant that I didn't want it to change.

Then I crossed that barrier between what was a friend and what was a boyfriend.

And I didn't even realise I crossed it.

I guess it really started with a walk in the park, although if you ask Starfire, she'll probably say it started sooner than that. I'd been across that barrier for a while most like, but I never realised. There are some things my mind won't notice because it means I'll have to face emotions or face facts, or confront something. Self preservation technique.

Starfire'd been melancholy all day, I wasn't sure why. But when she's sad, a fierce protectiveness rises in me and I have to do everything I can to help her be happy again. A trip to the park seemed like a good idea at the time, although, if I'd known how the day had gone, I would have told us to stay indoors.

I'm always hyper aware of my friends and their position in relation to mine. It's one of those things that had been drilled into me, forced into my awareness until it's now second nature and I do it automatically. Cyborg was cooking. Raven was reading. Beast Boy and I were playing Frisbee and Starfire was sitting in a patch of sunlight, her eyes watching people in the park.

So went Starfire stood to go for a walk, of course I went with her.

Today, however, it seemed to be couple fest in the park. So many couples around, kissing on blankest, kissing beside the water in the lake, walking around holding hands or cuddling. Should have been another sign, but did I mention how dense I am at times?

Starfire sighed.

Enough, I needed to know why she was so sad. "Star, what's wrong?"

"Sometimes I wonder," Starfire murmured, "what it must be like for them."

"For who?" I frowned as I followed her gaze to a couple lying in the shade of a tree, kissing contently. "Oh." My hand fell to my side. Point of interest, until that moment, I hadn't even realised I'd put it on her back.

"It must be nice to be normal."

"No one's really normal, Star."

"Humans long for companionship, do they not? To find that special someone to hold and kiss in the shade of a tree?"

Oh, crap. Don't do this to me. I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Yeah, I guess."

She stopped, turning to face me. "Do you ever long for it?"

Double crap. I swallowed. Really, this was the one thing I was afraid of. That Starfire would someday realise what we had between us and would force the issue. Then I'd probably lose her as a best friend. "Sometimes." Gotta get out of here. Can't stay. "We should head back. Cyborg's probably got lunch ready by now." I spun on my heel and started walking back the way we came.

"Robin, do you ever long for it with me?"

It took all my self control not to react then. "I like the way things are." Starfire, you're my best friend. That's all we can ever be. Please understand that, don't force this, I don't want to hurt you.

"Robin—"

My alarm bleated and I was grateful for the interruption. I stopped and grabbed it. Cyborg appeared in the screen, obviously frantic and upset. "Cyborg?"

"My car!" Cyborg wailed. "He's stolen my baby!"

Starfire was suddenly at my side. "Who has?"

"Overload! Dude! He's got my car!"

I turned and began to sprint back the way we came. "Get after him," I ordered. "We'll catch you up."

I had fully intended just to run back there, but Starfire had other plans. I was plucked from the ground and lifted skyward. Some distance away, I saw Raven lift into the air, Cyborg being held by Beast Boy in pterodactyl form. They headed in the opposite direction.

As much as I didn't mind Starfire carrying me, today it wouldn't be appropriate. "R-Cycle, Star."

She obeyed instantly, heading toward the parking lot and illustrating another reason why we couldn't date. I couldn't have her questioning things in the heat of battle. She planted me directly on the bike, lifting skyward again as I jammed on my helmet and started the bike.

"This way!"

I nodded and pointed two fingers in that direction, silently asking for her to show me the way.

Best laid plans of mice and men. I don't think any of us expected what was going to happen. Least of all Starfire and me.

The T-car is Cyborg's baby. Of course we were going to do everything we could to recover it, preferably without damage. So really, we were all here to provide backup while Cyborg did his thing and kicked Overload to the curb. We were bait. Another target for the heat seeking missiles that Overload had activated.

We raced along Gorge Road, the winding cliffside path that led into the mountains on the outskirts of Jump. Starfire was too close to the cliff wall, she hadn't given herself much room to manoeuvre and it looked as though she was unwilling to leave my side. My bike's anti missile defences are pretty amazing and already in full swing, so, naturally, I pulled her onto the bike with me.

Neither of us expected the missile to land in the path of my bike with little chance of me stopping. Neither of us expected to be thrown with such force I was pretty sure I fractured something. Neither of us expected another missile to hit the mountainside and for it to tumble down around us.

Starfire, bless her, reacted quicker than I could. She grabbed me and hoisted, rolling us toward the face of the mountain above us. I don't know why she didn't just throw us both over the edge, but there probably wasn't time for that. Then she was above me and braced and calling a starbolt and the mountain tumbled down.

It's an awful, awful moment to watch those rocks tumble toward us and know that they're going to hit her first. It's even worse to know there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Starfire was strong, tough, she could most likely survive a rockslide. Me on the other hand, squished Robin.

She cried out as the first rock hit and dropped toward me, but she took the second one's weight. And then next, and the next and then there's nothing but Starfire and green and dust and then the green's gone and something's whacking me on the head and there's nothing at all.

Something's nudging me. Starfire. I can hear her voice from a great distance. Fuck, my head hurts, my arm hurts, there's something on my boot. There was a grating sound, shifting rock, more pebbles tumbling down on us.

There was a thick blanket of dust in my throat and I had to cough to clear it. I moved, shuffled, my hands brushed against something soft as I opened my eyes. Not that opening my eyes was much better, I still couldn't see anything.

"Robin?"

She sounded scared. "Star? You okay?" Was she hurt? Stuck? My hands dove to my belt, it had managed to get a little twisted so I had to fumble for the right compartment. I broke the light stick and tossed it up so it was beside my head. So much hair, it was everywhere, all over my face, I couldn't see. I scooped at it, tucking it away so I could see her. "You okay?"

"Yes."

"You're bleeding." There was a cut on her temple, blood trickled down and dripped toward me. I inched my stuck boot out from beneath the rock, glad it hadn't been crushed, wow, I was so fucking lucky then. I crawled along on my back, inching upward so we were face to face and I could see her face properly. I took her chin gently, angling it so I could see her cut better.

Her eyes fixed on my shoulder. "As are you."

That would explain the pain in my shoulder. But that could wait. Head wounds bleed more, and she was dripping on me, not good. "It's fine," I said, reaching for my little first aid kit. I smiled for her as I opened an alcohol swab to clean the blood. "Quick thinking."

She sighed and winced at the same time. "Except now we are trapped. If I had time, I would have made it so we were standing."

"Better trapped than dead," I said, applying a patch to her cut. "Can you lift it?"

She looked really uncertain then, I wondered how much weight she was actually taking. "Possibly. Should I risk it?"

Interesting question. If it was one piece of rock, I would have said yes. But under closer inspection, there were several boulders she was braced against, I could see the rock indenting in her skin, although it hadn't broken through. "No. Looks like you've got two or three different pieces of rock there." I tossed the stick back up, and reached for my communicator, activating the emergency beacon. "Best to wait for the others. Can you hold it?"

She nodded and offered me a brave smile. "I will not fail."

"Good girl."

"Man, you okay?" Cyborg's voice asked.

I answered. "Yeah. We got caught in a rockslide."

"We?"

"Me and Star. She's holding it up. I can't see a way out right now. We need help."

"I'm setting up a blockade for Overload," Raven said, "Then I'll come get you. Is there enough room for a portal?"

I wasn't quite sure how much room she'd need for one, things were pretty cramped in here. Starfire shook her head.

"Probably not," I said. "Even if you opened one, we can't really move to get through it."

"I'll give it a try anyway; otherwise, I'll lift the rocks off."

"Careful," Beast Boy told us. "I'm up on the mountain now, looks like the rock's not stable yet."

"We're not going to try and force our way free, Star hasn't got the leverage for that. Stop Overload first, we don't want anyone else getting hurt. Just hurry."

"Star, you good?" Cyborg asked.

"It is very heavy," she said, and I could hear the strain in her voice. "Please hurry."

"Dude, want me to start moving rocks?" Beast Boy asked.

"Wait for Raven," I instructed. "Just in case it moves again."

"Hang in there," Cyborg said. "We'll get you."

I closed the communicator, concerned about Starfire. My hands went for my belt. "We'll just have to wait it out. I might be able to brace it up a bit with my sticks, take some of the weight—" There was a low rumble and I saw some of the rocks behind Starfire shift.

I reacted. Even though I'm human, my hands shot out as if my strength could somehow brace us against the weight of the rock.

Except my hands landed square on Starfire's breasts. Straight on there, one hand for each.

Completely hadn't been expecting that. The shock of where my hands were surprised Starfire so much that the rock shifted and she was forced flush against me, my hands trapped beneath us. We were squished together so tightly it was difficult breathe, let alone squirm loose.

My hands. Starfire's breasts. "Oh. Shit."

Starfire's nose bumped against my cheek. "My apologies."

Boobs. Soft. Right there. In my hands. This is so not how I imagined it would happen. "Damn, damn, damn."

"Do not panic."

Gotta get free, need to move, they're so damn soft but I can't move. "I'm stuck."

"As am I. Are you okay?"

I wriggled, shifting my back, breathing out, moving from side to side. This was bad. So bad. And yet nice at the same time. But bad. "Nothing broken, I'm just… stuck."

"Um, Robin?"

There had to be more space someplace. I looked around, I just needed a little. I couldn't imagine, didn't want to think about, what would happen if I was forced to stay like this for long, already I could feel myself reacting to her. My sight fell on the communicator. "Damn it, the communicators busted. It's going to make them harder to find us. Can you reach yours?"

"I cannot move."

"Damn it."

"Robin," Starfire snapped.

I needed an escape, whatever was troubling her could wait, "What?"

"Would you mind not flexing your hands?"

Oh. Oh. Fuck me. I forced them still. I couldn't believe I'd been feeling her up. We were stuck and I'd been taking advantage of that and having a good grope. "God, Star, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Please, just remain still. Our friends should rescue us soon."

We were so close. So close. I could feel her breath against my face, her completely kissable lips quivering. Every breath pushed her breasts against my hands. Bad, bad thoughts about how nice this was, how natural it could be to be pressed against her like this if I let myself.

Except that we were trapped beneath a ton of rock and this was completely against her will. Damn you, body, you're not supposed to be enjoying this.

"The rocks seem to have settled," Starfire murmured.

Well, that was something at least. "Good, we just have to hang on."

Starfire sighed. "This is most uncomfortable."

"You're telling me." I hesitated. "Can you, like, breath out or something? If we did it at the same time, I might be able to wiggle my hands free."

"I am already having difficulties breathing. I am trying not to do much and am doing my best to keep my weight off you. We could try."

"Okay, at three, breathe out. One, two, three."

I breathed out, forced as much out as I could, wriggling and twisting my hands. Poor Starfire mashed up her face, this had to be hard for her. I tried to be as quick as possible, but the moment my arms began to move, they hit rock at our side. There was just nowhere to go. And I'd successfully managed to force Starfire's breasts closer together, giving myself a lovely view of cleavage. I was so going to recall that image and the feel of her breasts in a private moment. Much later, not now. Not now, stupid body.

The fates were against me today.

"Yeah, that's not going to work," I said. "Too much rock at my sides to get them free, nowhere to go. Sorry."

"It was worth the try."

"Well, we're lucky you're so soft." So very soft.

"Pardon?"

Oh shit. That was out loud. I needed to engage my brain to mouth filter. "Ahh… nothing. Sorry."

She dipped into silence. I was glad, there really wasn't anything to say. Not really.

Then she started making these little shifts. Tiny movements. Hunching her shoulders. Shifting her hands. Wriggling her hips. It would be fine under normal circumstances. It would.

Except that my stupid, hormone driven body was already reacting to her proximity. My hands were on her so very soft and scrumptious breasts. And her wriggling hips were making her upper thigh, so warm, brush against the part of me standing to attention.

And she kept fucking going. Little movements. Shift and twitch and damn that felt so good. I closed my eyes, trying to contain myself and not being able to.

"There is a rock pressing against my leg."

Oh… fuck… she could feel it. Here I was being all dirty and letting her do it, thinking I was safe and she could feel it. "…"

She twitched again, more focused on her thigh now, the largest movement she'd made so far. Me coming against her would be so not good right now. She needed to stop while I still had a chance of backing it down. "Yeeeeeah… that's not a rock."

Okay, why was she trying harder to see it? Why was she twitching and looking? I panted lightly, every sense heighted, it felt so good and so wrong and it was Starfire and I was not supposed to let myself see her that way. At least, not when she was around.

"Could you, ahh, not move? Making it worse here." She froze and I let out a sigh of relief. Now I just had to concentrate and let the throbbing die down. "Thanks."

"Is that you?" she breathed. Why did she sound so excited about that?

I went red, I couldn't help it. "Yes, sorry." I turned away she wouldn't see my shame at reacting like that. "It's just a reaction, 'cause we're so close. Doesn't mean anything."

"Oh." A tiny, heartsore noise.

"Stupid of me, really, getting stuck like this," I muttered.

"I shall see if I can move."

What? Move? Stay there! I was just getting calm again. "Rubbing is not helpful. Just don't move."

"I do not wish for you to be uncomfortable, since it is unpleasant for you to be with me like this."

Her world filtered in to my brain. Unpleasant? What was she on? Didn't she realise it was exactly the opposite? "What?"

"You called yourself stupid for getting stuck here with me."

What? How could she possibly… "No, Star… I just meant, my hands, stuck… there… it's…"

"I am not as naive as you seem to think I am. I know exactly what this—" She moved her leg again and I gasped in response. I couldn't help it. "—is for and why you are having it, even if you claim it does not mean anything."

"It's just a reaction." Please, Star, let it go.

"Then it must be truly unpleasant for you to be caught like this, pressed against me as you are."

Why would she think that? "It's not unpleasant. It's just… it's you."

"So, you wish to be having this sort of reaction for someone else?"

Why did she have to do this now? There was nowhere I could go to hide. Nowhere to run. Nothing I could do to stop it. Except maybe getting cross with her. Did I mention not all my blood was in my brain? "God, Star, stop it. This is not the time or place."

"It never is."

"What do you want from me?"

"The truth," she insisted. "You never give me that. Robin, I need to know."

I ignored her. Not the time and place and I certainly wasn't going to give her the truth. What could I say? Starfire, I've had a crush on you since I first met you, but we can never be together.

She didn't seem to like my silence. "Robin?"

Denial. Only thing left now. "We are not having this conversation."

"Well, then, let us speak of something different," Starfire responded immediately, going into a little bit of a tirade. "Perhaps you would like me to recite the Poem of Endurance, there are seventy hundred and seventy seven stanza—"

"Fine," I ground out, exasperated. Anything to stop a Tamaranian poem recital. "What do you need to know?"

"What did you mean by you like the way things are?"

"Exactly that. I like the way they are. You're my best friend. I don't want to change anything." Can't change anything. Too much at stake. Please, why can't you see that?

"Oh."

"Starfire, this really isn't the best place. You need to concentrate." I used her full name, hoping to remind her I was the leader of the Titans. There were times she needed to obey.

Tears welled in her eyes and she sniffed.

"Oh, Star, no."

She turned away. I'd hurt her. I had. I knew she wanted to be more. She's not exactly subtle about it, for all my attempts to remain oblivious. But I couldn't give her more. I couldn't. I shifted, moved my head up so I could press our cheeks together. The words came out in a rush, a too late attempt to make her feel better, to offer her something. "No, Star, don't cry, please. I care for you. I care more than I should. But I can't be any more than that."

"Why not?"

"Because, you're my teammate. I'm your leader. I can't afford to put your needs over the others. I need to know you will act to my order without question. I need to know I can order you to do anything and it will be done. If we dated, we'd lose that certainty. I know how closely your powers are tied into your emotions. I couldn't bear if it we argued and you couldn't fly and got hurt. You'd be a distraction I can't afford."

"But what if—"

"I can't date anyone. What we do is too important. No distractions."

"But Beast Boy and Raven—"

"Aren't the leader. I am." And it hurts me to hurt her like this, she needed to understand. I had to. I did. Didn't I?

There was something wet against my face. "Please, Robin."

"Don't ask me this. I can't give you this." I'd give you anything else, Star, anything else you wanted, but I can't give you myself.

"You will not kiss me?"

She wanted a kiss. She wanted human affection, why would she want human affection? Why wasn't the relationship we had good enough?

I couldn't kiss her. That'd mean I'd have to face everything, admit my feelings for her, being scared for her in battle, more so than I was already, defying Bruce by dating a team mate. Putting my future in Bludhaven on the line. I couldn't just continue to be her best friend and nothing more if I kissed her. "No. No, I won't."

The look in her eyes shifted. For a moment, it looked like she'd throw all caution to the wind and just take what she wanted. And I knew, if she did that, I'd let her. I'd give her all the kisses she wanted and more. "Please don't."

The intensity in her eyes disappeared behind tears and she broke the lock she had over my body. I lifted my head so I could press our cheeks together. "I'm sorry." I wanted to take everything back, admit everything to her. I didn't want her to cry.

But I couldn't. There were other things at stake. Bigger than me, bigger than her. This, this was just puppy love. We could rise above it. It wasn't serious. Starfire and I, we'd never really work as a couple, not like we worked as best friends. I wanted Starfire as a best friend, I needed her as that. Screw my heart. I was a hero.

Except that my chest was so tight now, aching so badly I thought my heart was going to burst through my ribcage and ram into Starfire's.

Starfire was shaking. Trembling. I'd hurt her too much. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean for it to happen like that. I should have realised that one day it would.

"Robin," she said, her voice falsely brave. "I do not know how much longer I can brace here. I am scared for what might happen if I fail."

I was quick to reassure. She couldn't fail now, not because of me. "It's okay. It's okay, we'll be fine. The rocks not moving, Raven'll be here soon. You're doing great."

There was a little rumble and Starfire cried out. I wasn't sure why but it sounded like she was in pain. "Star?"

"Starfire? Robin?"

Oh, thank god. I turned my head so I wouldn't burst Starfire's eardrum. "Raven! We're stuck. Hurry!"

"Hang on," she called.

I went back to trying to reassure Starfire. She was being so strong, so amazing. "See, Raven's here. Just hold on, Star."

"Cyborg's got Overload," Raven called as she strained to move more rocks. "He'll be back in a minute to help. Should have you out by then."

Starfire moved, pushed against the rock, lifting away from me and I was able to free my hands. I shook them, getting the blood circulating again, before I placed them against her face. "Are you okay?"

Stupid thing to ask, really. She turned away. "Please do not ask me that."

Something slithered, then squirmed up between us. We jumped but it was only Beast Boy in snake form. He blinked at both of us, flicked out his tongue and slipped through some cracks in the rocks. "Little to the left, Raven. They're okay."

Starfire waited, bided her time, judging the rock above us. Finally she groaned and forced herself though the rock. Black energy coated rocks, pulling them away even further.

When the last rock was pulled away from us, dust clinging to the air, I knelt before Starfire as she slumped, looking at the ground. I hated the tear streaks on her face. I hated that I was the one that did this to her, but there was no other way. I unclipped my cape, draping it around her shoulders, hoping it would offer comfort when I couldn't. I touched her chin, drew her gaze to mine, then kissed her forehead. I'm sorry, I wanted to say. Forgive me, I wanted to plead, but I didn't. "Raven, stay there with he. I'll go find my bike."

"Dude, are you alright?" Beast Boy asked.

I locked gaze with him, then turned away. "Yup," I lied. "Did you see where my bike went?"


Author's Note:

Not doing all of Touch, but I may just do the closet scene.