Chapter 3 – Dating 101

Dave's POV

I'm going to dinner with Kurt Hummel. With. Kurt. Hummel.

I can feel my heart beating a rapid tattoo in my chest and I'm sure I look as if I'm going to be sick. Jesus, why am I wimping out? Maybe because everything about Hummel makes you nervous? That sarcastic voice in my head sounds a lot like Azimio. What the f_?

I haven't spoken to Az in a little while, mainly because I think he's still trying to get his head wrapped around the whole, 'your best friend is gay and I'm only just finding out' thing. I mean, we kinda talked about it – or around it, really – but he didn't look half as freaked out as I'd thought he would be. Hmmm? Maybe I can give him a call – I won't know if I don't try, if he's really okay with me.

I squeeze the button that has his number saved in it and speed-dial him, a little nervous about my reception.

"Yo, douche-bag! Why are you calling just as I'm heading to school?"

"Wait, no 'hi, Dave, how you been'? Just 'yo, douche-bag'?"

I was grinning while talking and I'm sure he could hear it; anyhow he answered pretty quickly.

"Well, yeah! You disappear to some fancy-ass school, just ditching me after landing that fucked-up announcement on me! Dude, you left here so fast, my dad had to tell me to clean the scorch marks your piece-of-shit truck left on our driveway!"

By this time I was well and truly cracking up, imagining him having to explain to his dad about leaving stinking rubber marks on the concrete. Finally I sobered and he sobered and then…

"So, want to hang out later?"

If that wasn't acceptance, I don't know what is.

"Sure," I was quick to say. "Uhm, I finish up here around 2:45. Meet at yours… say, 3:30?"

That was cool with Az and the day flew by real quick, between me worrying about facing him, telling him about Kurt and freaking out about the dinner date tomorrow. I sort of decided maybe texting Kurt for a little might make me relax.

Hey, Fancy, hope your dreams were sweet... I woke up smiling.
xxxxxx Hamhock
Feb 17 9:30 AM

After I send the text, I wonder briefly what he's doing. I guess he'd be in his first period but he's a sneaky texter and probably won't get into trouble. The little ping of his reply coincided with my heart doing that lame jumping thing. Ugh!

From Kurt: Good morning, Handsome! If you could see the terrible blush on my face right now, you would know just how 'sweet' my dreams were. ;)
Have a great day today; I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
xoxoxox Fancy

Feb 17 9:34 AM

There he goes with that 'handsome' thing again. I can feel the heat in my face and I'm glad none of the guys are watching me right now. I tap out a reply quickly and look around to see if anyone's noticing me.

Wow, my mind is going only one place and now I look like a tomato!
We have to talk about your habit of blowing my mind, Fancy.
Not now, though; talk tonight?
xoxoxox Hamhock

Feb 17 9:37 AM

From Kurt: LOL, a tomato? Really? You always did look good in red, even if I hate those hideous letterman jackets. Aaannnddd, I'll leave out my next comment and insert a line from Santana and just say *wanky* I have glee practice today until 4, then I'm working at my dad's shop until 7. We can talk anytime after that if you're available.
xoxoxox Fancy

Feb 17 9:40 AM

I marvel that someone who always looks so pristine and put-together actually works in a garage – as a mechanic! Kurt is just so… he's so awesome… I really hate the jerk I was back then but I won't get stuck in those thoughts anymore. Kurt's forgiven me so it's time I tried to forgive myself.

Better lay off of the compliments, Fancy, my head does not need to get bigger. ;)
Yeah, after 7 is cool for me, too. Be good.
xoxoxox Hamhock

Feb 17 9:43 AM

From Kurt: David you cannot send me texts loaded with innuendo and expect me to let it
go! So, I'll just say... I will try my hardest to be good for you. Hehehehe.
3
xoxoxox Fancy

Feb 17 9:47 AM

I laugh out loud at that last bit. He's so flirty and mischievous, I can't get over it. I realize I'm grinning all over my stupid face even as the bell goes and I have no idea what I was supposed to have been learning in this period. Eh, maybe I can bum the notes off of one of these guys, tell them I was sleeping or something, and I grin to myself.

That afternoon, I pull up in front of Az's home, and no, I swear that I'm not tearing up – the sunlight just bounced off my wing mirror wrong. Still, I think I must be sitting here for a little too long because I can see the front door fling open and Az's bulk darkening the doorway.

"Hey, idiot, get inside and stop cluttering up my driveway!"

That put a huge grin on my face and I leap out of my truck – which is not a piece of shit like Az says – and sprint up the walkway. We collide in the doorway and I can hear his mom yelling from the kitchen like she usually does.

"You boys stop bringing down the property values and get your behinds inside this minute!"

We grin and do that fist bump, shoulder check thing we'd thought was so cool when we were younger, and head towards the kitchen. Az's mom is by the center island peeling like a ton load of vegetables that I know she's preparing for the roast I can smell already in the oven.

"Hey, Mrs. A., how you been?"

She rolls her eyes scarily like Az does, puts down the paring knife and just holds her arms out. I lumber right into them and she hugs me good. She's not a small woman but she's not as big as Az or his dad and she holds me like she always used to. Sometimes when we were little and pretending not to be scared about approaching storms or something, she would hug me as much as she hugged Az it seemed. Now is no different and I just let her get her hugging on.

When we pull back she gives me a little shove and tells us to stop blocking the light in her kitchen and go and do what delinquents usually do. I pretend to be mortally wounded by that but sneak a piece of carrot in front of her before I follow Az upstairs to his room. His mom is so cool because I know Az told her about me and yet she hasn't treated me any different.

"So, what's got your panties all in a bunch you have to come running to old Az?"

I roll my eyes and plop myself down onto his huge bed, ignoring his annoyed look as he takes the desk chair. I chew and swallow the last of the carrot… and then I look at him seriously.

"Well, I think my panties have a right to be in a bunch, see."

I smirk as he stares at me with his eyebrows lowered. "Now, what the hell does that mean, idiot?"

"Well, this idiot might have gone and got himself a boyfriend."

I'd never understood when in Literature someone wrote about silence 'being profound'; now I know. Az stares at me for what feels like forever but probably is closer to a few seconds.

"Get the fuck out of here! You didn't!"

I feel a mixture of pride and fear even while I try on a smug grin, nodding at him in a way I knew would piss him off. That's the thing with friends you've known since you were in diapers; you can get away with shit like that.

"Oh, yeah, and you wouldn't guess who, either."

He stares at me and then slowly something changes in his face. Seconds pass and then, all of a sudden his brown eyes widen like they're gonna pop out of his head. He jumps out of the chair and I straighten up, a little alarmed.

"Fuck, no! It's Hummel, right?!"

"Azimio Adams, you watch your mouth in there!"

His mom's sudden yell almost outside his door startles us but it sobers us up a bit, too. We stare at each other and then I nod slowly. To my everlasting surprise, Az burst into this loud, guffawing laughter that has water in his eyes and he can barely breathe. I think I feel a little offended.

"Az, what's wrong with you. This is serious, man!"

He finally slows down to the occasional chuckle, looks at me with this odd expression and finally announced, "You for sure damn right it's serious. Hummel's a badass for being such a fairy, dude! He'll take a knife to you if you screw with him… the wrong way, that is." And he's off again, cackling like a drunk in a sidewalk gutter.

I sit back on the bed and wait for him to calm his ass down. I have no doubt that he is right because Kurt's tongue could eviscerate anyone at 20 paces if you mess with him. Still, my heart beat with excitement that a guy like him would want a clown like me. He is so hot, so beautiful, with more talent in his little finger than the whole damn Glee club have in their whole bodies.

I don't notice that Azimio is watching me – and has been apparently for a little while – until I realize the room has been silent now for some time. I look up and see him eyeing me with a little smirk on his face.

"So, when did you get your head out of your ass and finally ask Hummel out?"

I huff a little because it hadn't gone quite like that. "Well, uhm, he… It was like this, see_"

"Aww, nah; you're shitting me! He asked you out first? Come on, dude, you're seriously letting me down here!"

I stare at him. "Wait_ hold on… This doesn't freak you out? Me being… uhm, me going out with Kurt – you're okay with that?"

Azimio rolls his eyes and then turns this really pitying look on me. "Dude, would you be here, hugging on my mom and up in my bedroom, if it wasn't okay with me? What, you get a boyfriend and lose all your IQ points?"

Wow, and that was all that he says on the issue. Manly men don't need to talk things to death or anything 'cause… we're guys. We don't do the braiding hair, painting toenails thing, even if one of us in the room is gay. He says he's fine with me and that's it.

Then…

"So, we have a date tomorrow and I don't know what to do."

The statement drops like a stone in a pond… no skipping, just plunk! Az looks at me and shakes his head before leaning back in his chair like he's going into lecture mode. Oh, god, kill me now.

"Well, first, in the 'Azimio Adams Handbook for the Terminally Stupid', Chapter One: Dating 101, you're going to wine him and dine him. Well, you're both under age so no wine – but you know what I mean."

It was my turn to roll my eyes but I decided to humor him so I nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I get that part."

"Okay, good. Next, when you get him home – since this is the first date – you sit for a bit in the car. Oh god, you're picking him up in your crappy truck, aren't you?"

I widen my eyes at him but shake my head. "No! He's picking me up… and after dinner, we're going to this old drive-in that he found."

"Woo-hoo!" Azimio throws his head back, the belly laugh startling me and I feel the heat coming into my face. Damn, my best friend is a real balls-buster.

He shakes his head, muttering something about being the girl and then continued with his stupid lecture.

"Okay, okay, changes things a bit," he says and sits back with his hands folded on his belly. If I didn't love the idiot like a brother I would have kicked him then. "So, you're sitting there at this dinky old drive-in; you've got to compliment him on how he looked at dinner, get that?" He sounds as if he's expecting me to be jotting stuff down!

I murmur 'yes, got that' and he continued.

"So then, you slide your arm, real slow-like, behind his seat, not touching yet, mind you."

"Az, Jesus, this isn't some '50s movie, okay? Man, you're such an idiot!"

"Hey, this is Hummel we're talking about! You can't just go feeling him up like he's some hot-to-trot cheerleader, dude! He'll kick you in the balls and you know he's a helluva kicker!"

Hmmm, he has a point there but, oh my God, Az was being sooo cheesy! Still, I settle down and wave for him to continue.

"Yeah, well, as I was saying before the interruption from the penny section: you've got to ease into these things. Nice and slow and respectful like, you make sure your hand brushes his shoulder or his hair – oh wait, not the hair or he'll be screeching like a banshee and you'll be walking home."

Okay, no touching the hair – at least not yet.

"So, you brush his shoulder and when he turns those big, pretty blue eyes on you, that's when you make your move."

Pretty. Blue. Eyes. Huh? I eye Az suspiciously and wonder for a moment if there is something he wants to tell me. Nah, couldn't be but when he sees me looking, he bursts out laughing.

"Dude, I'm straight, okay, but no one can miss those eyes. He must have got them from his momma because no way in hell did he get them from old man Hummel."

I kinda relax then and he wraps up the lecture with a warning. "Dude, when you kiss him, do not use tongue! As much as it still freaks me out a little that you'll be doing this with a dude, even I know that's too much for a first date."

His points aren't bad ones at all, although I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even have got up the courage anyway to touch Kurt, much less kiss him! I let Az tell me what to wear (no hoodie, no tee-shirt but dark jeans and a button-up shirt) but I shove him away when he tries to imply I might need a trim. Yeah, yeah, the brother I never had.

I stay for dinner after calling my dad to tell him where I am; I feel a little bad that he's eating alone but I haven't hung out with Az in a while. The hilarity of the Adams family makes me kinda sorry that it took me so long to get around to linking up with Az again.

Dinner sorta, kinda segues into a round of GoW and it's when Mrs. A looks into the room that I realize how late it is. Curfew is 10 and it's already five minutes of so I grab my backpack and skedaddle, thanking Mrs. A for the great food as usual. She hands me a saran and foil-wrapped plate for dad and I give her my usual peck on the cheek.

I leave Az's house feeling way better on so many levels and I know I'll probably text him after the date like some wide-eyed sophomore. He really was alright with me liking Kurt and dating him, and seemed pretty serious about me not screwing up this first date. In fact, when he was letting me out the front door, his last words were, "and don't let me down!"

Weird. I smile all the way home, though, because it is good to have my best friend in my corner. If only those damn butterflies would leave my stomach alone. I had the whole of Friday at school to get through and then dinner with Kurt. Oh, jeeze, I feel sick now.

I'd just got out of the shower, glad as usual that I have my own bathroom so I can walk around with as little clothes as possible, when my phone beeps. Incoming text! Damn, I hope it's Kurt.

I dive for it as it's doing that little spinning thing it does when it vibrates and grab it before it slides over the edge of my desk. I tap the screen and it lights up. Incoming text: Fancy. Yes! I tap it and read the text, grinning like the idiot I am.

From Kurt: Hey, Handsome, you busy? Just got out of the shower…

I swear I thought I would never get the grease out from under my nails.
xoxoxox Fancy

Feb 17 10:23 PM

Oh. My. God. He… just got out… of the shower… I don't realize I'm holding my breath until it escapes in a whoosh, my mind's eye occupied with the image of all that warm, damp, smooth, pale flesh. No, not pale, it would be flushed pink from the heat of the water. Gah! That boy is gonna kill me, and he won't even realize how he'd done it!

I've been staring at the text for a while before I blink and dash off an answer. Poor kid must think he's talking to someone severely challenged. I decide that I'll give him tit-for-tat… and maybe up the ante a bit.

Well, hey, guess what? I just got out of the shower too. That's some great visuals there, Fancy.

What are you wearing now?

xoxoxox Hamhock

Feb 17 10:27 PM

I grin as I put down the phone and whip off the damp towel. I try not to glance down at my body but a certain part of me is beginning to be really interested in my text... and its possible reply. I grin as I imagine his gorgeous blue eyes widening and his mouth doing that rounding thing that draws attention to how pink and pouty his lips are. Hoo boy, yup, getting interested down there, aren't you?

I'm not usually in the habit of talking to parts of my body but this guy is being really insistent now. I grab a clean pair of boxers from my chest of drawers and slip it on quickly before flinging myself on the bed, just in time as the phone dings.

From Kurt: Awww! Such a waste of natural resources, separate showers ")
I'm wearing my favorite Dior grey silk pajamas. And you?
xoxoxo Fancy

Feb 17 10:31 PM

Whoa, silk pajamas? I swallow hard as I imagine the material caressing his skin. Damn, what I wouldn't give to see him right now… even touch him…

I'm wearing plain old boxers, Fancy, nothing special. You, though, wow!

I don't think I've ever seen silk pajamas. Wanna show me?

xoxoxox Hamhock

Feb 17 10:34 PM

I'm holding my breath for two reasons: I can't believe I actually sent that… and I can't wait to see if he'll do it. I wonder if I've gone past whatever boundaries we have in this crazy thing we have going but I'll just have to wait and see… and my heart is pounding like mad as I lie here.

From Kurt: ABSOLUTELY! Your room or mine? ")
I bet those boxers would look sexy on my floor!
xoxxox Fancy

Feb 17 10:37 PM

OH MY GOD! WHAT?! My fingers fly over the phone as soon as I can draw breath.

WHOA! I meant take a picture, Fancy! I almost swallowed my tongue just then!

Whew, not that your idea is bad, per se… It's just … kinda soon?

Xoxoxox Hamhock

Feb 17 10:40 PM

Shit! Is he embarrassed now? I really only meant for him to take a picture… and maybe we would laugh over it and I would send mine back. Although, hmm, my boxers aren't all that sexy. I stare down at the phone, biting my lip and wondering if I should take back that last text.

From Kurt: Ah, David you have to be more specific! How was I to know?
You can't say things like that and not expect me to react,

I am a teenage boy, first and foremost.
Your picture is attached ") and I expect one back.
xoxoxo Fancy

Feb 17 10:43 PM

P.S.: Using the words 'swallowed' and 'tongue' in the same text is so not fair! ")

Feb 17 10:45 PM

I laugh out loud at that last line and look to my bedroom door quickly. I listen for a bit but I don't hear my dad moving about. Maybe he's still downstairs. I turn back to the phone and tap it to open the attached photo.

My mouth falls open because, Jesus, Kurt's only wearing the pajama bottoms! The way he's lying, sort of reclining on his pillows and obviously holding his hand with the phone out before him, I can see up his body from near his groin, up his torso and the lower half of his smiling face.

God, he's beautiful! The tiny screen on my phone doesn't do him enough justice but I can see the slight rise of his package beneath the smooth gray material and his nicely defined stomach and chest muscles. He's not ripped like Puckerman or Evans but he's no slouch in the muscles department, at all.

The sexiest thing in that picture, though, is his smile. I want to kiss him so bad and I use the zoom option on my phone to take a closer look. He must have been biting his lower lip just before snapping the pic because it looks moist and very pink.

Wow, I can't stop staring… and then I remember that I have to reply, which I do with suddenly clumsy fingers. First, though, I turn the phone around and snap a pic of my body, hoping that he will react to it much the same way I had to his. I send it with a short reply and then settle back to wait.

God, Fancy, you are all kinds of beautiful! Who knew there was all that beneath those outfits you wear?! Now all I want is to touch you, and taste that gorgeous smile. You have no idea what you do to me. There's a pic attached… but please be kind. *o*

xoxoxox Hamhock

Feb 17 10:49 PM

It seems like in less than no time the answer is back and I tap the phone's face with my thumb.

From Kurt: Dearest David, I take back every snarky, b*tchy comment I ever made! You're beautiful!
Why do you hide all those luscious muscles under baggy clothes? My palms are itching right now to touch you, to run my fingertips over every inch of you. I'm having a hard time trying to keep myself from leaving my house right now and driving to yours.
xoxoxoxoxoxox Fancy

Feb 17 10:53 PM

My face heats up again at the same time there are other reactions throughout my body. I think I might be a little faint, just at the thought of Kurt wanting to do all that to me – as well as wanting me enough to drive over right now!

I roll over onto my stomach, subconsciously pressing down into the firmness of the mattress and close my eyes. I think I'm breathing? I haul in a huge breath. Yes, okay, breathing now… and then I stare at the phone, at a real loss for words. I mean, how do I top that?

Then I know the perfect thing to say and I tap out the reply one-handed while I adjust myself, grinning all the time.

If I could get the blood back up to my brain, I would drive over to yours instead.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Hamhock

Feb 17 10:57 PM

Yeah, I think this is really heating up and I stare at the phone as I wait.

From Kurt: Tomorrow can't come fast enough, David! I'm not sure how I will make it through the day.
I wish you were here with me, too...
xoxoxo Fancy

Feb 17 11:00 PM

The tone of the text makes my body calm down but strangely enough it brings this little smile to my face. He almost sounds sleepy, if someone can sound sleepy in a text. It would be great to be able to pull him close to me, just hold him, and fall asleep. Ugh, I'm such a wimp. Which 18-year-old thinks romantic thoughts, especially about the boy he'd love to do a whole lot more with?

Kurt brings out all these mixed-up feelings in me, though, and I wish I could see what he looks like just as he's falling asleep. Hmmm, maybe right after we… Shit, I shake myself out of that thought to remember I need to reply.

Close those beautiful eyes for me now, Fancy, and tomorrow will be here before you know it.

Text me when you wake up? That will set the tone for the rest of the day. Love you…

xoxoxox Dave

Feb 17 11:04 PM

Yeah, yeah, pretty mushy but I suspect Kurt appreciates that stuff with his sexy show tune-singing self. I grin and then lie back to stare at the ceiling, laying the phone on my chest, though I know I should charge it. I close my eyes and picture him doing the same over at his house in his no-doubt fancy bedroom. I do feel sleepy but I feel like my mind is smiling still.

Tomorrow is gonna be a good day.