A.N
Hey everyone sorry that it's taken me so long to get round to posting this but real life has been seriously kicking my ass these last few months.
Anyway I hope you enjoy this update and I'll start the next chapter as soon as possible. I have the whole story mapped out so I just have to get off my lazy ass and write the chapters. I'm off for the summer next week so I'll have more time then. Have faith, I will finish it... eventually. I just want to thank the readers who reviewed my story, it really meant a lot to me. So thanks!
I really hope you all like this chapter. Please review and tell me what you think!
Kimmy... xx
"What are you doing here?" I gasped, as the shock wore off and my heart rate returned to normal. Jake chuckled, his dark eyes dancing in the dim light.
"Jeez, Bells. You sure know how to make a guy feel welcome!"
"Sorry Jake, It's been a long day."
"Sure, sure. What happened to you today? I was looking for you; Claire wanted to see her auntie B." He asked, as he jumped down beside me on the bed.
I peeked up at him through my curtain of wavy locks.
"I went inside..." my voice cracking at the end.
"Why would you do that to yourself, Bells?" he asked as he pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his thick arms around my now quivering frame. I hadn't realised I was crying until I felt my hot tears, slide down my cheeks and splashing on our joined hands.
"I don't know Jake. I just... God, I miss them all so much. I never thought I could hurt so much." My sobs wracked through my fragile body and his arms tightened around me.
"Shhh Bella, It's OK, I'm here." The sky lightened as we lay in my bed, Jacob, playing his role as best friend perfectly, as he tried his hardest to ease my suffering. God, how many times has Jacob held me as I cried? How many nights has he sat with me, silently begging that he could chase away my nightmares, the utter emptiness and self-loathing that had seeped into my very core, choking me every second of every day?
I didn't deserve him or his kindness and everlasting patience. Although the pain was unbearable as it slowly tore at my very being I knew that it would be one hundred times worse without my best friend. I could feel his love and concern for me wrapping around me protectively, it hung in the air, and although I knew it was a familial, brotherly love it soothed me enough so I could calm down, my broken sobs turning them to saddened whimpers as my heavy eyelids finally drifted closed.
Sometime later I felt myself being slowly shaken awake by warms hands.
"Bella sweetheart, wake up."
"Jake...?" my groggy, sleep filled mind wanted to ask, but all that came out was a crackled mumble. I cleared my scratchy throat and rubbed my sore, bloodshot eyes while taking the glass of water Jake held out for me.
"Morning sunshine." He chuckled as I drained the glass in two large gulps. The water eased my throat and cleared my head a little.
"How do you feel?" Jake asked.
"Like shit!" was my grumbled reply. Jake snorted at the scowl on my face.
"Yeah, you don't look so hot. Seriously Bells what's with the crow's nest?" he said eyeing my tangled mess of hair.
"You're such a jerk Jacob Black." I whined as I futilely swept my hands through it, in an attempt to tame the frizz. It didn't help. As I looked at him with clear eyes, I could see the concern etched on his beautiful face, and the pain just barely contained in his effortlessly kind eyes.
In that moment I knew that I needed to tell him of Aro's ultimatum. I needed to tell them all.
"Jake..." I said, my voice came out in a soft whisper as if any louder and it would have broken under the weight of my decision.
"Could you take me to La Push? There's something I need to tell you and it would be better if the pack were all together."
"Sure Bella, no problem. Are you okay?" He said, worry creeping onto his face. "Yeah, Yeah I'm fine. I just need to talk to the pack." I replied, attempting to sound as sure as I could.
"Are you sure?" I could tell by his tone that he was still worried. I couldn't trust my voice so I just nodded my head. "Okay then. You get ready and I'll let the guys know that we are coming."
"Thanks Jake. I love you Jake, you know that, don't you?"
"Yeah. I love you too B. You're like a sister to me, my best friend. I just worry about you, is all." His gaze held mine and I could see what he said was nothing but the truth.
At least one of the people I love, love me back. As if he could tell what I was thinking he told me to go shower and he'll be back soon.
As I stood in the bathroom, towel drying my still wet hair I looked at myself in the mirror, for what seemed like the first time in weeks.
I could barely recognise myself, my skin and hair were dull, my eyes were lifeless and I had lost a lot of weight. I looked a mess. My eyes were rimmed with dark, black circles, evidence of my sleepless nights.
It was then I knew that no matter what I done, no matter what Jake or Charlie or Renee or even the rest of the pack did, I would never, could never heal. Yes they could try to patch and stitch me back together again but like Humpty Dumpty.
I was broken, and will be forever.
"You ready Bells?" Jake asked from the doorway.
"Yeah, that's me."
"Good the packs at Em's house. Breakfast will be ready in ten." He said with a kind of half smile on his face.
"Great. I'm starved."
The drive to Emily's house was quiet but comfortable. Before I knew it, we were settles in her bright, welcoming kitchen eating the best eggs anyone had ever tasted.
Finally when everyone had eaten all they could and the dishes were cleared, Sam in full on alpha mode, turned to face me obviously wondering why it was so important that I talk to everyone.
"So Bells, What's wrong?" He said. I cleared my throat and sucked in a deep breath preparing myself for telling them about the Volturi and my ultimatum.
"Well I'm pretty sure you guys know that I went to the Cullen's house yesterday." I took their stony expressions as a yes.
"When I was there, I... I met..." As I fumbled over my words, I could tell the pack were on edge. Their prejudice of vampires was making them uneasy. I wouldn't be able to get through this without at least one of them interrupting me.
I looked at Sam, my eyes meeting his, the anxiety in them clear to see.
"Before I tell you guys, I need you to promise not to interrupt me, it's complicated enough."
"It's okay Bella, no one will interrupt you. Please just tell us." I could hear the alpha's authority in Sam's voice.
Felling more confident, I launched myself into retelling yesterday, leaving nothing out. As I neared the end of my story I looked at the faces of everyone in the room.
Sam was furious, Emily looked distressed and Jacob... God, Jake looked livid and like he was going to throw up at the same time. The rest of the pack, they looked angry and annoyed, like I expected.
"So let me get this straight!" Jake snapped. His voice and body trembling under the strain of his anger, he couldn't seem to make himself go on, so Sam spoke up.
"Those filthy, disgusting bloodsucking leeches, told you that you have to be turned or they will kill you?" His voice sounding incredulous, eyes shining with fury.
"Yes." Was all I could manage to choke out.
"No fucking way!" Looks like Jacob found his voice again.
"We can protect you. We WILL protect you."
"Jake no you can't. I broke the rules, It's only right that I deal with the consequences."
"But you didn't do anything wrong! This is that fucking bastard Edward's fault. The Cullens did this." I winced at the hatred dripping from Jake's every word and the mention of the Cullens.
"Jake, calm down. Now!" Sam ordered.
"Bella we can't allow them to do this." "You're just going to have to Sam." Irritation was breaking through my calm facade.
"If you try to intervene the Volturi will kill not only the pack, but everyone in La Push and Forks!"
They all stiffened at this, Sam's eyes flashed to Emily's ruined face, the pain at possibly losing her written all over his face.
"Sam believe me, you will never stand a chance against them. They are the rulers of the vampire world and what they say goes, no questions, no exceptions. Anyway... I've made my decision already."
At this Jake was out of his seat, standing in front of me, his face crumpled in despair.
"Bella, please..." but I cut him off. "Jake its okay, believe me. I just need you to be there for me."
"You're my best friend Bells, of course I'm going to be there for you."
"Thank you Jake." I said choking back my tears.
"So Bella, what have you decided?" Sam questioned, anger still visible in his eyes. I could tell he was resolved to respect my decision no matter what it is, but he still didn't like the choices.
"I don't want to be a monster. I've decided to say no to joining their world." My voice holding steady which surprised me, because inside it felt like I was falling apart, crumbling under the pressure.
"I have one month left." No one knew what to say, the silence stretched on and just as it began to feel uncomfortable, Jake finally spoke up.
"What about Charlie?"
There it was, the one thing I couldn't ignore. I would be forced to leave my father, my home. And I only had one month to show him how much he means to me, how much I truly love him, how much I respect him and how grateful I am that he's my father.
"I don't, I haven't..." my eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"We tell him." Everyone's eyes snapped to the last person I thought would ever suggest something like that.
"Sam?" I asked unsure.
"We tell him EVERYTHING... about the pack, the Cullens, your birthday, why they left and about the Volturi."
"Are you sure?" I still couldn't believe it was Sam who was saying this.
"Yes Bella, I'm sure. You should rind you dad and tell him to meet us at Billy's house. Paul, Embry and Jared let Billy know what's happening."
As they all moved out Jake grabbed hold of me and pulled me into a bone crushing hug. I could feel his lips on my forehead as he held me.
"God Bella. I don't know what to say. I don't want to lose you. I love you too much."
"I know Jake, I love you too, but I'll be okay." Jake led me out to the porch and over to the bench. We sat in silence just being with each other for a long time.
I pulled out my phone and dialled Charlie's number. With a deep breath I pressed the call button.
"Chief Swan." He answered.
"Hey dad, it's Bella." I replied, hoping my nerves didn't show.
"Oh hey Bells, you okay?" He asked, sounding kind of worried.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just down at La Push and just rang to invite you down for dinner at Billy's, and I'm cooking."
"Sounds good. Tell Billy I'll be down at six. I'll bring the beer and we can watch the game." He said, getting excited.
"Sure, no problem dad. See you later, love you."
"Love you too Bells." Sam walked up as I shut the phone.
"Sorted?" He asked.
"Yeah dad is going to come up after work."
"Good, Billy knows now. He agrees that telling Charlie is for the best."
"Okay." And with that Sam gave me a quick, meaningful gaze and walked back inside to find his fiancé.
"Bella?" Jake hesitated. "Hmm?" I said, looking up into his eyes. "You want to go down to the beach?" He broke out into an infectious smile.
"Of course, I would love to Jake." I said my face breaking out into my own form of his beautiful smile, but I know I didn't quite pull it off as well as Jake did. Jake ignored it and we walked hand in hand down to our spot in First Beach.
I was feeling finally at ease for the first time since my run in with Aro and the Volturi. As we walked, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about how long it would last.
