"How should I be going about this whole… 'shagging you' thing?" House asked as he stepped up to his secretary's desk.
"House," Alicia shook her head and didn't look up for a while. "Why are you so confident that I want to give into you?"
"Oh, well if you're more of the Dominatrix type-"
"House!" Alicia's whisper was deathly as she leaned in. She saw House's pale blue eyes flick from her face to her low-cut shirt. She sat up straight, inwardly sighing in annoyance.
"Allen?" House asked smirking and raising his brows.
"House," Alicia repeated sighing and collecting her cool, "Go find a sock and relieve yourself of all manly desires."
"A sock?" House rubbed his stubble. "As a doctor, I would have to say that's a lot less sanitary than actually-"
"House!" Cameron called the doctor from down the hall. House's face of agonizing annoying was priceless (so priceless that Alicia wished she had a picture) as one of House's eyes closed, the other rolling like a teenager's eye, his whole posture collapsing and his smile of amusement vanishing.
"What?!" House turned around snapping at the young female doctor on his team.
"He's in cardiac arrest," Cameron informed House.
House's brows furrowed, the wrinkles and confusion becoming apparent on his face. "What the hell?" House asked the air. House pulled out his bottle of vicodin a popped a couple pills.
…
House stepped into the patient's room to find the patient very alert and awake. "They just told me you were..." House pointed awkwardly to the man in the bed then over to Cameron who looked puzzled herself.
"It was temporary," Foreman shrugged, "His heart is fine now."
"Well… that's a miracle," Cameron stated.
"A miracle?" House asked raising a brow. "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm an actor…" He answered.
"Ah…" House nodded, "A traveling road show, perhaps?"
"No… not a road show…" He shifted awkwardly in his bed.
"Mmm-hmm," House nodded. "And where did you travel to last?"
"England," The patient informed simply.
House nodded and turned to leave.
…
House sat down in the conference room with the other doctors. House looked at the white board with all of the notes on the patient's conditions and crossed off each one as he considered them.
"What's your idea, House?" Chase asked as he stood in the corner.
"He's ill," House spoke glancing over his shoulder with a small smirk.
"Obviously," Foreman rolled his eyes.
"Mentally," House finished his thought. "His brain's gone into super-acting mode. It's decided to play the part of a hyperthyroidistic brain. Let me tell you about those actors…"
"Is that possible?" Cameron asked.
"Of course it's possible. Go call a psychiatrist for this guy…" House left the conference room and began to limp down the hallways. It was five o'clock; time to leave.
…
House stepped into his apartment and heard the phone ringing. He limped in a little and sat letting the phone ring. The answering machine finally asked the caller to record a message.
"House." It was Wilson. "The pipes in my apartment complex burst and I need some place to stay," House stood and began to hobble over to the phone as quickly as he could.
"Hello?" House asked acting as if he hadn't heard the beginning of the message.
"House," Wilson sounded relieved as he probably smiled.
"Wilson," House nodded, "What do you want?"
"The pipes in my apartment building burst and I was wondering if I could stay with you," Wilson informed House.
"What's the magic word?" House asked.
"Please?" Wilson asked.
"Are you begging me, Wilson?" House smiled.
"Well… if I have to…" Wilson probably was looking at the ground sheepishly.
"Yeah alright," House acted as if he didn't want him there, "If I really have to let you stay here."
"Thank you House," Wilson was relieved obviously. His voice displayed it.
"Yeah, whatever," House sighed and hung up on the doctor. House smiled hobbling cane-less over to the kitchen to check that there were enough supplies for Wilson to make pancakes.
…
House sat on the couch playing his acoustic guitar and popping pills of vicodin. He heard a knock on the door and he stopped playing guitar to shout to Wilson, "It's open!"
The door opened and in walked Wilson with his bag of doctor whatnot and a trash bag of… wet clothes apparently. "Thank you so much, House," Wilson thanked yet again after finding the man on the couch.
"It's absolutely no problem," House stated sarcastically. "I'm sure you know this apartment like the back of your hand by now." House began to play guitar as Wilson didn't speak.
Wilson went over to the bathroom and peeked into the room to take it out just as quickly. "Since when did it get so messy?"
"Since you left," House had stopped playing guitar to answer, but continued again.
"Why don't you keep the place up?" Wilson asked stepping back into the living area.
House, with an aggravated face put the guitar down. He couldn't play with Wilson bothering him. "I don't know, Wilson," House said with bright sarcasm, "Out of the two of us, you're the more womanly… It's just… the way things were meant to be."
"Womanly?" Wilson asked stepping into the kitchen.
"Well, yeah, you clean, you… blow dry your hair and you cook the most amazing meals," House stated not looking up, "I've never had a straight man produce such wonderful meals as yourself."
"House," Wilson shook his head and sighed letting it go. "Are you hungry?" He took out some food products and began to prepare food.
"There you go… being all woman-y again," House stood and limped over to the kitchen doorway. "Yeah," He admitted smiling slightly, but hiding it with an exasperated lip roll. House furrowed his brow at what Wilson was doing. "What in the world are you making?" He asked as if disgusted by the ingredients Wilson was dealing with.
Wilson put a box on the counter so House could see. "Beef Stroganoff," Wilson read the box for House.
"It's boxed…" House stated after examining the box in his hands.
"I'm being a man tonight," Wilson stated taking the box back.
House smiled inwardly, although he suppressed it forcing a loud sarcastic laugh. "Oh-ho, Wilson!" House slapped his shoulder then hobbled over to the couch to relieve his leg.
