Yes, I am writing this fanfic in the spirit of Blue Bloods, Push and Gilmore Girls, but it is a Blue Bloods novel still, it just proves how much mothers have to risk and sacrifice to have us and bring us into this world. They love us oh so much.
Staring at her reflection in the mirror, Schuyler brushed out her curls and then pumped them up; she leaned over the sink and touched up her eye makeup. Straightening her back, she evaluated everything, her dark blue jeans and black turtleneck that had flopped down and had a made in belt somewhat in between the stomach and waist.
She walked out of the bathroom and into the living room to find her daughter, Isabella there, sitting on the couch, reading a book of hers, because she loved reading so much. Schuyler just leaned against the frame of the doorway and took in a breath and smiled at the sight.
"I can hear you breathing," Bella said, not moving in the slightest.
"I know, it's just such a Kodak sight," Schuyler joked as she sat next to Bella, "I love you," she told her daughter. Those little blue eyes, such bright blue eyes, looked up from behind the pages of the book and smiled at Schuyler, at her mother.
"I know, I love you too," Bella told her, and then marked her page before jumping off the bed, and they both got their jackets from the closet. Schuyler just grabbed a puffy brown vest, and helped Bella into her cream, long sleeved jacket that ruffled at the end of the sleeves and had dark blue and brown sequins and they walked all the way into town, talking about their day, Schuyler sharing stories of her work that were appropriate for Bella's little innocent ears, and Bella told Schuyler about all of the girls and teachers at her school, telling her about woodchips incidents during recess.
They made it to their favorite diner, Blackham's, and took one of the tables by the window, and their favorite waitress, Allison, comes by, in her short skirt, leggings and leg warmers, and takes their order.
"What will it be this night, ladies?" She asks as she clicks her pen.
"Same as the last time, Allie," Schuyler said as she folded up the menus that were left on the table.
"With more ketchup – and I'll have a hot dog with my cheeseburger, with ketchup."
"Alright, loads of ketchup with an added hot dog to the equation, alrighty, let's see, you want anything else to your meal, Schuyler?" Allison asked, not bothered at all.
"Hmm… we'll have ice cream afterwards," Schuyler thought out loud sweetly.
"Yes! Yes, ice cream, most definitely," Bella agreed.
"With ketchup?" Allison teased and then put away her notepad and pen, "I'll be right back, guys," she said and then went back to the counter that was in between the diner and the kitchen.
"Okay, so what did Winona do after the bed wetter?" Bella asked as she unfolded her napkin and took the utensils out.
"Well, we just cleaned the sheets, and she made it out to be such a drama fest, too, just like Winona would," Schuyler told her.
"So would I," Bella agreed. "That's nasty," she added and then her eyes brightened up as she saw someone coming from behind Schuyler's view. "Kevin!" She exclaimed and then a tall, scruffy brunette guy came over.
"Hey, Belly," he said and leaned down to wrap her up in a quick hug and then turned to Schuyler, who stood up at his arrival. They hugged nicely enough and said their hellos. It was a little awkward for a second as Schuyler looked down at her feet and saw Kevin shuffle his shoes, then took a seat, and leaned her elbow on the table.
"How's Chelsea?" Schuyler asked, as she asked about Kevin's little sister, Chelsea, who was fifteen. An age Schuyler could identify with.
"Good, ugh, got another date," Kevin joked. "Yeah, turning into a w-wonderful woman," he saved.
"I bet," Schuyler told him, stifling her laughter.
"Well, let me know if you need anything," he said, slowly gapping between certain words, and then walked off to talk with the other customers, a palm on the table as he leaned in close for the conversation, but once in a while his eyes would wonder over and see Schuyler, laughing and talking as she ate with her daughter. He never talked to them though, he wanted Schuyler to know how she felt about him, to have to get the shovel and dig deep for the feelings, but for Schuyler, she didn't need a shovel, because the only feelings she felt were him as a friend, as she felt towards any other guy, even Jack, right now, in her mind, it was Bella. That was all that matters.
Back at their apartment – home to them, Schuyler got into her pajamas, soft black and white square plaid, pink fuzzy slippers and a dark blue tank top. She was in the bathroom, brushing her teeth as the TV roared to life, the channels were switching rapidly, Schuyler spit out the toothpaste and washed her teeth and then heard her name called from the other room. She set her toothbrush down and spat everything out one last time, formed a cup with her hands and gargled the sink water.
"Mama! Come on, it's already started," Bella complained, sitting cross legged on the couch as Schuyler walked in, looking like she had already slept with her hair all messy and frizzy. That's how it got when it was curled everyday like it was.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming, Girlie," Schuyler told her as she took a seat, sitting in a way that she sat behind her daughter as they watched Gene Wilder in one of his best performances. Bella handed over a brush, comb and two pony tails, sat on Schuyler's lap and attentively paid attention to Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory. She sang along with every song the oompa-loompas sang, quoted things that were the same as in the book, and held her kitten, Raleigh, in her arms all as she did so. Schuyler did a mothers work and braided her daughters hair, this was a Friday night ritual, to watch what was ever on ABC, PBS, or Nickelodeon, because Disney, unless it was the classics was not allowed in the Van Alen home.
Not having a whole lot to do with her, besides braid and re-braid and braid and re-braid, Schuyler zoned out, trying to make sense of old feelings and new ones.
When they first got home, they were both cold from walking outside at night, and staring at the stars the entire time so they had cramps in their neck.
"I'm glad we live in and not Boston, in Boston you couldn't see the stars," Bella said as she tried to step in Schuyler's "shadow" as they got closer to the apartment building.
"Yeah, me too," Schuyler said, and smiled at the memory of why she chose Oak Square, once she left Manhattan, she went a lot of places, wanted to buy a house, but wanted to stay underground, at first it was Lawrence, but that was too sentimental of her, then Cambridge, Boston until finally she found Oak Square, with Henley, none the less, and Henley was a familiar she had made, seeing as how Princess stayed in New York City. They entered their building, said hi to the people coming and out, and everyone smiled at the beautiful little girl and her young mom, a lot of them thought the two were trouble and just that, but those that knew them, knew they were just trying to make it by, like anybody else in the world.
People just get uncomfortable when they see a twenty one year old drinking tea and juice instead of whiskey and bourbon. They don't want to admit to themselves that she's doing a better job than all of them combined and never even read any books. The only books Schuyler read were Gothic ones or memoirs like the ones Augusten Burroughs wrote, Dani Shapiro, Dave Eggers, Carolyn Parkhurst, David Sedaris, Sarah Vowell, and other books like that. She always tried to stay in the realm of possibilities and normality as possible.
"Okay," Bella said as Schuyler held the door open from behind her. "I'm going to go take a shower, and get in my PJ's, you do whatever – whatever moms do," she said, and then Schuyler closed the door behind them, and Bella ran off to go start her shower, anxious for their movie, a sucker in her mouth, Schuyler took it out, picked up her coat off the end table and just muttered to herself.
"Weird."
Mindlessly, Schuyler hits play on the voice mail and waits for the next avalanche to erupt. The first one is just a hang up, and Schuyler is wondering exactly who that is, if it's even someone from her past past or recent past, like her friend Lilly, the one who owned Henley and helped her move out here, who always annoys Schuyler to no end with her hang up voicemails before just randomly appearing before their doorstep one day. But it probably wasn't, seeing as how the next message was more informative.
"Hi, Sky… its Jack, and ugh, I wanted to – god, I'm usually good with this, but I don't want to force you to do anything –"Schuyler deleted it, she decided she didn't want to hear his bullshit, as if she could stop the forces of the world anymore, and she accepted that.
Sitting on the couch, with the TV lightly on in the background and a cloud in her lap, Schuyler started to think about the whether there were forces in the universe, or just damn luck and chance. She rested her chin on her daughters shoulder, kissed her cheek and then closed her eyes in memory.
Everything was breaking
Falling
Crushing apart
"Ahh!" Schuyler screamed in pain, holding onto her stomach, "Jesus Christ!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, but no one came, there was no one there, it was three in the morning and she was lucky this place was open.
Christ, Christ, Christ, I don't have enough time… Not enough time… Not enough energy or any – "Ahh!" Schuyler ached from the pain, her hands on her stomach, the overly large and huge stomach – when did I get so huge? What – Why did this happen? She thought while hyperventilating, she was bending over in pain, and just then collapsed to the floor, shaking her ass off because it was cold. "Fucking pilgrims!" She screamed, not at all herself at the moment as she spread her legs and tried to control her breathing.
Not here, not here, not here – she tried to think, but she didn't have enough time, her time was running out, the running of the time, and she couldn't chase it, all she could do was scream! "Jesus fucker!" she screamed and then the paramedics, out of nowhere, showed up and starting taking her into their arms and putting her on a stretcher. She tried to fight but was too weak and tired to do so, she had been in labor for hours. She would say on and off but she knew better than that.
They rode to the hospital, and the sweet guys in blue kept on asking her questions.
"How far along are you?" "Do you know who sent us?" "It was a neighbor" "We're going to have to have a sea section." "What is your name?" "Miss, what is your name?"
"Van Alen," she breathed, not even gasping anymore for life, those gasps for breath were too much effort anymore for her, now instead of the heavy breathing as was before, she was sweating and moaning, in complete and utter terrible pain. Oh, I'm not going to have sex again, she thought to herself, and then screamed out of pain again.
In the hospital, doctors swarmed around her, but only one was consistent.
"Do you know what's going on?" He asks, but Schuyler was too frazzled to answer, her eyesight was going in and out. "Okay we're going to need to medicate her - now!" The nice doctor commanded. "Miss, what is your name? Do you understand what I am saying," but at the time, everything was so hectic and so fast, she was moving faster than she had that entire year, but at the same time, the pain was so agonizing she still felt like she was back at that unlocked Chinese restaurant. "Miss," the doctor said as he tried to shake her, and that snapped Schuyler's head to look at him. There were tears in her eyes as she cried out the words.
"It's going to be my baby, my baby, my baby…" She rattled off as the doctor let her lean back into the stretcher. "Ahh!" She screamed again, the increasing pain was too much for her. What a blessing a stomach ache would be to her now, she never once in her life wished for her period more. "Why the hell did there have to be a menstrual cycle!" She screamed, loud enough for people from here and beyond to erupt in laughter.
The next thing she knew she was in a hospital room, with no one she recognized around her… this isn't how it should be, she thought to herself weakly, trying to imagine Bliss's hand in hers, maybe her voice encouraging her on, but she had long forgotten that once she had gotten into labor, she remembered Lawrence, but not his full name, so it was Lawrie that she called him, even Michael and Mimi, and imagined pelting those two with ice cubes for some weird reason, and thought of Dylan as an orange oompa-loompas. God, I'm going Looney Toones, Schuyler thought to herself, but she kept herself together, there was the beautiful Benjamin, her shining light out of everything who she saw smiling across the room, leaning against the wall, but the person who was next to her, supporting her, in her mind, wasn't the obese Mexican – Italian nurse but Oliver Perry – Hazard, with that warming smile, and those glistening eyes as he would wipe away her sweating and wet hair.
"You'll be fine," he muttered hope to her. "You and the baby will be fine, we'll all be fine," and his voice faded away in the distance as the drugs took place.
Snapping back into the present, Schuyler wrapped her arms around her little girl's waist, kissed her neck and whispered into her ear, "Isabella Olivia Van Alen, I love you more than every star in the world."
