Intellectual Curiosity

Relationships: Team 7 and platonic JiraOro

Rating: T

A.N: Modern AU where Orochimaru is a high school teacher.

"This is a really bad idea."

Sakura's chanting had begun to grate on the nerves of her coconspirators.

"It's just plain reconnaissance, you worrywart", Sasuke grumbled. "Worst case scenario is that sensei trains Izanagi to smother us in our sleep. Which is hardly an issue since he's very fond of me."

"You think sensei will forgive you even after you hid in his bedroom closet?"

"I meant Iza-chan, you idiot." Sasuke was clearly unimpressed.

"Silly me! Of course your darling hunk of a python would lovingly cuddle with you. Way to go, bastard."

Before Sasuke could strangle Naruto with their sensei's boas, Sakura intervened.

"The baka just may get disinherited because of this, you know. Imagine Jiraiya-sama's reaction if were to find out about our umm-- sleuthing."

Naruto harrumphed.

"As if I want that pervy geezer's money. No Icha Icha VD flavoured profits for me, thank you very much."

"Of course, baka," Sakura replied with a solemn face. "All those lurid orange mags I found stashed under your bed were planted by Sasuke-kun obviously. We all know he's a Jiraiya in making."

Naruto blanched as Sasuke grunted in annoyance.

"Can we discuss this idiot's deviant future when we're not hiding in our sensei's closet?

*

"They have no idea how loud they are, do they? How long do you plan on keeping this up?"

Orochimaru smirked at his friend of decades.

"You know me, Jiraiya. I always encourage intellectual curiosity."

"Don't give me that altruistic crap, you old snake. You're up to something."

Orochimaru's lilting voice was oh-so-nonchalant.

"The basement can use some cleaning. The kids can spend as much time as they want in the "dangerous chamber of secrets."

"You never change, do you?" Jiraiya sighed. The sound of a poorly masked scuffle breezed through the wall.

"I wonder how the rumors can still be going so strong. It's been years."

"I might have dropped an occasional hint or two about devious experiments I might or might not be conducting in my secret laboratory."

Jiraiya's eyes narrowed.

"What?"

Orochimaru was nonplussed.

"A little bit of intrigue goes a long way in preserving one's youth. I've no intention of becoming a senile pervert like you. Besides, it gets a bit lonely during the holidays."

Having rather uncharacteristically averted his eyes, Orochimaru missed the way his friend's face softened.

"Stop it, you two! Kami help me Sasuke-kun if you don't drop those stilettos this instant! And you, baka! What are you, five? Enough of this stupid name calling. No, don't, guys--"

Jiraiya chuckled at Sakura's frustrated articulations.

"Quite the entertaining bunch."

"I've been fully disabused of my assumptions about the comparative sensibility of Haruno-kun and Uchiha-kun. Turns out your brat, Jiraiya, unlike you, is charismatically stupid."

Orochimaru's smile was angelic.

P.S. Inspired by an irresistibly drawn Orochimaru in Blackkat's SakuOro AUs. Do check those out! In case it wasn't clear, Orochimaru is an unabashedly eccentric high school teacher who loves his crazy students very, very much. The childless Jiraiya is Naruto's godfather. And yes, Orochimaru's beloved pet is a python named Izanagi!