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sorry it took so long for the new chappies, just got back from Orlando last night…
please review. Also, I have the greatest respect for ya'll, tryin to come up with stuff you'll love.
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Viva
EPOV
Jacob was dreaming about me. No matter how much it happened, it still softened my lifeless heart, knowing that even after all this time, he couldn't stop thinking about me. Even in his sleep.
Technically, I'm not supposed to know—his rule about not snooping around in his head makes that clear—but I can't help it, expecially when he's groaning like this and pressing his face into my chest… keening as he whispers choked phrases over and over as the pictures in his mind become more and more vivid. A portrait of me, taking him in the back of my car causes a whimper to break the silence in our room. I writhe beneath him, trying not to rouse my love.
I can't take it anymore.
He's so ridiculously beautiful, the moonlight glistening off of his chest, the slightly parted lips that keep mumbling my name, makng me stiffen beneath the sleeping boy I love so much. I think about freeing myself from his hot body, then decide that it doesn't really matter, I love watching him dream and he loves waking up with me 'ready to go'…
All of a sudden his whimpering stops. It's odd, because I know he hasn't gotten off yet. Mere seconds later, his eyes are open, his eyelashes flutter against my naked chest. Pressing warm kisses to my skin, he props himself up, smelling of sleep and innocence.
"Sorry." The words are soft and slurred with exhaustion, he sounds so young, so small.
"Why?"
"I think I'm smothering you." Spoken in true sincerity, it catches me off guard.
I laugh quietly, knowing he must be absolutely out of it—he usually jokes about my being unbreakable. He looks at me, a wide smile on his face though he has no idea why, he blinks his eyes slowly before plopping his head back down as he drifts back to sleep.
The mere fact that he trusts me enough to fall asleep on top of me reminds me that I haven't always deserved that trust—though he was willing enough to give it.
I didn't, in any way, deserve the magnificent creature that slumbered with me at this moment.
But I had him.
Despite all odds, I had him.
I smiled against the cool night air, content under the smoldering weight that was my Jacob.
----------*
July 28, 2007
"Fuck you, Edward."
I shouldn't have come. I should have just listened to Alice… But no, I had to be stubborn. I had forced Jacob awake to listen to me before I could plead with him to leave. To run far far away from here, away form me. Away from Bella. So that I could learn to control myself. Make myself believe I wanted to live with her for the rest of my life. Make myself okay with living a lie. Hating my reflection even more than I hated that I loved someone else.
I knew it was asking too much. Especially now, standing in his bedroom while a once sleeping and now angry Jacob was glaring from his bed. I sighed to myself and turned to leave, hearing a soft 'ahem' as I prepared to launch myself from his bedroom window.
"You can't just expect me to leave. I-I.." I froze, gazing out into the night sky, moonlight revelaing hidden shadows and secrets. An awkward silence fell, the slight squeaking of springs startled me and I could feel him even before he touched me, the warmth that radiated from him was intoxicatingly overwhelming and welcome.
"I love you too much." And with that, I spun around; it was all worth it, the pain I had gone through with Alice, the confession of her visions, the strain with Bella as she knew something was wrong but I was always too scared to tell her—too scared to face it myself—that all counted for naught as he looked me in the eyes and said it again, tears welling up in his eyes. That broke me.
-------*
9 months earlier
Something in Jacob had changed. I didn't notice until I had seen him for the first time since returning from Italy. I remember it clearly, I had been sitting in my room and suddenly, Alice was there next to me.
Very calmly, without any hint of fear, she took one of my hands in hers and with a blank mind and sorrowful face she said it.
"I can't see you anymore."
In shock, I just stared at her.
"What does that mean?"
"Go see Jacob."
I flinched at the mention of his name. The mongrel sickened me, his stench, his attitude, his filthy mind—I listed all these things as I paced, waiting for Black to meet me at the neutral grounds.
I barely heard him approach, caught off guard by his scent. It had changed dramatically. No longer wild and feral, he smelled of the ocean and rain, somehow sweet and refreshing. Oh shit. I am starting to like the smell of wolf. That's disgusting. Isn't it?
He didn't speak, only standing about 10 feet away from me. He'd gotten even taller since the last time I'd seen him, and filled out considerably. His toned muscled stood out in his chest and abdomen… my eyes almost roamed lower before I caught myself. Once again surprised, this time at the fact that I couldn't read any thoughts in his ever-complex mind, I spoke. "I'm supposed to come see you."
He scoffed. "Why?" I clenched my fists in order to keep from tearing the smirk off of his face. It distorted the simplicity and goodness of his raw features, hiding the gentle brow that I had been thinking of more and more when I should have been thinking of Bella…
"Because Alice can't see me anymore in her visions. And I'm not dead so one of you must have something to do with it."
Unless I was mistaken, he blushed.
There was silence.
Leaves around us rustled in the gentle breeze.
A thought from his head reached out tentatively… instead of the usual pain and turmoil that radiated from him, there was only calm and satisfaction.
You don't want to know what happened.
"Shut up, dog. You have no idea what I want." I tried in vain to stop picturing him grinding those narrow hips against mine, delicious friction wearing me down… that was not what I wanted at all.
Right?
A bittersweet chuckle rumbled out of him. He looked so dejected I almost felt bad for him. Almost.
You don't want to know, Edward. Just go home.
I reassumed my stiff composure, making it clear to him that I was NOT moving. And I was not fantasizing about him. Well, maybe the last part wasn't that true…
The absence of sound made me wish I was with my Bella, my sweet lovable, warm, female Bel—
"One of us has fallen in love with you."
Shock plastered itself to my face. Part of me was dancing around in euphoric joy. The stoic face stayed on.
"Who?" I whispered. 'I don't really want to know,' I told myself. 'I'm just curious, not hoping that it's someone in particular…'
"It's me." And with that, he turned and ran, shrigging out of his jeans as he phased—heading towards home.
I was filled with an insanely warm rush of pleasure as I drove home. My grip tightened on the wheel once I realized that if I had disappeared to Alice, I must end up with him.
I end up with a dog??
That's fucked up.
Isn't it?
-------*
I just stood there, as he buried his face in his hands and sobbed in front of me, tears rolling out of him like waves—the sound of him opening up to me was new and heart-wrenching.
"Don't do this, Jacob," My voice broke as I reached out to him, knowing I was the reason he was so forlorn and lost in tears. For the first time in three agonizingly long weeks he let me touch him. Wrapping my arms around his torso, I felt him shudder against my cold skin before pressing urgently against me, tears drying as he pressed his cheek into the curve of my shoulder, sniffling quietly as he wiped as his tear-reddened eyes.
-------*
The next months were hell for me, tortured with Jacob in my head constanly when I should have been focusing on Bella. The more and more I thought, the more I realized something that scared me. I wasn't in love with her. Maybe it was just the bloodthirst that had convinced me—I mean, every time I even thought of her my throat burned—but I was getting unhappy. Fast.
I didn't let her see it.
How could I?
I had broken her heart before and she had gone all kamikaze and comatose, no way was I was letting that happen again.
I was holding her in my arms as she slept.
Memorizing the curve on her cheek. The smell of her hair. The shadows her eyelashes cast on her gorgeous face.
I would miss her.
No.
I would miss him.
And that was when I bound myself to her, strong and tight, though nowhere near the strength of Jacob's love for me.
That's one thing I knew for sure.
He wouldn't give me up without a fight.
