Note:The third and last chapter is ready and though it is much less humorous than the previous one, I guess I have mined out all good jokes from the body swap already and it left only to conclude the story - such as it is. :-)
Umm, and yeah, I completely invented the science-part and hope that noone tries to make any sense of it. :-)
Optimus looked ready to use Megatron's cannon by the time they arrived to the Ark's entrance. On whom, Jazz wasn't sure, but the business end of the cannon continually smoldered with purple fire and he wasn't sure if Op was aware of that worrying little fact… and just how much he was in control of that fearsome weapon. That little spat with Megatron was totally uncharacteristic of the Prime, who usually possessed vast amounts of patience, even when dealing with the tyrant. He wasn't the only one who noticed the cannon either – as Optimus kept moving around most Autobots subtly shifted out of its line of fire, while trying to look nonchalant. Most of them kept clear of Megatron too, which resulted a strange, queer, almost dance-like swirling in the group. Jazz nearly snickered out loud when he caught Sunstreaker switching his glower between the two, hard-coded instincts and current appearances conflicting in the warrior's processor.
But they seemed to control their urges to actually fight with each other so far, so Jazz tentatively hoped that they could manage the exchange back with minimal casualties. Ohh, he did notice Megatron trying to unsubtly amortize Optimus's frame, but the tyrant slyly claimed his inability and unwillingness to drive 'such inferior vehicles' as he put it. Optimus was in a distinct disadvantage with the gun alt, though it made the saboteur think of several ideas they could use in future battles. An enemy commander who couldn't see, speak or move while in gun mode? Jazz made a note of speak with Wheeljack about it. After of course the inventor reversed whatever effect he made to exchange their leaders' frames, for Jazz there was not even a shred of doubt as to who caused it. It was always Wheeljack – and he was uncharacteristically subdued on the way back, nearly hiding from Optimus's attention.
Jazz hoped that that silence was a sign of their erratic inventor was already thinking on reversing the effect – and not a new invention. Wheeljack, as most inventors, was often hard to point in the right direction… ooops… Jazz shook his helm and hurried to catch up with the others. While he was thinking, Optimus – in his new, silvery frame that fitted him like a lace glove would to a Seeker's taloned servo - was already at the entrance and disappearing into it with a scowl entirely too much befitting for the enemy warlord… and Jazz had a sudden, bad foreboding.
"Has anyone told it to Red?"
He knew that Prowl was fighting with glitching all the way back at the improbable scenario and Megatron's erratic behaviour on the road. Jazz himself was watching Starscream to do anything suspicious but the blasted Seeker was busy laughing off his tailfins and if he planned anything he gave no visible sign of it. He knew that Ironhide was not taking off his optics off of the pair of leaders either and briefing Red Alert was definitely not the frontliners' task. That left… nomech?
They all came to the same conclusion at once and suddenly every Autobot broke into a run at the suddenly erupting sounds of loud, angry shouting and flashes of weapons' discharge from inside. On his way Jazz briefly noted the strange, cruelly amused smirk on Optimus's faceplates, now devoid of the mask and noted Starscream too who looked to seriously consider rolling on the floor laughing. Sunstreaker, who had been the closest to the Ark, disappeared into the entrance and the sounds of fighting, if anything increased. Jazz cursed and ran faster, arriving into the entrance corridor just after Prowl.
Inside it was a disaster in the making. The speakers blared the highest alert and Red Alert's panicky voice, the strobing red-purple lights painted the corridor vividly in nightmarish colours and vied with the brighter flashes of shots from a horde of security drones – and Optimus apparently lost the battle of wills with Megatron's cannon, because there were blackened-melted sections on the walls and at least two security drones lay crumpled on the floor. Sunstreaker, and Jazz gave the frontliner plenty of points for it, was trying to scream to Red Alert to call back the drones while he covered Optimus from their shots. Unfortunately the overwhelmed security director wasn't inclined to listen to the frontliner over the facts he saw with his own optics.
Jazz hurriedly commed to Red to explain the situation but he was cut off with a screech of frequencies. By the look of extreme frustration on Prowl's face, he too was ignored by Red Alert, who must have fallen off straight into the deep end of his everpresent paranoia. They were in deep slag if Red decided that they were traitors working with Megatron and present appearances unfortunately supported this idea. Jazz took cover at the entrance as the drones shot at every mech approaching and tried to think fast. His attention was suddenly pulled back outside where Megatron stood nearby with his arms crossed and Optimus's deep voice sounding strangely smug…
"They might end the war for us, Starscream."
Jazz didn't hear the answer of the Seeker amidst his high-pitched cackles, but he caught the amused answer from Megatron.
"The frame is little price to watch the Autobots destroy each other."
And he couldn't even blame the opportunistic slaggers for the situation. Frag! They caused this mess themselves, first Wheeljack, then by not preventing Red Alert's… meltdown. Jazz tried to work out a solution fast but it seemed hopelessly complicated and with Red Alert's paranoia being what it was he couldn't hope to convince him that Megatron was Optimus and none of them turned traitor or got mad all of a sudden. Especially as he was not even listening to them.
But as he fretted there, suddenly the sounds of the battle ceased. Jazz sneaked a look around the corner hoping to Primus not to find grey frames on the floor. The drones stood down, the flashing alert stopped and Red's panicky voice no longer blared from the loudspeakers amidst the billowing smoke. Optimus and Sunstreaker were also peering out from behind their section of the wall and their gold-silver pair looked so strange for a klik Jazz nearly glitched himself. Then he saw Ratchet casually strolling in the entrance at ease and casual as you please and the saboteur blinked several times. Nope. One nonchalant medic, check. Improbable silence and calm, check. He distinctly felt behind the events, not understanding how it happened. Staring at Ratchet, the CMO apparently understood his unspoken question.
"What? You didn't think I don't have the means to declare him medically unfit and lock him out of Teletraan?"
Jazz opened his lipplates but nothing came out. He should have known about this! He was the Spec Ops Commander and Ratchet just a CMO!
"Good thinking, Ratchet." Optimus straightened up, pulling Sunstreaker with him, which made the golden frontliner flinch before accepting the help from the black servos. "Now let's sort it out before he convinces Teletraan that we are the bad guys."
"And let's get him to medbay before he completely melts down." – Ratchet grumbled as they moved inside.
"I will take command if you accompany our… guests." – Prowl gladly entrusted the Decepticons to Jazz.
Jazz, fighting off his shock turned back to see their guests… visitors. Megatron appeared unfazed but the saboteur thought he saw a flash of disappointment in Optimus's optics and Starscream – at least and at last! – stopped laughing.
"Well, come on in." – he tried to play it cool – "Straight into Wheeljack's lab, don't stop to shoot anymech and let's find out what happened. 'Jack?"
"I'm here. Thought I'd wait out the skirmish."
They went deeper into the Ark, to the unoccupied part where the inventor's oft-exploding lab was situated. Jazz was a bit satisfied to see the nervous twitching of Starscream's wings. He had wanted to come now, hadn't he?
"So… spill it. What was that, Jack?"
Wheeljack cast a nervous glance at Megatron, another one to Optimus and his usual cheer was suspiciously not present. He wrung his servos together before pointing at a blackened contraption on the table he just set down.
"umm… that… was… it."
Jazz felt a processor-ache winging its way to him and inexorably settling in.
"It… broke?"
Optimus frowned and Megatron scowled. Or vice versa, the saboteur had little interest in telling which of them did what. Starscream lifted a brow plate and his long talons started to poke the blackened… something on the table, murmuring something vaguely scientific-sounding under his vent.
"NO!"
"Don't touch it!"
"Leave it alone, Seeker!"
Starscream looked back unrepentantly at them and the shadow of a smirk looked almost… threatening.
"Can't make it any worse now, can I?" – Jazz looked at him horrified. Did he have to invoke the curse of Murphy? – "Besides it looks as though… you tried to laterally transduct the gamma-channel output with the prion emitter's phase-resistor and splice them together, have you?"
They all stared at him mute. Even Megatron looked dumbfounded, which appeared pretty strange on Optimus's face. The Seeker appeared not to notice their shock – or he was just too smug to show it. He nudged a particular part and it gave out some feeble sparks – and gave them all spark palpitations until they saw the sparks die out quickly and cause nothing more than a charred smell in the lab.
"To loosen the bonds among Cybertronium atoms and make us dissolve inside out? Pretty ingenious."
Starscream stopped poking the contraption and looked up, smirk back in place firmly, though his optics remained cold and hard. He seemingly ignored the reaction his actions and words caused.
"And pretty ruthless from an Autobot too. Never thought of switching sides?"
Jazz understood only every second word or so, but they still sounded bad. His glance at Wheeljack included a stern disapproval, though it was nothing in weight compared to Optimus's 'I'm so disappointed in you' look. And just how the Prime managed that look with Megatron's sinister optics, Jazz couldn't fathom…
"No… No! I just tried to separate the prions and make them …"
Jazz tuned out the rest which he wouldn't understand anyhow. Wheeljack's explanation went on for a couple of breems and only Starscream's optics were not glazed by the end of it. But he had only one concern anyhow and it wasn't understanding the mad science behind the mess…
"Can you reverse the effects?"
"Easy." – Starscream's digits were back into the tangle of wires and parts – "Just switch this so the channel it emits is not gamma, but delta and… "
Wheeljack nodded enthusiastically, optics widening before regaining their usual, slightly maniac flash.
"Yes, yes it would work! How did you know…?"
Starscream's faceplate was a study in snobbish superiority and haughty disdain and his wings flared high and wide. Jazz patted one away from his faceplates. The lab suddenly appeared to be too small for the Seeker's ego and his wings adequately conveyed that attitude.
"You Autobots are not the only ones into weapons research. I discarded this idea for its sheer stupidity vorns ago."
Megatron snorted, which was so far the strangest sound Jazz has ever heard from Optimus's vocalizer and the Seeker's left wing twitched.
"Discarded, ehh? Wasn't it by any chance the reason behind Thundercracker's pranking spree and Skywarp adopting an organic dog a vorn or so ago?"
Starscream hissed angrily and stomped… actually stomped like a human adolescent in a temper tantrum. Wheeljack snickered and Jazz joined him. It was a welcome change to laugh at the Decepticons for awhile. Megatron's red optics were comically wide and even the fusion cannon stopped smoldering its purple fire. The real Megatron was smirking nastily at his Second, who sputtered out his answer with wings comically flapping behind him.
"At least I didn't bring an untried contraption to the battlefield!"
"What about Ravage attempting to fly and Laserbeak walking on wings?"
Starscream's sputter arched up into screeching and all mechs present, regardless of faction flinched. Hard.
"They sneaked into my lab! It was their fault!"
"They why did you avoid Soundwave for a vorn afterwards?"
Starscream grumbled something about overprotective tape-recorders and their obnoxious cassettes but his wings drooped low and he looked around nervously. Jazz noticed Wheeljack's shoulders shake with silent laughter as the inventor worked on the… weapon? Jazz wasn't even sure what it was, but the blackened mess of wires and parts started to change into something workable again.
"Not there!"
The inventor glanced at the Seeker before soldering a wire to a particular part. Starscream actually looked nervous and his voice was even higher than before.
"Why?"
"That causes… I mean that should cause… slag, it's worse than simply swapping frames."
Jazz lifted not one but both brow plates. The jet sounded downright frightened and ready to bolt if the angle of his wings were any indication.
"What? Or should I not ask?"
"Pit, no! Connect it there and finish this slag!"
Wheeljack nodded agreeably enough, but Jazz almost saw the wheels turn in his helm. He swore to destroy the thing the nanoklik their leaders were safely back in their proper frames and before Wheeljack could try the setting that made the Seeker so nervous.
"Ready!" – the inventor's announcement came surprisingly fast.
"So… what do we do?" – Optimus enquired.
"Just stand close to each other… and everymech else come over to this side."
Jazz scooted to Wheeljack's left side, but kept well clear of the device too. Starscream did the same, and though the slight smirk in the Seeker's face was worrying, Jazz didn't have time to find out what he plotted before…
… the device gave off a screech to put the Screamer to shame and spat out more sparks than Jazz felt comfortable with.
"Wha…?"
"No, no, it's okay…"
Wheeljack turned a dial and the sparks stopped. Instead an optic-searing bright light-beam shot out and engulfed the whole corner of the lab where Optimus and Megatron stood uneasily beside each other. It went on for a klik before the light shut off and another while they blinked the stars out of their vision.
Optimus cast a querulous glance to Megatron and got a scowl back for an answer, the expression suddenly fitting for their faces. Jazz sighed in relief. Starscream grimaced with disappointment. Ratchet's comm caught them all by surprise.
"They had best be back to normal, because Red is glitching again."
"They are, docbot, they are. And the Decepticons are leaving now. Right?"
Optimus nodded and they ushered out their visitors. It was an uneasy silence on the way out, though Jazz could see that Op was feeling glad to be back to his frame and Megatron touched his cannon from time to time, like making sure it was there again.
"Well. Wasn't that fun?"
Judging by Optimus's and Megatron's faces Starscream's mock-innocent question and barely hidden mirth was going to be met with violence, Jazz concluded. From both sides. But he had somewhere to be, ummm, like checking on Wheeljack to destroy the device.
Starscream was on his own in this.
