"DAGNABBIT, GOOMP!" Corporal Paraplonk yelled. "Why can't you keep your big fat mouth shut for once?!"

"I'm sorry!" Private Goomp sobbed, looking nervously in all directions. "I couldn't help it, Mario was just standing there, I got nervous! Anyone can get nervous!"

"Oh yeah, sure they can," said Sergeant Guy, his voice drenched with sarcasm. "Of course, they can do that WITHOUT revealing the plan to the enemy…"

"Aaargh! Forget it! My turn to attack!" Corporal Paraplonk yelled. He threw out two purple blocks, which trapped Mario on either side, then retreated into his shell and charged straight at the red plumber.

"Whoa!" Mario was forced to jump over the koopa as the latter ricocheted between the two blocks. This continued for quite some time, until…

Darn it! I gotta think of something fast! Desperate to trick Mario into jumping too early and colliding, Corporal Paraplonk slowed down. The trick half-worked; Mario missed his timing and jumped too early, but ended up landing on the shell…sending Corporal Paraplonk careening straight into Private Goomp.

"HEY! DON'T ATTACK ME! STOP!"

"I CAN'T CONTROL IT!" Corporal Paraplonk hit Private Goomp and a bunch of Goombas, causing Private Goomp to collapse again and the Goombas to vanish into thin air.

"PARAPLONK! What was that for?!" Sergeant Guy exclaimed.

"I was trying to trick Mario! It wasn't on purpose!" Corporal Paraplonk retorted. He suddenly frowned. "But now that I think about it…"

"What?"

"Wouldn't it be better to leave him knocked out anyway?"

"WHAT?!"

Mario hastily covered his mouth to suppress his giggles. He could hear Dreamy Luigi do the same.

"Oh, come on! It wasn't a bad idea!" Corporal Paraplonk protested as Sergeant Guy ran over to Private Goomp and whacked him again. However, the Goomba didn't budge.

"Goomp! Get up! Now!" the sergeant barked. Private Goomp still didn't move. "MOVE IT!"

Corporal Paraplonk froze – he hadn't expected his plan to backfire like this. "Um…I didn't actually kill him, did I…"

"Well, there's only one way to find out…" Sergeant Guy sighed and stepped back.

"BOWSER'S COMING!"

"WAHHHHH!" Private Goomp screamed, leaping up into the air…and stomping down on Sergeant Guy in the process.

"OUCH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" yelled Sergeant Guy, massaging his head.

"Don't do that! Bowser scares me!" the private complained. "Besides, I was having such a nice dream! I was dreaming of rainbows, and butterflies, and candy…"

Corporal Paraplonk and Sergeant Guy were looking absolutely murderous. Possibly, Private Goomp had noticed, because he quickly said, "Alright, Mario and Green Stache! Time to clobber you once and for – heyyyy, where'd they go?" he trailed off, as the three looked around. Mario and Dreamy Luigi were nowhere in sight. Private Goomp giggled.

"They ran away! HA! They couldn't handle the ferocity and competence of the Elite Trio – WAHHHHHH!" While the trio had been busy, Mario and Dreamy Luigi had retreated again, and had summoned the Luiginary Ball, which now came careening towards the three. Corporal Paraplonk dived to knock Private Goomp out of the way, but the ball hit them both and they were instantly knocked out. Sergeant Guy had barely managed to dodge the attack, and was now looking at his fallen comrades with complete indifference.

How did I get stuck with these two idiots, he wondered as he struck his baton a third time, reviving his allies again.

"I've had enough! This ends NOW!"

Sergeant Guy brought out a cannon with a loaded Bullet Bill, which launched straight at Mario, who immediately panicked and ran away. The projectile quickly gained ground, and Mario could only do so much to keep his stubby legs moving forward.

"Agh! I haven't been forced to do this much running since Super Mario Strikers!" Mario complained, tiring out quickly.

"Yeah, this is really hard," quipped Dreamy Luigi, a hint of a smile in his voice.

"Easy for you to say," Mario growled, looking down at his glowing green body. "I suppose you've got a solution to this problem?"

"Bro, you're making this harder than it is!" Dreamy Luigi explained as the Bullet Bill continued to advance on them both. "Why don't you just sidestep a bit?"

"Eh?"

"The Bullet Bill's traveling in a straight line! Just step out of its way!"

"…Oh, I get it now." Taking his younger brother's advice, Mario simply stepped to the side…and watched as the Bullet Bill continued on its trajectory, hitting an unsuspecting Sergeant Guy in the back and dealing him considerate damage.

"GRAHHHH! How dare you?! NOW I'M REALLY MAD! THIS IS THE END FOR YOU!"

"Wait!" Private Goomp exclaimed as Sergeant Guy's temper steadily rose. "You can't be thinking of launching THAT?!"

"No!" cried Corporal Paraplonk. "You can't be serious!"

"YES, I AM!" the sergeant yelled, facing Mario, who had a worried look on his face. "YOU'RE DONE FOR!"