Lola- I had sent Mission to bed, she was yawning after being up early to help prepare the wedding. I promised her I would still be here tomorrow, and finally she was asleep. But now I wished she wasnt, because now I was alone. I had too much time to think, to wonder about Carth's … wife. She was pretty, with blond hair and hazel eyes. I wondered if she could cook burnt bantha steak, or knew how to refurbish a blaster pistol. I felt a tear roll down my cheek, and I mentally shook myself.

"Stop doing this to yourself." I whispered, and angrily wiped at the lone tear. I desperately needed something to distract me, and if Mission wasn't around to talk, there was only one other way to do it.

I headed for the cantina, hoping for a good hard game of pazaak. I sat down at a table, looking for any notable players. The cantina was curiously dead tonight. I scanned the faces of other people, looking for the hints of a good pazaak player, bulging deck, drinking expensive drinks, and clothes that could be thrown away, or lost in a game. The get rich quick types. The cantina had a familiar layout, a lot like the one on Taris. I felt a pang at the memory, and averted my eyes to a corner. There was a twi-lek dancing there, looking remarkably like the one Carth and I had helped on Taris with her big break. It seemed everywhere I looked, there was something to remind me, a flash of orange, messy brown hair, an unshaved jaw. Gasping from the pain, I stared determinedly at the table before me. Screw pazaak. I needed to forget my own name, I needed to forget fast.

I headed to the bar, staring at the dingy floor as I went. I sat down at the bar, saying "Juma juice," to the bartender that gazed at me questionably. I wanted to start out slow, I had never been much of a drinker. Besides, it had been in my experience that drunk people did stupid things.

I downed my drink, but it wasn't enough. I couldn't stop thinking about…him. I wanted something harder, something faster. Something that would bring me down to my knees. Nothing mattered except getting rid of the dagger in my back. I motioned the bartender back over. "Give me your strongest stuff."

The Duro gave me a weird look. "Girl might want to reconsider. Not greatest city for girl to be getting drunk in, understand?"

I rolled my eyes, "Lets just say I can take care of myself. Now I don't care about the cost, just give me whatever you got, and keep em coming."

He muttered walking away, but he pored me a glass of something amber. I sniffed it before I took a sip, coughing at the burn. The Duro gave me a smug look, and I took another sip just to spite him. This time it went down easier, and the bartender walked away.

I started drinking, and didn't stop. The world started going blurry, and I slumped over the bar, still clutching my glass. I felt invincible. Even he couldn't keep me down. Why didn't I do this more often?

"What the Frack? Revan? What the hell are you doing here?" A gruff voice behind me said, coming closer.

Turning my head around seemed like a lot of work so I spoke to the wall. "Forgettin o'whatshisname. Who t'hell are you?" Mr. gruff voice sat beside me, and I glanced out of the corner of me eye at him. "Oh, Hello Canderous!"

He grunted, and examined my face while I took another swig. "Shavit, Revan, what have you been drinking?" He took my glass despite my objections, and swallowed a bit. "Alderan whiskey? Rev, do you have any idea how strong this stuff is?" He looked at me worriedly.

I shook my head. "No, but I'm finding out now." I tried to snatch my glass back, but he downed the rest. I glared at him, "Your paying for that one, ya' know."

He motioned the bartender over, and asked for two more drinks. "So what are we drinking too?"

"Unconsciousness." I said seriously, surprised when he laughed.

"Sounds like fun." He took a slow drink. "So, mind telling me where you where?"

I shrugged, feeling like being cryptic. "Around. Galaxy's a big place."

He looked down at me, raising his eyebrows. "C'mon Rev, you can do better that that."

I sighed, "Fine. I went looking for sith."

"You spent the last four years hunting sith? That one's a little hard to swallow."

"Yeah well, its true." I paused. "Not just any sith. Bad ones. Powerful ones."

He chuckled a little. "Sounds like fun. My mandalorian's getting bored."

I glanced up at him. "So you did reunite the clans?" I continued after he nodded. "Good, we'll need the strength."

We sat in silence for a few moments, each of us nursing our drinks. "Why does this always happen to me, Canderous?"

"What do you mean?" He said startled.

"This. All of this," I sighed, "How come, every time things start going right for me, everything start to fall apart."

"Because you're a warrior. And the Force knows you can handle it all, and if it did not test you, you would become weak, and fall in battle."

I huffed in indignation. "But I'm tired of being a warrior! Cant I just, be given a break once in a while? I want to catch my breath before the next disaster comes screaming in."

Canderous stayed silent for a moment, before cupping my hand in his. "Do you still love him?"

Did I still love Carth? Yes, my heart screamed at me, "No, I don't." I paused, I wanted Carth to hurt, I wanted him to feel the same pain I was. And I wanted to feel loved, to feel revered, for at least tonight. I looked hard into his eyes. "I loved him, the way he was, but he's different now. We both are. I cant pretend to know him after four years. My leaving left a mark on us both, and there's no way that will just vanish." I swallowed hard before continuing. "Somewhere along my journey, I lost a part of me, and I want to get it back." I leaned in closer, his grey eyes smoldering in the shady light. When I spoke again, I felt our breath intertwine, his shallow and fast. "Will you help me get that part back?"

He closed the gap between our lips, heat tracing down my jaw. I leaned into the kiss, perhaps a bit more than I would have had I been sober. I ran my hand up his hard shoulders, dipping my fingers underneath the coarse fabric. He moved his mouth to my neck and I closed my eyes, lost in the feeling.

Damn him. Damn him to the outskirts of the galaxy. After everything I've done, everything I did for him, he had the audacity to say he couldn't trust me! "Damn you, Carth Onasi!" I yelled, and slowly sank to the floor of the dormitories after I kicked Mission out. A tear rolled down my cheek, and I swiped at it, bringing my hands up to my face and threaded my fingers through my knotted hair. I tugged, grateful for the stinging in my scalp. I leaned back into my bunk, where the pressure of the drawer handle pressed into my lower back. I reached behind me into the drawer, bringing out a brilliant green crystal.

I held the crystal in front of me, slightly blurred at the edges because of tears. I twisted it slowly in my hand, remembering all the council's hoops I had to jump through. It was my first crystal, awarded to me after I passed their tests. Carth had helped me create my light saber, saying, "I'll have to watch my back even more now. I thought blaster bolt burns were bad, I'm not looking forward to seeing a light saber burn." We had laughed at that while still at the workbench. I had defeated Juhani with this crystal, and began my quest to the star forge while using it, until I had come across a violet crystal.

My face caught one of the facets in the crystal. Darth Revan's face. With all my strength, I threw it at the opposite wall, reveling in the resounding crash. "I hate you!" I screamed, "I hate all of your lies!" I finally broke down, slumping onto the floor in a fit of sobs. I heard footsteps coming to my room, and a second too late I raised my hand to jam the door.

"Go away." I said to Canderous, glaring at him.

He glanced around the room, taking in the light green crystal shards sparkling gently against the durosteel wall. "Not likely, Rev."

I flinched at the name, my name. "Don't call me that."

He crossed the room and knelt down beside me. "Why not? Its who you are," his rough hand pushed my hair back from my wet face, and around my ear. "You were the greatest warrior the galaxy had ever seen. The Mandalorians had conquered entire planets, threatening the Republic itself, the entire galaxy still trembles at our name, because nobody could best us. Nobody that is, except you. I'm your man until the end, Rev, however this turns out."

I pushed him back and stood up, crossing the small room. "I don't want to be Revan! I don't want to know I did all of those horrible things…" I crumpled again, too exhausted by my own emotions.

"Then look at where we are! Look at what we're doing! I'll admit, saving the Republic wasn't too high on my list of priorities, but these honorless sith dogs, deserve to be stopped, and that's what your doing."

I laughed bitterly, despair threatening to pull me down. "They lied to me, Canderous. They told me I was Lola Amazzu, destined to save the galaxy. This," I picked up the chards of crystal and let it fall through my fingers, "This entire being that I am, is nothing but a lie!" I threw the shards of glass, my anger and hate contrasting sharply with the light tinkling. We stayed silent for a few seconds, breathing loudly, until I spoke again. "I had a mother and a father on Amorris, a small back water planet on the edges of the galaxy. I was an only child, spoiled rotten, and I loved my parents. The mandalorians attacked, and my entire family died. I was 17, and I hopped on the nearest ship to the farthest away planet. I became what some may call a scoundrel, doing what was necessary to survive, helping any of those less fortunate than I. I was too young to sign up for the Republic, so I mostly stayed out of the wars. Until the sith struck, then I went to the nearest recruiting center and volunteered my skills. And that was my life, at least so I though. But as it turns out, I was too busy conquering my own galaxy to do any of that stuff!" I paused, as waves of pain washed over me. "My entire life was a lie, Canderous. I just thought I had an excellent memory, being able to recall so many details, my mothers face, my fathers smile, my own room in our small house…" I broke down into sobs, which was completely unlike me, but I felt I deserved the right.

"The ultimate test, is not one a master can force on his pupil, but one a warrior must test himself." Canderous quoted, from some long forgotten ore of mandalorian tradition. "The test you face now, is not being Revan, or destroying the star forge, but fighting past this." He knelt down by me again, and pulled my face up to meet his. "Can you fight this?"

I swallowed hard, thinking about his question. To say no was to admit weakness, and to forever dishonor myself in his eyes. "Can you help me?"

An uncharacteristic gleam of tenderness appeared in his eyes, and he pulled me into his arms, crushing me against his chest. "There is no dishonor in asking for help."

I gasped silently, stunned by his acceptance. To accept a broken warrior, was against everything he was taught. I could feel his love in his tight brands of muscle, and I pulled back to look him in the face. "Tell me." I begged, needing to hear the words.

"I love you." He bent his face down to mine, and fused our lips together.

I expected demands, he showed me patience. I expected strength, he showed me tenderness. And that night, when I needed it the most, he showed me acceptance.

A warm hand woke me in the morning, pushing my hair out of my face. I groaned and rolled over, refusing to wake up.

"Hey, my little warrior. Wake up." I heard a rough voice call out, and I froze. I slowly opened my eyes, seeing the bright sun come streaming in the window, and reflecting off of Mandalore's helmet. I sat up, wide awake. "Canderous?"

"Yeah?" He asked me, while handing me a cup of caffa. I took a sip of the warm drink, while remembering last night.

"Nothing, I just… can you give me a minute?" He examined my face and nodded, before heading out of the room. I glanced around the room, throwing my face into my hands when I saw my clothes on the other side of it. WHAT was I thinking?

I gathered my clothes from around the room, while using the Force to heal the slight hangover I still had left. I finished the caffa for courage, then sighed before I exited the room.

I entered a kitchen area, that was notably barren. I saw a datapad left on the counter, so I picked it up and pressed the power button. Revan, it said, I know you might need some time to work things out. Mission called while you where still asleep, and said she had set up a meeting for you at the Republic Embassy, sounded important. I'll catch up with you later, we have some things to talk about. Here the entry ended, and I shut the datapad down. I sighed, before grabbing my lightsaber and another cup of caffa, and headed off to the Republic Embassy.

The secretary was signing some forms when I walked up, which she promptly put down. "Hello, how may I help you?"

I glanced around, unsure of what Mission had got me into. "Um…hi. I was supposed to be here for a meeting, but I'm not sure where to go…"

She nodded, and pulled up a screen on her electronic desk, wiping the papers to the side. "Of coarse. If I could have your name please?"

I deliberated a moment, wondering what name she could have meant. "Lola Amazzu."

She typed it in, and a meeting time popped up. "Well it says here that your meeting is a noontime, with Admiral Carth Onasi.."

"WHAT?" I about screamed at the poor girl, shock covering her face.

She looked terrified, which I didn't blame her. "Um… He was the only one available for a meeting in the near future…will that be a problem?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. Of coarse he was the only one available, he was supposed to be on his honeymoon, which is why they didn't schedule him anything. "No, it will… it'll be fine. Just, hook me up."

She shakily reached for her communicator. "Excuse me, Admiral Onasi, but you 12 o'clock had shown up. Shall I let her in?" Carth's hologram self popped up, and I blanched at the though of being in a meeting with him, by myself.

"My 12 o'clock? I wasn't aware I had a meeting now, who is it?" The poor girl glanced at me, before answering him.

"A Ms. Lola Amazz-"

"WHAT?" She jumped at his yelling, and I saw the miniature Carth turn and finally look at me. "Lola? What the hell are you doing here?"

"You brain-dead lice ridden bantha, why the hell do you think I'm here? To warn the Republic about the sith!" I folded my hands on my hips, petulant at his reaction.

"Oh yeah? I thought the 'hero of the galaxy' would have had it all sorted out by now."

"Well unlike somebody, I haven't been sitting on my arse the whole time, filling out forms."

He turned back to the secretary, "Isn't there anyone else that can handle this?" She gaped at him open mouthed, and I interrupted.

"Don't get excited, Flyboy, its strictly a business call." I told him, speaking over the secretary.

"Whatever. Send her in." I heard his comlink disconnect, and I smiled sweetly at the secretary.

"All right then, down the hall and to the right, right?" She stared at me, astonished that I spoke to her precious admiral that way. I shrugged and followed my own directions, walking into his office without knocking.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure?" He gestured to a chair while still glaring at me. It was odd, he could glare at me and still act completely civil.

"Just the entire galaxy is in peril yet again." I propped my feet up on his desk.

"Ah," he said, eyeing my boots. "Galaxy on the brink of destruction, centuries of mayhem and destruction, evil sith dictatorship to span the course of time?"

"Yep. Same old, same old." I snagged a piece of candy from a dish on his desk. "But don't sound so excited, Flyboy, its bad for the public."

"Trust me, I'm not." He sighed. "So what new disaster is combing the edges of the galaxy this time?"

I popped the small sugary tablet into my mouth, and fixed y gaze on the wrapper, as I slowly folded it into small squares, taking my sweet time to organize my thoughts. "So," he asked, "Are you going to explain what's coming?"

I sighted and flicked the paper into the nearest wastebasket. "Let me start at the beginning. When Malak and I went to the outer rim to fight the Mandalorians, we found something. There were places, whole planets even, seeped in the power of the dark side. There, the old and true sith lords waited, waiting for their time to strike. They actually started the Mandalorian wars, as a way to disrupt and weaken the Republic. When the Jedi came, the sith lords manipulated key battles, feinting and attacking, not to win the wars, but to draw the Jedi to these places. At the final battle of Malachor, many Jedi were taken prisoner, and taken to these places, to be turned to the dark side. The ones who were strong were murdered. Malak and I managed to escape, though we were changed. We had seen the power and mercilessness of these lords." I paused looking down. The visions, the memories had been some of my worst. The pain of hearing my childhood friends being tortured to the dark side... that memory had taken a while to shake. "We knew the Republic, being weak and corrupt from the war, would not be able to protect itself. The galaxy needed a leader, someone to unite all the planets. We had learned of the star forge on Dantooine, when we found the first map. We didn't know what it was, but we had heard rumors of something called the star forge."

Carth interrupted me, in his soldier mode. "Wait, so you found the star map before the Mandalorian wars?"

I nodded. "We were already planning on leaving before we found it, so we didn't bother reporting it to the council. We didn't know then what the map was too. When we were captured, we had heard rumors of the star forge. That's actually the next part of the story." I paused, waiting to see if he had any more questions. He gestured for me to continues, and I took a deep breath.

"As I said, the galaxy needed a leader. So we searched for the remaining star maps, finally discovering the star forge, and built up our fleet. We used the dark side as a tool, to recruit soldiers. But for Malak, it proved to be too much. He forgot about saving the Republic, and wanted to crush it. Instead of converting, he began conquering. He couldn't handle the power, and it began to consume him. I tried to remind him of our original goal and he thought me weak. When the Jedi strike team boarded our vessel, he saw his chance and stroke." I paused, "You know what happened them."

This was the hard part, to explain about why I left, about why I left him. "After the Jedi civil war, I began having these visions of something left unfinished on the outer rim. Because of Malak, the galaxy is in even more turmoil, with no real leader. I went to stop them, to give the Republic time to recover, and to find out more about them. But they're still coming, and they're stronger than before." My voice grew quiet. "We made a mistake in thinking we could use the dark side as a tool. I lost my best friend, myself, and a hell of a lot of people, for absolutely nothing. And now, the entire galaxy could fall."

Carth leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head and inhaling deeply. Finally he spoke, "We need to warn the Republic. I'll set up and emergency meeting for tomorrow, and you can tell them what you're telling me now."

I nodded, and stood up to go. "Until tomorrow then, Admiral Onasi."

"Until tomorrow, Jedi Lola." I examined his face one last time before turning and walking out of his office. I would see him tomorrow. I held on to that promise.

I walked home to Mission's apartment, needing time to prepare myself for tomorrows meeting. I passed through a narrow alleyway, needing to get home as fast as possible. I was almost halfway through it, when I heard a footstep behind me. I reached out with the force, but couldn't feel anything. As I took a step forward, I turned on my heel, and drew my light saber at the same time. Before I could fully register the picture, a boot flew into my face. I fell to the ground, my unknown attacker flying on top of me. He straddled my waist, blocking me from getting up, and landed a punch, full in my face. When he drew back for another punch, I drew my knee up and thrust upward, managing to unbalance him enough for me to get away.

I flipped up onto my feet, and saw him draw a knife. As he came at me, I grabbed his arm and flung it upward to block the stab, and punched him as hard as I could. Using the arm I had in my grasp, I turned him around, and pushed him into the wall, using my weight to keep him pinned.

"Who are you?" I grunted, and he responded by slamming his elbow into my right cheek. He pulled away from me, and I used the momentum to twist and kick him in the face. While he was unbalanced, I retrieved my light saber from where it had fallen when I was pounced. I ignited it, and came to him, taking the offensive.

I brought down the light saber in a swing that would have taken off his right arm, but he turned and grabbed my head, bringing his knee up to my nose. I twisted away again, striking horizontally at his midsection, but he ducked and when I came around on the back swing, he punched my solar plexus, knocking the breath out of me. I grunted from the pain, but he left himself open, and I jabbed again. He thrust himself against the wall to avoid the blade, then grabbed my arm and twisted it, gaining temporary control of my weapon.

With my opposite leg I kicked the back of his knees, knocking him down and thrusting my arm up, I freed myself from his grasp. When he was off balance I reached for the Force to hold him there, but instead found the Force out of my grasp. The harder I looked for it, the weaker I felt.

He stood up quickly, trying to slam the top of his head into my chin, but I stepped back before he could. We faced each other, both sizing the other up. I noticed the sith symbol on his cloak, and I narrowed my eyes. No wonder I couldn't land a blow, I had let the safety of Telos relax me, and now I was paying for it. I brought the blade up in front of me, waiting to see his next attack. He stood in front of me, and brought his hands up. So he wanted to fight Echani style? Fine. I deactivated my blade, and re-clipped it to my belt. Fighting with it would only prove a hindrance.

He came at me, thrusting his fist out, but I side stepped it, and grabbing his arm, I turned him to me and thrust my knee into his face, quickly stepping down before he could grab it. I pulled his arm until I had his back to me, and tried to wrap my arm around his neck. Again I reached for the Force to help me hold him, but I felt cold and empty, and the feeling distracted me. He elbowed me in the stomach, and I stepped back out of pain. He turned back to me, and we paused, both slightly out of breath.

He tried to punch me again, but I ducked, getting the feel for his attacks. I jutted my leg out and swung, tripping him. He landed on his back, and using my other leg to propel me, I jumped and landed on his stomach, pulling a knife out of my belt as I went. I put the blade against his neck, pushing down just enough to cut the skin.

"What do you want from me?" I felt him struggle under me, but I placed my other hand on his shoulder, pinching his nerves there.

"Your death." He spat, slightly out of breath. I pushed harder on the knife, and I felt him wince.

"Well, that's just too bad. Who sent you?"

Despite the pain he was in, he leered up at me. "The most powerful sith lord in history. You are all doomed!"

I narrowed my eyes, "The most powerful sith lord in history, huh? Hate to break it to you, but that was me. I was even strong enough to resist the dark side." I pushed my weight on to the knife, cutting into his artery there and ending his murdering life. I slid off of him, and rested my weight against the brick wall at my back, halfway standing up. Man, this would be fun to explain to the authorities.

a/n- Hi! Sooo sorry this chapter took so long, this is probably the third time I wrote it. This was only supposed to be the first half of the chapter, but I'm sick of staring at this. So, the next chapter will move faster, and will have different points of views, and some more flashbacks.

anything you would want to see, a flashback from the games you want to appear here? send me a messege, i'm suffering from a serious case of writers block, and i would LOVE suggestions! :)

Tell me what you guys think! That was my first fight scene, did you like it? How about the way I explained the mysterious sith? Please review, and I'll send you a preveiw of the next chapter! :)