Soggy Paper Towel Legal Defense no Jutsu!
As the sun rose over the slowly rousing Konoha, it poured through the panes of a window and across Uzumaki Naruto's eyelids. This recieved a frustrated groan from the blonde, who rolled onto his side and buried his face into the soft, warm cloth pillows next to him to stave off consciousness a little longer.
As he snuggled into the 'pillows', their owner opened a brown eye which moved to look at the head of blonde her sticking out the top of her t-shirt 'pillows'. Smirking, she slid her hand under the blankets and gave the blonde's boxer-covered left buttock a firm pinch. This, unlike the sunlight shining through the window, awoke the blonde with a squawk of shock and mild pain. Blinking his bleary eyes, he glared at his bedpartner, grumbling "Why'd you do that Anko-chan?"
"Because I felt like it, and that butt's just oh so pinchable." Anko said with a grin, and Naruto's glare turned to a smirk as he grabbed her breast through her t-shirt and gave them a squeeze.
"Oh, so it's going to be that way, is it?" Anko asked, and getting a nod from the smirking blonde, suddenly pushed him onto his back and straddled his waist, locking eyes with him as she all but purred "Well then, I guess we're not getting out of bed today, are we?"
Before Naruto could reply, they were jerked from their staredown by sudden knocking at Anko's front door. This elicited a snarled string of obscenities from Anko, one mirrored by Naruto as both reluctantly exited the bed and stormed toward the door, dressed only in a t-shirt and black panties for Anko and a pair of boxers for Naruto.
"Alright, alright goddammit, I'm coming!" Anko snarled, the incessant knocking grating on her already bad mood due to having her 'private shota-boyfriend time' interrupted, Naruto a few steps behind her, his formerly good mood ruined.
Reached the door, Anko grabbed the handle, turned it, and almost ripped the door off the wall to reveal Iruka standing before her apartment door, hand raised to knock, looking shocked and more than a little frightened at his greeting.
"What do you want, Umino? We were in the middle of something, if you don't mind." she growled, giving him a glare that promised death, and Iruka turned to her partner, noticing it to be Naruto standing there in only his boxers, looking rather annoyed with him at the moment. At the sight of his favorite (former) student, Iruka's shock and fear disappeared, replaced with a cold resolve as his face hardened.
Brown eyes meeting brown, Iruka seemed immune to the purple-haired woman's anger as he stated in a clipped tone "Anko-san, please put on a pair of pants. We need to have a talk."
Naruto's look of annoyance deepened into anger, and he was about to make his displeasure of Iruka's tone to his girlfriend known before Iruka turned his eyes on him. At the emotions in Iruka's eyes, Naruto's words died in his throat and his outrage turned to shock as Iruka continued "Naruto, please get dressed. I'll be talking to you next."
Naruto nodded, and practically ran toward the bedroom as Anko finally recovered from the shock of the normally gentle, friendly Chuunin transforming into someone more fit to be an ANBU. Arm's crossed over her chest, she raised an eyebrow and leaned against the doorframe as she asked "What's with the sudden change, Iruka-san?"
"We're going to talk about you and Naruto." Iruka stated, to which Anko nodded and said "I figured this was coming sooner or later. I'll be back in a minute."
"Tell Naruto I'll find him later, OK?" Iruka asked, and Anko gave a wave of understanding, entering the bedroom and shutting the door behind her.
Sarutobi sighed, not having slept well after the incident last night, which ended with Mizuki being taken to the T&I headquarters for interrigation before his sentencing. Sitting at his desk, the elderly leader held his head in his hands as he stared at the small scroll sitting on the desk before him. The scroll that had told Naruto information he was not ready for, that he couldn't understand yet. The small part of his heart that refused the lies he told himself claimed that it was because it brought the truth to light and didn't allow the old leader to hide behind his long-constructed wall made up of excuses so he didn't have to take responsibility for his actions.
Hearing his office door open, Sarutobi lifted his head, prepared to tell whoever it was to go away, but stopped as he saw his former teammate Koharu standing in the doorway, leaning on her cane. Shuffling into the room, the door being shut behind her by the guard, who knew better than to try and keep her from entering the office.
Reaching the desk, she sat in the chair sitting before it, eyes flickering to the scroll before turning to her teammate as she asked "So I see the foolishness Minato-sama planned has finally blown up in your face?"
Sarutobi sighed as he heard that. Koharu had been one of the biggest opponents to Sarutobi's plan when it was told to those the elderly Hokage believed he could trust. At first, it had been because she feared that the people of Konoha would turn the boy against them with their fear and hatred, and with the power of the Kyuubi backing him, his eventual revenge would cause wide-scale destruction, if not completely destroy Konoha.
Then she'd met the newborn boy and had immediately been smitten with him like a grandmother, and she argued that to put such a sweet child through an obviously Hellish life would be the tantamount of cruelty. But Sarutobi had been adamant in his belief of the people of Konoha, and told them how the Yondaime had sacrificed his life to seal the Kyuubi into Naruto and save the village.
His belief had been mistaken, for the crowd had turned almost riotous, demanding the child to be slaughtered so that Konoha would be safe of the Kyuubi forever. Koharu merely stated 'I told you so' without a hint of amusement or satisfaction in her voice. Sarutobi had been forced to make a law that the knowledge of Naruto being a Jinchuuriki to be classified as an S-Rank secret, the revealing of which to someone who didn't know being a capital offense.
He'd also had the boy hidden away outside of the village for the first four years of his life, raised by a woman in a nearby village who had no knowledge of his containing the Kyuubi no Kitsune. After his fourth birthday, he'd been taken from the woman, leaving her heartbroken as the blonde child was taken crying and screaming from his 'kaa-san' and placed into a Konoha orphanage.
There he would stay for a year until Sarutobi was forced to give the boy his own apartment, the owner of the orphanage refusing to take care of him any longer.
Breaking from his thoughts, he looked to the woman and finally answered "Yes, I'm afraid so. But I still have faith in young Naruto's resiliancy, even in the face of this kind of revelation."
"Do you honestly believe that, or are you just telling yourself that so you don't have to recognize you've made a mistake in regards to Naruto?" Koharu asked, and Sarutobi frowned as he glared at her and said "I do believe that Koharu, and I did not make a mistake."
"Oh, just like you did not make a mistake in allowing Orochimaru to escape, or just like you did not make a mistake in not keeping a firmer leash on Danzou?" Koharu asked, Sarutobi's mood darkening further as he answered "Naruto is different from my wayward student or my misguided friend. He has the strength to make it through this, and will be a stronger man for it."
"Stronger men than Naruto have faced less and been broken for it. And those men did not live alone and isolated for as long as they can remember, only to find out that their misery and suffering was due to the insane machinations of their own father and the man they looked up to as a grandfather." Koharu answered cooly. Sarutobi stared at her, but could not come up with a rebuttal to the argument.
Standing slowly, Koharu sighed and said "For what its worth, I do pray that Naruto is able to find a way to make it through this. For his own sake, not for yours." With that, she turned and slowly exited the office, leaving her teammate feeling worse than he had before.
Sitting in a chair across from Anko in her apartment, Iruka sighed as he ran a hand over his hair, trying to figure out how exactly to begin this conversation. Making it more difficult is that when he told Naruto the events in the Hokage's office last night were an S-ranked secret, the blonde had stiffened and sent a shocked look toward Anko's bedroom, where she was still getting dressed, before scurrying out of the apartment.
"So... you know what happened in the Hokage's office, huh?" Iruka asked, and Anko nodded, sighing herself as she replied "Yeah, we talked about it last night. And let me guess, he wasn't supposed to do so, was he?"
"No, he wasn't. Hokage-sama declared it an S-ranked secret, but Naruto didn't know when he told you. Just to be safe, don't tell anyone else about it, because it seems Hokage-sama is adamant about never letting the truth out." Iruka answered, and Anko nodded in understanding.
"Now... What exactly were you and Naruto doing?" Iruka asked, and Anko smirked, arms crossed under her chest as she replied "Why, Iruka-chan, I was just about to have a morning make-out session with a side of groping with my boyfriend before you interrupted us."
"Boyfriend?!" Iruka asked, and the purple-haired woman nodded as she said "Yep. Me and the shrimp became my boyfriend last night. Not even fully sure how it happened, actually. I brought him here, we talked, he told me what happened yesterday, and before I knew it, he somehow managed to become my boyfriend. And so far, its one of the best relationships of any sort I've had in years, probably the same for him."
"I see... So, have you and him... er..." Iruka began, looking rather nervous, causing Anko's smirk to grow as she finished for him by replying "Have me and Naruto had sex? No, we haven't."
Her smirk then proceeded to fade as she said "Despite what popular rumors say, I do not spread my thighs for anything with a penis at the first opportune moment. As I said before, we've had a couple of make-out sessions and a bit of friendly groping, but he hasn't seen me naked, nor have I seen him. What you saw at the door is all we've seen of one another."
"Oh..." Iruka said, and Anko sighed as she said "I know what your thinking, 'The snake whore is probably just taking advantage of an emotionally devistated teen to get her jollies'. Most likely will become the popular opinion of those who don't already hate the shrimp..."
"That's not true!" Iruka interrupted, and Anko glared at him as she asked "Oh, and what exactly is the reason for our 'private conversation' then, Umino-san?"
"I know he's a strong kid... a strong man, but yesterday badly wounded him, and I don't want to see him hurt any further. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't going to hurt him, either intentionally or unintentionally."
"And your judgement is...?" Anko asked, raising an eyebrow, and giving a slight sigh, Iruka said "While I still don't exactly understand why you'd want to date Naruto, I understand that you do care about him, and he you. You may not exactly love him yet, and he may not love you, but you do care for one another, and really, that's what matters. So... date him if you want, just don't hurt him or rush him into anything to quickly."
Anko smiled and chuckled, shaking her head slightly as she replied "Alright Iruka, I promise to take good care of your otouto."
Iruka blinked, but then smiled himself as he said "I'm glad we can understand one another."
Standing and stretching, Iruka let out a relieved sigh as he said "Now I need to find Naruto and have a talk with him... Including 'The Talk' unfortunately."
Anko gave a devious smirk as she said "Oh, no need to worry about that. Me and him had a good long talk about sex last night too." At hearing this, Iruka promptly began sputtering and gasping, eyes wide and looking for all the world as if he'd seen Koharu and Homura doing it doggy-style on his bed.
Anko immediately burst into a fit of laughter.
Sitting at the bar of Ichiraku Ramen, Naruto slurped slowly at his noodles, seemingly deep in thought, Teuchi and Ayame watching him worriedly. He was only on his second bowl, when he should have been on his fifth preparing to dig into his sixth by now.
"Naruto-kun, are you OK?" Ayame asked, leaving against the bar, eyeing the blonde with concern.
Naruto snapped his head up to look at the brown-haired waitress, blinking several times as the question registered his mind, and answered "Oh yeah, I'm fine Ayame-niichan. I was just thinking about stuff."
"What kind of 'stuff'?" Ayame asked, and Naruto replied "S-ranked secret stuff."
"Oh." Ayame replied, understanding that if something was S-ranked, the chances of her hearing about it were about the same as Naruto giving up his love of the color orange and ramen.
Deciding to change the subject, Teuchi smirked as he asked "Say Naruto, what's this I hear from friend running the dango shop about you hooking up with older women?"
Ayame turned to her father, then the blushing blonde as she asked "Naruto-kun, is it true?!"
"It was just one woman!" Naruto cried, and seeing the faces given to him by Teuchi and Ayame, he blushed and muttered "Besides... I didn't exactly mean to, it just sort of... happened."
Teuchi smiled and asked "Whose the lucky girl, Naruto?"
"Her name's Anko-chan, and she's real pretty... Prettier than Sakura-chan even." Naruto answered, and Ayame blinked, looking stunned as she questioned "You mean Mitarashi Anko? The purple-haired lady who wears the fishnet and trenchcoat?"
"Yeah!" Naruto replied with a grin, and Ayame smiled as she said "Who knew you liked them more than a couple years older than you? If I'd know that, I might have tried before you were taken, Naruto-kun."
Naruto immediately blushed as he said "A-Ayame-niichan, I can't like you that way! You're like my sister!"
"Oh really?" Ayame asked, and at Naruto's nod, she reached over the bar and grabbed him by the cheek, pinching it as she said "Aaaw Naruto-kun, that's so sweet! You can be just adorable when you say things like that!"
"Owowowowowowowowowowow!" Naruto yelped, struggling to get out of the bear trap-like grip of Ayame's cheek pinch.
"Careful you don't go to overboard, Ayame. Wouldn't want my main source of income injured and unable to keep us in business!" Teuchi said with a laugh, and Ayame grinned as she said "Don't worry dad, I doubt a little pinched cheek could keep Naruto from enjoying his favorite ramen!"
"Right Ayame-niichan!" Naruto replied, his raised spirits causing him to dig into the bowl of ramen with renewed gusto, quickly cleaning it of its contents.
Holding out his bowl, Naruto smiled and said "Another bowl Teuchi-jiji, beef this time!"
"And get me a bowl of miso ramen if you would, Ayame-san."
Naruto turned to his dining partner and smiled as he watched Iruka sit on the stool next to him, leaning on the bar with a slight smile on his face. Grinning to Iruka, Naruto asked "Ne, you done talking with Anko-chan Iruka-sensei?"
"Yeah Naruto, I am. Got to say you sure can pick'em." Iruka said, smiling to his favorite (former) student, the blonde smiling as he said "I like her too..." Naruto's smile slowly drooped into a frown, and staring at the bar he asked "So Iruka-sensei, are you gonna tell ji-Hokage-sama?"
Iruka looked at the blonde curiously for a moment before it clicked. Shaking his head, he ruffled the blonde's locks as he said "Of course not, Naruto. You obviously didn't know the law at the time, and you were going to have to talk about it with someone. Just keep it to yourself from now on."
"Kay, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto said with a smile, and the man smiled back as Ayame placed their ramen before them. Breaking open his chopsticks, Iruka prepared to eat, but stopped as he said "And Naruto..."
"Mmmm?" the blonde asked, his mouth already stuffed with the delicious noodles. Iruka sighed and said "Just... don't do anything your not comfortable with, OK? It won't make you any less of a man to wait until your comfortable with... that."
Naruto blinked a couple of times before understanding dawned, and his cheeks darkened. Quickly chewing and swallowing his mouthful, Naruto turned to the brown-haired man as he said "I-I know that, Iruka-sensei! I'm not stupid, ya know!"
"I was just making sure, Naruto." Iruka said, and Naruto nodded before turning back to his ramen, Iruka doing the same.
Anko sighed contently as she picked up a dango skewer she bit into the topmost dumpling, pulling it off the wooden skewer into her mouth and began chewing it, savoring the taste of the delicious treat. Picking up her sake cup, she drained it of its contents and pulled the next dumpling off, savoring its flavor as well before it too was washed down with a cup of sake.
Preparing to eat another of the dumplings, she stopped as a man dressed in sleeveless pink judogi tied with a black belt, a takuhatsugasa on his head, and a nodachi strapped to his back. He had black hair which hung down to the small of his back and was currently in an intricate braid, and from the half of his face that was visible, he had a scar running from the left edge of his lip down to his jawline.
Anko looked at her new dining partner and sighed, rubbing her forehead as she said "Jinno, take off the hat please. Your 'badass silent warrior' shtick might intimidate some people, but I know you too well for it to work on me. Besides, you're dressed in pink."
"Hey now Anko, it takes a real man ta be able to walk confidently in pink. Part of my 'badass silent warrior shtick', as ya call it. Just like the light chainmail, skirt, and trenchcoat are part of yer 'psycho jounin lady' shtick." Jinno replied, lifting his hat off and setting it on the table, revealing a thin, pointed nose and light gray eyes.
"True." Anko replied, pulling another dumpling from the skewer and chewing it up.
Picking up a skewer of his own and ignoring the indignant cry of 'HEY!' from the purple-haired woman, Jinno bit off one of the dumplings and chewed it, looking to his dining partner as he asked "So Anko, I doubt ya asked me ta have a dango lunch with ya just ta discuss fashion with me."
"No, I asked you to come here while I had a dango lunch. I did not buy these dango to share." Anko replied, almost growling as she pulled the plate of dango closer and placed an arm around it protectively.
"Right... Anyways, what exactly is it ya want ta talk about? Because I don't think ya just want me ta sit here and watch ya eat." Jinno said, biting off the next dumpling as he looked at her for a moment before adding "Then again, knowing you..."
"No Jinno, I didn't ask you to come watch me eat." Anko replied, looking to her plate as she said "What I asked you here for is... a favor."
Jinno smiled and leaned against the table as he said "Ya know I'll do whatever I can to help ya. After all, I do still owe ya my life for that mission near Iwa. So what is it?"
"I need you to help me train someone." Anko replied, and Jinno raised an eyebrow as he asked "Really? Who ya want me ta help torture... er... train?"
"My new boyfriend." Anko stated, to which Jinno looked at her before shaking his head, leaning back as he said "Anko, if they're still needin' people ta hold their hands at twenty..."
"He's not twenty." Anko cut him off, Jinno staring at her as he asked "Then what is he? Twenty-one?"
"Lower."
"Nineteen."
"Lower."
"Eighteen?"
"Still lower."
"Seventeen?"
"No."
"Sixteen?"
"Getting closer."
"Fifteen?"
"Not quite."
"Fourteen?"
"Almost."
"Thirteen?" Jinno asked, and Anko nodded as she said "Right on the mark. Just graduated the Academy yesterday."
"Damn, never took ya for being part of the shotacon kunoichi crowd." Jinno said, Anko shrugging as she said "What can I say? Even I'm not sure how it happened, to be honest."
Shaking his head, Jinno said "Well, which graduate is he? Its not the little Uchiha brat, is it?"
Anko scowled as she said "Hell no. I don't go for the pale, brooding, loner type... Got bitten by that type once."
"I understand. So, which one?" Jinno asked, and Anko sighed as she said "Uzumaki Naruto."
"Ya mean the blonde one with the whiskers and the habit of playing pranks?" Jinno asked, and Anko nodded, not sure what to expect. However, her friend merely laughed and said "I like that one! Reminds me of... well... me, back when I was a genin! Always playing pranks with that Iruka guy! Shichi always gets a laugh out of him too, says the laughs his jokes provide are just the sort of stress relief ANBU needs."
"So you'll help?" Anko asked, and Jinno nodded as he said "Of course, Anko! I'm certain I can get Shichi to help too, maybe even Benkei!"
"Are you sure? They don't care about..." Anko motioned to her stomach, and Jinno sighed and said "Mom and dad were always adamant that we were to trust the Yondaime's sealing ability and to not be taken in by the rampant stupidity surrounding us. We'd helped him if we could, but..."
"Yeah, too many 'mysterious' roadblocks trying to stop him from getting any help." Anko growled, having heard Kurenai complain about being unable to help her adopted 'imouto's' crush due to roadblocks lacking any names on them.
"Right. So, what time is training going to begin?" Jinno asked, and Anko said "5 AM, sharp."
"Gotcha. I'll be that for sure, and my bros if they can make it." Jinno said, and Anko nodded as she replied "OK... And Jinnosuke?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks." Anko said. Jinno smiled, placed his takuhatsugasa back on his head as he replied "No problem, Anko. Oh, and thanks for the dango."
Anko blinked, looked down at her plate, and saw several were missing. She snapped her head up only to find him gone. At that, a growl started deep in her chest, rumbling upward until it erupted from her mouth, accompanying a loud cry.
"DAMN YOU JINNOSUKE!!!!"
