Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles or any of the characters etc.

TRIGGER WARNING: Self Harm & mentions of abuse. This story is pretty dark. So be warned! Also very Out of Character Maura.

Thank you for the reviews/follows etc and thank you for continuing to join me on this journey. It's a delicate and intense journey that I just felt the need to share and I thank you all for sharing it with me. So without further ado, onwards and upwards! I would love to know what you think. :)


"Brian? What are you doing here?" Maura asked in shock as she reached her dorm room.

"Well I came to see you, of course!" He charmingly replied, pulling his arm from behind his back and presenting the honey blonde with a bunch of flowers. "These are for you." He offered lovingly.

Maura accepted the flowers and placed her nose to the bunch as she took in a deep breath, thoroughly savouring the beautiful smelling blossoms. With a smile on her face she took a moment to study the man in front of her. Gone were his boyish curls, replaced with a sleek and mature hairstyle. His face had filled in as he had grown and he had clearly looked after his body. He looked quite different, Maura noticed. Alarmingly, even his once kindly brown eyes seemed slightly hollow. Maura shook off any bad thoughts, electing to write off the changes to their time and distance apart.

"They are beautiful, thank you." Maura replied sweetly as she opened the door to her room. "Please come in." Maura added as she led Brian through her dorm. This was one of the times she was thankful to be fortunate enough to obtain a single dorm with a private bath as so she had no concerns about bothering any roommates with her surprise visitor.

"Nice place." He said, his adorable dimples in full effect as he smiled widely at the honey blonde.

"It suits me nicely." Maura replied as she softly placed the flowers on her desk. She was then suddenly encased with arms as Brian hugged her tightly from behind. She immediately noted the difference in his touch. Where his touch had once been gentle, almost reverent; his arms now enfolded her tightly, as if he was afraid of her escaping him. When he placed a kiss on her cheek, it was no longer soft and loving. It was now somewhat abrasive and rushed. He indelicately turned her to face him and crashed his lips into hers. Maura immediately returned the kiss, having been without the attention of a male suitor for some time.

"God I've missed you." Brian moaned as he deepened the kiss, pawing at Maura's blouse in an attempt to remove it.

"Mmm. Brian." Maura started in between kisses. Pulling back, she continued. "Brian we should slow down."

"Nonsense." He replied flatly, trying to pull in the blonde once more.

Maura placed her hands on his chest and gently pushed him away. Ignoring his indignant huff, she took a step away from him. "What are you doing in Boston?" She queried, desperate to diffuse the rapidly escalating situation.

"Europe was no longer for me. I've transferred to BCU to major in forensic pathology." He responded smugly, clearly enjoying the shocked expression on the honey blonde's face.

"You were to major in Psychology. Whatever happened to that particular goal?" She asked, unable to hide the slight tremor in her voice at the way her former boyfriend was now acting.

"I decided it was no longer for me. Besides, I figured if I was going to come to Boston, why not change my major as well. Even better is that I have arranged to be in most of your classes." Brian added with glee.

"You…You, my class.. What?" Maura stammered. She was in disbelief, not only that Brian was in Boston and had for some reason decided to change his major, but also that he had purposefully arranged to be in many of her lectures. She suddenly felt suffocated.

Brian chuckled good naturedly at Maura's stuttering. "I wanted to be as close to you as possible. We have a lot to catch up on after all."


"Oh, Maur." Jane interrupted, sadness impressed on her features. "He was controlling you from the get go sweetie."

Maura turned to Jane, tears forming in her eyes. "I know. I knew that then but you didn't see the look in his eye Jane. I was surprised and somewhat scared. This was a man who was so very different from the boy I knew and loved in high school. I held out hope that it was just a readjustment. That we had been apart for such a period of time that we needed to reacquaint ourselves with one another and once we had he would be back to normal. I was also extremely lonely Jane." She stated as she wiped the tears from her face.

"Oh sweetie, come here." Jane asked warmly with her arms outstretched.

Maura quickly sought comfort in the warm and gentle embrace of her friend. She shivered slightly as she considered the difference between this embrace and the tight hold that Brian always had on her. She quickly shook the thoughts from her head. How could she possibly compare Brian, her ex-boyfriend and lover to Jane, her best friend? And yet here she was, noticing all the large and small ways that Jane Rizzoli treated her better than Brian ever did.

Jane broke Maura's inner musings by gently placing a kiss atop her head. "You will never be lonely again." She promised in a whisper, almost too soft for the M.E. to hear. Maura did however hear the loving words and burrowed further into the detective's arms.

"Things got better after that for a while. I thought the storm had passed. He moved into a small unit off campus and we attended classes together. We were like any other couple on campus. We spent a fair amount of time together but also had our moments apart. We had mutual friends and friends of our own. He would cook me dinner when I spent the night at his apartment, complete with candles and a rose on the table. He was attentive and sweet once more."

Maura took a deep breath, shivers wracking her body as she prepared herself to continue her story. She trembled recognising that she was about to vividly take Jane through the torment and hell she lived through for many months. The M.E. subconsciously began to pull at the bandage on her wrist, in an attempt to reach her wound. She recognised that she was quickly spiraling out of control but was powerless to stop the panic from overcoming her. Her breathing became uneven; her chest constricting as an overwhelming fear choked the air from her lungs. Her fingers were now actively seeking purchase of the bandage. If only she could remove it. Maybe if she could see the wound, see the blood and register the pain again. Maybe then she could calm herself down.

Her mauling was abruptly stopped by hands on her own. Her weakened mind deceptively allowed her to believe those hands to be the same hands that had caused her pain all those years ago. Again terror took control of her body and she tightly closed her eyes as she attempted to sink further into the couch. If she showed him she was sorry then perhaps this time he wouldn't hurt her anymore. Maybe if she showed him what she had done to herself, that she was already hurting, perhaps on this occasion he would be satisfied and leave her be.

"It's just me sweetie. It's Jane. Come back to me Maur."

Maura's brain could not reconcile that familiar raspy voice to the painful images that were playing behind her closed eyelids. Warily, she slowly opened her eyes one at a time. Taking in the scene before her as if she was a third party, the first thing she noticed were the hands upon her own. Scarred hands that were somehow still soft and gentle. She paid attention to how they were tenderly tracing her fingers, delicately attempting to pull them from her wrist. She noticed that they were not harsh or restrictive but rather warm and comforting. Her terrified brain than allowed her to look up at the face belonging to those hands. Expecting to be met with harsh, scowling features, she was grateful to be met instead with a concerned and loving gaze.

Jane herself was petrified. She had no idea what to do. Seeing Maura in some sort of a haze, attempting to further harm herself literally brought the detective to her knees. She placed herself in front of the doctor, gently grabbing her hands and trying desperately to pull her best friend from her frightful stupor. However, her words went largely unnoticed by Maura. When the doctor eventually met her gaze, the Italian could see the utter terror her best friend's eyes contained. She knew then that she would give anything to take that away from her. Anything in the world to somehow fix the woman she now knew without a doubt that she loved. The sudden revelation took Jane by surprise. It frightened her. However, she knew that the important thing in that moment was to make her best friend to feel safe, surprising feelings be damned.

Noticing that Maura seemed to now recognise her, Jane continued her cooing. "That's it Maur. You're safe with me. I'll protect you. Come back to me."

"J…Jane?" Maura croaked out as her fear slowly left and her breath returned to her.

"It's me Maur. It's me." Jane whispered as she brought her forehead to rest against the blonde's.

Maura yawned and Jane immediately scooped her off the couch in her arms. "What ya doin'?" The blonde asked in a sleepy haze.

"I think you might have had some kind of panic attack Maur. You are exhausted. I'm just going to tuck you in to bed ok?"

"Mmmk." Came the doctor's response as she nuzzled into Jane's shoulder.

Jane reached the bedroom and gently placed Maura on top of the covers. "Scoot over sweetie so that I can put the covers over you." She gently instructed and the M.E. immediately complied. Jane then tucked her in and with a kiss to Maura's cheek she made to leave the room.

"Stay." Maura mumbled as she wearily reached her arm out towards the brunette. "Please."

Jane stood immobile for a second as she considered her options. She knew that Maura needed to comfort however she also knew that with her very newly discovered feelings for the doctor, lying on the bed with her would be somewhat difficult if she wanted to keep said feelings to herself. In the end, the decision was an easy one as she knew that she wanted more than anything to provide her best friend with the much needed security. She padded her way back to the bed before unceremoniously flopping herself on to it.

The honey blonde quickly rolled over and snuggled into Jane's side before drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

Jane tried to have a little rest herself but was too outraged. She instead allowed herself to enjoy having the doctor so close and watched gratefully as she peacefully slept.

A little while later Maura began to stir and Jane loosened her hold on the blonde not wanting to make her feel suffocated in case she woke with a fright. Maura however, woke with a soft sigh and allowed herself a moment in her best friend's warm arms before she moved to sit up.

"How long was I asleep?" She asked of the detective as she wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"Bout an hour." Jane replied with a soft smile on her face. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better thank you." Maura responded before turning away from Jane. "I'm so sorry you had to see that Jane." The M.E. said in such a small voice it almost brought tears to the detective's eyes.

Jane hesitantly placed a hand on her friend's shoulder, now unsure as to whether the contact would be welcomed. "Maur look at me please." She requested and waited until Maura's gaze met her own. "You do not ever have to apologise to me. I'm here for the good and the not so good. I love you. Ah… you are my best friend." Jane quickly backtracked as she realised exactly what she had just said.

Maura watched the brunette's features intently. She noted her roving eyes, dilating pupils, slightly sweaty palms. Maura pondered what that could all mean. She knew scientifically what those physical signs indicated but quickly decided there was simply no way that Jane could love her beyond a purely platonic level. Not when she was a broken, unlovable mess. Shaking her head she softly responded. "Thank you Jane."

There was a moment of silence before it was broken by Jane's rumbling tummy. Both women burst out in much needed laughter.

"Oh Jane, when did you last eat?" Maura managed to ask between her fits of giggles.

"Ummm lunch time?" Jane offered sheepishly, knowing a reprimand from her doctor would soon follow.

"Jane! Not eating regularly can cause many problems." Maura scolded. "Heart and digestive problems to begin with. Not to mention the negative effects that vitamin deficiency can cause the body. You must eat enough food to meet nutritional need and m…"

"Ok Maur." Jane interrupted with a gentle pat on Maura's knee. "I'm sorry, I was just a little distracted by the case today. Are you hungry?"

When the doctor nodded her answer, Jane retrieved her phone and made quick work of ordering some pizza for the both of them. They lay side by side, silently enjoying each other's company until Jane heard the doorbell ring in the distance. She quickly got up before Maura could move and went to collect the pizza. Upon her return she was holding the pizza box in one arm with a beer sitting precariously on top and a full wine glass in her other hand. Maura swooned at her thoughtfulness before taking the offered glass of wine from the detective.

They ate in silence until Maura finished her pizza, placed her wine glass on the bedside table, determined to recommence her telling of her past.

"After six wonderful months he asked me to move in with him. I was hesitant at first, but he was so thoughtful and not at all forceful on the matter. He gently explained numerous times that it would save time and money for us both if we were to live together. He showed me the beautiful apartments that he had found for us. Before I had a chance to properly consider the potential repercussions, I found myself assenting to move in with him."

Maura again took a break from her retelling. She reached forward to take a large sip from her wine glass previously discarded to the bedside table. Jane too took a sip from her beer as she watched the pained expression on the Doctor's face. Maura hadn't even gotten to the hardest part of her story and already Jane hated Brian. Hated the man who caused Maura's body to shake as she spoke, who caused her tears to fall down her beautiful pale face, who caused her to turn to self-harm in order to cope with the most stressful situations in her life. No, Jane didn't hate the man, she loathed him. She considered calling Frankie to get him to find out where that bastard lived so she could shoot him in the face. Somehow though, she didn't think it would be of any benefit to Maura for her to be sitting in a prison cell for the rest of her life. Instead, she took the blonde's hands in her own, in a soft yet firm hold, silently providing her solidarity and waited for Maura to continue, all the while silently vowing to one day bring justice upon Brian.

"Things went downhill again once we had been living together for a few months…"

To be continued…