Chapter 3
The gently blowing wind felt good on his heated face. The scent of earth surrounded him, the trees giving him a sense of security. He hadn't even been walking fifteen minutes and he already felt more relaxed. The forest had that effect on him.
He missed the forests in Makai. Boundless, vast biomes that weren't as willing to give up their secrets. He loved running through them after it rained; the smell so thick he could taste it always appealed to him. Now he seemed content to walk; a slow, timed pace.
The moon cast shadows onto the forest floor though the thick foliage above, causing little specks of illumination to dance on his face, every once and a while, when the light hit them just right, his eyes would sparkle.
He breathed in deeply, listening to the insects chirping around him. The sound wasn't as annoying as he always thought before; it was actually quite consoling. It meant peace, tranquility. The somber wind was there, blowing ever so slightly, making a few stray bangs brush and tickle his small nose.
It was rare, he mused, that he could travel so easily through the Makai, he was always fighting, always on alert. He never actually had the time to take in Makai's natural beauty. Beauty...
His thoughts drifted back to Kurama. Before they were together, he had no problem being alone, he enjoyed it actually. Things were different now. A moonlit walk, pleasing as it was, felt unbefitting without his fox by his side. Things he used to love to do by himself, now felt so empty. He felt empty.
He had always believed that part of him was missing, but now everything inside him just... felt out of place. His heart had once been made of stone, and now it had a gaping hole in it. A void that only Kurama could fill. As the days progressed, he realized just how miserable he was before he met that cunning kitsune, and with time, perhaps they could be friends again, if only friends. Having Kurama there with him, by his side again, basking in his cheerfulness, was better than not having him there at all.
I don't mean to drag it on,
but I can't seem to let you go.
I don't wanna make you face this world alone.
I wanna let you go.
Kurama closed his bedroom door behind him and removed his shirt, throwing it in the hamper near the bathroom door. There was a light smile on his face when he reached under his pillow and grasped his journal firmly in his hand. Pulling it out, the kitsune made his way over to his desk chair and sat down, propping his feet up on the desk.
He opened the book to the last entry he composed, flipping to the next, blank page. Kurama reached into his drawer and pulled out a pen and began to write frivolously.
Dear journal,
I thought that today was going to be the worst, but actually, as it turns out, it was marvelous!
I woke up tired and sore from tossing and turning all night, as usual, immediately in a wretched mood. I didn't eat any breakfast either, luckily my mother wasn't home or she would have had a fit over that.
Like all the other days for the past three weeks, I felt restless, so I decided to take a walk. I went to the park and sat on the bench Hiei and I always used to sit on while eating 'sweet snow'. I didn't much feel like being there at all; it reminded me too much of Hiei. But for some reason, I ended up sitting there for almost an hour.
I saw two boys there; they looked so happy together, and I wished nothing more than for that to be us, sitting in the grass, talking sweetly to each other.
I went home shortly after. I barely made it in the front door before I started crying. I wanted so badly for Hiei to be there and comfort me. It felt like I was dying... I ended up crying myself to sleep, waking up a few hours later with an enormous headache.
I left again; I needed the fresh air.
"Something you want to tell me, dear?" Kurama jumped, nearly knocking the chair over with him in it. His head jerked towards his bedroom door to see it wide open and Shiori leaning against the frame, her arms crossed.
"M-mother, you startled me." The redhead sighed with a fake smile, slipping his legs off of his desk to sit in the chair like a normal gentleman. Shiori went though a series of expressions before settling on determination.
"Why didn't you tell me that you and Hiei had an argument? I'm your mother, I think I have a right to know these things." She didn't move, nor did her expression.
"How did you find out?"
"Yukina came over tonight. She told me everything. I suppose Hiei told her."
"...Oh." Kurama paused. He sat his journal on the desk and watched his mother walk casually over and sit on his neatly made bed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but there was so much going on; I was upset. I wanted some time to think things through before I told anyone about it. I guess I wasn't really sure if I made the right decision." Kurama stood slowly and walked over to the bed to sit next to his mother. He brought his legs up and crossed them Indian style, turning to face her a little.
"It's been three weeks, Shuichi. Have you made up your mind yet?" Shiori placed a hand on her son's shoulder. "Have you even talked to Hiei since the fight?" When Kurama shook his head, the woman sighed and wrapped her arms around the redhead and rested her head on his shoulder. "Do you still love him, Shuichi?"
"...I do. I still love him so very much."
"Then what are you doing here?" Shiori asked, sitting upright again. "Hiei's a good boy; he deserves someone like you. I know you make each other happy, and that's all that matters to me. But if this is what it's going to be like, I'm not sure this relationship is a good idea." Shiori paused. "... You're not a little boy anymore, Shuichi. I can't make these decisions for you. This is between you and Hiei, and if you still love each other, I don't see any reason you should be apart."
"I don't know if he still loves me... It never felt like he loved me in the first place, that's why I broke up with him."
"Love works in mysterious ways, dear. Maybe Hiei's just not ready to take that step yet. Maybe he's not sure if you're the one he wants to be with."
"Maybe he thinks they're all lies..." Kurama mumbled and turned to gaze out the window. The sky was dark now.
...
Ten in the morning. He was surprised that he was able to sleep in, and he wasn't tired or sore this morning. Blinking open rested green eyes, he slowly peeled back the crisp white sheets and crawled out of bed.
He stretched lazily and made his way over to his closet and rummaged for a light colored outfit; it was supposed to be hot today. Finding a suitable piece, he pulled it from the closet and donned the clothes in a hurry.
For the first time in days, he actually felt hungry, starved really. It wasn't so much as he hadn't been eating, it was the low intake of food that tipped the scale drastically.
After brushing his hair, the redhead slipped out of his room and downstairs, finding that his mother had left for work already. He smiled as he thought about the conversation he had with her just the night before and absentmindedly went to the refrigerator.
Promising to stay true to his word, he intended to go see Hiei today at Genkai's. He was nervous, to say the least, having no idea how Hiei would react to his visit. It had been a month and three days since the last time he saw the youkai, since he last gazed into those bloody red depths, and lost himself.
Just as he set the carton of orange juice on the counter, he was consumed by dejected sobs, sliding down the cabinets to his knees. His chest ached terribly, and the tears seemed to fall harder with every broken gasp. His heart was being torn apart from the inside, and he knew, there was only one being in all of the three worlds that could release him from his anguish.
"Hiei... Hiei. I-I just can't live without you..." He cried, pressing himself further into his arms resting on the cabinet doors. "I just can't--." His eyes widened a fraction, his breath hitching violently. Not bothering with the orange juice he had left out, he quickly got to his feet as made a mad dash to the front door. With tears in his eyes, some clinging still to his cheeks like ice, he ran from the house.
