Suzaku dreamed of Lelouch.
This wasn't new or different. In fact, since meeting Lelouch two years ago, Suzaku had had more dreams with Lelouch than without. Suzaku didn't yet have the vocabulary or insight to describe what he felt around Lelouch, but he did know that the older boy was beautiful in a way that no one else was, and that Suzaku felt something for him that was different from what he felt for anyone else. After his mother's death, Suzaku had felt incredibly lonely, despite his father's attempts at keeping him happy, until Lelouch.
Lelouch was anti-loneliness. That made him special.
It was why sleeping with him was better than sleeping alone, why sitting on the floor with his shoulder pressed against Lelouch's knee as he did his homework was the most comfortable place in the world, and why Suzaku always woke up happy and rested when he dreamed of Lelouch.
But this dream was different.
Not bad. Just different. The setting was weird, a church or something with broken glass on the floor and a chess board set up like in Lelouch's living room, only attached to a strange scale rather than an old wooden coffee table. And Lelouch was different; colder, more distant, almost guilty when he looked at Suzaku.
Suzaku didn't really like it, but it was still Lelouch. And Lelouch made things better.
When it became clear that Lelouch wasn't going to speak or move, Suzaku did instead, walking over to him and looking up at him. "Hi, Lelouch!"
Lelouch laughed a little. "Of course. Of course I'd see you here after…" He shook his head. "Hello, Suzaku." He knelt down, reaching out to smooth over Suzaku's hair and Suzaku had been right; Lelouch was making things better. "How are you?"
"Fine!" Suzaku beamed up at Lelouch, trying to bring out the warmth and affection he usually received from him. "And you?"
"Confused and a little bewildered." Lelouch sighed, letting his hand fall away from Suzaku's head. "Mao's words are still clearly affecting me."
Mao? Suzaku frowned. "Who?"
"Ah, of course. You're too young to have met him, right?" Lelouch muttered something about a sigh-key that Suzaku could hear but didn't make much sense. "In any case, I suppose asking about your father wouldn't be a great idea…"
"Why not?" Suzaku wanted to get Lelouch's mind off this strange key thing he was thinking of. It clearly upset him. "Dad's fine. He said we can't go to the beach tomorrow, even though it's Sunday, but maybe the park." Lelouch usually liked the park well enough. "Tamaki's busy, but Rivalz might be able to come too."
"Tamaki?" Lelouch didn't look any happier. In fact, he looked outright upset. "How do you know that name?"
"He's my friend." Suzaku reached up, pressing his hand to Lelouch's cheek and forehead, the way he'd seen Lelouch do to him when he'd been sick to test for fever. Nothing. "You feeling okay, Lelouch?"
Lelouch snorted. "Am I… you're ten, you're friends with a Black Knight–"
"A what?"
"This is too much." Lelouch stood abruptly. "I won't drag Suzaku into this fight, at least no more than he already has, and I certainly would never drag an innocent like you! Suzaku isn't a soldier or an ally, he's a friend."
Something about that was wrong, even apart from the whole fight thing. Suzaku wasn't sure what he was to Lelouch, but he knew it was something more than 'friend'. Tamaki was a friend. Rivalz was a friend. Lelouch's Milly was his friend. Suzaku and Lelouch were something else. Something special. Even this Lelouch, part of Suzaku's dream, needed to know that.
But Lelouch was ignoring him now or, rather, impatiently ranting at him without waiting for a response.
"The past is the past. I won't dwell on it and I won't let Suzaku dwell on it either. You're a memory of a happier, simpler time. That might be tainted now, but under that stain, the memories are still intact, and still important. You were my first and only friend. You're still my best friend. I'm not letting some madman's ranting and your overdeveloped sense of guilt ruin that!"
"I'm not guilty!" Suzaku protested. "I'm not! And I… nothing will ever change about how I feel about you. I love you, Lelouch!"
Lelouch stared at him, his expression completely stunned as if Suzaku hadn't declared his love time and time again, promising to provide for and protect Lelouch with everything he had. Suzaku took advantage of his surprise to grab him around his neck and pull him in for a messy kiss, lip-to-lip.
After making a small, startled sound, Lelouch pushed Suzaku away. Which was pretty normal, actually. Suzaku grinned. "Love you, Lelouch."
Lelouch blinked slowly at him, as if the very thought hadn't even crossed his mind until that point. "I… I love you too, Suzaku."
Suzaku's grin widened as he threw his arms around Lelouch for a big hug. Lelouch sounded as if he'd just made a personal discovery, one that amazed and terrified him, but at least he didn't sound angry anymore.
And it wasn't as if Suzaku really knew anything apart from the fact that he'd just kissed Lelouch and Lelouch had told him he loved him and had gotten less angry. Delving deeper wasn't his thing yet.
He didn't even know what the word 'psyche' meant.
