Hello everybody! I just want to thank everybody again for reading and reviewing my story. Any and all feedback is appreciated and I am so glad that that you all are enjoying the story and I promise you it only gets better from here! So once again I present to you another chapter of "Drowning". Enjoy and don't forget to review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling does.

There was only one thing on my mind these days. The approaching holidays. The winter break was finally upon me and I couldn't be more grateful. Of course there was still plenty of homework but at least I would get a chance to sleep between essays for once.

To say the holidays were the only thing on my mind would be considered lying. No, my other preoccupation was indeed eating me alive. It wasn't healthy, but try as I might to forget, James' hatred was still one of those prominent thoughts in my head.

Bu that was all it was: a thought. After my stint in the hospital I promised myself I would find out the reason behind James' behavior. I worked it all out in my head. I would question his friends relentlessly, follow them whenever I could, maybe even attempt to track down James and get him by himself.

Yes, slowly but surely, this was turning into an obsession. It was keeping me up at night, and I didn't need another reason for lack of sleep.

My plan seemed brilliant. But there was one flaw I hadn't been seen coming

Just when I resolved to hunt down answers, James and his friends disappeared. Not completely, they still attended classes. But after school they were no where to be found. They returned only late at night to go to bed and started the same cycle the next day. I tried vainly to find out where they might have slipped off to, asking other students, but I knew it looked suspicious if I kept asking questions.

After a whole week of the wild goose chase I gave up. I was tired of giving so much thought to the subject. Even though I didn't want to, I knew for the sake of my sanity, I had to abandon my quest. So the guy hated me. Nobody liked everybody, right?

Six more months. That was all I had left of school anyway. Then I would never have to look at James' spiteful face again. In the meantime I would just throw myself even more into my studies if that was even possible.

I pulled my now stuffed suitcase off my bed. I was going home for the holidays, it was my last school holidays and I figured I should spend it with my family. Pretty soon I would be living on my own. It was hard to picture.

"Lily?" Kaylee entered the room without my noticing. That wasn't unusual; I didn't notice much these days anymore. Kaylee stood before me, worry lines creasing her forehead. She noticed I didn't sleep much lately. But she just attributed that to my homework, and portions of hers.

"Lily, are you sure you want to go home for the break? You know between your sister and being alone, it won't be that much fun." Kaylee was staying at school for the break. She claimed it was so she could have the library to herself to study, but I wasn't fooled. With me and my other roommates gone, she could have the entire dormitory to herself. Time to create some new stories.

"I'll be fine Kaylee. Maybe if I am alone I can finally finish my homework. I figure it might be easier to do that if I'm not finishing yours too." I smiled teasing her, she wasn't handling the workload well. "And besides you don't need me hanging around, you'll be in the library the whole time, right? You won't even notice I'm gone."

Her face flushed and she laughed. "Okay, I just wanted to make sure that you actually wanted to go, and you know, you weren't trying to get away from something....or somebody." She spoke quietly at the end so I wasn't sure if she meant for me to hear the last part of her sentence.

I froze. I still hadn't told Kaylee about James. I didn't want her blowing anything out of proportion and I didn't want to have to listen to her theories on the matter. Apparently Kaylee was more observant than I gave her credit for though. I scrambled to turn the conversation back into neutral territory.

"Don't worry about me Kaylee. I'm a big girl. I'm almost finished packing, but I'm going to grab some food from the kitchens to take with me. Do you want anything?"

"No, I'm good, I think I'm going to take a nap though. I've been missing out on my precious beauty sleep. Damn homework is keeping me up at night." Kaylee winked and left, presumably to find someone to accompany her while she "napped".

I chuckled, partially jealous of Kaylee's carefree attitude. I threw the last of my belongings under my bed and headed out of the dormitory to procure something to eat during my trip.

Most of the students were still in their dormitory, doing last minute packing, so the hallways were virtually empty. It was a peaceful sound, silence. I smiled to myself, and I felt my mood shift slightly.

But when I heard low voices issuing out of one of the abandoned classrooms, I knew something was up. I paused wondering if I should go inside and check it out. No one should have been in that room. But then I heard the familiar voice of Sirius Black.

I glanced around to make sure there were no other students nearby. Quietly, I pressed my ear to the door. The voices grew louder.

"I just don't understand why you don't go home for the holidays, Prongs. Get away from here, sleep in your own bed. You could use a break." Sirius seemed to be pleading with someone. Question was who? I didn't know anybody with the name Prongs.

"I already told you, Sirius, I want to stay here. It will be the first time in months I will be able to walk down these halls and not have to worry about running into Evans. She's going home for the holidays and besides there's no reason for me to go home. It's not like there's anybody to go home to." And that was when I knew. James was arguing with Sirius.

James' voice startled me. But I quickly rewound what I heard in my head. He was staying here because he knew I wasn't going to be here?

"This is getting ridiculous, mate. I don't see why you just don't tell her. It's not like things can get any worse and you..." Sirius suddenly stopped talking and I panicked. Did they know I was standing there on the other side of the door? I held my breath just in case. But then I heard James speak.

"Are you insane? Tell her? Have you lost your mind Sirius? I just have to wait six more months and then I'll never have to see her again. Then we can forget this ever happened." James sounded angrier than I had ever heard him. Well apart from that day in Potions. I flinched at the internal memory.

"But don't you think she deserves to know? It's her life too." Sirius sounded grim and I couldn't stop the emotions from flooding through me. What was this secret?

"I know it's her life too, and that's exactly why I'm doing this. It's better this way." James' voice turned flat and it sounded like the conversation was nearing the end. But I couldn't pull myself away from the door.

"I guess it's your decision mate, but I still think you should tell her." I could hear Sirius pull back the chair he must have been sitting on. I heard James sigh.

"I know you do, but trust me, it won't help. It'll just make things harder." James sounded final.

I knew I only had a minute to get away from the door. As quietly as I could I crept away, but I hid behind a corner to watch them go out of the room.

Seconds later, the door opened with James and Sirius striding out of the classroom. Both looked lost in thought as they walked down the hall together.

A minute later I realized I was still holding my breath. I exhaled slowly, my mind throbbing again with the curiosity I had so badly wanted to squash. But for the first time, I was a little scared. Whatever this secret was it sounded ominous for me. But I agreed with Sirius; I had a right to know what was going on.

I knew there was only one thing I could do right now. I would stay at school for the holidays. I knew James would be furious when he found out, but then again what would it matter?

He already hated me, didn't he?

......................................................................................................................................................

I went back to the dormitory to write a note to my mother, telling her that I couldn't leave school due to my studies. I felt a twinge of guilt, but I shoved it to the side. After a few rambling sentences, I tried my best to convey a sense of stress in my note, but I wished her a happy holiday. I sent the note off and went back to my room. Ignoring my feelings of unease, I began to unpack. But that only kept me busy for a few minutes.

Kaylee wasn't back from her "nap" yet and I just wasn't in the mood for homework. I flopped down on my bed and reached down for one of Kaylee's fashion magazines, preparing to distract myself with the latest spring collection. But my body had other plans.

At some point I fell asleep on my bed but I wished I hadn't. My dreams were more vivid than usual, colors swirling and nobody in my dream was making any sense. I woke with a start a few minutes later, my breathing uneven. I wiped the sweat off my forehead and looked around.

Kaylee was sitting on her bed, flipping through the same magazine I had let drop to the floor. She looked totally relaxed and happy. Again, a tiny bit of jealousy crept though my body. I hadn't felt at peace for months now. I struggled against my heavy blanket to talk to her.

She heard me sit up and looked over. "It's about time you got some sleep. I was worried you were going to drop dead one of these days from exhaustion." She paused, and I wondered what was on her mind. "So, um, you want to tell me why your suitcase is empty and your clothes are all put away?" She glanced at the bare suitcase sitting in the corner.

I paused, debating in my head, how much to tell her. I decided for my sake, not too much. "I was just thinking about what you said earlier and you were right. I'm just going to crash here during the holidays. It'll probably be better this way. I can get more work done and spend more time with you."

Kaylee scrutinized my expression, but I kept my face perfectly blank. She smiled when she could read nothing wrong. Her face brightened. "Oh, that's great Lily! We'll have fun I promise. And don't worry I won't spend that much time in the library." She giggled and I gave a sigh of relief.

I felt bad about lying to Kaylee but I would make it up to her. I might even let her drag me shopping during our break.

But first I owed it to myself to uncover James' secret. I wouldn't give him a choice like Sirius had. I would make him tell me. This needed to end.

I just hoped he didn't leave the school when he found out I was staying here as well.

......................................................................................................................................................

It was the first day of the holidays. And today was the day I was finally going to get some of my questions answered. I had never been more focused on anything. Or more anxious about anything. But first I had to find James. And I needed to be alone.

It wasn't hard to shake off Kaylee for the day when I reminded her she still had two essays she needed to plan out and write. She pouted, but I reasoned with her. If she got them done now she wouldn't have to worry about them for the rest of the break. She struggled to argue with me but even she could see the logic in my words. So I left Kaylee in the room with piles of books scattered around her and headed out to accomplish my mission.

Without the usual hordes of students the school took on an eerie aura. I thought for sure it would be easy to track down James. How hard could it be to find one person when only about twenty of us had stayed behind?

Turns out a lot it was a lot harder than I would have imagined. James was nowhere to be seen and I felt a growing sense of paranoia. I wondered if he had found out I hadn't left the school after all and he decided to leave in response. I hoped this wasn't the case.

I checked everywhere in the school I thought he could possibly be, when I decided maybe he had wandered outside. It was lightly snowing on the grounds and it looked a storybook picture. I glanced out a window, and walked towards the entrance door, pulling my jacket closer to me. I stepped out into the snow, inhaling the fresh clean mountain scent, and scanned the nearby grounds.

And that was when I saw him. James was walking towards the forest that bordered the edge of the school. He paused at the heart of the entrance and he seemed to be struggling with himself internally. He glanced around, his eyes falling on my still figure. He froze and I felt my face flush with awareness. His eyes narrowed, his face taking on a terrifying expression. But I wouldn't let myself back down now.

I made my legs carry myself over to where he was standing, stopping just inches away from him. His face flickered with shock but I ignored it. I was about to speak when he cut me off.

"What the hell are you doing here? I thought you went home for the holidays." James scowled angrily at me, attempting to scare me off I assumed. Apparently he had not heard I was staying at the school. His face twisted into an angrier expression but I refused to be intimidated by him.

"I changed my mind and I'm staying here on holiday. What are you doing here, about to walk into the forest? You know that it's off limits." Ugh, I still sounded like the Head Girl, worried about rules.

He just stared, his expression incredulous. "Is there some reason you are following me? Is there some reason you just can't see to comprehend the words "leave me the fuck alone?"

I figured honesty would be the policy here. I twisted my hands nervously behind my back. "Yes, in fact there is. I want to know what you are keeping from me. And don't try to deny it. I heard you and Sirius arguing yesterday about me. What does Sirius think I have a right to know?" My words came out in a rush but I knew I had to get them out. James rolled his eyes in response but stepped closer toso that he toward over me. With what looked like extreme concentration, he spoke slowly, like he was controlling every word.

"Why the hell would I tell you anything? It doesn't concern you. Now I am going to say this for the last time. Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone." He started to walk away, towards the forest.

"Wait!" I reached out and caught the sleeve of his jacket. In a flash, he whirled around and yanked his arm away as if I had burned him.

"Don't fucking touch me!" His breathing was ragged and his eyes were murderous. I debated whether or not I was brave enough to stay there. I decided to push my luck.

"I'm not leaving until you I get some answers. So either you are going to tell me right now or I am just going to follow you around the rest of the school year until you do. And don't think I won't. I'm not as scared of you as you think." I watched his face turn a deeper shade of red. It was several moments before he spoke again.

To my surprise, he laughed quietly to himself. He glanced at my bewildered expression and sighed.

"I don't know what to do anymore. I tried so hard to keep you away but it seems like the harder I try, the harder you push back." He paused and he looked unsure of himself.

I held my breath, waiting for him to continue. He finally looked me in the eyes and spoke, his words shaking with anger and a bit of uneasiness.

"Fine, since it's obvious you aren't going to leave me alone until I tell you, I might as well get it over with." I waited for him to finish but he stepped closer to me instead.

His face took on a tortured expression but he grabbed for my hand. My heart stopped from the contact. "I'll tell you what you want to know. But you have to follow me first." His eyes glanced in the direction of the forest.

I felt panic claw at my insides. Go into the forest alone with a guy who hated me? But I realized this was a one time offer. And I couldn't refuse.

I half-smiled at him. "Lead the way." James shook his head in disbelief but nonetheless started walking. I struggled to keep up with him, a million thoughts colliding together in my head.

I was finally going to get my questions answered. But a new, bigger question arose.

Did I really want to know the answers?

AN: What did you think? Let me know! Thank you.