Lizzie: Ah, so soon. Well, this is a short chapter, it's just going to be featuring Maria, Jessica, and Battler arguing over the TV. Enjoy~
Umineko Oneshots Chapter 3
~ Cheap Humor: Anime ~
Summary: Maria watches TV. Battler and Jessica discover she's not only a witch-obsessed little girl, but an otaku as well.
Genres: Parody, Humor, General
Pairings: None
Rated: K+
Arc: None 3
POV: Narrator
Other: Not AU, not based on any part of the franchise, no Meta World scenes, No OCs
Spoilers: Not really... maybe some minor ones for various anime
Disclaimer: I don't own Umineko. Nope. You should be glad I don't. :)
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One fine morning, when the songbirds were chirping noisily and the seagulls appeared incapable of shutting up as the grass swayed lazily as the breeze dove downwards... the first thing Maria did was turn on the TV.
"Well, Rika-chan... I'm not doing this out of curiousity - I'm doing this for academic reasons," Miyo Takano tried explaining to Rika Furude. You guessed it - Maria had turned on the channel to Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. Rika held up a shiny key. "Th-thats..."
"I could let you in," Rika said, holding up the key. It glinted in the sun. Battler and Jessica were downstairs by now.
"REALLY?!?!" Takano cried. "Inside the tool shrine, and NOT just a storage room?"
"Hey... Maria-chan," Battler leaned over the couch to examine what Maria was watching. "Is that...?"
"Shh!" Maria hissed. They continued to watch the episode, when finally, Battler grew bored and grabbed the controls. "Uu~! Battler-kun, Maria wants the controls back!"
"Sorry... no can do," Battler replied. He switched the channel to the anime Rosario + Vampire.
"Tsukune-kun..." Moka Akashiya - a vampire with pink hair cried.
"Hey! This anime was rated strictly PG-13!" Jessica snapped, but she watched it anyway.
"Moka-san..." Tsukune cried back.
"CHUU~!!!!"
"THAT'S IT!" and with that, Jessica switched the channel to Kanon 2006.
"I wonder if I'll be as beautiful as Nayuki-san when I grow up," the main heroine of the story - Ayu Tsukimiya said.
"Nayuki's the same age as us," Yuuichi, the main guy of the story proclaimed. Then, cue the awkward silence.
"Uguu~... that's a shock..." Ayu muttered.
"Uu~! Maria wants to switch! Maria wants to switch!" and thus, Maria seized the controls and abruptly turned the channel to Shugo Chara!
"Well, I DID ask to be reborn as a new character!" Amu Hinamori, the protagonist yelled. "I DID ask for my character to change! But I didn't mean I wanted to give birth! It doesn't say anything about this in the health manual!!!!!!"
With a click, Battler changed the channel to Fullmetal Alchemist.
"DON'T CALL ME SHORT!!!!" (Edward Elric)
Then, Jessica grabbed the controls and changed it to Shakugan no Shana.
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!" (Shana)
Battler got the controls again and changed it to Soul Eater.
"Cool guys like me don't do that." (Soul Eater Evans)
Maria had grabbed the controls now and had changed it to ToraDora!
"Come here, Stupid Chihuahua!" (Taiga Aisaka)
"G-Gao!" (Misuzu - AIR TV)
"I have no more smiles for you~!" (Rushuna - Grenadier)
"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!?!?!?!" (Kamina - Gurren Lagann)
"STOP IT!!!!!" Natsuhi yelled. The TV was finally left on... Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. Again.
"M-my name is Furude Hanyuu, nano desu," the purple-haired girl on the television stuttered. "I'm very... very..." She lost it. "I'm very meased to please you all, nano desu!"
"Hey, where'd her horns go?!" Battler cried, making a Phoenix Wright Objection pose. "This is absolutely terrible! I'm horrified! I'm going off to finish playing my hentai game!"
"You know, your father would kill you if he found out you were playing hentai," Jessica informed him boredly.
"Ah, really?" Rudolf said. "In that case, Battler, would you like to borrow my Kimi ga Nozomu Eien game? It's FULL of hentai!"
An hour later, Battler and Rudolf came down the stairs, covered in blood from the amounts of nosebleeds they had suffered from.
Yeah, cheap humor, I know. That's the reason for the title. Expect something darker next.
