The Roberts Title & other Absurdities

Disclaimer: Everybody be nice and nobody sue anybody, okay?

The Dread Pirate Roberts gets called 'Will' in this chapter, because poor Elizabeth has yet to be enlightened and it would only confuse her.

This chapter goes out to MsAurora for giving me one of the nicest reviews I have ever received and completely making my week.**tips hat** Here's to you, mate!

III. THE FD HAS BACK-UP LIGHTS

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Elizabeth Turner was standing on the shore the way she did every evening; looking out at the sunset and praying beyond all hope that her Will would come back. She wandered wistfully down the beach, tossing small pebbles at the waves and singing a sad song softly to herself. The gulls cried and swooped, the ocean rushed softly at the sand and the pebbles were warm in her hand.

This touching scene was abruptly broken by a deafening 'BANG!', a veritable explosion of sand and a blinding flash of green light so alarming that Elizabeth gave a little shriek and covered her face with her hands.

After a moment, she tried to squint through her fingers and see, but the light was too bright and in the end, she hid her aching eyes in the crook of her elbow. From out of the light came voices.

"Ack, ya incomp'tent ninny of a lubber! You've beached her on the shore!"

"Geez, Dad, alright, I see that!" complained a voice that immediately brought Elizabeth's heart to her mouth. "I overshot a bit, alright? I'll fix it. And for godssake, Travis, will you turn off that light?" The green light winked out and Elizabeth peered hopefully over the top of her arm.

What she saw was the Flying Dutchman, looming bizarrely out of the sand in front of her like a half buried effigy.

"Am I clear to try backing up?" Elizabeth heard her beloved ask. She stood on tiptoe and peered hopefully up at the deck high above her, too afraid it was an illusion to trust herself to speak.

"Nothin' in sight, Cap'n," was the prompt reply.

"Alright, take her back, Travis." There was a wooden groaning and then a protesting, scraping sound from the lower hull. The ship moved approximately three inches.

"Oh, great, real good, now ya done it," complained the voice again and Elizabeth recognized it as her father-in-law's. "Her keel's stuck fast."

"I had noticed that," Will replied in annoyance. "Oh, we're just going to have to start this over with. Travis, would you get the light? Dempsey, the smoke? Dad, hit the back-up lights, would you? Are we ready?"

There were three 'ayes'. A high-pitched rhythmic beeping began.

"Alright, three...two...one!" The bright green light flashed forth, smoke rose in a great puff and the Dutchman vanished.

"Will!" Elizabeth shrieked in horror, finally finding her voice.

"Wait! Stop the ship!" she heard Will exclaim, though she could no longer see him. "That was Elizabeth!"

"Stop, hey, what're you doin'?" another invisible person shouted, "Cap'n, you can't turn us around now!"

"But it's Elizabeth! I heard her!"

"Cap'n, we're halfway dead right now! We can't go back! Wait 'til we're all the way dead an' then turn us 'round!"

"Listen to him, boy! Who knows what'll happen..." The voices dwindled away until Elizabeth could no longer hear them. She waited anxiously for what seemed an overly long time, wringing her hands.

And then there was another loud bang, another flash of green light, a giant plume of black smoke and the Dutchman appeared floating slightly further offshore. Will's voice came drifting faintly down to her.

"See, Dad?" he muttered, coughing. "There. Happy?"

"I might be if it weren't for the fact that this is your third try today."

"Hey, hold on," Will argued, waving smoke out of his face, "that first one wasn't my fault. We wouldn't have ended up in Madagascar if Dempsey hadn't sneezed!"

"Alright, alright, whatever. We're here. Now go grab your woman. And Mother o' God, Dempsey, do ya have t' use quite this much smoke?"

"It overheated!" the man named Dempsey protested loudly. "Not my fault! This thing is old! You ask way too much of her! What d'you think's going to happen if you try and convert us from spirit matter to earth matter five times in a row?! This is delicate equipment!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever," Bootstrap muttered, not really listening. "Just fix it."

"Will?" Elizabeth called worriedly. "Will!"

"One moment, sweetheart!" he shouted back at her. "Dempsey, quite messing around and get that boat in the water! You can fix it later."

"Aye, Cap'n," the man named Dempsey muttered and Elizabeth heard the splash of a boat being lowered into the water. A moment later she spotted a young man with messy blonde hair rowing rapidly toward her. She waded out into the water to meet him, but as she was still craning her neck to catch sight of Will, she didn't really get a look at him until he was stepping out of the jollyboat to help her in.

"Dempsey," he announced cheerfully, extending a powder-blackened hand to help her over the gunwales. "Dimensional expertise, that's me. Glad to meetcha, Mrs., um, Turner."

Elizabeth climbed into the boat as gracefully as she could manage in her haste and seated herself at the bow, wondering what 'Mrs., um, Turner' meant. She tried to judge his character and what a dimensional expertise might be from his large, pale eyes, but he just grinned kind of stupidly at her whenever he caught her looking, so she gave up.

When Elizabeth reached the ship, she fairly flew up the entering ladder and pounced on her husband like something blonde and rabid. What ensued was a flurry of kissing and sickly sweet nothings that I'm not going to try and describe, because it would be very much akin to my stuffing a ratty pink dishrag down your throat.

"Dad," Will ordered over Elizabeth's shoulder, breaking away from the frantic kissing for a moment. "Dempsey, Travis, whoever keeps narrating my thoughts – get off my ship."

The three men rolled their eyes and made for the boat and the camera panned away to a conveniently stunning sunset.

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The Flying Dutchman back in the world before her ten years have passed? How can that be? What happens to the souls while the boatman is away? And how will Elizabeth take the news that her husband is 'The Dread Pirate Roberts' now? More on that when they're a little less...occupied.

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