Toys' Law III

A/N: Here's the last part - that is actually the first part! I posted this in the order I wrote it so you might want to go back and read the first and second parts before this again as a quick refresher :)


"Jake," Bella whines. "I told you not to get me anything."

Jake just laughs. He laughs a lot these days.

"I can't un-get it now," he says smugly and walks off, effectively terminating the discussion.

Bella hates it when he does this – both the walking away and the gift buying.

She knows she's being childish but she also knows she really doesn't want wedding presents. Especially from the man she's marrying. Truth be told, Bella really doesn't want a wedding. It's not that she's at all adverse to the idea of marrying Jake. Rather, it's the pomp and ceremony of the whole occasion that rubs her the wrong way.

Three hours later on the drive back from the airport with her mother in the car, Bella's fears that an Elvis chapel would have been a much better idea than a wedding are reconfirmed.

"I can't wait to see you in white, all lacy and pretty," Renee gushes sentimentally.

"Mmm," says Bella, pretending to be totally engrossed in passing a logging truck.

Being clever crosses Bella's mind but she decides to keep the peace and does not point out Renee has, technically, seen her in white plenty of times. (Now is a prime example: Bella's wearing a white t-shirt courtesy of Forks Diner that Charlie won in last month's door prize raffle.) Nor does Bella have the heart to point out that her wedding dress contains zero lace. Renee will see for herself soon enough.

"Are you excited about your wedding night?" Renee continues to drill Bella. "Got some lacy undies to wear for Jake?"

Bella knows if she doesn't stop this now Renee will hit what Bella thinks of as Full Steam soon. And Renee in Full Steam questioning mode is like a horny terrier: rapid, bouncy, yapping and unstoppable. Definitely something to be avoided at all costs. Bella therefore enters operation Shutdown Terrier.

"What's with you and the lace, mom?"

"It's pretty and it's feminine and it's – "

"Not me." Bella finishes emphatically for her mother.

"Oh."

How Renee does not know this detail about her daughter is not something Bella wants to dwell on. Renee and details aren't a good mix.

But Renee is not easily deterred. "Satin's nice too. It's so soft against your skin. Less itchy than lacy, if that's what bothers you, especially if you've just had a wa – "

"Seriously mom. Do we have to talk about this? No wax. No lace." No wedding, Bella wants to add to that list.

Renee sighs, "Just trying to help Bella. Men like it when you make an effort. Jake'd be no different."

Bella momentarily softens towards her mother at the mention of Jake. Then she thinks of her mother (the terrier) and draws a line in the sand that Renee is not allowed to cross.

"Whether or not Jake and I make any efforts for each other is strictly our business, mom," Bella states prudishly.

Renee does not see the sand, much less the line.

"But Bella," Renee is the one whining now, "Your version of an effort is pyjamas that don't have holes in them!"

Bella fears she is beginning to actually hear a terrier's yap echoing in her head. Why had she let Charlie, of all people, talk her out of that nice Vegas wedding she'd always wanted? Elvis would have been a damned fine minister.

Bella gives her mother a long, severe look. Time for the big, anti-terrier guns in the form of first names, she thinks. "All you need to know, Renee is that that the effort bar has been raised significantly since you last saw my sleepwear drawer."

For once Renee takes the hint. There is silence.

Beautiful, terrier-free silence. Operation Shutdown complete.

Bella does not think it prudent to tell her mother the reason her sleepwear drawer has changed is because Rachel insisted on forcing Bella into a lingerie shop after her engagement to Jake. Bella tries not to think about this experience at all. Not only was her future sister-in-law looking at her critically in skimpy outfits, Bella had been convinced Rachel would tell Leah every detail.

A year and a half later Bella finally discovered through Sue that Leah had master-minded the whole torturous plan. Apparently Leah thought Jake deserved a reward for finally growing a pair and asking Bella to marry him.

Bella remembers how that realisation left her speechless and confused.

She also remembers Jake's reaction to Leah and Rachel's efforts.

And so, she concludes, Renee really, really doesn't need to know about any of the events leading to the transformation of her pyjama collection. Bella can imagine the conversation between Renee and Sue if that might ensue. The thought triggers the beginnings of a headache.

XXXX

Bella drops Renee off at a hotel in town. No one really wants to mention that Renee is still persona non grata in Charlie's house. Renee doesn't mind what another person might have felt was banishment because this way she can listen to her whale music sleep-CDs as loud as she likes.

The so-called rehearsal dinner is pretty much a non-event. The pack has a bonfire at least once a month anyway so the only difference this time is Renee's presence.

Bella and Jake don't really feel the need to practice walking down First Beach. It's not like they've never done it before.

Part way through dinner around the fire, the conversation turns to Jake and Bella's wedding.

"Why'd you end up deciding to get married here, Bells? We all thought you'd run off and elope somewhere." Billy's quizzical look and question surprise Bella.

"I guess, it, uh, just feels right?" Bella's answer is more of a question.

She looks over at Charlie who is suddenly very busy with his hot dog bun. Huh, she thinks, there's a first time for everything.

It would appear her old man has finally managed to keep a secret from his best friend. The sneaky old bugger must have used his cop skills on poor Billy.

"Do you think it'll feel right when you fall over in the sand and one of us has to pull you up?" Embry has always teased Bella. She sighs.

"Yeah, if it's a windy day, your dress might even do a Marilyn Monroe!" Quil has always teased Bella unmercilessly. She smiles.

"Shut up, you two," Jake growls and punches Quil. He can't reach Embry who has ducked behind Emily and baby Mark.

"Seriously Bella. You can count on us to keep you upright. Because we're such upstanding friends and all." This is Quil trying to be nice. At least, that's Bella's charitable interpretation of it.

"But if you do fall over, we'll be there to take pictures as well. Don't forget that!" Quil is indeed a lovely friend, thinks Bella. His efforts earn him the rest of Jake's corn cob shoved in his left ear.

Leah laughs at the boys. Somewhere in past few years she's found an uneasy peace with them. "Don't worry Bella, we did ask the minister to dress as Elvis but he wouldn't agree."

How did she know? Damned Leah, she always knows everything.

Billy watches the younger generation with a beatific look on his face. But he's not satisfied by Bella's answer. And he's a curious fellow (Jake would probably say meddlesome old man) so he asks again, "What persuaded you to stay though? What trumped Vegas?"

"Me." Charlie answers his friend so his daughter doesn't have to. "I wanted to walk her down the aisle. Beach. Whatever. Only got one kid, might as well do it right."

Bella jumps up and hugs her father tightly. The pack withdraw into their own conversation, realising, for once, it is not their place to intrude on this unusually demonstrative Swan family moment.

Renee looks at her daughter and her ex-husband. It has never occurred to her until now how similar they are.

Jake smiles. He's happy as long as his girl is happy. He's happy that he gets Charlie as a father-in-law (two dads don't make up for not having a mother but he takes as much satisfaction in it as he can). He's happy he's getting married.

XXXX

Renee deals with the lace-free dress. The terrier does not resurface. She is trying hard for Bella's sake.

Bella manages not to fall over.

Charlie wipes away a tear. So does Billy. They both owe each other a six pack.

The entire pack wolf whistles when Jake and Bella kiss.

Jake just keeps smiling the whole time.

XXXX

Someone, Quil is the most likely suspect in Bella's mind, switches the first dance song with Warren Zevon's 'Werewolves of London'.

Embry shouts with amusement. Sam smacks him but still manages to crack a smile. Sue winks at Billy and pushes his chair onto the dance floor. Emily and Sam dance with Mark in the middle.

"Aaa-oooo," howls the pack in time but definitely not in tune with Zevon.

"Your dickhead friends…" Bella grumbles at Jake as they try to dance to the song.

"You love 'em," Jake replies smugly while laughing.

"No, Jacob. For some god-unknown reason I love you and therefore I tolerate them."

Jake laughs again.

Sam soon forces Quil to quit playing DJ and the music returns to somewhat more normal strains as Seth takes over.

Renee is bopping with Embry now, a look of concentration on her face as she gets him to teach her some new dance moves.

Bella watches this and is afraid; Renee has been too well-behaved for too long. Something's got to give soon. Bella is also afraid she can hear that damned mental terrier yapping again. Telling herself it's wedding stress, Bella ignores her mother. It's not hard, she's had years of practice.

There is a commotion at the gifts table. Leah waves frantically at Jake who dumps Bella unceremoniously into Quil's arms. Quil grins lasciviously. Bella just rolls her eyes. She's had years of practice at ignoring Quil too.

"Leah, shit, man, what the hell?" Jake demands as he arrives at a toppled pile of gifts. The cause of the mess seems to be the table cloth's rapid progress to the floor.

For once Leah looks apologetic. "Sorry Jake, she got loose. I think Claire left the door open."

"Right. Damn Rachel and her ideas. Can you see if you can catch the little tramp?"

"Sure." Leah is uncommonly cooperative. Jake decides whatever Renee put in the punch must agree with Leah and he makes a mental note to ask Renee about it.

Before Jake can return to the dance floor and rescue Bella from Quil's clutches, a high-pitched yelp is audible over the music.

Leah, followed by Claire, is rushing around in circles, weaving in and out of dancing couples. Renee, thinking it's even better than Embry's impromptu dance lesson, joins them. She looks like she's doing the chicken dance and the hokey-pokey at the same time.

Bella groans loudly into Quil's shoulder.

Charlie is crimson too, mortified by his ex-wife. Sue tries to calm him. "It's ok you know, everyone makes mistakes. Harry once backed over my dad's lawn mower. Thought it was dad's dog so he drove over it twice more to make sure it was out of its misery. Dad said he'd disown me if I married such a fool, much less produced grandchildren that shared his genetics! Not that Harry was a mistake, just that even the best people make mistakes…" Sue lets her story trail off, suddenly unsure if it is even relevant.

Charlie's not mollified. He doesn't understand now how he ever married Renee. A lot of beer, perhaps.

Quil nearly drops Bella as he hears Claire yell out "Got her!" followed by another high-pitched squeak.

Bella peers around Quil to see what's happening, all the while thinking about Elvis. A peaceful, soothing, non-chaotic Elvis in a chapel free of anyone else but Jake.

"Damn it, she's peed on me!" Jake exclaims.

"Who, Claire?" Bella asks, shocked. Elvis, Elvis, Elvis she repeats mentally to keep herself calm.

Quil pushes across the dance floor now to see what's happened to Claire. Bella is dragged along in his wake.

Renee stops her chorus girl impressions and cries out, "Oh what's that? So cute! Where'd she come from? Why'd you – " Yap. Yap. Yap.

Except Bella's pretty sure she hears real yapping mixing with Jake's laugh.

The auditory hallucinations must definitely be post-wedding stress, kind of like pre-wedding jitters, she thinks.

"Jake?" Bella enquires. Her husband turns around.

"Wedding present for you, Bells," he says, still laughing and holding out a squirming black puppy.

"Puppy?" Bella asks. Or states. No one is quite sure.

"Yap," shrills out the puppy.

Leah snickers and holds something else up. "Didn't exactly go to plan, Bella. Sorry. Puppy got out, attacked the gift table and chewed this. I will get you another one later though." Leah finishes by waving the item in the air. Bella snatches at it.

Trust Leah to buy her a red satin and lace corset as a wedding present.

Bella turns as red as the corset and, under her breath, curses both Rachel and Leah and their plotting, lingerie-purchasing habits. Twisting the corset, she tries to hide it in her hands. As she does, she sees the label reads 'Ruby's Boutique'. Impulsively she chucks it to Renee and reaches out to the puppy in Jake's huge hands.

"You're pretty cool, and you're going to be called Ruby," Bella says and cuddles the puppy to her chest. "You chew the right things."

Jake beams.

Sam's at the stereo now. How much is that doggy in the window? is blaring out across the dance floor.

Jake laughs. Again. Then he pulls Bella and Ruby into his arms and all three sway gently in time to the song.

Charlie is spinning Billy's wheelchair around in the middle of the dance floor. Sue has an arm around Renee and is handing her some water.

The pack starts a conga line into which Emily shoves Sam. Leah joins the tail end and gives Claire, in front of her, a wink.

"Why a puppy, Jake?" Bella asks, stroking Ruby's tiny, tan-tipped ears.

"Rachel thought you deserved something for being a good sport about Leah and the lingerie last time…" There's a pause. Then Jake tacks on the end of his answer, "And for putting up with me."

Now it's Bella's turn to laugh as she realise she hasn't just gained a husband but a whole family. Definitely better than Elvis, she decides.


Reviews are like good friends - much appreciated :)