Chapter 3: Master the Fear
AN: I am going to jump in this chapter. It would be a waste have their be tons of chapters just in training when the idea could just be implied.
Even though one of the reasons for me going along with Ra's was his mastery of fear proposal, I found myself tossing and turning unable to sleep. I was afraid of being afraid. I wanted to master my fear but my mind was kept busy wondering how Ra's was going to manage that. I figured we would be at that all day so I tried to get some sleep.
I opened my eyes. My mind still hoped I would wake up at home. I kept with my routine and showered and did my daily exercises. I was challenging myself by doing sit ups while hanging from a tree branch when I saw the upside down figure of Ghul appear under me. I swung up so I was sitting on the tree branch.
" Time to go." He said.
I looked closely at him. He looked almost pained or guilty. I was curious but I had other things to focus on. I walked with him to a small room in the temple. He ordered me to sit in the center on the floor.
I sat but turned to watch him. Without even looking at me he scolded me to face forward and close my eyes. I took a last reassuring breath and closed my eyes. I heard his footsteps cross over to me. I felt the warmth of his hand radiate to my neck.
"Open your eyes." He said calmly.
I opened my eyes to feel a knife at my throat. My eyes grew wide and my breathing immediately went haywire. I moved my hands to the ground as if to move away. "Don't move."
I jolted and stopped. I put me hands back on my knees. I was still so scared, I'd almost say the fear was coursing through my veins. I was trembling. " Don't let it control you. Try to relax." I closed my eyes and tried breathing slower. My parents flashed in my vision as well as the man holding the knife to my throat. I still couldn't calm down.
"I can't." I said weakly.
Ra's sighed and pulled the knife away. He had that same guilty pained look in his eyes when he looked into my frightful ones. My heart was racing.
" Stand up."
I stood up, my legs shaky. He simply paced around me pointing the knife at me. I was a little confused.
"What are you-"
" Try to relax now."
I kept breathing normally but I was still aware of the knife. " Good, just stay relaxed. The minute your fear controls you, you become powerless. Try to stop it." He moved closer towards me with the knife, it brushed my bare shoulders. I felt myself shaking. I dug my fingers into my fists and continued to breathe.
I felt the knife move up to my throat again. I was breathing normally. I think I did it. I was calm, breathing, not shaking. I was about to ask if we were done when the knife flashed down to my arm.
"If you've gotten this far, what are you afraid of? Take control before your opponent does."
He paced around me again. I got into a fight stance. As he came in front if me I moved to knock his legs out, he slashed, cutting my arm. I screamed. I was getting scared again. I kept breathing and staying calm. I watched as he moved to get close to my throat. I ducked under his arm and grabbed it, slamming it against the wall and snatching the knife for myself before it hit the hardwood floor.
I brought the knife up. I faced Ghul, the knife to his throat. I could feel a sense of power flow over me. I felt confident an strong now, I was in control.
"Cut me."
"What?" I asked quietly.
" How will you be able to do it in combat if you've never actually cut someone in the first place?"
I moved the knife to his arm and made a small swift slice. I turned and let the knife clatter the floor. I didn't like that, not one bit. It wasn't necessary. I shouldn't have to hurt someone unless its necessary, unless they deserve it...
- 4 years later-
The winds blow around me, the breeze stings against my face. I survey the area. My senses are tunes to everything, every sound, every sight. I duck as I feel the wind and hear the whoosh of the blade aimed for my head behind me. I turn to face its wielder, Ra's Al Ghul, my mentor. He took me in as a teenager when my parents were murdered on an expedition here in Tibet. No matter how many times he's told me about not feeling compassion, I know he thinks of me like a daughter. I see it in his eyes when he sees me in pain or afraid, he feels guilty.
I focused as he disappeared again. I tuned back in to my surroundings. The wind blew again but behind it I hear the faint groan of a tree branch. When I heard it fade I away I rolled away from the shadow. Ra's landed with a thump in the snow. He ran to me as I was still on the ground from rolling, sword in hand.
I moved too slow to get back up and he pinned me on the ground. He forgot about my legs. I pulled a leg under him and kicked the sword free just before he was about to place it at my throat. I ran for it, I grabbed it and faced him.
I flinched as I felt a hand in my shoulder. I grabbed the arm and hauled them over. It was one of the warriors.
"Cheater." I smiled.
" Don't get cocky." He replied with a smirk.
A small blade flew into my shoulder blade.
"Shit." I muttered.
I carelessly ripped it out and memorized the angle it was at. I tossed it an watched the figure fall out of a distant tree, clutching his shoulder. I turned back around to see Ghul coming after me.
I held out the sword. He stopped. I ran at him and pulled up to hit only to have him skillfully punch me in the gut. I placed a hand there. He kicked me so I was on the ground. The sword rolled away, leaving a trail in the snow. I lunged myself back up and kicked him as he headed for the sword. He staggered back a bit and focused on me.
We paced around in the deep snow for a few rounds. Without looking I got the sword on my foot and hiked it up to meet my hand. Of course it was backwards so my hand was bleeding. I slammed the blunt end on his cheek. I tossed the sword and grabbed the handle.
I kicked his hand down before he could move it to block me as I closed in on him. I brought the knife to his throat. He smiled and laughed.
" Alright, Ariana."
I smiled and tossed the sword to the nearby warrior.
" You should stop using the same tricks, old man." I joked.
" Well keep on your toes, I could be holding out on some new ones."
" Oh yeah, why's that?" I asked as we took a seat on the steps of the old Tibetan temple that served as the main base for the league of shadows.
" I think you are finally ready."
My eyes grew wide, " Seriously? I mean, I don't- do you think so?"
He nodded, " I've watched you change from a frightened young girl into a strong, confident warrior. You've mastered your fear and all the training we could give you. Time to prove it and show it to the world. Today you become a member."
I jumped up and ran inside to my room and pulled out the black robes that Ghul had always told me were for a special occasion. They were like any other robes I'd wear everyday but they were black with silver sacred designs all over them.
I took a final shower in the cramped stall with the bamboo plumbing and single soap. I pulled on the robes and spent awhile brushing my hair and finally pulled it into a ponytail. I didn't understand why I was spending so much time looking nice since in the end I'd probably look horrible.
I headed out to the main room in temple. The nicely decorated space where we would normally have dinner as a family, or at least that's what I'd always thought of it as, had transformed into a plain space, meant to take some damage I'd think.
A huge group of warriors were formed in neat lines in front of me. Ghul was standing in front of them. He was holding and incense that was smoking, I looked to see crushed blue petals in the holder.
" Is that the, the poppies from the mountain?" I said recalling that day when he carried me up the mountain and the warrior giving me one.
"Yes. I never did explain the special properties they hold." He said as he lit the incense and the smoke swirled. I breathed it in deeply. It smelled nice, but it made me feel weird all of a sudden. " They make your fears reality." I heard his voice but when I looked he was gone.
Everything looked blurred and lights were so bright, even everyone's eyes seemed to shine. I took a step and everyone split down the middle. I walked cautiously. I tried hard to keep myself tuned to my surroundings but my mind kept racing on so many thoughts I couldn't focus. I felt threatened though. I reached for my blade in my back. Everyone soon had they're blades out and encircled me, all their blades pointing towards me.
I had mastered and controlled my fear years ago. But now I felt the same a I did back then. My head was reeling, I was hyperventilating and I could feel shaky.
" Feel how the fear clouds your mind. It slowly consumes all your thoughts. And soon you're so consumed you don't even realize the danger!" I heard Ghul shout as a warrior slashed my arm.
I pulled my blade out completely. I scanned everyone's face. They all looked the same. They scared me, it felt like even the walls were going to enclose on me. I scanned each of the men in the lines. I saw someone move and I headed for them. I connected blades and realized it was Ghul. He looked like any of the warriors.
They moved back into lines again and Ghul with them. My mind was racing but I still wondered what the purpose of this was. I stalked the lines slowly, trying to find him. I didn't even hear the footsteps behind me. A voice came close to my ear, so close I felt their breath against it.
"If only you hadn't have screamed, your parents may still be alive, Let this be a lesson to you."
I screamed in anger and slashed my blade behind me. It was Ghul. I slashed his shoulder. The lines moved and he disappeared again. I was tired of this. I broke through the lines, shoving warriors out of my way. I saw a bloody shoulder in my peripheral vision. I shoved him against a pillar and ripped off his mask. I knew it was him, I brought my blade to his throat. I was so forceful I saw blood trickle from his throat.
"Ariana," he choked, "Well done."
I blinked in confusion and released him. I ripped off my mask,
"That's it? I passed?" I asked.
" There's a sort of part two. Follow me." Ghul said.
I nodded and followed him to the upper level of the room. One of the higher ranked warriors bowed to me. He was standing behind a burning pot of embers and holding a branding iron.
"What's going on?" I whispered to Ghul.
" This is the final step. You must show your commitment to justice and the league and its purpose by cutting down criminals," he made an order for a man to be brought out, " like this one."
The man was kicked down on his knees. Ghul handed me a long, sharp blade. The warrior grabbed the man's hair and pulled his head sharply so he was facing me. A chill ran through my body, my face paled.
"You." I whispered inaudibly.
It was him. The man that scarred me and murdered my family. He was sitting on his knees in front of me, waiting to be slaughtered just like he did to my family. I gripped the blade. I felt every vein in my body burn with anger and hatred. I want to kill him, slice him until there was nothing left.
I got on my knees in front of him. I placed my blade at his throat. He was blubbering like an idiot. The man that killed my family for something as petty and vile as drug money. I leaned in close next to his ear.
"Let this be a lesson to YOU." I growled on Tibetan.
I closed my eyes and slashed. The man that killed my family and caused me so much trauma and pain now lies dead at my feet and by my hand. I had killed someone. I wanted to take it back an just run away, but it was too late. I held back my tears and shame. Sure he deserve justice but didn't that make me no better than any other criminal? They all had their own reasons for what they do, some had no where left to turn. I had just shattered the barrier that separated me from any other criminal out there.
I wasn't going to stand for this slaughter. But what could I do now? I still wanted to bring justice to my home, but not in this way. I would stay and play along a little longer an then I'd leave. I felt a pang of guilt, Ra's. He's been a friend, mentor, even father to me. Would he understand?
I focused on the present. The warrior dipped the brand into the embers. I saw now that it was a small triangle shape. I turned around and lowered my robe top. I met eyes with Ghul. There was a gleam of pride in his eyes but that faded when he saw mine, in the reflection I saw my own eyes. There was a hidden hate behind them, he must've seen it. I cried out as the brand pressed against my back.
In my heart I knew that none of this mattered truly. I wouldn't wait, I would leave tonight. I could make up some story about bringing the league's justice to Gotham but really bring my own. Every warrior bowed in my honor including Ra's.
"Congratulations, Ariana." Ghul said with a smile.
" She's dead to me now." I said darkly, " Call me Bilah."
