Like water in the desert, I looked for your uncertain step

To get closer in time

Your war codes and the certainty that surrounds you

Make me stay alert

James sat on the corner of Lisa's bed, waiting for her to comb his hair. They both awaited for that moment every morning, when they would talk nonsense, laugh, Lisa would comb his hair into Mohican styles… Deep inside, she felt like she needed to make up for the hours they were apart.

"So, ready for your second day at school?"

"Why do I have to go every day?"

"Well, dear, 'cause mom's got to work every day. I have to make money to buy make rent, buy us food, give you presents, everything. I'm gonna take you to work some day, so that you see what is it that mom does at the market. Ok?"

"Yeah, all right."

"Now let me see that smile, come on." she said, sitting next to him. James looked at her from the corner of his eye. "Don't make me tickle you, it will really mess your hair."

He showed her a shy smile, but it was enough to calm her restless heart. A loud banging on the door made them jump from the bed.

"Stay here, I'll be right back."

Through the peephole, a white guy, with a tattoo across his neck with some saying Lisa couldn't understand. He seemed suspicious, but then again, so did everyone. She opened the door anyway.

"Can I help you?"

"You Elisabeth?"

"Yeah. Why?"

He extended his arm and handed her purse. Lisa couldn't help her surprise.

"Wow, this was fast. Thanks."

"Billy asks you to come over to Four Roses tonight. He wants to meet you and apologize for what happened."

"Billy? Who's Billy? And what the hell is Four Roses?"

But he was already gone. Lisa went back in, sat down to check if everything was still in the purse, and it was. Nothing was missing, not one single dime, and Lisa sighed in relief.

"James! Come here, honey. Let's see Alma."

"Hi… sorry to bother you again, I just wanted you to know that they returned my purse."

By then, Mama Jo had already called James to go inside and taste some of her freshly baked cookies.

"Oh, thank God!"

"Yeah! It was some guy, I figured he's a gang member or something. The weird part is, he tells me this guy Billy wants to meet me tonight at a place called Four Roses, to apologize and shit. Who the hell is Billy?"

Alma laughed out loud, and Lisa sensed something bad was about to be said.

"He's the gang lord, I've known him for all my life. He and my brother are, like, inseparable."

Lisa didn't even want to consider that Billy could be that guy from the market.

"Un-fucking-believable. I ran 800 miles to find myself involved with this shit again."

"Well, Billy doesn't like when this kind of thing happen around here. You better go meet him, dear. You don't wanna be on his black list, or even worse, you don't wanna be in debt with him."

"In debt? I never asked for him to find my purse, I could've done that myself!"

"Sorry to say, but now you are."

Lisa couldn't wrap her head around what to do next.

"I'm not babysitting tonight, I can look after James for you, if you want."

"Shit. All right, I'll go then." She resigned. It wasn't like she had a choice.

That day was a little easier to leave James at the daycare, and so Lisa got to go to work feeling lighter and happier. She needed that peace of mind, but her peace was stirred ever time she thought about meeting that man later on.

"Are you all right? You've been quiet all day", Kat said when they were leaving the market.

Lisa stopped her stroll, and so did Kathryn.

"It's just that… I was mugged on my way home last night, and…"

"Mugged?"

"Yeah, but see, I got my purse back this morning, delivered by some guy who says that their 'leader' wants to meet me tonight at Four Roses, or whatever that is. And meeting a gang leader is something that I wasn't willing to do, but on the other hand, I don't wanna be that girl, you know? I don't want them to be under the impression that I'm ungrateful or something."

"Believe me, the Four Roses is not a nice place. But you do have a choice, right? You don't go there and that's it… so what?"

Kat's naivety made Lisa laugh.

"You know nothing about gangs, do you? If I don't show up, I'm gonna find myself in their debt, and I really don't want that to happen."

"I don't, but you sure know a thing or two about gangs."

"Blame Detroit. I guess I gotta go now… Wish me luck! I'm gonna need it." Lisa trailed off.

"Good luck! Hope to see you tomorrow with all your ten fingers!"

James ran down the hall straight to Lisa's arms.

"Whoa, easy there, buddy!" she said, as he bumped on her, making her gasp. "How was your day?"

"It was fun. Mrs. Calvin played guitar."

"She did? That's so cool!"

"Yeah. She said we can learn it when we're older."

"Hun, you can learn anything that you want. Listen… mom is going out tonight, ok? You'll stay with Alma."

"Out? Where?"

"I'm going to have dinner with a friend."

"Can I go?"

"No, dear… it's a grown up kind of thing. It won't take long, I promise."

"I really hope this towel is not your final outfit", Alma said, joking, while coming inside. They only knew each other for a couple of days, and yet they both felt completely at ease.

"Hey! I… I know this sounds stupid, but I just don't know what to wear."

"What do you mean, you don't know what to wear? It's just a bar, for Christ's sake! And a very shitty one, I might add."

"I know, but… I can't decide."

"Want some help?"

"Please."

Alma and James followed Lisa to her bedroom, and looked at her clothes.

"Wow. Are you sure you're a woman? I know a seven-year old girl that's got more clothes than you."

Lisa smiled awkwardly, and James answered for her.

"Dad burned all her clothes."

"What?"

"Yeah, it was a few months ago, so this is all I managed to buy since then."

"How did that…? I mean, why?"

Within a second, Lisa revived all that, it was still so fresh in her memory. The smoke, the madness, the chaos, the fire consuming clothes of a lifetime… the bruises.

"So, what about this shirt and these jeans?"

It was enough for Alma to understand that the subject was still too painful to be brought up.

"I think it's perfect."

Lisa wanted that night to end, before it even began. What she didn't know was that she was sabotaging herself, but Alma was honest enough to point that out the moment Lisa got out of her bedroom.

"Lip gloss? Eyeliner? Really?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Billy's really not that hard to impress, you know."

"You're drawing out a whole lot of conclusions here." Lisa said, concealing her pocket knife in her coat pocket.

"Yeah, whatever. Do you know how to get there?"

"Sort of. Don't worry, I'll find it."

"You be careful, girl."

Alma stared right at her, and Lisa felt it wasn't lip service, like she knew that Lisa needed to watch her steps.

"I can handle it." Lisa said on her way out. Alma didn't believe that, neither did Lisa. It would take some willpower to get through the night.

As Lisa set foot on the sidewalk, that freezing wind blew over her, and one would think that it was a sign from heaven, trying to make Lisa turn around and go back home. But she just crossed her arms and marched on.

"What the fuck are you talking about, man?"

"Billy, I'm telling you, man. We're on our own now, we gotta watch out."

"Same difference, Bodie. We've always been on our own."

"Yeah, but this is different, dog. It's just the five of us now. Ever thought about that?"

That was all Billy had been thinking about the past few days. As much as he hated to admit it, it was easier before Bones got killed in a deal gone bad. Money was shorter, and now Billy was starting to see who was with him, and who wasn't. That's what Bodie was talking about. After learning that two guys who were from his crew were now working for the Cutty Macks, Billy even considered killing them, but for some odd reason, he couldn't make it happen.

"I cannot believe she came", Joe said, making Billy turn around and smirk.

"Of course she came. By now, someone must have told her how things work around here… when Billy calls you, you better show up", she said, standing up.

Four Roses didn't even need a sign; the red stained glass panel was more than enough for Lisa to identify the place as a gang spot. Even before going inside, she knew exactly what kind of place and people she would find there. Dim lights, a bar that served maybe 2 different types of beer at max, and in the back, a reserved area and a pool table, probably lacking a couple of balls. "Same shit everywhere", she thought, sitting on a bench by the bar.

"Water, please."

The moment Lisa finished that sentence, she sensed a movement to her right, and a figure coming her way. She stared at that bottle of water for as long as she could, scared. Not of him, but of herself. Her sight was abruptly attracted to him, like filings on a magnet. In the dim lights, all her freckles seemed to be gone, and now she looked like her real age.

"Elisabeth?"

"Yeah."

"I think we've met before."

He blew the smoke of his cigarette, and it drew an atmosphere of mystery around him, as if no one really got to know who he was. The perfectly placed rings, the rolled up sleeves allowing Lisa to see more of that tattoo of his. But what was really fantastic about his whole physiognomy was the ambiguity that it expressed; maybe a kind of intelligence and poise, but in his eyes, shone flashes of madness. Those eyes that attempted to steal what was left of Lisa's sanity.

"We did… Billy. You and your friends shopping for groceries that other night."

He smiled, enjoying her sense of sarcasm. She had something else, it wasn't beauty – she was fairly average – but it was something sad, something missing, that ultimately defined her as a woman. Billy sized her up almost methodically, one inch at a time. The blood in Lisa's veins followed his gaze all the way up to her cheeks.

"Anyway, I heard you just moved in, and got mugged. That right?"

"Yeah, I moved in like, three days ago, and when I was coming home from work, a bunch of stupid kids mugged me."

He stared at her like he couldn't give a shit, but had to act like he care because he had a business to run.

"Well, I can assure you that it won't happen again. People don't get mugged around here at Stokely Hall."

Lisa took a sip from her water, trying to swallow the words, but they just came out.

"Bad for the business, right?"

His nose twitched, and as more as he wanted to tell her that she was a nosy bitch, the blaze coming from her eyes stopped him. She grew smarter and changed subjects.

"I heard I might in debt with you for returning me my purse."

"It's not a debt. Consider it… a deposit", he said with a smirk, so dangerously charming that made Lisa's heart jump in her chest. She looked around, trying to fight the urge to stare back at him, and saw his crew looking at them, itching with curiosity, specially that younger one.

"That a pool table?" she asked, pointing to it.

"Don't tell me you play pool", he said, the cigarette dangling from the tip of his grin. Lisa grinned back.

"Wanna bet?"

"Oh, I'm yet to see the day when I get beat at pool by a woman."

Lisa pulled 20 bucks from her pocket and put it on the counter.

"Single shots, who gets more balls down wins. I think you're gonna be in my debt from now on."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me. Easiest 20 bucks I've ever made."

"And please, oh please, tell your crew that I'm not on display tonight", she said, standing up. Billy's glare was enough to get the message through. However, when she took off her coat, something fell on the floor, drawing everybody's attention – it was her switchblade. The guys looked at each other, confused, and she tried to act cool, putting it back in the pocket and moving on to choose her cue stick. Her reactions were starting to puzzle Billy.

"What the fuck is going on?" Joe asked, frowning. "What kind of woman carries a knife with her? Is she gonna play pool? I don't get it."

"I don't know."

"Hey, Bodie! Isn't the girl from the supermarket? Your neighbor?"

"Yep. Didn't like her then, don't like her now." He said, downing a tequila shot.

"I'll even give you the chance to start", he said, tilting his head back. That massive neck of his always made a point on its own, but Billy's confidence soon faded the moment when Lisa bent over to shoot the first ball. Her legs wrapped up in jeans, the strap boots, even the simple white T she was wearing, everything added up to a perfect design. All the guy's jaws dropped, but were swiftly put back in their places by yet another harsh look from Billy. At first, the attraction was unintentional, but then, he was taken by a sudden urge to find out what made that woman so damn mysterious.

Lisa got one ball down in the pocket, and didn't say a word.

"Beginner's luck", he said, going for a shot and missing it completely. Lisa walked around the table, setting up her strategy.

"What makes you think… I'm a beginner?" One more ball down. Apparently being sober wasn't working for Billy.

"I can see that. I guess I'm gonna need a drink to get started. What are you drinking?"

"Water."

"You don't drink?"

"Nope."

"You smoke?"

"Nope."

"Geez. You fuck?"

"Is this a pool game or a quiz?"

The words were just falling from her mouth, but it amused him somehow. In between shots, Lisa's attention was drawn to the tune that was starting to play. The lyrics made her smile, as the lyrics fell right into place, word after word, got her feeling that something was missing… a cigarette, a whiskey shot, Billy's skin on hers.

I can't shake this feeling from my head, there's a devil sleeping in my bed

He's watching you from across the way, I cannot make this feeling go away

I know it's not the right thing, and I know it's not the good thing

But kinda I want to...

I'm not sure of what I should do, when everything I'm thinking of is you

All of my excuses turn to lies, maybe God will cover up his eyes

And I know it's not the right thing, and I know it's not the good thing

But kinda I want to...

Kinda I want to, maybe just for tonight, we can pretend it's alright

What's the price I pay? I don't care what they say

I want to, I want to... (Nine Inch Nails)

Lisa knew he was staring at her, and part of her really wanted him to slam her down on that pool table, right then and there. It was like Billy could smell her blood boiling inside her veins, her desires had been put aside for way too long, and maybe Billy was way too much for her to handle.

"Fuck, you play like a man", he said, kind of to himself, trying to seem not so pissed off by the fact that Lisa was indeed winning the game.

"Similarities end there, though." she said, focusing on the game, keeping her eye on the ball, and away from him. But he knew better. He knew why she was avoiding contact, he just needed to be sure. Billy stood there, like a predator on the prowl, waiting for the right moment to pounce on her. And that moment came when she was bending over again to shoot another ball, and he passed by, behind her, making sure she felt the rough touch of his body. He could almost feel her shiver. Of course, it made her miss.

"That was a cheap shot." she said, staring at him.

"What?" Billy asked, staring back. She just shook her head and kept on.

Their little game didn't last long. A few minutes later, Lisa got her last ball in the pocket, and placed her hands on her waist. The guys at the table cheered as if it was a Celtics victory, couldn't even stop laughing when Billy gave them a freezing scowl. The youngest one even had the guts to shout, making Lisa laugh:

"She can't pass an item through the scan, but damn it, the woman can play pool!"

It was a risky game to play. Apparently, he wasn't used to losing. Billy scratched the back of his head, uneasy, clearly upset, but Lisa couldn't care less.

"I guess we may have a problem with losing", Lisa stated, facing him.

Billy wouldn't even look her in the eyes; all he did was rub his nose, a habit that Lisa knew all too well. When he finally looked at her, it was with complete disregard. "She's so lucky she's a girl", he thought. His voice came out husky, the words almost cluttered in his throat.

"I guess you can go now… Lisa."

Now it was her turn to be arrogant. She sized him up and grabbed her coat.

"You still owe me twenty", she said, pointing at him. With that, Lisa turned around and left, but still heard murmurs in the background, probably the guys were making fun of him. "What a waste of time", she thought. That night had only made her want to smoke and drink again, and God knows where that would lead. But the worst part was that now she also wanted Billy… ad she really shouldn't.

Billy couldn't help but stare at her hips swaying as she walked away. He didn't know whether to hate her or love her. Hell, she didn't mean anything anyway, just another chick. But Billy certainly had a soft spot for a hot girl that carries a switchblade in her pocket.

Lisa opened the door slowly, only to find Alma and James watching "Lilo & Stitch" – James' all time favorite. Or better, Alma was watching and James was already drooling on her lap.

"So, how was it?" Alma asked, as if she already knew what Lisa would say.

Lisa looked away, searching for the answer, but all she could do was grin.

"Oh, I don't like that grin. Don't tell me you… did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Well, you know"

"No, I didn't. All right? I kinda wish I did, though", she said, sitting on the armrest. "Don't worry, I behaved. I only drank a bottle of water and won a pool game."

"He must be pissed", she said, finally smiling.

"Look at me. Could I care less? He's hot and all, but in the end, he's just a prick little gangster who thinks he's as special as the bullet that killed Kennedy. The worst part is that no one tells him otherwise."

"Careful there, Lisa. Billy's not that simple to understand, he's not your regular gangster. He's selfish and sadistic, and just plain mad."

"Yeah, whatever. I just hope I never have to cross paths with him again, although he still owes me 20 bucks… Now, you go home, dear. It's late."

"I still cannot believe she beat you", Joe said, still cracking up.

"I am the one who's going to beat you if you don't shut that fucking mouth now", Billy said, lighting up a cigarette. "Unbelievable", he mumbled.

"All I know is that she can pass me through her scanner any time!" Heco replied, laughing. Billy remained quiet. It didn't take much to piss him off, and that girl did it.

"Let's talk business. Are we all set for tonight?"

They all looked at each other, not so sure of what to say. Bodie was the first one to speak his mind.

"Whatever, man. We're not selling shit these days anyway. Fucking Cutty Macks, they're taking over all the free corners and they've got all of our fucking customers!"

Billy scratched the back of his head, lit up a cigarette, downed a shot of whiskey and slammed the glass on the table.

"So you're just gonna sit there and do nothing? You're gonna stand and watch as we go fucking broke?"

"No, man. We gotta do something." Again, Bodie was the only one to talk. Billy took a deep puff off his smoke, considering all the possible moves in that situation. The checkmate was getting closer.

"Let me worry about that. Now go. We still have shit to sell."