" DiNozzo…DiNozzo… Hey, Tony!"

It was only at the mention of his Christian name that Gibbs finally got a response from his senior agent who, up until that, had been chewing on a pencil, staring far into space. They were in the middle of a case, for crying out loud, and here he was, boring holes into the walls with his eyes. Tony straightened up in his chair, adjusting his tie, before scrambling to his boss' desk. He looked like hell. The blood-shot eyes were enough to tell Gibbs that his agent had not slept the previous night, and he didn't like it. Sure, he wasn't expecting rainbows and sing-songs with their newest guest, but DiNozzo falling apart was not on that list either.

" Sorry Boss, was just…yeah, sorry. Metro called and they have nothing new on those files we asked for. The lawyer from yesterday is still trying to block that warrant, and McGee is up in MTAC trying to contact a friend for Miss David."

So it was Ziva that had short circuited his usually cocky, smooth talking, sharp as a tack senior agent. Gibbs studied his face for a moment, watching the younger man's eyes. He had seen the look Tony had given her when she walked into the bullpen. He had known it would not be easy, but the reaction DiNozzo had had worried him. Enough to at least merit a question of concern.

" ….Something the matter, Boss?"

" I dunno, DiNozzo. You tell me."

Silence descended on the bullpen, Tony adjusting his tie once more, shuffling in his spot and plastering that stupid smile he did to try and deflect anything. Won't hide from me, DiNozzo.

" Nothing to report, Boss."

" No?" It was far more than a question; it was a demand. Tony did his best to resist it. He had no desire to open up to Gibbs. Not yet, and especially not here, where the walls had ears. There had already been rumours flying; Ziva's return had sent the usual office gossip girls into overdrive, and how he hated being the subject of idle chitchat and Chinese whispers.

" No. Did Abby phone yet? She had the tyre tracks analysing last time I was down there."

" Well, yeah. She phoned about 10 minutes ago. Did tell you. Found a match."

" Oh. Well, I'll head down to the lock up and see what she has for us." He turned on his heel, saying nothing else, despite feeling the burn of Gibbs' eyes on his back. He practically willed his feet to run towards that elevator, to escape to somewhere, anywhere, before his boss could chastise him for lying. He knew better, there was no escaping Gibbs like that. He had barely stepped into that elevator, and Gibbs was next to him. Crap. Even with this 'new' Gibbs, he was still as stubborn and still as predictably unpredictable. The doors closed, and Tony could feel his heart thump beneath his skin. Why was he nervous? He had had so many 'talks' with Gibbs that they no longer phased him, yet today, he felt like an obnoxious teenage being sent to the principal's familiar jolt of the emergency brake snapped him from his thoughts, and into the furious eyes of Gibbs. A sharp sting to the back of the head brought him into focus - it had been a while since that particular swift form of punishment had come his way.

" What the hell is going on with you, DiNozzo, eh? You're all over the place." Tony fidgeted under the glare, hand rising to gently pat at the sting on his scalp.

" I'm sorry Boss, I am trying. I didn't sleep well last night-"

" I know."

" I've had a lot on my mind—"

" I know."

" I am putting my head into this case, I just need-"

" I know." Tony stopped, jaw stiffening as Gibbs stared back at him. " I know, DiNozzo."

" Then why are you asking me?" He received no reply to that one, just that goddamn stare. He wasn't asking about his physical health. Hell, he didn't even seem to care about the lack of sleep. Gibbs knew him too well to let this slide under the radar. He turned away, leaning back against the railing of the elevator, eyes fixed on the buttons ahead of him. " I don't understand why she is here, Boss."

" She's got good intel on this guy." Of course he knew who she was. Tony felt he had just swept through an imaginary tick-list in Gibbs' mind, confirming all of his suspicions regarding his latest behaviours.

" Cut the crap." Tony snapped, scowling at the older man. " For all we know, she is back with Mossad, gathering intel for them. You know, I thought she might finally have seen that she made a terrible decision putting any sort of faith in that nightmare of agency and that she should've-"

" Should've what, DiNozzo?" Gibbs raised an eyebrow, as Tony huffed, looking back at the wall.

" Should've made a better decision."

" What, and come back with you?"

" You don't think she belonged here, Boss? You don't think she belonged with the family she made here?"

" Well yeah, DiNozzo, but she made her choices. Just like she made the choice to not rejoin Mossad. She's a grown woman, she'll do what she wants."

" So she's not back with them?" Tony folded his arms, lips tight. "Well I suppose that is better than I was expecting. After everything Mossad has put her through, put us through, the years we spent-"

" This isn't about us. This is about Ziva." Even the sound of her name seemed to hurt to him, and he looked away, breaking the gaze. Gibbs was unsure just how convincing he was sounding, but the agitation in his Senior Agent was unusual, even for a situation like this. He hadn't seen Tony this riled up since the last time Anthony Sr had waltzed through DC and left his son scrambling after the pieces behind him. He wondered if it had always been Tony's natural reaction to any sort of emotional upset was to become this withdrawn, silent version of the man he was, and plaster a stupid grin on his face, and if it had ever actually done anything positive for him. If it had ever solved any of those emotional turmoils in his head. Thinking again, only Ziva, Jeanne Benoit and his father had ever had the ability to truly push the younger DiNozzo into this state. There was a spark in his eyes, and a bite in his voice, and Gibbs truly did wonder where his second in command's thoughts were. Once upon a time, he had been able to read him like the back of a book. This mind fog, and Tony's growing independence and assertiveness, however, made that difficult. He was proud of him, no doubt about that, and the last 2 years had been hard for the older man to watch. There had been many quiet nights in his basement, he quietly sanding a new crossbeam for his latest work, Tony quietly sipping on a glass of bourbon in the corner, and it would have been wrong for him to pry too far. He didn't have to, after so many years around both he and Ziva, but he still felt there was something left unsaid, something private and secret. He was uneasy at the sudden handicap Tony had of not being Gibbs readable, and Ziva's presence had all but set Tony to truly tin-foiled.

" Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to pause my entire life for Ziva David. For her to come floating through the door and for me to kneel in front of her once more, and grovel at her feet for her to stay. Not that it works, let me tell you. And for what, exactly? For her to act like she barely knows me, like we are old, vague colleagues with nothing in common. No thanks, Boss. Abby told me a long time ago to stop putting my life on hold for her, because she was never going to come back, and I was making myself miserable. That's what I did. I moved forward" Tony let a deep sigh, leaning back on the railings once more, and looking up to the roof, Ziva's words from the previous night ringing in his ears. "And I am happy. Very happy. If Dah-veed thinks she can just walk in and uproot everything… she crashed our dinner date last night, for crying out loud. She doesn't have the right to just walk back into my life and-"

" She's missed you, Tony. Said so herself." His reply was as scoff from the younger man, as he pushed himself off the railing, teeth clenched, and faced up to him. Gibbs couldn't tell what was more prominent: the burn of anger in his eyes, or the deep sting of hurt in his voice.

" Yeah? Well, she chose to leave. I went to hell and back to show her, to prove to her, that she was not alone. Aht lo leh-vahd, and all that jazz." The furl of sarcasm slipped from his tongue, and Tony let himself breathe. The memory of that night, the weeks and days before it. Eli, Jackie Vance. Ziva's tears and steely determination... or maybe it was cool, cold distancing. Maybe she had known from then, maybe she had planned it all. Maybe everything she had told him was just part of that wonderful facade she strung up, fooling all who fell into her web. He did not have a chance to ponder this much before Gibbs spoke once more.

" What happened in Israel, DiNozzo, that I don't know?" It was a question Tony had not been expecting at that moment (God knows, he'd avoided it from so many people before). He had rarely mentioned his time in that country, his frantic search for any trace of her, the emotional baggage that came from that time in his life. For months afterwards, he could still see the gentle sheen of sweat on olive skin, still smell the sweet musk from her hair, still taste her…and it had haunted him for so many a sleepless night. It was a memory now bathed in a bitter 'told-you-so's, and a reminder of just how wrong he had got her. Zoe's fireball appearance back into his life had put those lonely nights mostly to bed, and he had found himself more content, more at peace with the world than he had been in a long time. She was the eye in his hurricane; a breathtakingly beautiful, peaceful place to rest between the battering gales.

" I found her, and she didn't want to be found." It was not the voice in his head that spoke, and he was glad. The last thing he needed was for Gibbs to confirm his suspicions (Tony, he knows, he is Gibbs, of course he knows). Gibbs could carry on thinking (getting it absolutely correct) and he would be saved from further explanation. "You were right. Everyone was right, but me. I gave her everything, offered her the world, and she still made the decision she did. I had nothing more to give her, and that was clearly not good enough. She made that call, and I took the damn hint. I'm still taking that damn hint, and she had no right to throw a curveball like that. Like this." Tony didn't give him a chance to reply, before leaning over and flicking the power back on, the jolt of the elevator almost a comfort. Despite saying nothing, Tony knew he had given himself just enough rope to hang himself. Gibbs knew. Gibbs always knew. The rest of the ride was in silence, his Boss saying nothing. Not even a reply. What the hell was he thinking? After a few seconds more of silence, Tony finally piped up once more, voice much quieter than the snarl of anger that had been previously.

" You ever watch the Wonder Years, Boss?"

There was a grunt of a reply from the now stoic man, almost masked by the whirr of machinery, and a soft 'ping' as the elevator arrived at the bottom floor.

"I never knew until that moment how bad it would hurt to lose something you never really had".