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Chapter 3: Love, Save the Empty
"Dude, I'm so not kidding anymore. Get out of here." Finn snapped, tossing Puck's jacket at him from across the room and thumbing towards the door. His best friend just shook his head, and draped the Adidas athletic jacket across the back of a chair before sinking down into it, kicking up his feet on the coffee table, which probably deposited all kinds of Virginia dirt onto the varnish.
"Like hell I will. That hot mystery babe is coming over. I need to get my introduction on." He said, and Finn could literally feel Puck's sexual innuendo hanging in the air between them. He growled a bit to himself in response, still picking up the stray pieces of clothing and trash that laid strewn across the apartment. If you asked him, he'd say that he was cleaning up for Rachel because his mother had always drilled nice manners into him, and when you have a guest over your place should be presentable.
But really, he knew deep down that he was fussing so much because he wanted Rachel to be impressed by his place. I mean, come on, she was a celebrity. She'd probably lived in really nice places before, and been surrounded by all the finer things in life. And so while Finn wasn't exactly swimming in cash… he didn't want her to look down on him, or think less of him because he just couldn't afford a nicer place or better furniture.
Okay, so maybe he was being a bit hard on himself. For being a bachelor in Virginia, Finn had a pretty decent place to himself. It was a spacious apartment over the local bookstore (not that Finn ever went to it), with a bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and living room. He had his own washing machine and dryer, a dishwasher, and even cable TV installed. It was more than most single guys his age could boast. Hell, it was more than Puckerman had. He was living in a house in the poorer part of town with three other guys from the office, so they could split the minimal rent.
Finn had always thought Puck's set-up had a … collegiate feel to it, more than being an adult in the real world. His friend certainly acted like he was still the head hauncho University of Michigan frat boy he'd once been, bringing home bimbos at all hours to use and then lose. Finn had never been that guy, by contrast. Sure, he'd been a frat guy at OSU, what football player wasn't? But after only a few weeks of trying out the "new weekend, new girl" approach, he'd found out it really wasn't for him. Not that girls weren't lining up to get at the new quarterback, they were. Finn just wasn't sure he was comfortable with the whole idea.
It wasn't manly or anything, but after Finn had lost his virginity to some bimbo cheerleader in high school on a whim… he'd always regretted not having it mean anything. He was more the type of guy who wanted to get to know the girl first, make a connection so that the first time they were together could be more than just the physical stuff. He liked carrying the picture of his girlfriend in his wallet. And he liked the feeling of having someone who would drop everything to be with him if he needed her. He liked being needed. He was a good guy, you know? Maybe a bit slow at times, but he was genuine. Things mattered to him more than they did to most guys. He was the kind of guy girls brought home to their mothers for Christmas.
The kind of guy who would be good for a girl like Rachel.
Okay what the fuck, where had that come from? Finn paused, his hand hovering over a piece of mail that had fallen off the kitchen counter and onto the floor. He shook his head, trying to physically shake the thought out of his mind. Spy protocol about not dating your partner aside… who was he even kidding? Rachel was beautiful, successful, and (from what he could tell from their two encounters) had this incredible enthusiasm for life. And he was just an ex-college athlete getting his first break. She'd been taking the Broadway world by storm when Finn was taking the SATs. Rachel had been polishing her second Tony Award when Finn was just a lowly CIA intern. Rachel had been living in the heart of New York City with someone she'd loved very deeply while Finn was sleeping in the back of his truck, waiting for the lease on his apartment to start.
Maybe that was a part of it too… The whole Jesse thing. Finn hadn't brought it up with Rachel at the coffee shop; actually, he hadn't let on at all that he had any clue who she was. But things had been good between them like that, and forgive him for wanting to live in the "she's just a girl, I'm just a guy" fantasy for a while longer. But he knew it wasn't that simple. Even if it was kind of a kick to the balls to admit, he knew Jesse was somehow involved in that dark cloud of pain he had seen flitter across Rachel's eyes that first day in the office. People don't just fall off the face of the Earth together like that, only to resurface alone unless something had gone horribly wrong. His heart really went out to her, and he wanted to do anything he could to help her get through what had happened…
But that was going to require that he tell Rachel that he knew about her past, and would then rest on her decision to trust him or not. Maybe she wouldn't want to open up, or she couldn't… something. There were just too many complexities hanging in the air for him to want to deal with any of them right this minute – for now, he had to focus on cleaning the apartment so it was presentable when Rachel arrived for their first acting lesson.
Finn picked up the piece of mail finally, placing it neatly back on the stack on the counter before heading into the pantry to find the green tea he'd purchased yesterday. His mom had always said it was nice to have drinks on hand for guests, and since he didn't know what else she liked he'd gone off what she'd been drinking at the coffee shop. He was just closing the door and turning on the stovetop for the kettle when he heard it.
"Hey there little lady… Name's Puck. You must be the beautiful and talented Rachel that Finnessa has been keeping hidden the last few days."
Oh fuck. Oh god no, this wasn't happening. This was exactly the fate he'd been trying to avoid by attempting to kick Puck out of the apartment earlier. Finn's stomach turned uncomfortably at the thought of Rachel standing in the other room with his lecherous best friend leering at her like she was a sack of meat and not a person. No, this was wrong. It was all wrong. Like hell if Puckerman was going to get a shot at someone as amazing as Rachel, under Finn's god damn roof no less. Fuck no. Rachel didn't belong with him. She was better than him. She deserved more than him…
"That's very sweet of you to say… Puck, was it?" he could hear her clear voice answering, and he almost gagged when he heard a bit of her melodious laugh beneath her words. He was going to kill Puck.
"Short for Puckerman. Noah Puckerman." The introduction continued, and Finn was 90% sure that his friend was leaning against the door jam, turning on every ounce of cool he thought he had in his body. After all, to him Rachel was just a pretty face. He couldn't possibly know about what a shining star she was to the rest of the world… and to Finn.
"Puck… are you anything like the Shakespearian character?" Rachel asked in her usual tone of voice, and when her question was met with a confused silence from both Puck and hidden Finn, she let out a small laugh. "Always a trickster, never to be trusted. Likes to meddle in other peoples' lives and toy with their emotions." She explained, and Finn almost laughed out loud. That sounded like his buddy, alright.
"Nah, that ain't me. I'm real sensitive when it comes to women, and I hate when people play games with each other romantically and socially… you'll see."
What? Finn's jaw was hanging open in disgust; hearing about the lies Puck told girls was one thing, but actually being present when he was pulling a fast one was nauseating. Especially since the poor victim was Rachel.
She laughed, and when she spoke there was a hint of playfulness to her voice. "Is that right? Do you plan on being around often before Finn and I leave to prove that to me?"
"Baby, if you want me, I'll be here every day."
Finn couldn't take it anymore, and abruptly stepped out from the kitchen into the main room with the grace of a gorilla. "Rachel, hi." He greeted, attempting to sound as casual as possible, and like he hadn't been listening to their conversation that entire time. Today she was wearing some sensible silver flats with a bright yellow dress, which only seemed to make the warm undertones in her skin that much more noticeable. She had a navy blue wool coat slung over one arm, which she'd clearly just taken off.
Rachel and Puck had been standing too close together in the doorway for his tastes, but his heart thudded once loudly when she turned and gave him that award-winning smile. "Finn, there you are! When you didn't answer the door I was starting to wonder if I'd gotten the wrong address."
"Nope, this is my place alright." Finn said, emphasizing subtly the fact that his stupid friend didn't actually live here and should be leaving as he stepped around the couch to take her coat from her. She handed it over with a grateful smile, and Finn carefully hung it up in the closet next to the door. "Can I get you tea, or something?"
"How thoughtful… thanks, I'd love some." Rachel said with a grin, just as the kettle began whistling in the other room. She cocked her head to the side, a small laugh emitting from her mouth. "…Did you know I was going to say yes or something?"
Finn blushed at being caught in the act, but then cleared his throat and shook his head. "What? Oh, no. I uhh… was making some for myself. I love tea." He said in an incredibly awkward and forced voice. Truth be told, he'd never had tea a day in his damn life. He was the worst liar ever.
"Me too."
What the fuck, Puckerman was still here? Finn shot a glare over at his best friend when he spoke up again, his eyes narrowing at the way Puck had just shut the door and sat down on the couch like he owned the place. He even patted the space next to him suggestively, indicating he wanted Rachel to sit down. She gave him a once over with her eyes, and then chose to sit on the couch opposite him.
Haha. Jackass. Finn thought triumphantly to himself as he waltzed into the kitchen. He didn't really understand why he was so possessive of Rachel all of a sudden – he tried to write it off as already stepping into his assumed role as her husband… but he knew it all stemmed from his very real attraction to her, which had awoken within him the moment he heard her sing. And he'd be damned if Noah Puckerman laid so much as a finger on her.
He (grudgingly) poured the three cups of hot water and inserted the tea bags before returning to the living room. He roughly gave Puck his, but was much more delicate with Rachel, who smiled in gratitude as he sank down on the couch next to her. Finn could practically see Puck seething with envy, and Finn subtly moved closer to Rachel on the couch. When she didn't shy away from it, he grinned like an idiot and raised his eyebrows in a challenge to his friend.
"So B… Can I call you B?" Puck asked, which Rachel seemed to momentarily take a moment to think over before slowly nodding her agreement. "What's your dealio-yo? What's a fine woman such as yourself doing in Virgin-i-a?"
The awkward and oppressing silence that met that question was stifling. All the wind had been seemingly knocked out of Rachel, forcing her to put her cup down on the coffee table in front of her. Out of the corner of his eyes, Finn could see that Rachel's hands had started shaking. He put his own mug down in alarm, forgetting his stupid competition with Puck and instinctively put a hand on her shoulder blades.
"Rachel? Are you okay?" he asked in as soothing and comforting a voice as he could manage, ducking his head down to force her eyes to meet his. When they did, he saw that same sadness from the day they'd met in her chocolate brown eyes… and a hint of fear too. She subtly shook her head no, only enough that he could see it, and in that moment Overprotective Finn had had enough of his idiotic friend.
Okay, so maybe it wasn't his fault. Totally normal question to ask a stranger, in reality. But this was Rachel, and if Puck knew even half of what Finn knew (and he barely knew anything), he would have had the common sense to keep his mouth shut.
"Okay, Puck get out. We have to work." Finn barked, not taking no for an answer this time as he got up and physically dragged his friend to the door.
"Dude, not cool. You're totally using your in with her to force me out. Cheater. Totally not following Bro Code of Equal Footing when it comes to regulation hotties!" Puck hissed in protest, struggling against the grip.
"Out. Now." Finn just said in response, pushing his friend out the door and locking it with a heavy sigh. He stood there for a moment, collecting himself, before turning back around bashfully. Rachel seemed to have relaxed a bit now that they were alone; at least the tension in her stance was gone. But that impenetrable sorrow and grief about her was just more obvious without Puck clouding up the room with his sleaze. "I'm sorry about him… He's my friend but… yeah, sorry." Finn apologized lamely.
"….No. It's fine." Rachel sighed, swallowing thickly and shrugging her shoulders a bit. "Any normal person could have answered that question, I just…" she cut herself off, seemingly searching for the right words, but finding none.
"You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want." Finn said, crossing back over to her side and sitting down with her on the couch. Just like before, she didn't move away from his proximity. "Not if it's too… hard. I mean, I don't even know what's going on with you, but… You seem so strong, Rachel. And for something to bring you down this much, just… It has to be bad. And difficult to talk about. So it's like… cool, if you can't." Finn offered lamely, feeling like the world's prize idiot. Had that speech even made sense? Man, he was really not good with this emotional crap. Maybe he needed lessons in more than just acting.
But too his surprise, Rachel leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, clutching him to her in a hug. Not a friendly hug, or even a romantic one… it felt needy. Like he was a lifeline she was clinging to, the last bit of glue holding her together. Finn wrapped his arms around her waist in return, holding her as tightly as she needed while she just breathed against him for a while. He could feel her heart beat drumming against his chest, and heard her breath go in and out. She was so tiny and fragile, and yet she seemed to fit perfectly right into his long arms.
After what felt like an eternity (and yet a millisecond all at the same time), Rachel pulled back. Some of the pain had receded from her eyes, and she was managing a ghost of a smile. "… Someday, okay?" She said in a quiet voice, swallowing again. "I'll tell you someday…. I really can't right now. But… when I feel like I can, you'll be the first to know."
"… Okay." He said in return, simply because he had no idea what else would have been appropriate. But as much as it killed him to see Rachel like this, a small bubble of happiness had started to grow in the pit of his stomach. Rachel trusted him. Rachel was going to confide in him. Rachel… needed him? Okay, maybe that last one was a stretch, but he'd like to believe it.
Rachel took a sip of her tea, and then licked her lips before smiling for real this time and getting up off the couch. "Right. So, the basics of acting…."
