Author's Note: I should have added this to the last chapter, but yes, this is the Animated Series Joker, the Mark Hamill masterpiece. Please think of his voice when you're reading. I was thinking of it while I was writing. Of course, Harley Quinn's voice is also from the Animated Series (I don't remember the lady's name), and who can do Batman's voice better than Kevin Conroy?

Longest chapter yet. Last one though. Enjoy!

About-Face

Part III

I wasn't removed from the cart the entire time. I felt myself being pushed up a metal ramp, and then I heard a truck start. After a while, as I struggled to get free of my bonds, the truck stopped and the engine shut off. I was wheeling over rough ground and then onto ground that felt too smooth to be outside. I was inside a building.

I heard an elevator and after some more moving around, the lid opened again. I had broken into a sweat, and my hair was matted to my head and my nape. My skin was clammy and I was trembling as Harley tugged me out of the bag. "Welcome to my humble home," he said, feigning somberness, and bowed down at the ninety-degree angle. She made me sit in a comfortable lazyboy and tied me to the chair. Then he nodded, pleased. "Best seat in the house."

The room was full of grey tones, with pipes lining the rooms and going up the walls and through the ceiling. It looked like a makeshift apartment with no more than two or three pieces of furniture and several stacks of old newspaper everywhere.

My mouth was dry, and I tried to swallow, but just ended up coughing.

Harley disappeared behind me and the Joker came closer and pulled the piece of towel out of my mouth. "As I was saying before," he began, and sat on my lap. He was quite heavy, but didn't seem to notice and acted like he weighed no more than a large stuffed animal. "You don't kill a rat with a bug zapper!" He slapped his forehead. "What was I thinking?"

I felt sick and my stomach started to ache from the fear. "What do you want?"

He looked at me with dark eyes, clouded with confusion. Then he brightened. "You kill a rat with rat poison!"

"But why are you talking about that?"

He got off my lap, and I felt blood rushing back to where he had been sitting. "I was hoping you'd be smart enough to figure it out. I guess I'll just have to show you! Let me tell you a story."

"No," I said. I knew there was no end to 'the story'. I would be dead before he finished, so there was no need for an end. "Tell me your story."

He shook his head. "You'd never understand. Unless..."

"Unless!" Harley chirped suddenly, making me flinch. She was right behind me and she reached her hands down and slapped an oxygen mask on my face. But I was sure the mask was not connected to an oxygen tank. I shook my head hard but the mask didn't move. "What are you doing?!" I demanded, my voice finally no longer under my control. It was high and panicked, and my chest started to heave. "Get this off me!"

I suddenly heard a gentle, steady hissing sound. Both Harley and the Joker were silent. The room was filled with the sound. "Get it off!" I shrieked, shaking my head hard enough to sprain my neck.

"If I did that you'll never understand the story."

"Get it off! Let me go!" I started to throw my whole body into the effort of getting free, if only to escape the mask, the ominous hissing that I knew was releasing noxious gas into my face. But there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Then I took another breath and felt a wave of a tingling, cool sensation sweep my brain. I held my breath. I held it as long as I could. But of course I couldn't hold it forever. So after a very short while, I sucked in a breath of gas and felt that cool feeling intensify in my sinuses. My vision blurred and cleared, blurred and cleared. Then I took another breath, feeling a little whoozy. This time a giggle passed my lips. I wasn't fighting it at first, but when I giggled I started to. But the more I tried to go against the urge the more I giggled.

Even my hearing was starting to get muffled. I didn't hear Harley and the Joker laughing until I looked at them.

The Joker leaned in towards my ear. "Now you're finally getting it!"

When he spoke I screamed a laugh. I had no control. Internally I was horrified, and if I tried to speak or scream or cry it was all just laughter. I couldn't stop. I fought for control and failed miserably.

Through the growing fog in my vision, I saw a red and black figure - Harley - appear from my peripheral and shove what looked like a video camera in my face. "Smile for the camera! Oops! You already are! Ahahaha!"

I gasped for breath, and my body wouldn't let me breath properly. If this was to go on much longer I would die of laughter. My sides started to hurt and I squirmed through my bodily spasms and cramps to get air. The only air I got was the gas. Finally the Joker ripped the mask off and I just barely heard the hissing stop.

I continued to suck in air to fuel my crazy laughter.

"Can't have you losing consciousness. That won't be good for ratings at all."

I moaned in pain, but then cackled again.

In a swirl of colors like a mirage over a steaming hot tarmac, he swooped in front of my face. "Let me tell you my story, now," he said seriously.

"Oh boy, story time!" Harley squealed and jumped onto my lap. I giggled. She waved the camera around and put it right in my face as I turned away, chest heaving with laughter.

"Once upon a time there was a poor old fellow that just wanted a little money. A touch of fame and a place to call home." The Joker then grabbed Harley's jester hat and yanked it hard. "Then it was all ruined by a terror in a batsuit!"

I didn't mean to right then, and I couldn't help it. But an obscenely loud guffaw burst out of me. Harley gave a little scream, and looked at the Joker fearfully.

He looked furious for a moment, then joined me in laughing. "I guess that is funny. Hahahaha!!!"

Harley joined in easily once she saw that the Joker was laughing too, but as I continued to choke with cackles, my sides aching something awful, the Joker's face darkened. He stopped laughing, and his face became a brooding shimmer of white, red and black. He looked at me, his eyes dancing because of my distorted vision.

I noticed that abnormal look. That is, it was abnormal for him. He pulled up a metal folding chair and sat down in front of me. He looked around and grabbed the nearest thing - a folded up newspaper - and rolled it up. He pointed it at me like a microphone. "Are you getting this, Harley?"

"Every frame, Mista J," she squeaked eagerly.

"I'm sure old Batsy wouldn't want to miss this special documentary."

That stuff he had gassed me with was starting to wear off a little. I gasped and grimaced, forcing myself to talk through the chuckles. "Let... me go."

"Oohhehehahaha! But everyone wants to be the star of their own show! So tell me," he began seriously, "what got you interested in this whole... reporting business?"

"Please..."

The Joker pointed the newspaper at himself. "Oh! Do continue!"

"Let...m-me go."

"How fascinating! Don't you think so, Harley?"

"Oooh yeah!"

"Do you think it's a violation when someone asks too many questions about you? Do you think they're being nosy?"

"I won't... I'll stop..."

"Myself, personally, well, I don't like it when people try to sneak around and find out things about me. I think it's underhanded and deceptive. Don't you think so?"

"I'm sorry! I'll stop, I swear. I'll destroy everything." I was gaining more control over my body now, and the giggles were fading away.

Joker apparently noticed this too, and he looked at Harley. Leaning in conspiratorially, with a hand over his mouth, he said lowly, "Gas her again, she's not fun anymore."

Harley tossed him the camera and he continued to film me. As she disappeared from the view the Joker leaned to the side so he could look at her. "Nice view, Baby!"

"Oooh, stop! You're making me blush!"

The hissing started again. "Nooo!" I moaned. "Let me go!"

Joker fixed my mask and made it tighter. The gas started to have to desired effect on me again, and soon I was lost to hysterical laughter again. Harley turned off the gas, and the hissing stopped.

"Enough of that and you'll die happy!" He let out a whoop of joy and said, "That's my present to you for being such a dedicated fan of my work!"

"No...." I panted.

Abruptly, the all the lights went out.

The glow of the camera screen reflected of Joker's face, giving him an eerie, blue tinge. His face grew very annoyed at the sudden change. "Oh brother, doesn't anyone pay the bills around here?"

All of us - well I tried anyway - grew completely quiet as there was a thump outside. But we were floors up, so the only explanation was that it was on the fire escape. Then I heard glass breaking.

"Aaaah!" Harley squeaked. I heard some clattering behind me and a soft click. It was a flashlight turning on, and the beam quivered wildly around the room and came to rest on a dark, hunched shadow. "Aah! Puddin' save me! It's a monster!"

The Joker was already looking, and when he spoke he sounded furious. "You're not supposed to be here!"

I blinked a little to clear my vision and finally recognized the shadow as Batman. I shuddered with a chortle. "Help me..."

"Always trying to ruin my show, aren't you?" The Joker demanded angrily, then turned to face me. "Do you see what I have to put up with? Always getting picked on by this big, self-righteous, ugly, humorless bully!"

"Let her go now. You've made your point." Batman's voice was low and unenergetic. I was not sure what was wrong with him, but while Joker had been raving Harley had done something to set up a dim, battery powered light. I cast a long shadow over the length of the room, and Batman's shadow loomed over the wall behind him. I squinted and looked closer, and was shocked to find that Batman's suit was actually torn on several places and there was a trail of blood on his chin.

The Joker went closer, camera trained on Batman. Batman moved away cautiously, his cape swaying with him. The Joker scanned the camera over his body, and stopped at his midriff. "It's so hard to get good help these days. All those men and they couldn't all keep you just a little bit longer. They didn't even have to keep you all night. Just while I took care of a little infestation." He looked pointedly at me.

"They tried their best."

The Joker turned back to Batman. "I even told them, gave them my word that you'd show up. Bunch of useless pawns." He shook his head. "I plan the ambush and they carry it out. That was the idea, anyway," the Joker added musingly. "Apparently it only works in theory."

Batman moved this way and that, keeping his distance from the Joker. "Enough. Let her go."

"No," the Joker said icily. "I'm not finished." He straightened and beckoned without looking. "Harley, I think it's time for the exterminator's services to finally show up."

"Righta-roonie! Here I come!"

The Joker backed away as Harley finally came into view, this time, holding a large gun with a very wide barrel. She aimed and fired right at Batman who crouched in time to avoid being hit with the projectile, but it was nothing but a ball that smacked sharply into the wall and fell to the floor, bouncing like a golfball and sounding about the same. Batman apparently knew what it was and dove to the side just as it blew up. He thudded to a spot across the room, and the Joker staggered back a little. "Harley! Careful with that thing!"

"I'm sorry!"

The Joker went to her and snatched the gun away. "What have I told you about playing with explosives?"

She scratched her head. "Um. Safety last?"

The Joker laughed. "That's right! Here you go!" He tossed her the weapon back.

She flashed him a grin and winked. Then looked mischievously at Batman, who was still on the floor. He was obviously trying to get back up, but wasn't. I couldn't shake the horrible thought. What have I done?

Get up, get up! I kept begging. Finally I sighed as he did. He turned around and although part of his face was covered up, he looked mad. His teeth were gritted together and his hands were clenched into fists. The Joker tossed Harley the camera, and she caught it clumsily. She threw the Joker the gun and he aimed it at me.

"No!" Just as Batman cried out the Joker fired it at the floor right my feet. I screamed at the ball hit the floor. I already knew the explosion was going to be delayed, so I turned my head away and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Toodles!" The Joker cried happily. I heard a series of clatters and then rolling - like someone dropping marbles on a hard floor - where I remembered the Joker standing. I didn't dare open my eyes to see what it was.

I waited for what seemed like an eternity, and I felt someone jump on me. My eyes shot open. I was enveloped in darkness, and I felt the warmth of a human body. My chair slid back a little from the weight with which he had thrown his body over me.

I looked up and saw a flash of light. My chair flew back some more and flipped onto it's back. I knew it was Batman who jumped onto me to shield me, and he groaned in pain. I gave a little scream, and he got off me and pulled a blade out of his boot. He cut me free of the chair - but my hands were still tied behind my back - and yanked me to my feet. "Let's go," he said hoarsely. He practically dragged me to the window and shoved me out onto the fire escape.

I heard another, popping explosion, like a fire cracker. Then another pop. And another. Batman jumped out and pulled out a gun, which I realized quickly was a grappel hook when he fired it down at an angle. It grew taut when the hook caught on something and he wrapped his arm around my waist. "No, wait!" I cried out as he tugged me along with him and jumped over the edge of the fire escape as the pops started to sound out all at the same time and sounded like one huge explosion. A blast of hot air hit me, and I gave a shriek as I felt myself falling with him. We both landed clumsily on the ground outside, and much to my surprise, it was coated with a layer of white snow. There were still flakes drifting gently down and cold spots touched my face. I wasn't dressed for the cold - I was just wearing pajamas - and soon I started to shiver. I was sure the gas I had breathed in had something to do with me feeling so cold so quickly.

On my right, Batman stood back up after we hit the ground and he wiped the blood away from his chin. He cut my wrists free.

My shoulders ached from being in an uncomfortable position for so long, and I moved my fingers to start the bloodflow again. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you."

He shook his head. "By the time I came to warn you it was already too late."

I opened my mouth to speak again but I heard distant sirens. I looked to my left, the direction of the sirens. I heard footsteps crunching the snow behind me, and he was gone. Again. Since I was still sitting, I noticed a blemish on the smooth snow. Dark drops and spotches of blood stained the whiteness. A trail continued around the building.

As the sirens grew louder I stood up and followed it. It stopped at the wall of the building. I looked up and didn't see any more blood. He was gone.

***************************************

Two days later I was in my hospital room, suffering from some inflammation in my throat and severe migranes. All of it brought on by the gas, which they still could not identify. I was not hooked up to anything anymore, although earlier in the day I had been. They just periodically checked my heart rate and gave me anti-inflammatories and pain meds for my headache.

I hadn't gotten to the point of having nightmares, but I was sure I would.

I stood up and went to my window - it was open a small crack - and looked down at the hospital parking lot. I was two floors up, and I gasped when I saw a rope fall down, right outside my window. I backed away a little, afraid of what was going to happen. I rushed to the side of my bed and grappled for the nurse button. I was about to press it when my window slid open. It was Batman.

He stepped inside smoothly, looking a lot better than I had seen him two days ago. His suit was no longer torn and his face was clear of blood. He took out something and put it on my bedside table.

"You scared me."

"I didn't think you wanted this publicized," he said lowly.

I looked at the item he had placed down. It was a miniature video cassette. "Is this...?"

He nodded. "Yes." He turned back to the window and was about to leave when I said, "Wait!"

He stopped but didn't turn around.

I went closer. "Thank you. You saved my life."

"This time," he said grimly. "Next time you may not be so lucky."

"There won't be a next time, believe me."

He gave a single nod and jumped out. I saw him scale up the building and then he was gone.

I knew what my documentary was going to be about now. A fool who didn't listen.

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Author's Note: I just had to add "Righta-roonie!" in there. I saw it in one of the newer Animated Series episodes. It's so Harley, and it fits perfectly in the scene.

Hope you enjoyed the story!