Author's Notes: Yeah, this took forever, but I vow to get this Christmas story done by the end of May. One more, shorter chapter to come after this.


It was still storming outside when everyone woke up on Christmas morning. Though many were still disappointed to be spending the day away from home for the first time, most at least had some forced cheer as they greeted friends, exchanged presents and yeah, you don't care. Let's skip to late afternoon.

Sierra was now in her eighth hour of crying that day. "But you have to let me go! I have to stop evil Gwen from stealing my little drummer boy!"

"Lookee here, nutcracker," said Nurse Chef, pouring out her potion. "My job is to keep you alive, and right now, you've still got a fever and can barely move your legs! What're you gonna do, huh? Crawl around Scrawny's feet during the slow dance? Now, I gotta go finish setting things up. You stay here and try to be less crazy."

"But—"

The door to the Hospital Wing slammed shut. Sierra slumped in her bed, dejected...and then sat up, a look of cold determination on her face.


All of the Slytherin sixth-years were busy getting ready for the ball, except for Noah. He was laying on his bed with a book in front of his face, hiding his grin.

"I still can't believe Pretty Boy didn't get a date. Other Pretty Boy," Scott added, looking at Justin.

Justin was smirking as much as Noah. "You can borrow one of mine, if you want."

"I could have gotten a date if I wanted!" Alejandro snapped, sounding like a petulant child. "I'm going alone for when Heather finally comes to her senses."

Noah went back to his book, shaking his head in amusement. To be fair, he believed Alejandro—he probably could have gotten a date with any girl who didn't know him well enough to see what a tool he was. Why didn't he? Did Heather picking Harold actually throw him off this much? Whatever the case, it was fun seeing him get so agitated. Noah almost wanted to go to the ball and see how this whole mess played out.

Then he remembered everything else about the ball, and the fact that he would have the whole dorm to himself for four hours. It was the closest he was going to get to being back home. (He would just pretend that the whiny first-years in the common room were his nephews, nieces and cousins.)

Just then, Topher stuck his head into the sixth-years' dorm. "Hey, uh, Nolan or whatever? That chubby Hufflepuff wants to see you," he said, then vanished.

Noah rolled his eyes and got up, hoping that Justin and Alejandro wouldn't start bickering again until he got back. He stepped out of the common room to find Owen standing in the corridor outside, looking sheepish. He had managed to tame his hair and was wearing black dress robes.

"Nice duds," Noah said. "But shouldn't you be going to Ravenclaw Tower to pick up your psycho girlfriend?"

"Yeah, but...well, I'm supposed to be distracting you so that she can move in for the kill. Sorry."

"What are you—AGH!"

Izzy let out a happy laugh as she dropped down from the ceiling, a length of rope in her hands.


"Alright, now I'm just back to give you your dinner," Chef said, sounding harassed as he swept back into the Hospital Wing. "And I don't want any funny business while I'm at the ball, you—uh..."

The Hospital Wing was empty. Sierra's bed was disheveled but unoccupied.

"Uh-oh."


"Gwen! Looking good."

Gwen rolled her eyes as Cody sauntered over, but tried to smile good-naturedly. "You too," she said, with significantly less implied lechery. "But why did you want to leave for the ball this early? We'll get there half an hour before it starts."

"Actually, I have a special surprise for you before we get there!"

Gwen's brain actually stalled for a minute, trying to process all the potential ways that this could go wrong. "What kind of surprise?"

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you," he teased. "Oh, and here—put this on."

He took out a blindfold. The last vestiges of Gwen's forced smile vanished from her face.

"You do remember that we're only going as friends, and I'll kill you if this is something bad, right?"

"I'm prepared to take that chance!"

Gwen gave Cody a look, and he just smiled pleasantly. Though there was something off about his smile. Not in the sense of being a perverted leer, but just something...nervous? Awkward? Forced?

Gwen gave Cody a warning glare and reluctantly tied on the blindfold. "Don't worry, you won't be disappointed," Cody said, his tone still annoyingly upbeat. "Now, if you'll let me lead the way—"

He took her hand and, before she could object, began to pull her after him out of the common room. She tried to figure out where they were going without, but she lost any sense of direction after the second staircase. "Are we in a secret passage right now?" she asked, irritation returning to her echoing voice. She knew what some students liked to do in the castle's many hidden areas.

"We've been in three, actually. I find a lot of them hiding from Sierra. Anyway, let's just move aside this tapestry and—voila!"

He pulled her along a few more feet, stopped, and then moved behind her to take off her blindfold. She blinked in the sudden light, then frowned when she noticed where they were. "This is just a hallway."

"Which hallway?" he asked playfully.

"The...one near Gryffindor Tower, I guess?"

"Very good! And if my watch doesn't deceive me, your surprise should be here—ah, there we go!"

The portrait to the Gryffindor Common Room swung open. "Yeah, okay, Brick, but why—"

Trent froze. So did Gwen.

"Oh...hey, guys," he said, eyes darting around in search of a bottomless hole that he could jump into. "What are doing up here? Shouldn't you...be at the ball, or whatever?"

"Actually..." Cody was still holding Gwen's hand, but now he held it out for Trent to take. "I think that you guys should be at the ball or whatever."

There was a one-second beat before both Trent and Gwen said "What?" at the same moment.

Cody's slightly-awkward smile was back in place as he looked from one to the other. "Well, a little birdie...by which I mean almost every person in our year...told me that you two might want to go together more than you wanted to go 'as friends' with me." He quirked an eyebrow at Gwen. "Is that true?"

"Um..." As if this situation couldn't get any more awkward. She looked up, and her eyes met Trent's, which were anxious but hopeful.

"Maybe?"

Cody turned to his friend. "And Trent?"

He suddenly snickered. "You're actually enjoying this, aren't you?"

"I'm a showman, deep down. If I'm gonna lose the girl, I at least want to look classy about it."

Both of them snorted, and then Trent took Gwen's hand. "So, uh...would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me?"

She grinned. "I guess."

"Oh, finally!" said Brick; the other three jumped, having forgotten he was there. "I'm sorry, Trent, but you don't realize how annoying it was watching you mope around the common room all the time, wasting time before you finally got back together. Why couldn't you have done it last week? Then I would have won the pool!"

"There was a—wait. I don't think I can go to the ball," Trent said suddenly. "I don't have any dress robes, and I'm not sure how much gold it'll cost to—"

"Oh! One more thing, Cody," Brick said, suddenly producing a package. "Here's that last-minute order."

"Oh, thanks!" Cody took it, examined it briefly, and then held it out to Trent. "Merry Christmas! I hope it's your size!"

"It should be, I have plenty of access to his clothes, the way he leaves them all over the floor."

Trent chuckled again. "You really thought of everything, didn't you?"

Cody shrugged modestly. Gwen smiled, then wrapped him in a hug. "This was really sweet of you! What can I do to repay you?"

Cody's smile looked warmer now as he returned the hug. "I wouldn't say no to getting your bra. See, I have this bet—AGH!" Gwen's hug had suddenly turned painfully tightly. "Never mind!"

Once Gwen had released him, Trent held out her hand. "So, uh...should we get going? I can change in a bathroom on the way there. To delay telling Duncan that I'm going with you," he added, when Gwen looked confused. "He's been in a bad mood lately."

"Okay. Um..." Gwen looked awkwardly at Cody. "Are you still planning to go, or...?"

"Yeah, but you lovebirds go on ahead."

"Okay. Thanks, man. I really owe you one."

He gave Cody a five, and in the process, Cody flicked his wrist so that a corsage fell out of his sleeve. It landed in Trent's hand. He let out another snort as Cody winked.

They walked off, holding hands and smiling. Cody and Brick watched them go, before the latter asked, "So, uh...you okay?"

"Yeah. Disappointed, but, you know...if they're happy, I'm happy." Another smirk crossed his face. "And besides, this just means that the Code-man is still on the market! How many girls do you think are going to the ball solo?"

Brick rolled his eyes, then motioned to the portrait hole. "I gotta go get ready myself. See you at the ball?"

"Yeah, see ya."

He went back into the Gryffindor Common Room, leaving Cody alone in the corridor. He smiled to himself, pleased that everything worked out as neatly as he had hoped. He wondered if he should head off now, or—"

"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY—"

Cody spun around, his color draining so fast it was like someone had cast a spell on his face.

Sierra was bounding down from a side corridor, on a pair of crutches, moving faster than anyone on a pair of crutches had any right to go. Cody felt like a deer trapped in headlights. He had no time! What should he do?!

He flinched back for Sierra's impact, but instead she suddenly let out a cry and fell by his feet. Immediately she started sobbing. Cody blinked.

"Are...you okay?"

"Of course! But that—that was so beautiful!" She sniffled loudly. "I mean, sure, I kind of liked her better with Duncan—minus the whole cheating thing, anyway—but you helping them get back together, even though you stupidly like her better than me—it's just so—ROMANTIC!"

She broke down into a fresh peal of sobs, as Cody began to feel very awkward. He bent down and helped her back onto her crutches, and was mildly surprised that she allowed this without any inappropriate touching. That was pretty good by her standards.

"What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be in the Hospital Wing?"

She sniffled, drying her eyes on her sleeves. "I checked out to go to the Yule Ball."

"Oh. Um..." He didn't know what else to say. He was actually kind of touched that she was making such a big deal about him setting up Gwen and Trent.

Then Cody got an idea. An awful idea. Cody got a horrible, awful idea, but somehow he found himself going along with it anyway.

"Hey...since I don't have a date anymore...would you like to go to the ball with me?" She looked up, gasping so hard that she coughed, almost swallowing her tongue. "As friends!" he added quickly. "Platonic friends who go to a ball together in a strictly non-romantic way." He wanted to make his intentions perfectly clear.

"Friends?" Her expression drooped, but only for a moment. "Um...sure!"

"Okay then," Cody said, wondering if he had just made a terrible mistake.

As they headed off, something else occurred to Cody. "Hey, you are...allowed out of the Hospital Wing right now, right?"

"...Sure! Of course!"


Well, Duncan had to admit: Taylor Lemieux was respectably good-looking. She had nice hair, at least. She might do a reasonably good job of inciting Courtney's jealousy.

The downside was her personality.

"Seriously? My mom set me up with someone with a green mohawk? And what are you wearing?"

Duncan raised his eyebrow. "Uh, my clothes?" he said, his tone no friendlier than hers.

"You couldn't get any dress robes?"

"Like I told my dormmate, I'm not gonna spend a bunch of money buying something that I'm only going to wear once. Now come on."

He slouched off towards the Great Hall, leaving Taylor to scoff, glare and then follow, grumbling to herself.

Don was standing at the entrance as students filed past. "Good, good, stop. Forget to dress up, Mr. Stone?"

Duncan stopped and crossed his arms. "Hey, this gettup is good enough for class, why isn't it good enough for your hoity-toity party?"

"You do know what the term 'hoity-toity' means, don't you? No one gets in without dress robes. That's the rule."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll rent one."

"Oh, good." Don motioned to a rack of clothes off to the side. "The price is ten Galleons for the night. Or you can pay five Galleons per hour, but that's not a great deal unless you're planning to just stay for dinner."

"What the—ten Galleons for the night?! My roommate was selling dress robes for less than half that!"

"Yeah. He must have sold a lot, too, because you're the first person who actually wanted to rent one!" Don said cheerfully.

"No way am I paying that!"

"Excuse me."

Duncan's head snapped around so quickly that he cricked his neck. Courtney was standing behind him in dark lavender dress robes, arm entwined with Scott, who was wearing green.

"Ah," Don moved aside to let them pass, winking. "Enjoy the Yule Ball, you crazy kids!"

Courtney didn't glance at Duncan as she passed, though Scott turned his head to give him a self-satisfied smirk.

Duncan let out a low growl. "Taylor, can I borrow some money?"


Aside from all of the Christmas decorations, the Great Hall now featured many small tables instead of four big ones. Gwen and Trent took an empty spot and looked around as the rest of the tables filled up.

"I'm...really glad you're not mad about the whole Heather thing," Trent said, still feeling a bit sheepish.

"Well, I'm glad you're not mad at me for not figuring out what was going on. I should have realized that something was up."

Their eyes met. "So, do you think that...even after all this...we could go back to the way—"

"Okay, seriously, Gwen? Seriously?"

Gwen's fourth-year brother Kevin was standing over them, looking incredulously from one to the other. Trent facepalmed. "Oh, yeah. This feels familiar."

"I thought you said you were coming with Annoying Stalker Geek! This is actually a downgrade from Annoying Stalker Geek! Still an upgrade from the Green-Haired Jackass, but not by much."

"Kevin—"

"Do I have to remind you that this guy broke your heart? Cheated on you?!"

"No, he broke up with me."

"After drinking a Love Potion," Trent added.

Kevin glared. "Yeah, and your low resistance to dangerous magic has been noted, don't worry. Now, do you really expect me to stand idly by as—"

Trent suddenly pointed across the room. "Hey, isn't that cute fourth-year Scott Verhoeven's little sister? What's she doing sitting all by herself?"

"Yeah, especially with her overprotective brother sitting all the way on the other side of the room?" Gwen added.

Kevin rolled his eyes, "I'm fourteen, not four. I'm not going to be fooled by—oh my gosh, Albertha really is sitting alone." He hesitated for a moment, then pointed his finger threateningly at Trent. "I'm watching you," he said before running off.

Gwen snorted as Trent grinned. "Now, where were we?"


"No way. I'm not going in like this."

"Well, I didn't lend you ten Galleons so that he could hide in a bathroom all night!"

"These dress robes have lace. I am not being seen in robes that have this many holes, smell like somebody died in them, and have freaking lace all over the—hey!"

Taylor pushed Duncan into the Great Hall, and he stumbled in, glaring once he regained his footing. Taylor marched past him. Duncan looked up, then spotted Courtney and Scott at a nearby table.

"Let's sit here," Duncan said, picking a table close enough to observe the two without being seen himself.

"Uh, no. I want to find my friend Amy and her loser date."

"Yeah, well, your loser date is sitting here. Huh. Is this a menu? Gotta give Chef some props there...too bad the food probably still sucks."

Duncan peeked over the top of the menu at Courtney, who was talking amiably to Scott, as Taylor crossed her arms and fumed.


"Why are we sitting with these losers?" Heather grumbled, glaring at Cameron and Brick. "I wanted to sit with my friends."

"Like who?" asked Cameron with what sounded like sincere interest.

Heather opened her mouth, closed it, then glared harder.

Harold, meanwhile, was looking uncharacteristically moody, slumping in his seat with his head resting in his hand. He perked up suddenly and waved. "Hey, Leshawna!″

Heather turned her basilisk eye at him as Leshawna looked over, gave Harold a steely glance and then sat down with Gwen and Trent. Harold wilted again.

"Hey guys!"

Harold looked up as Owen, Izzy, Noah and Eva took the empty tale next to them.

"Oh. Hey," he said morosely.

"Hiya," Brick said. "Eva, I thought you said you weren't coming?"

"Izzy kidnapped me."

"And me," Noah added.

"Oh. So that's why she ordered those extra dress robes," he mumbled, looking down at the pair's outfits.

"But at least Don made her untie us before we came in," Noah drawled.

"Oh, cheer up!" Izzy said, giving him a playful slap on the arm. "We're here to have fun!"

"Yeah, well I—huh."

Eva followed his gaze. At a nearby table, sitting by himself, was Alejandro. Like Duncan, he has positioned himself so that he could stare at his prey (in this case, Heather and Harold) without being seen by either of them. He was tapping his fingers on the table, his expression hard.

As Noah watched, those fourth-year twins approached his table. "Excuse me! Are these seats taken?"

"Go away!"

The twins both "eep!"ed and ran off.

"Well, maybe this won't be so bad after all," Noah said, smirking.


Chef was hurrying down to the Great Hall when one of the suits of armor suddenly reached out and grabbed him.

"Psst! Chef!"

He pulled his arm away, giving the armor a look. "Chris?! What you doin' out here?!"

"Trying to get into the ball! All the teenagers are probably already killing themselves without me!" he whined, like a small child upset that his older siblings wouldn't let him join their Quidditch match. "You gotta help me sneak in!"

"After the stunt you pulled?! Everyone in the building wants to throw you to the dementors, and I sure as heck don't blame 'em!"

"Oh, come on! Think of all we've been through!"

Chef gave him a look that indicated he really did remember all that they had been through. "I mean, think of the good times!" Chris corrected quickly. "Come on, just distract Don or whoever else is guarding the door and—"

"HEY!" said Professor Josh, who was just now heading down to dinner. "IS THAT CHRIS?!"

Chris let out a strangled gasp, and with a POP! disappeared from inside the suit of armor.


With dinner done, the teachers magicked the tales off to the side and Conjured a stage for the band. "MERRY CHRISTMAS, WAWANAKWA!" Rock screamed, before he and Spud started blaring on their guitars. Beardo was pulling off a superb drum solo using only his mouth.

Many of the couples ran onto the dance floor; Jacques and Josee posed the whole way, Sugar was practically dragging Leonard, and Izzy was riding Owen like a horse. (It was unclear if Owen had consented to this.) Eva gave the pair a wary look.

"If we want to escape, now's our chance."

"She'd probably just hunt us down," Noah said. "And besides, I'm kind of waiting to see what happens with Alejandro. Speaking of which..."


Harold glanced longingly to the dance floor, then to his sour-looking date. "So, do you want to dance?"

"No."

"...Then can I find Leshawna and dance with her?"

"NO!"

"Heather! Feliz Navidad," Alejandro said, before turning to give Harold a dark look. "You wouldn't mind if I borrowed your lovely escort for just one or two dances?"

"Go ahe—"

"Actually, we were just about to dance ourselves. Come on, Harold."

"Whoa—"

Alejandro began to grind his teeth as he watched her drag him off.


Geoff and Brody were giggling together at the refreshment table when Junior ran up to them. "Hey, guys!"

"Yo, man! Merry Christmas!" said Brody, giving him a playful punch on the arm. Then he blinked. "Wait a sec. Aren't you a third-year?"

Junior poured himself a cup of punch. "No, I'm a short fourth-year. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it." He winked, took a sip of his drink, and immediately spit it out. "UGH! This punch tastes awful! What the heck's in it?!"

The older boys immediately broke into snickers again. "Firewhiskey," Geoff said, taking the nearly-empty bottle out of his pocket.

"Oh. Cool!" Junior said, forcing a grin. "It's just—you know, I usually like something a little...stronger myself."

He took another slow sip, trying very hard not to grimace.


Taylor scoffed. "Aren't you going to ask me to dance or something?"

"No."

Scott and Courtney got up and headed towards the dance floor. "Wait—yes."

"Finally," Taylor muttered, but she looked sour as she followed him.

On the way, they passed Harold and Leshawna. "Can we stop dancing now? Leshawna is glaring, like, really hard. It's starting to scare me."

"Not until Alejandro stops glaring at us."

"You know, it's becoming increasingly difficult for you to pretend that this whole thing isn't just a ploy to get him to—OW!" he screamed, as Heather stomped very hard on his foot.


Emma sighed, leaning against the wall during a momentary reprieve from having to yell at any other students. "This stupid dance is making everybody act like a bunch of animals," she muttered.

"That's not fair. Put in enough effort, and most animals can be trained," said the boy standing a few feet away.

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "True. I don't think any amount of training could break in that Izzy Turnbull."

"Izzy's a friend of mine."

"...Oh. Sorry."

"No, I was just saying, I understand exactly where you're coming from."

Emma chuckled, then gave the boy a look. "Have we met before?"

"I don't think so," he said, not quite aware of why he was smirking. "My name's Noah Kumar."


"Stupid—who does she think she'd kidding—as if I actually believe—"

"Who are you talking to?" asked Tammy.

"None of your business!" Alejandro snapped. The girl just shrugged and walked away with some snacks.

Alejandro took her place by the refreshment table, pouring himself a cup of punch. He sipped it slowly while watching Harold and Heather across the room, failing to notice that Harold, in turn, was watching the table where Leshawna sat with Gwen and Trent.

Noah was just being an idiot, he thought. There's no way that she could see anything in that scrawny, awkward, annoying...

He poured himself another cup. "At least the punch is good," he muttered, wondering why it tasted so pleasantly spicy.


"Okay, Sanders, keep your eyes open," MacArthur said, cracking her knuckles. "I'm just itchin' to give someone a detention."

Sanders gave her friend a look. "Come on, MacArthur. I know we're prefects, but it's not like we need to go looking for trouble."

It looked like MacArthur was about to answer, but she turned as Brody appeared on her other side. "Hey, MacArthur! Merry Christmas!"

"'Sup, Brode? Wanna help us look for troublemakers to come down on?"

"Uh, actually I was wondering if you wanted to dance or make out or something?"

"Oh, cool! Hey, Sanders, who can handle this on your own, right?"

"Huh?" Sanders said, but by the time she turned the others were already lost in the crowd.


"I'm having such a good time with you, Cody."

"Me, too!" Shockingly, he almost said aloud. "So, uh...do you wanna try dancing with those crutches, or—"

"YES!" she cried, so loud that Cody and a few other people covered their ears.

Unfortunately her scream also attracted Chef, who was searching for her through the crowd. He turned; she noticed and quickly grabbed Cody's hand. "Uh, actually, look! There are Amy and Taylor let's go talk to them hurry!"


Max chuckled to himself as he approached the refreshment table, hiding the flask of potion in the baggy sleeves of his robes. He had diluted it enough that it wouldn't hurt anyone else as badly as Sierra, but still, as far as ee-vil plans went this would be—

"Agh!"

Someone ran into him, causing the flask to fly out of his sleeve and shatter on the floor. The black liquid began to sizzle ominously on the stonework.

"Oh," said Ella, covering her mouth with her gloved hand. "I'm sorry!"

"Ignoramus! That was my—grumble, grumble—"

He stormed off in a huff. Ella frowned to herself, then looked back toward the table where Dave and Sky were laughing together. She bit her lip. "Okay...you can do this, Ella..."

She started to walk toward their table. At the same moment, Sky turned to Dave and said, "Want to dance?"

"Dance? Sure!" he said, forcing a smile as he stood. "I like to dance. Nothing awkward or potentially dangerous about that, right?"

Sky chuckled, also rising. "Dangerous? What, did you hurt yourself dancing once?"

For a moment Dave went silent with a haunted look in his eye, but then he shook his head and took Sky's hand. "Never mind. Anyway, let's—"

"Dave! Sky! Hi! Oh, that rhymes," Ella said. "Um, Dave? Could I please talk to you alone for a moment?"

"Actually, Sky and I were about to go dance."

"Oh. But, um...it's kind of important—I think..."

"Is something wrong?" Sky asked, frowning.

"Oh, yes. I mean, no! I mean—nobody's hurt or anything, but...oh, dear." Ella gave a nervous little titter. "I don't seem to be able to talk today. Um..."

As Dave and Sky both stared at an increasingly-anxious Ella, Sugar appeared.

"Ooh, what's happenin'? I haven't missed it, have I?"

"Sugar!"

"Missed what?" asked Sky.

"I promised Sierra I'd tell her exactly what happens!"

"I think she's actually here," Dave said, pointing off into the crowd. "I saw her come in with Cody. He looked happy, I'm actually a little worried she may have Imperiused him or something..."

"She's here?" Sugar said, following his gaze. "Maybe I should call her over..."

"Sugar, please..."

"What exactly is going on?" asked Sky.

"Oh, good! You haven't told him yet!"

"TOLD ME WHAT?" Dave asked loudly.

"'Bout Sky's boyfriend back home!" Sugar blinked, then snapped her fingers. "Well, drat! Sorry to steal your big moment, Ella."

"I'm sorry!" Ella gasped; admittedly she didn't know what she was apologizing for, but felt the need to do it for something. "We got our books mixed up, and there was a note between the pages, and I wasn't sure if you already knew and maybe I was jumping to conclusions but—D-Dave?"

Dave's face had gone oddly blank, causing all three girls to stare (Sugar with some anticipation). Then his eye twitched, and he suddenly grabbed his hair and screamed, causing people at nearby tables to look around in surprise.

"You have a boyfriend?! A BOYFRIEND?!"

"I did! I mean, I do—I was going to break up with Keith before the semester started, but—"

"But you didn't?! Not even when you decided to go out with me?!"

"Well, I tried to tell you when you asked me, but you wouldn't listen!"

"YOU COULD HAVE TRIED HARDER! Or, you know, not come out with me tonight!"

Sky was starting to look less defensive and more angry. "Well, you know, you're throwing an absolute fit about this, but I never said that this was an actual date or anything anyway!"

Ella wrang her hands. "Friends, please don't—"

"Well, if this wasn't supposed to be a date, you sent some pretty mixed signals!"

"Did you tell What's-His-Name that you were goin' out with Dave?" Sugar asked suddenly.

"Sugar, stop!"

"What? I'm just sayin', if it wasn't a date she probably wouldn't mind tellin' her actual boyfriend about it, would she?"

"You know, that's actually a good point!" Dave said, spinning around to face Sky again. "Am I a big secret to him, too, or—"

"I told you I wanted to break up with him!"

"So which is it?! Is this a date and it's alright because you were planning to break up with him, or is it not a date and I'm a big baby for assuming that it was?!"

"Both!"

"That doesn't make sense!"

"Yes, it does!" Sky said, though she had to pause for a moment to figure out how. "It's—kind of a date, but you shouldn't have assumed—"

"OH, FORGET IT!"

Dave threw up his hands and stalked away; Sky let out a frustrated growl and stormed off with her hands balled into fists. Ella and Sugar were left standing there, the former pale, the latter smirking.

Leonard (Sugar's kind-of-a-date) came up with two cups of punch. "There you are! What's going on? I could hear screams coming from across the room!"


"...But obviously, a house with eleven people living in it wasn't going to stay empty for long. So five minutes after Jared sneaks his girlfriend in, me, my mom and Leanne get back to find him in the living room wearing—"

Emma, who had been grinning through the last ten minutes of the Kumar family's dysfunction, suddenly looked away with a grimace. "Ugh, I think I hear someone fighting. Maybe we can pick this up later?"

"Yeah, cool."

She disappeared into the crowd, leaving Noah to look after her with a besotted smirk on his face.

A minute later, Owen appeared on his other side, looking exhausted. "Hey, have you seen Izzy? She said something about nargles and then—Noah? Little buddy?" He waved his hand in front of Noah's still-smirking face. "Hel-lo?"


Emma sighed, brushing some hair out of her face. "Well, that's another crisis averted. Now where'd he go...?"

"He? He who?"

Kitty appeared so suddenly that she might as well have Apparated. She had a sly look on her face, which instantly earned a stern one from her sister. "Some guy I was talking to. What do you care?"

"Carrie said that she saw you flirting with the sixth-year Slytherin prefect."

"What?! I was not flirting!"

"Yes you were!" Kitty said in her most annoying-little-sisterly singsong. "I didn't see it but I can tell by how angry you look right now! See?" She pointed at Emma's increasingly stony expression. "That's your flirty face."

"...Shouldn't you be off causing trouble for me to fix?"

"Actually, that's a good point—I haven't even danced with anybody yet. Hey, wanna dance?" she asked, turning to the boys who were standing closest to them.

Jay and Mickey both looked up, startled; the latter pointing to himself. "Are you talking to us?"

"Sure," Kitty said, and without another word grabbed his arm and dragged him out onto the dance floor.

"Whoa—!"

Emma rolled her eyes as Jay called after them. "Be careful! He's very fragile!"


"I have to say, you're a better dancer than I expected," Courtney said, smiling up at Scott.

He smiled back nervously. "Thanks. I've gone square-dancing a lot. Never willingly, but..."

He suddenly scowled. Courtney looked over her shoulder. "Let me guess. Duncan's still—oof!"

"AGH!" Taylor snapped as her and Courtney's shoulders collided. "Watch where you're going!"

"Whoops! Sorry," said Duncan, flashing the least sorry smile that any of them had ever seen. "Oh, hey, Court! Funny bumping into you here, huh?"

Courtney glared. Scott glared. Taylor glared, but that didn't stop Duncan from suddenly wrapping his arm around her shoulder and hugging her close.

"So, have you met my date? This is Terri."

"Taylor," said the other three in unison.

"Right, right," he said with an airy wave. "Pretty easy on the eyes, isn't she?"

Taylor glared (even though she did look amazing, thank you very much). Courtney's eye twitched. Scott, meanwhile, rolled up his sleeves before pulling his wand out of his pocket.

"Look here, you—"

"Scott," Courtney said, with enough force to draw his attention away from her leering ex. "Let me handle this, alright?"

"...Are you gonna curse him?"

"No. Well, probably not," she added in an undertone. "Duncan? Can I have a word?"

Duncan (who seemed fantastically bad at reading the mood) smirked as he followed her a few feet away, their dates looking on with sour expressions.

"So," he began, but she immediately cut him off.

"What is your problem?!"

His grin faltered. "What do you mean? I'm just—"

"Staring at us us from across the room? Making a fool of yourself trying to embarrass us, too? Don't worry, I've noticed!"

"Well, if you noticed, maybe you should have said something!" Duncan snapped, the words slipping out before he realized that he had been thinking them.

"What?! So this is some...childish cry for attention, or something?"

"No!"

"Then what is it?!"

Duncan opened his mouth, closed it, and tried to think of a response. "What are you doing here with Scott, anyway? Don't tell me that your standards have fallen that low since we broke up."

"Scott—happens to be a gentleman and really nice when you get to know him."

"And I'm not?!"

"You're—so that's what this is about?! You want me to come crawling back to you, after you cheated on me with one of my best friends?!"

He scoffed, and Courtney was surprised that it didn't sound fake like she would have expected. "Yeah, like I'd even take you back!"

"So you just want to annoy us all night? Get some kind of—petty revenge for daring to date another guy after you?"

"No!"

"Then what, Duncan?! What are you trying to gain from this stupid, annoying charade?!"

"I—I want you to—uh..."

Duncan was suddenly very aware of all the people staring at them, couples frozen in mid-dance to gape at their argument. He had never felt awkward fighting with Courtney in front of people before, but now he found himself at a complete loss for what he was supposed to say.

"Look—Princess—"

He hadn't even realized that he was reaching for her hand until he saw her angrily pull it away. "I'm not your 'Princess' anymore! Now, leave me alone until you actually have something that you want to say!"

She stormed off. Duncan was too shocked to move, the other students still staring awkwardly.

He suddenly let out a growl, bowed his head and pushed his way through the crowd, stomping toward the exit.

Near the door, Jen and Tom were cheerfully talking with Brick.

"Really? You think so?"

"Definitely!" said Tom. "Any one of these robes could pass for a professional—"

"Move it!" Duncan snapped, shoving them both aside.

Jen watched him go with a horrified look. "...You didn't make that one, did you?"


"Hey, dude. You alright?"

Duncan looked up to see Geoff and DJ cautiously approach the staircase where he was moping. He looked back down. "Shouldn't you be enjoying a slow dance with your date?" he grumbled.

"Hey, don't be a jerk. We're giving up a party to console your whiny butt," DJ said, before Geoff could speak. Duncan mumbled indistinctly.

The two Hufflepuffs sat down on either side of their friend; after about five seconds of silence, Geoff began to nervously bounce his leg. "So. Uh...wanna talk about it?"

"No!" Duncan snapped. Then, "Did you hear the way she talked to me? She's never sounded like that before."

"Uh...to be fair, I've heard you two yell at each other a lot," said DJ.

"Not like that. She just sounded so...dismissive."

He fell silent again. DJ and Geoff exchanged a look, the latter sending back a confused shrug that Duncan couldn't see. Then, with an awkward frown, he patted him in the shoulder. "Look, man...I hate to say it, 'cause I've been really pulling for you two, but...no matter what you try, I don't think she's ever gonna wanna get back—"

"I don't want to get back together with her! How many times do I need to freaking say it?!"

Geoff winced back, while DJ frowned. "How 'bout just once, but when it's not attached to some harebrained scheme to get her attention?"

Duncan opened his mouth, closed it, and then looked down at his shoes. It was a long moment before he finally spoke again.

"I really don't want to get back with her," he muttered, "but...I guess I still thought we were. We always have, right?"

The others exchanged another look as Duncan sighed, letting his chin fall to his chest.


Max grumbled as he threw himself onto a seat at an empty table, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. It took him a moment to hear the soft sniffling that was coming from the next table, where Ella was sitting alone, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. He shot her a look.

"Do you mind?!"

"What? Oh. I'm sorry." She sniffled again. "I've just…had a bad night, is all."

"You've had a bad night?! Thanks to you and your clumsy ways, all my beautiful ee-vil plans have been thwarted!" He glared at her, then tilted his head thoughtfully. "Though I suppose your misery does make up for that a little…"

Ella just kept looking sad. Which was strange, because Ella was never sad. It was one of the things that made her so annoying.

"But since I didn't enact my diabolical plan to poison you and your fellow peons, why are you being so whiny?" he wondered aloud.

"Oh…it's hard to explain," she sighed. "But I think I wound up making several people very unhappy tonight."

"Oh. Congratulations!"

She blinked. He frowned.

"…Not what you wanted to hear, then?"


"This is nice, isn't it?" said Devin, who was having a platonic dance with Carrie during one of the Wrocker's relatively slower songs.

"Mmm-hmm," Carrie sighed, resting her head on Devin's shoulder in a less-than-platonic way.

Suddenly that warm support under her head vanished, and in the second that it took Carrie to look up in surprise, Junior had somehow appeared in place of Devin, who was now rising from the floor, looking disoriented.

"Hey! You don't mind if I cut in, do you?" Junior asked, his voice notably deeper than usual.


Chef was grabbing random people on the dance floor. "Hey! You see that crazy Ravenclaw girl with the purple hair around anywhere?"

Meanwhile, Sierra was racing through the crowd to dodge him, somehow managing to drag a confused Cody around despite the fact that she was walking with crutches.


"…which is why it's so stupid to be worried about things like romance and boyfriends in the first place!" Max said, his voice effortlessly shifting from angry to mocking and back again.

Ella dabbed her eyes, though a bit of their usual light had returned. "So, you're saying…it's not my fault that Dave and Sky are both upset now. Because after all, I didn't cause the circumstances between them, I just brought them into the open?"

"Um…sure? Why not?"

"And it was still the right thing." Ella seemed to be talking more to herself now. "Dave did need to know what was really going on. Didn't he?"

Before Max could answer, Ella leaned over and hugged him, to his surprise and revulsion. "Oh, thankyou, Max! I feel so much better now! You really are a wonderful friend."

Max's face twisted into a look of horror. "What?!"


Noah approached the refreshment table, hoping to find Emma again, but was quickly distracted by something even more interesting.

"And can you—can you believe that? She picksh that—that—tonto over me? Alejandro Burromuerto?" He stumbled closer to Topher, nearly spilling his cup of punch. "Can you believe it?"

"Hmm," said Topher, who was sipping his cup with fantastic indifference. "If you'll excuse me…"

He wandered off, and looking around for a new drinking buddy, Alejandro spotted Noah. "You."

"V, W, X, Y," Noah drawled, pouring himself some punch. He sniffed it cautiously, not entirely surprised to discover its strong, spicy odor. "Enjoying the punch?"

"Yeah, it'sh…really good. A lot better than Harold!"he added with sudden venom. "Look at him, tryin' to sh—sh—" He looked pained. "What'sh the English word for sheduce?"

"…Seduce."

"That! He's trying to do that to Heather! Look!"

Noah followed Alejandro's gaze, where the two were sitting together, looking miserable. Harold kept looking over to Leshawna, who was sitting alone at the moment; she glanced back at him every few seconds, just so that she could look away angrily whenever he saw her.

Alejandro suddenly put his head down on the table, looking horribly depressed. The wheels in Noah's head began to turn. "Oh, sure—stand here crying about it. That'll help."

"Callas!" Alejandro snapped. Then, "But you're right. I should—I should go over there and—kish his ash."

"I think you're getting your phrases mixed up. But anyway, don't do anything hasty. I mean, Harold might be 95 pounds soaking wet, but—huh." Noah made a show of gazing through the crowd.

"What?" Alejandro said, looking up quickly.

"Did he just grab Heather's boob?"

"Basta!" Alejandro screamed. He threw his cup of punch to the ground, pulled out his wand and began to march across the Great Hall, the effect of which was ruined when he nearly tripped over a streamer.

Back at the refreshment table, Noah gave his Slytheriniest smile and mimed like he was controlling a marionette. "Yes. Dance, my puppet, dance! Heh-heh-heh."


Now up: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!


"Why the hell did I even come to this thing?" Jo wondered, straightening out her purple robes.

"Hey, Jo, you made it!"

She looked up to see Brick, looking unusually sharp in his own green dress robes. He nodded to her outfit. "See? Knew that would look nice on you."

"Oh, gee, glad you like your own work," she grumbled.

Brick frowned. "Hey, there's no reason to be—"

"Da prisa!"Alejandro hissed, pushing his way between them.

Both of them glared after him. "Rude," Brick said.


Harold had just made his fifth furtive look at Leshawna in the last minute when Heather, who had been sitting in stony silence, suddenly sat up. "I'm going to the bathroom," she announced, sweeping off.

"Huh? Um—okay, great!" he called. Then, as soon as she was out of the Great Hall, he got up and headed for his girlfriend's table.

"Hey, Le—"

Suddenly a hand gripped his shoulder painfully, and he spun around to see Alejandro's face inches from his. He immediately recoiled.

"Ugh. What's that smell? It's burning my sinuses..."

"Lishten, you little...thinksh he'sh a big man," Alejandro slurred. "You're not—you're not gonna get Heather, I am. Entiende?!"

Harold just stared. "Are you drunk?"

"Of courshe I'm not drunk! All I've had tonight ish punsh!" Alejandro said, with such an emphatic wave that he almost fell over. "Now...take out your wand and duel me!"

Several people were looking over from nearby tables. Leshawna, meanwhile, stood up. "Look, Al, maybe you should step off."

"I'm not aferred—afed—I'm not shcared of thish—whatever he ish."

"Look, I'm not gonna fight you when you're drunk. There's no honor in that. Besides, I don't even want to be here with Heather."

"Yeah, ain't it bad enough that he had to suffer through her company because of his own stupidity?"

Harold smiled. "Aw, thanks, sugar."

"Don't 'sugar' me. I'm still mad."

Alejandro wasn't quite coherent enough to keep track of what they were saying, but Harold wasn't fighting him and that made him so mad that he wanted to fight Harold even more. With an angry growl he stumbled back, slashed at the air with his wand and cried, "Stupefy!"

Several people cried out and ducked as the plates flew off of Leshawna's table and crashed onto the floor. However, Harold, in the two seconds it would have taken the spell to hit him, spun around in a sort of pirouette, the hem of his robe just missing the angry red blast.

Alejandro blinked, confused to see his opponent still standing. Harold recovered from his silly-looking move and looked furious.

"What the heck, man?! You didn't even bow first!"

Alejandro, for lack of a better option, tried again, but this time Harold drew his own wand and produced a Shield Charm. It worked, but the ricocheting spell bounced past Alejandro and hit someone in the crowd instead.

"JAY!" Mickey cried.

"AAGGHH—"

Alejandro raised his wand again, aiming for Harold; he ducked out of the way, but at the same time Leshawna raised her own wand, saying "EXPELLIARM—" before Alejandro, surprised by her voice, spun around and accidentally fired at her instead. Whatever spell he used sent her flying back, knocking into the crowd that had started to gather. As she, Mike and Zoey all collapsed onto the floor, Harold's eyes went wide.

"LESHAWNA!" He spun around to Alejandro, suddenly looking like a feral animal. "FIEND! BLACKGUARD! AAGGHH—"


In retrospect, Harold would admit that he went "a little crazy" at this point.

He marched forward, firing spell after spell, as Alejandro stumbled back, too busy dodging and blocking to go on the offensive. He was doing an admirable job of not getting killed, considering how drunk he was, but unfortunately that just meant that Harold's magic was just hitting everything and everyone else instead.

Brick pushed Jo behind a table to avoid an Instant Scalping Hex. Emma got hit by a Stunning Spell as she ran forward to try to stop all the commotion. The Wrockers seemed oblivious to all this chaos, until one random curse hit the stage and caused Rock's guitar to burst into flames, to their horror.

Meanwhile, at the entrance to the Hall, Chris's face suddenly appeared, an Invisibility Cloak wrapped around the rest of his body. "Ha! I'm in! And it sounds like I'm just in the time for some mondo—AGH!"

He fell to the ground, convulsing in agony.

Alejandro's back hit a table, and while he tried to raise another Shield Charm, his panicked swing sent his wand flying out of his hand. His eyes widened.

With one final swipe of his hand, Harold sent Alejandro flying over the table. He collapsed on top of another one, sending it's occupants running.

Alejandro moaned but didn't move. He seemed to be breaking out in ugly yellow pimples.

Harold's lanky body bent over, panting, his face and hair damp with sweat. Then, quite suddenly, he flew up into the air, suspended by his ankle; his dress robes fell down over his head, giving everyone an unpleasant view of the red speedo he was wearing.

When Harold managed to uncover his face he saw Don standing beneath him, his expression stony.

The Great Hall had become very quiet, until a shrill female voice broke the silence.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?!"

Everyone turned to see Heather storm into the Hall, only to quickly trip over Chris' still-mostly-invisible body.