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Reviewer of the Week - bridge to tabitha ! Loved the Friday reference :)

Without further ado ( I love that word! ADO! ) The Bachelorette. :)

So here I was standing a few weeks later with Chris Harrison AKA the host of the God forsaken Bachelorette. Angel is now referred to as Demon. I was in an itchy cocktail dress and heels. This was worse than prom because pros were doing it and they ignored my comments and suggestions picking out my dress. I did argue the point my dress HAD to be completely covered in the back, since 'I have ugly back acne'. I couldn't think of anything else alright?

We sat on two different red velvety couches the people wear getting everything all ready, they tried to be discreet about the camera crews and junk, but I felt like I was the star of a sitcom not about to find "the love of my life."

"So you read everything we sent you? You know how everything works?"

I shrugged. "Sure do." Complete lie, I just signed my name on the dotted line thanks to Demon.

"Okay, so just look at me, not the cameras, and everything else will just be like real life."

Psh. Real life surrounded by dozens of cameras that would be put on National TV. Now I knew how Jon and Kate's kids felt. Yeesh. "Okay."

"Rolling." A guy by the camera yelled and Chris put on a big movie star smile. He actually looked more like a lawyer to me though, and his nose curves at the end, like a witches nose minus warts.

"Welcome back America, and I am here talking with our new Bachelorette, Max Ride. Your in for a season full of drama and romance so take a look."

I knew in a few months that would be full of clips accidentally caught on camera through out the show and have no relevance to the show, but they are trying to get as many viewers as possible. He settled down next to me and his beady eyes glued to me, was this TV stuff or he just really weird and creepy? Both?

"Hello Max." We were rolling and I had dubious face thinking about his witch's nose. Great.

"Hi." Just hi? UGH.

"Where are you from Max?"

You already know that Chris. "Oh, Arizona, Mesa, Arizona." I tried to smile like him, but I looked like I was in pain rather than happy. But I wasn't happy. So much for faking.

"I am very pleased to have you here. Tell me, what made you come to the Bachelorette?"

"Thanks. Um, well, an Angel sent me."

"Really?"

Much more truth to that than you think buddy. "Oh yeah. Really."

"So what do you look for in a guy, Max?"

Not ready for that one. I knew it was coming though, but not yet. "Um, someone nice?"

"We made sure all the 25 guys we have chosen are very nice. Anything else?"

I knew he wanted more details but I couldn't get over what he just said "25?" THAT MANY? I said it a lot louder than I intended. He gave me a yes-didn't-you-read-the-rules-and-details-like-you-said "Yes of course. So what are you looking for?" He urged. I bet he was thinking about what were the casting people thinking.

I didn't want to say looks, but I could care less about brains. "Someone respectful with a good personality." Phew, a good solid answer.

"So you don't care what they look like?"

What? Was this a trick question? If I said yes he may discriminate me. If I say no, he could be like then why did we pick out the most handsome men in America?

"I guess I do. But it's not a deal breaker for me." Where were these awesome answers coming from? I rock.

More questions came, and if it were a test I guess I would get a B. Sometimes it was obvious every word that came out of my mouth was a total lie.

The cameras stopped rolling and he congratulated me and told me it usually took other people serval takes to get it right.

"Just like real life." I said sarcastically, but in a friendly voice so he would know I was kidding.

He mildly chuckled but was not amused. I guess he was never called on the phony talk he gave everyone. Don't be a baby Chris.

"So each a limo pulls up and guys walk out introduce them selves. Then once your are acquainted you will go to the cocktail party." He was explaining, I guessed, because he caught on I had no idea was this show even was.

"Got it." He nodded but looked skeptical. He walked behind the cameras and popped open a coke.

I peered around, big fountain, dim lighting, but bright enough for a good camera shot lights, and me the bait for 25 men to fight over. That just ruined the whole nice setting.

Chris Gave me a thumbs up and a red light on the camera turned on.

A limo drove up, and the brakes squeaked as it halted. I took a deep breath. I hate Demon and Nudge. Why did they think this was a good idea? My palms were sweaty. This all was going to be on National TV? How humiliating. But I don't care, I mean, how many people actually watch this show anyway? Besides Nudge? I'm totally freaking out, I could beat any of the guys with an inch of their lives, so don't worry. Phew. I sound like Nudge! Why do I keep saying Nudge? NUDGE! I frantically looked around, and then there was a tall guy in front of me, Just a few inches taller, and he gave me a heart attack. I gasped.

"Sorry didn't mean to scare you." he grinned broadly. Blonde swept hair, tan, pretty blue eyes. Not bad.

"Oh, I was just thinking." I mumbled sheepishly.

"That's okay, well I'm Dylan. You are really beautiful, Max." How did he know my name?

"Oh thanks, you are beautiful too." DID I JUST SAY THAT?

He looked stunned, " Um thanks." He chuckled.

"No, I mean, I didn't mean it, your very handsome, but, I'm stupid." I was talking to myself by the end of the sentence. I couldn't even look at the camera crew probably talking about I was going to make the front page of People magazine for being the biggest idiot ever.

"That's okay. You are probably really nervous, I am too."

Huh, we just said what I felt. That's pretty cool. I just did a shy smile, and reminded myself these are just desperate singles, chill, it's okay.

"Well I will see you at the cocktail party in just a few," He smiled and was he trying to hug me? After like 2 seconds of knowing me? UGH what a pig! I quickly turned it into the one-arm-hug-that-hardly-even-counts-hug he waved and walked inside.

I nodded. Only 24 more times.

Next came out another guy. He was nothing special, brown hair, brown eyes, very clumsy, he tripped on his way out of the limo. He said his name was Corey. He grinned real big and flounced over to me. I meant it when I said flounced, he may be trying to be funny, or he just flouncy and weird like that. Not even a one-armed-hug-that-doesn't-even-count for you fella.

Then, A tall, MUSCULAR, dark (like Indian looking to me.), HUGE eyes like the belonged on a fly and he had looks that made creepers everywhere jealous.

"Hi, Max."

WTH? I normally don't use abbreviations but, God, he had a higher voice than a chipmunk! (Do chipmunks even have voices or I am I just referring to that because of that movie with dancing and singing chipmunks?)

"Hello."

"I have two uvulas so my voice is very high. Sorry if I caught you off guard." Wasn't a uvula that punching bag thing in the back of your throat? (Can't you see how much I learned in biology?)

"Oh it's okay, I like it." We both didn't believe that. "Well see you inside...?"

"Roman." He walked off and waved. Roman, kind of weird name but at least he didn't say Darth Vader although, I couldn't have said I was surprised if it were.

A kind of handsome dork came out next. How can you be a handsome dork? Well you can look smart have weird glasses but have nice hair. I have a thing with hair, started when Angel told me to make my own natural shampoo and ... never mind.

Before I knew what he was doing he picked me up and swung me around bridal style.

"What the hell!" I screeched.

He took one sight of my epic glare and wild eyes he quickly put me down. "Oh. Oh jeez. I'm sorry. All the guys told me to do something to make you remember me. Oh God sorry..."

"I'll remember that all right." I grunted. I sighed man for a 22 year old guy he pulled of bambi eyes pretty well. "It's cool. Just don't do that, I'm not a fan of being picked up."

"Yah got it. Well I am Max too, and you looked really pretty, sorry if I messed up your hair or dress or anything. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying sorry. You didn't mess up anything, but I wouldn't care less if you did anyway."

"Okay, sorry."

I groaned. "I'll see you inside."

"CHRIS! CAN I HAVE ASPRIN?" I shouted toward the set, I knew they wound't out it the show, since I looked at the camera which is like one of the first of the 10 Commandments around here. I swung back to pills like House on that awesome show. Even though I hate the doctors since they kind of gave me wings but House is such a freaking jerk, with his snarky comments and sarcasm, God I love him.

Okay, before I bore you to death, I am going to skip over a few guys or this would take a year. So there was Johnny, he looked like he popped out of the movie Grease, hope he wasn't expecting me to be Sandy in a cat suit. Ricky was jet black hair all over the place, he looked like a baby chick or something. Okay there were twin brothers, talk about sibling rivalry. You won't believe their names. Moe and Ron. I had to go to the bathroom because I was crying I was laughing so hard. It probably isn't that funny but these are the things I think are hysterical.

Coming back still snickering about Moe and Ron, the freak of the show came out. It was really only a matter of time, each season they cast a complete loon, for ratings.

He had a cape on, a bright red cape.

"Are you Louis Lane?" He asked suggestively.

"No, are you being creepy? I can answer that for you."

"I am big into comics, play along."

"What, play along to what?"

"Be Louis Lane!"

"NO! Quit that!" He had been walking circles around me. I was this close to breaking his nose.

"Common! My mom said girls like this!"

"Your mother? Okay. I will see you inside."

"Okay, I will start unpacking. I'm Pete."

"I wouldn't if I were you."

He didn't exactly catch my drift, he is the FIRST one going home tonight.

Okay a few more guys, Will the college smarty, he was pretty good looking though. Jack, he looked exactly like Taylor Launtner, guess he was a shoe in for the casters. I mean seeing Nudges life size cardboard cut out in her room of this guy playing a werewolf or something, I am guessing he must be pretty popular. Matt with blonde spiky hair and an earring, said he came from New York, I think I liked him best so far, I mean he was chill and wasn't trying to be all over me or be a creeper. Plus he brought me more aspirin!

"I heard you ask for aspirin." He laughed lightly.

"Oh yeah I know when a big headache is coming on."

Then he whips out a whole bottle of aspirin like a super ninja. "Here I thought I would need them, but your need is obviously greater than mine."

"Thanks a lot, feel free to take some anytime."

"Will do, see you inside."

Sigh, now I still had to deal with the rest of the annoying guys. Good thing 6 go home tonight, thats what Chris had told me.

So Bill was next, he was 24 the oldest of them all, was in law school, some women minds go cha ching! I go YAWN, unless you are a lawyer like Elle Woods, even though she is way girly, she is entertaining.

Tyler looked like he was here to party, that could be a good or bad thing, he could be fun, or an annoying jerk so hold on that one. Harrison was cool, kind of appeared to be a trust fund baby, but he has AWESOME hair, like thick and...I'll stop now. Daniel Radcliffe! Just kidding, just Daniel, came out next, he did look a lot like Harry Potter though, I wonder if he has a scar underneath that kind of greasy not very impressive at all hair.

I was drinking a water then coming back, and my feet were killing me, at this point I wouldn't have minded if Max came up and picked me up again. I bent down, loosening the straps, and a guy named who introduced himself as Sam walked up. I am not one to judge teeth, but they were dazzling. Did I just say a guys teeth were dazzling? Wow Max, wow.

"Hey. You look stunning." he flashed his teeth at me.

"Thanks."

"..." AWKWARD.

"Heh, so where are you from?" I managed to spit out.

"Virginia, lived there my whole life, really dull actually, can't wait to go to college, but I want to travel when I am still young."

"I want to travel too!" Though we had different methods of transportation still as least something in common.

"Yeah, I am saving up right now, I just have a small job at this retail store."

"I work at Cheesecake Factory, pretty lame but awesome benefits, free cheesecake!"

"I love the red velvet cheesecake."

"That one is my favorite!" I laughed mildly, if I could have anything in common, it would be wings, number two would be favorite dessert.

"See you inside." He too tried to hug me, so I at least gave him the one armed hug, red velvet cheesecake has to count for something.

So after I was slightly happy that I got another okay guy, this guy came out and introduced himself as J.T. he was pretty nice, gave me one of those mini valentine heart candies, when he said he brought it to me because of what it said, my heart fell, it said BE MINE. Well that made me want to puke, but I was really hungry so I just ate the candy instead.

I was really happy when I realized only 7 guys left. So I am going to run by these pretty quick. Alec, got into college on a scholarship and loves tough girls. I hope he didn't mean his girlfriend can beat him up.

James was friendly, just smiled and waved, complimented me and left, I guess he was shy, so I have no idea what James is like, or even what he looks like hardly he left so fast.

Tim he was nice, nice hair, nice teeth, but he seemed out of it. "Heyyyyyy." he drawled, he was slumped over, hair unkept, and looked a bit hungover, or still drunk possibly. "I'm , I'm , T - tim." He hooted wailed with laughter. Yes he was drunk.

A carrot top came out next. "I'm Andy." he grinned broadly and complimented me, I was really getting tired of this.

But I couldn't help but mutter ever so quietly, "Andy Cohen's got the 411 king, king of midnight fun." It sounds kind of wrong, but Andy has a talk show at midnight

on the Bravo channel and he is awesome...yah google him or something.

"I love Andy Cohen!" Andy blurted. "I mean, I'm not gay, but you get it, I really am I fan..." He was turning really red, I laughed. (Not meanly ! Yeesh.)

"It's okay, I get it. I really just think that theme song is incredibly catchy."

He was still really embarrassed. "Alright see you."

A big dude came out, his muscles bulged from his suit, his buzz cut made me immediately realize he must be in the army.

"What branch?" I immediately asked.

"Army. Is it that easy to tell?" His eyes twinkled. Ugh, did I just say twinkle? Stars twinkle!

"Yeah, well thanks for everything you do." That just seems like the appropriate thing to say to a soldier!

"It's an honor. I'm Jason. You look lovely Max."

"Thanks." I smiled, if this guy was using his time off to be on the Bachelorette, I could at least be friendly.

He walked off and a older guy walked out.

"Hey you look awesome babe." He winked at me.

"Excuse me?" I got my total look on, hands on hips and my glare that made you wish you were dead.

"You look really hot."

He was apparently not catching my drift. "Quit that! Before I smash your face in."

At this point Chris came out and told me to try to approach him more kindly. Psh! Just like real life! I meant every word I said. "Fine."

For the second time around I just gritted through my teeth, "You can go inside now." I emphasized now and he oh so arrogantly waltzed inside.

Still, he couldn't crush my mood I was on the last guy!

A tall, olive skinned, shaggy black hair covering his eyes trudged towards me. Was he emo?

"I'm Fang." He quietly mumbled.

"Oh that's cool."

"..."

"Who are you?" He said finally.

I was surprised, every other guy just knew my name automatically. "Max."

"That's nice."

I nodded.

"Do I go inside now?" He asked.

"If you want too." I answered unsure.

"Okay." He walked off without another word.

I am in for a rough party.

Hope you liked it :) I did as best I could to vary personalities, don't kill yourself trying to remember all the names, I can barley remember when I actually watch the show. But a bunch of people get sent home at once, so yeah. I actually had to keep a list so I don't forget anyone! Okay well reviews are very much appreciated! :)