Author's Disclaimer: Much as I wish I owned Labyrinth, I do not, so that continues to be said. Otherwise, I can't thank everyone who has reviewed the chapters thus far, as it is greatly appreciated. I hope you will like this chapter, as we finally have a small taste of the other significant character whom we all love so much (JaneDoe1997, you are well aware). Also, as with the occasional Jane Austen references, you can also expect other ones, this time from The Princess Bride and Monty Python.

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Chapter 3: Help?

Never again. Never again would she ask for help from that ridiculous, pompous, physics-loving professor of a person. Never again. Period. What had she gotten herself into?

Professor Professes, while not pleased with how his name sounded in that way, still had some things to be pleased about. One, that his initials could spell PHD from inside out in both directions, but more importantly, he still was a superior teacher showing everyone why physics was the most important thing in the world. In addition, over time, he had gathered a number of followers who believed everything he said. One such paragon of virtue was Richard Richards, another person who suffered from name issues, but really, what did names have anything to do with physics? Poor Richard simply suffered from having a rather odd, delusional mother, as he did. And, for another thing, why did so many people take Dick's nickname in the wrong, perverted way? For decades, Dick had been a respectable name. Take Dick Clark for example. Perfectly fine way to use Dick as a name. So why did this Dick have so many issues? It wasn't as if he did anything wrong or terrible. To the contrary, he was his most loyal follower, and due to his personality, was even better at teaching since he had perfected his dry, stiff tone, best used for such formal, important information being given. And better, he could do all the math in his head, so he could claim all-knowing powers with regard to physics. It was therefore only proper that Sarah, one of his favorite students, should be given to the person who could show her the way back to worshipping and understanding physics.

Sarah had to disagree. Dick had well-earned his name. Only one person could be more pompous, more nosy, more arrogant, least helpful, and overall such a dick as to deserve the title. He really ought to get a reward of some sort, to show how much he really could not help students, only antagonizing and belittling students until they were within an inch of sanity. But that was only her opinion.

Richard Richards, known to all and sundry as Dick Richards, was satisfied with his life. He was a graduate student in the best area ever, physics. Even better, he did all of his research under D.H., so he couldn't have found a better person to understand him. He was given the exquisite privilege of shaping young, idealistic minds about the many joys of physics. The only problem came when he had a student who didn't understand physics. Only a true idiot couldn't understand physics. And, occasionally, he was forced to work with them, in the hopes of proving that they were not an idiot, and that he was in fact the best teacher ever, besides D.H. of course. This, coupled with the fact that he knew best since he was a graduate student, allowed him to claim superior knowledge of all physics and how best to proceed with learning and conducting meetings.

Sarah's first meeting with him spoke volumes:

"You must be the troublesome student who doesn't understand basic physics. Don't worry, I'll have you back up to pace in no time, as it is quite easy, and only a true fool or English major wouldn't understand."

In her mind, she had some choice words. The main ones centered around "How dare he! Take that back! I'll show you how much English majors know!" When she actually replied, she said evenly, "I'm glad to hear it. I would like to not fail this class."

"Certainly not. No need. I'll make you smart. Physics is such an easy topic after all, endless hours of entertainment."

Sarah wanted to slap him across the face for having the nerve to say such things to her. Good thing she was desperate. Instead, she replied, "Well then, let the fun begin." She wasn't sure how much sarcasm she showed, but it didn't matter, as he seemed pleased with such a response.

"Well then, it is best to set up times to meet. I am free Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, from 12-2 all those days. Just come to my office, and we'll talk and take care of everything." With that, he proceeded to walk away, quite content with himself for graciously offering his help to another physics-deprived student to achieve greatness through physics.

Sarah could have bogged him. Right there. Or sent him to the labyrinth. It didn't matter. As long as it was far from her, and somewhere to make him realize just how little good or useful physics really was in the realm of magic. Oh, to see him meet the goblins, or worse, the Goblin King. Well, he probably wouldn't last around Jareth, as Jareth would probably confuse and scare him into oblivion. Better yet, he'd probably feel really inadequate after standing less than five minutes in front of him, watching Jareth strut and dance. That thought pleased her greatly, but upon realizing that the mind had taken up the idea of Jareth's adequacy and run rampant with it (she hadn't realized just how well Jareth could strut, or for that matter, how seductive he looked when he did the tango with her, up close and personal), she found herself silently cursing herself, Jareth, and her new tutor for making her think of the Goblin King to begin with.

Worse, she still had so many questions that she felt as though he was going to be receiving the Spanish Inquisition. She wouldn't mind doing that, as he certainly wouldn't expect it, and he really deserved it. He had never given his contact information (Was she a mind reader, certainly not, too dumb for that), nor told her where his office was (Do you happen to live in the physics lecture hall by chance? It only makes sense for someone who makes love to physics the way he did), or if she needed to bring anything (Just how useful are flashcards?). Also, was there no opportunity to change the hours? She happened to have class from 12-2 Monday through Thursday, so that would not work. Did he really think the whole world revolved around him? Obviously, he needed to have his head examined. Just a little loony.

She could just tell they weren't going to get along. He had no patience, no understanding, and no sympathy for her whatsoever. He just thought he could do as he pleased, as though she had nothing better to do than physics for the rest of her natural life. Because of him, she would have to ask her professor how to get a hold of him, which would involve making her look like even more of an idiot than she wished to do, and she couldn't ask for another tutor, lest the professor think ill of her. This tutor was making her life difficult. He was the beginning of all her troubles; well technically, her professor was, but they were both so similar and lost to all rational thought that it didn't really matter who it was, only that they were going to change the course of her life. She had no idea how true it was.

Meanwhile, in the castle beyond the Goblin City:

Jareth was not having a good day; it was just one of those days. Even the goblins, who normally played in the throne room, were not at all to be found in their normal haunts, in order to avoid their king. The threat of immediate bogging, having the chickens be bogged, and then have them be the goblins' dinner was not a pleasant prospect. Jareth was furious, as only jealous fae kings can get.

When he wasn't staring into crystals to see what was happening to Sarah, he was furiously strutting across the floor, attempting to create a moat around his throne, thus blocking off the goblins from getting to him. He had been trying to get bloodthirsty piranhas and electric eels for some time, but couldn't convince the goblins to go find them, and he was far too lazy to get them until the moat was done. The prospects just weren't pleasant, not one bit.

He was getting impatient to see Sarah, with still no reason to go Aboveground without drawing Sarah's immediate suspicion, and matters weren't being helped by the fact that she desperately needed him, whether or not she was willing to admit it. She needed someone who would truly understand her and be able to help her, and that Richards fellow was not the man to do it, by any means. First, he had no understanding of Sarah, or how to help her, as he only cared about physics. Worse, he was actually insulting her intellect, which he did not approve of. Worst of all, that pathetic excuse for a male tutor actually had full access to his Sarah, seeing her at least three days a week, most likely for six hours a week, time that ought to be spent with him. It would not do, something had to be done. He almost sent the goblins to go and visit the new tutor in order to scare him away, but instead sent a bunch of rabid flying squirrels into the guy's house, for good measure. No matter, he would plan, make himself known somehow, and take care of that little pretender, while still bringing home his bride.

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Author's Notes: As I rather new to posting stories, I have made it a goal to respond each person's review. However, being a newbie, I am not aware and/or able to respond to each person's review as I'd like, so if you reviewed my last chapter and did not receive a message from me, I will attempt to add something down here to show my thanks. As always, all feedback, good and bad, is appreciated!

FelineGrace: I'm so glad you love it! :D I am doing my best to update the story every week, so hopefully that isn't too long or boring to wait. Thanks!

MizzFizz: It's good to know you find it so amusing. Taking out anger through writing is a lot of fun, and I'm glad I'm not the only one laughing at it. I hope you will find this one amusing as well. Thanks so much!