Chapter 3- Getting Closer
A/N: okay, here's another chapter! It's still kind of slow through the next couple of chapters just because Rian has to get used to all this new weirdness of having people to be friends with...but it will pick up, I promise! :) oh, and I own nothing of Harry Potter--sadly. alrighty, enjoy!
Looking for something I've never seen
Alone and I'm in between
The place that I'm from and
The place that I'm in
A city I've never been
Trust Me-The Fray
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"Oi, Rian, wait up!" I heard Sirius call from behind me.
I groaned inwardly and picked up my pace. Sirius hadn't given up on trying to help me. And by help he meant getting me to tell him why someone had used me as a canvas to paint a rainbow. I had made sure to keep my sleeves rolled down at all times and I tried my best to avoid him. But the prat kept materializing out of thin air wherever I was. It was creepy how he knew exactly where I was. It had been going on for a month now and I was getting sick of it.
"Hey, slow down!" he said, catching up with me.
"Go away," I snapped at him. "I told you, it's nothing to be concerned about. If it was, do you think I'd really be stupid enough not to get help?" I asked him.
"No, but I do you think you'd be scared enough," he replied. I turned a corner to a deserted corridor and picked up my pace even more. I was practically jogging now.
"Sirius, leave me alone!" I said loudly. The Prewett twins had a bad influence on me—a month ago I wouldn't have been able to look Sirius in the eye, now I was glaring him down.
"Why won't you let me help you?" he asked.
"Why do you want to so badly?" I countered. He paused and I could tell he was wondering the same thing. "Exactly. You don't have a reason. So go away."
"Why won't you let someone else help you then?" he pressed on. "You seem to be getting on well with the Prewetts, I'm sure they would be interested to know why someone would want to hurt you."
"It's not any of their business either, so just leave them out of it," I said, spinning round to face him. My abrupt stop caught him by surprise and he stumbled a little as he tried to stop, too.
"Then whose business is it?" he asked. "You need help, Rian."
"I need help? What, just because I have few bruises?" I scoffed, determined to make him leave alone once and for all.
"A few bruises?" he asked incredulously. And before I could stop him, his hand shot out, grabbed my wrist, and he pushed my sleeve back to my elbow. "Look at that, Rian! Does that look like 'a few bruises'?"
I didn't answer him because I couldn't. He was displaying my humiliation and making me see what it was. I knew and he knew, and we both knew that the other knew, but for him to force me to face it was just so unfair. It was yet another example of how weak I was—I couldn't protect myself and I couldn't hide. What good was I?
"Rian, you are so very delusional if you think that this is nothing," Sirius said heatedly. "I'd hate to see what the rest of you looks like." I all but flinched at that because he was right. The rest of me was just as ugly as my arm.
"Why do you care?" I asked softly. "You don't know me, you don't have a stake in what happens to me. So, why, all of a sudden, do you care so much?"
He didn't answer for a minute. Something passed through eyes—pain? Understanding? I wasn't sure, but he dropped my arm and said quietly, "I can't tell you that. But I can tell you that the way you're being treated is wrong and you need help."
He turned and walked away from me. I stayed there, wondering how someone who knew so little about me could see so much. And what was he hiding that he couldn't tell me? I highly doubted that the great Sirius Black would have ever allowed himself to be treated in the same manner that I had. He was strong and stubborn, how could he know anything of the life I lived?
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The first Hogsmeade trip was at the end of October. I liked going to Hogsmeade and rummaging through all the little shops they had. It was all very magical—pardon the pun—and it never ceased to be amazing. Of course, I usually did all my exploring alone, never before having friends to go with.
I had been getting used to Fabian and Gideon's ever present presence and I found that I liked being around them more and more. They were endlessly entertaining and yet I found them very easy to talk to. I told them about growing up as a muggle and about my father being a Squib. They, in turn, told me about all the trouble they'd gotten into as kids—things like stealing their mum's wand or playing with the floo powder, even when they weren't supposed to. The conversations we had sometimes bordered on serious topics, but then one of them always said something to lighten the mood and that was that.
Now I stood in front of the mirror, looking at my reflection. I always fretted over what to wear when we didn't have to wear our uniforms. Not that I didn't have clothes to wear, I just never seemed to fill them out the way I should. I was a petit person to begin with—standing at five foot five inches and I weighed just under one-hundred and twenty pounds on a good day. I desperately wished I could gain weight because I knew how sickly I looked most of the time. It was always worst at the beginning of the new term because I'd have spent a summer eating only what Mack would give me, which was never much. Sometimes even the smallest sizes of clothes hung baggy on my thin frame and it always bothered me. During lessons it was easier to hide because of my robe.
My face was oval shaped and I rarely ever wore make-up. I looked fairly plain, I thought. My skin was good and I had an average sized, normal looking nose. My lips were neither thin nor full, just average. My eyes were a greenish-gray and I had dead-straight ashy blonde hair that fell half-way down my back. I usually wore it tied up in a messy knot at the back of my head to keep it out of my face.
I sighed, taking one last glance at my reflection, and headed downstairs. I half-expected nobody to be waiting for me, but I should have known better. Fabian and Gideon never missed an opportunity to harass me with their company. And sure enough they were there, waiting.
"Ah, there's our perky little friend!" Fabian exclaimed when he saw me. "Are you ready for an unforgettable day in Hogsmeade?"
"As ready as I'll ever be," I laughed.
"Well, then, let's not waste any more time," Gideon said.
And with that we made our way out. It was indeed a day to remember. The Prewett twins were, as always, entertaining. We stopped in at Honeydukes first where they insisted that I buy loads of sweets, just as they were.
"But I don't like all that sugar," I protested, as they kept handing things to me.
"Who doesn't like a good overdose of sugar?" Gideon asked as though I were crazy. "It's not going to kill you, Rian. Besides, you could use some junk food. I mean, look at you! You'd think you were on some sort of crazed diet."
"What my insensitive, lesser half means to say is that you shouldn't worry about what you eat," Fabian added, punching his brother in the arm.
"No, you're misunderstanding," I said, shaking my head. "It's not that I don't like sugar because I think it's unhealthy. I don't like it because it doesn't sit well with me."
"Well, what about chocolate? Every girl loves chocolate, right?" Gideon asked, loading a bunch of chocolate frogs into my arms.
I shook my head, but didn't say anything. I knew it was pointless to argue with them because I'd be outnumbered every time. So I allowed them to fill my arms with sweets of all kinds, figuring I could pawn some of it off on my dorm mates. After we paid for the candy, they led me down the street and into the joke shop. The two boys had me in stitches over the way they acted. They didn't need anything from the joke shop and yet they still left with a bagful of tricks and jokes.
"I swear, I've never laughed so hard in my entire life," I said, still giggling. I couldn't actually remember the last time I'd laugh so carelessly.
"Yes, well, we live to entertain and you my dear are the perfect audience!" Fabian exclaimed.
"And why is that?" I asked.
"For the sole reason that you are so very entertained by us!" Gideon told me, as Fabian grabbed my hand.
He began to do some sort of weird impromptu waltz thing down the street. And even though we were attracting quite a bit of attention, I couldn't have cared less because I was having too good of a time. I was laughing, a pure happy sound that hadn't escaped my lips in years, as Fabian began to twirl me round and round. He brought me close to him and then spun me out. But he spun me too fast and our hands disconnected. I went flailing backwards, stumbling and laughing, trying to find my balance again. But I hit someone as I was falling and he steadied me. I turned and saw the Marauders there, having been walking in the opposite direction.
"Oh, Sirius! I'm so sorry," I laughed. "I didn't mean to bump into you."
"That's quite alright," he replied, smiling. "You seem to be having a good time."
"What? Oh yes, Fabian and Gideon were just showing me the true wonders of the village!" I said dramatically. "It's been quite the day."
"I can see that," Sirius laughed.
"Yeah, Rian, I don't think I've seen you laugh this much since the accident," James said smiling too. The laughter died from my voice almost immediately.
"What accident?" Fabian asked as he and Gideon reached us. I gave James a look, trying to get him to shut up without having anyone else realize what I was doing. Unfortunately for me, Sirius was watching me closely.
"Oh, er, just something that happened years ago. Nothing to get riled up over," James said quickly, realizing his mistake. "Right, Rian?"
"Right," I said, all smiles again. "Well, again, I'm sorry for crashing into you guys. We'll see you later!" And with that, I seized the Prewett twins by the hands and dragged them down the street.
"Whoa! What's the hurry?" Gideon asked laughing.
"You still have half a day to entertain me! Don't tell me you guys are done," I said, trying to subtly change the subject.
They went along with it and we continued our fun. We stopped in the Three Broomsticks and I had fun watching the two of them harass an amused looking Madame Rosmerta. After a couple of butterbeers, we went up to the Shrieking Shack and the two of them told me the ghost story about the monster that supposedly lived there. I'd heard it all before, of course, but it was definitely much more engaging with the two of them telling the tale.
By the time we reached the common room later that day, I was well worn from laughing so much. Fabian and Gideon seemed rather pleased with themselves at having kept me so thoroughly entertained for the whole day and kept congratulating each other. I left them there in the common room, in all their ridiculousness, and took my bags up to my dorm. I was still chuckling to myself as I opened the door to the dorm, their voices drifted up after me.
"You seem in a rather good mood, Rian," Lily said as I set my things on my bed.
"Oh, yes, well, the Prewett twins took it upon themselves to show me Hogsmeade as they know it," I said smiling. "And it is definitely a different village with those two as the tour guides."
"I would imagine so," she said, exchanging a look with Alice that didn't go unnoticed by me.
"What?" I asked curiously.
"Nothing," Alice said quickly, but when I just looked at her she went on. "It's just that, well, you seem different Rian."
"Different?"
"In a good way! You seem," she paused and tilted her head to the side, as though she couldn't think of the right way to describe it. Finally she decided on, "happy. You seem happy."
I frowned as I thought about this. "And I didn't seem happy before?"
"Well, not really. I mean, nobody has ever really gotten to know you, have they? And it just seems that the Prewett twins, well, they bring out a better side of you," she replied, with a smile. "I like this new Rian."
"Er, thank you?" I said, unsure of how I was supposed to respond.
"Listen, what d'you say to some girl time, with Lily and me?" Alice said, after exchanging another look with Lily. "Tonight? Marlene and Rachel won't be here," she added, referring to other dorm mates. "They'll be too busy with their boyfriends."
"It'll be fun," Lily promised me with a smile. "I mean, we've been talking, Alice and me I mean, and we don't really know you. And you don't really know us. It could be good bonding time."
"What d'ya say?" Alice asked.
I looked at the two girls before me, so eager to get to know me now that I was this 'new' Rian. But I had to admit, I kind of liked the idea. "Okay, sure, I'm in," I said.
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Later that night, I was beginning to regret this whole girl-time-bonding thing. I got along great with Fabian and Gideon because they didn't press for information. They didn't pry for anything more than I was willing to give. And I loved that about them. Apparently, for Lily and Alice, girl time meant gossiping and spilling things about their lives. I wasn't good at that.
"So, Rian, tell us about you," Alice said, jumping onto my bed and wriggling to get comfortable. "What is your story?"
"My story?" I asked.
"Yeah, you know, what was your life like before Hogwarts?" she asked.
"Well, I grew up near a wizarding village, although I didn't know that until I got my letter to Hogwarts. My father was a Squib, but he didn't want to be too far from the world he grew up in," I said, shrugging. "I actually grew up with James Potter," I added and they both just looked at me.
"You knew James when he was little?" Alice asked, a wolfish look in her eyes, as Lily jumped onto my bed too.
"Yes, we played together all the time, but I never knew he was a wizard until the letter from Hogwarts came," I told them. "The Potters are old friends of my family."
"And was Potter nearly as pigheaded back then as he is now?" Lily asked.
"No, and I don't think he's really all that pigheaded now, either," I said honestly.
"Are you kidding me?" Lily asked, incredulously.
"Well, he only makes an arse of himself when he's around you because he likes you so much," I said. "I mean, when you're not around he's really quite normal. At least, as far as I've seen."
"This is priceless," Alice was mumbling to herself. Lily and I turned to look at her. "Lily, imagine all the stories Rian can tell us about James Potter! We will have ammo against him until we graduate! We really should have become friends before now," she said to me.
There it was again, that word—friend. People threw it around like it was some casual term, but for me it was anything but. I wondered if they really wanted to be my friends or if they were just being nice.
"So then, what happened to your father?" Alice was asking me now.
"Come again?"
"You said he was a Squib, that implies that he's not anymore," she said, matter-of-factly. "So what happened?"
"Oh, well," I paused, unsure of what I should say. Nobody but James knew about the accident and I wasn't sure that I wanted anyone else to know. But I couldn't lie either and they were both looking at me expectantly. "My parents died in a car accident just before I started at Hogwarts first year."
"Oh, Rian, I'm so sorry," Alice said, sitting up. "That's just terrible!"
"Yeah, it was," I said quietly. "It was a drunk driving crash, I was the only survivor. We'd been on our way home after shopping for all my Hogwarts supplies. It was late, we live a long way from London, and it was dark. The other driver was totally tanked and he blew right through the intersection. They said my parents died on impact and it was a miracle that I survived. I actually walked away from the wreck with just a few scratches, no serious injuries."
Lily and Alice sat there, listening to me relive the single most awful moment in my life. Listening to how I should have been dead too, but because I was witch and I couldn't control my powers at the time and I had just reacted, well, I was saved from an untimely death. If only father hadn't been a Squib, then maybe he and my mom would still be here and I wouldn't be stuck with Mack. I looked up at the two girls before me and they seemed to be struggling for words to say.
"I was saved because of the fact that I'm witch, so I should be grateful, I suppose," I said.
"You're not?" Lily asked. "Grateful that you weren't killed?"
"Part of me is, but there's a part of me that wishes I could have saved them too," I replied, looking down at my hands. "It's hard when you're the only magical person in the family and you can't do anything to help."
"I know what you mean," Lily said gently. "My sister and I, we don't get on very well anymore because I'm a witch and she's not. She refuses to talk to me because I have something she doesn't. And I would give anything to change that because we used to be so close. It really does suck when you're the odd one out."
I looked up at her, studying her pretty face. I wanted to tell her that the stories weren't connected—she still had her parents who doted on her. I knew they did because Lily was worth being praised and proud of. But if I said anything I'd have to explain about Mack and that just wasn't an option. Besides, I suppose the stories were related, in a way, and it did make me feel better to know that she had some of the same troubles that I did when it came to sibling relationships.
"So what happened after your parents died?" Alice asked. "I mean, where do you go during the holidays?"
"Oh, well, my brother's been taking care of me since then," I said, with no expression in my voice. "He's seven years older than me and my parents named him guardian if anything should have happened to them. He and I don't get along very well most of the time, but he's my brother."
"Well, as I said, I'm very sorry that your parents died and in such a gruesome way," Alice said sincerely. I smiled at her.
"Thank you, that means a lot," I told her. And it did.
"I think we should talk about something that will lighten this gloomy mood!" she said, smiling brightly. "I'm sure that you are dying to know whether or not dear Lily over here truly hates James Potter as much as she says she does, aren't you Rian? I know I am," she added, turning to grin at a flustered Lily.
"Of course I hate Potter! Why in Merlin's name would you think any differently?" she asked affronted. "He's nothing but an annoying little toe-rag and he will never be anything but that!"
"I'd say she's a little a defensive, wouldn't you?" Alice asked, nudging me.
"You know," I spoke up, "denial is the first sign of attraction." I said this with no inflection, just as a fact.
Alice looked at me and then she burst out laughing. She reminded me of Sirius that day on the train, when he had laughed and laughed at me because of what I'd said. Lily grew even redder and began spluttering nonsense, not able to make a coherent sentence.
"Oh Merlin, no wonder the Prewett twins took such an interest in you, Rian," she choked out between guffaws. "You are bloody hilarious!"
"Well, it's true," I said, feeling defensive, but not in a bad way. "Lily denies that she likes James, vehemently I might add, because she can't come to terms with the possibility that she just may like him. It's a fact," I said and Alice howled with laughter even louder.
"That is—I mean, really—how could you—" Lily continued splutter at me.
And as I watched the two girls, I felt something bubble up inside me. A giggle escaped my lips as I watched Alice turn purple from laughing so hard. Lily was beet red from trying to defend herself against my words, but she was doing a poor job. And the sight of the two polar opposite reactions was making me laugh.
"You're hysterical, Rian," Alice said ten minutes later when we could all speak normally again.
"Oh yes, so funny," Lily said, sticking out her tongue good-naturedly at us.
And as much as I hated to admit it, I found myself with two more friends that night. I wasn't nearly as inept at getting along with other people as I thought I would be.
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hmm...she's just a friend making machine, isn't she? And what about Sirius? what is his unhealthy obsession with her? (okay, so maybe it's not an obsession, but whatever...) anyway, the review button is right below this and I would love to know what you think!! :p
