This is...unfair.
It was a hard, unnatural thought.
God Above and Brimir From Across The Sea, give us the Serenity to accept what cannot be changed...
Siesta's family home had a brilliant embroidery of that old saying, hung above the front door. It was her mother's work, celebrating her marriage, and Siesta had loved it even before she'd learned what it said.
I don't have to beat your Valkyries, I just have to beat you!
Most things in life were beyond your control. You could be born a Noble, or a commoner. You could be rich, or poor. Your harvest could succeed, or fail. Childbirth could be easy, or hard. That was luck, no other word for it.
Unless you liked "fate".
I'll tell you what I told Louise...
You have to take the bad with the good, and accept it all with a smile.
Power isn't an excuse to act superior! You have to use your strength to protect people, or what's the point?
Why be bitter, when you could be content? Why be sad when you could be happy? Why get angry about what no one had decided, and what couldn't be changed anyway?
I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I don't go back on my word.
"Because you felt like it"? What kind of answer was that?
That's my way of the ninja!
And what, by Brimir and the deep blue sea, was a 'ninja' anyway?
As soon as the word had come down that the weird new familiar-Noble-thing was sick and needed a nurse, Siesta had volunteered. She'd argued that as the eldest of eight children, she already had all the experience she needed. That hadn't quite been true; changing a baby was different than changing a teenage boy.
In a number of ways.
Take the good with the bad, and accept it all with a smile, right? Under other circumstances, maybe. But every moment she spent with his sleeping form was cut through with sick dread: what if he dies?
And if he lives, what will he do next?
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
I'm not going to snap at him when he wakes up. I'll just calmly accept his apology and take him to class, like a normal familiar.
It wasn't quite a prayer; Louise had been raised to rely on her own strength. Call it...an intention. It hadn't been her plan at first, but...
On the first day, he hadn't woken up. Louise had gone straight to the Headmaster and conscripted a maid, to feed him and...clean up.
On the second day, Miss de Godoy had come and gone. She'd said that familiars fell outside her responsibilities as school nurse, and anyway he was physically fine and would probably wake up at any minute.
On the third day she'd skipped all her classes, ridden into town, and browbeaten a healer into riding back with her. He'd spent an hour in a trance, cursing under his breath, and said a lot of things she hadn't understood about tidal rhythms and confluences. The essence of it was that her familiar had more life energy than anyone he'd ever heard of, maybe more than anyone ever, but it wasn't flowing properly. He'd opined that the problem would probably fix itself, and wouldn't waive his outrageous fee even though he hadn't done anything.
Two more days had passed since then.
Everyone's saying the same thing – any minute now, he'll wake up. My familiar and I will go to class together, and everything will be fine.
Her resolution, when it was finally tested, lasted almost 15 seconds.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
No roof this time.
It was early morning, if you could trust the sun around here to work like the one back home. He was lying in a simpler version of Louise's bed, without the curtains or ceiling. That was to his left, and Louise herself...
"You're alive!"
...was to his right. Her eyes were red, her expression split between relief and fury.
"Yeah. And I feel...pretty good!" Naruto gave an experimental stretch, then an experimental handstand, then an experimental leaping-onto-the-ceiling-and-hanging-there-from-one-foot. "A good night's sleep, that's all I needed."
"A good. Night's. Sleep?" she ground out, each word perfectly clear despite her clenched teeth. "You've been unconscious for five days!"
"Oh."
"Yes." Louise hissed. "Oh. No more summoning, all right? That's an absolute order!"
Hey, I'll summon if I want to! But Naruto bit his tongue. This wasn't like the Sexy no Jutsu; Louise had a point. And doing stupid things when you knew they were stupid things was just stupid. But...five days?
"I've..I've never been out that long before, not even after..." he trailed off.
Louise ignored his unease, or maybe just didn't notice. "Exactly! If you did it again - " she swallowed. "You might die. As my familiar, that's forbidden, even more than your perverted technique!"
Naruto chuckled, despite himself. "Ok, ok. No more summoning, no more sexy no jutsu." Unless I really need it, or it would be really funny.
"And do you understand, now, what I told you before?"
"Uh, about what? A lot's happened."
"About our relationship. As Master and Familiar, I mean! The gap between your world and mine."
Naruto nodded. "That I used that much chakra and still failed...yeah, I get it. They're really far apart. I didn't feel the seal respond, not even a little. In fact..." Naruto detached himself from the ceiling, and feel into a crouch on Louise's desk to look her in the eye. She recoiled, looking away shyly.
Naruto scrunched his face up, thinking. "You're the one who summoned me, right? I mean, it wasn't some contract with a god or demon or whatever, and they did the actual summoning part?"
"Not at all! It was entirely my own strength! You are my own familiar, the one best-suited to me!"
"Huh." Naruto grinned. "Ok, I get it. Then you must be...a genius!"
She recoiled all the way out of her chair, halfway across the room. "W-what!"
Nodding, Naruto expanded. "Yeah, I get it now. That old guy said no one'd ever summoned a person before, just mice or birds or whatever. And they all come from this world, right? So for you to summon me all that way - you must really be something special!"
Louise was blushing and stammering, completely at a loss. Shy one minute, yelling the next - I don't get this girl at all. Oh well, whatever. "I mean, I already sorta knew you were super-cool, 'cause you're my age instead of being old like everyone else. And you summoned me, and I'm great, so if you summoned me then you must be great too, right?" Naruto gave himself one more decisive nod, grinning. Ah, my old enemy Logic - this time, you're on my side! But Logic was a backstabbing bastard: Louise was glaring again.
"I'm sixteen! Second year, like everyone else!"
"Really? 'Cause, uh..." his eyes strayed to her chest, before his Jiraiya-honed survival instincts cut in. Oh. 'Every lady wants you to think she's 18. Never say otherwise!' So Naruto forged ahead: "The point is, you're super-powerful, right?"
As expected, that calmed her down some. "The power of Louise de la Vallière has only started to show itself!"
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Their tentative new truce lasted until breakfast.
They stopped outside the Awesome Hall, forming a little eddy in the stream of hungry nobles. Inside, Naruto could smell something roasting, could almost hear the rich fat dripping from - Louise broke into his reverie with a gesture, expression grave.
"This is where we separate. I've made special arrangements for you with the serving staff. Just walk through that little door to the side, and follow the hallway to the kitchen."
Special arrangements, huh? Nice. Then Naruto caught up with the rest of what he'd heard. "Wait, I have to eat in the kitchen? This is bullshit!"
"It's your fault for being so weird. If you were a normal Noble you could come in and eat with us, but – "
"You're still on that? Don't tell me I have to duel you too?"
"You'd duel your own Master?"
Naruto blinked. "Hey, that's right, I'm your familiar! Shouldn't I always be by your side so I can fight your enemies, or something?"
"Familiars aren't allowed in the hall anyway; that would be disgusting. If you like being a familiar so much, go eat in the stables!"
"Ugh. I'm gonna go see that Osmond guy." His stomach rumbled; well, okay. "Right after breakfast."
"Why would – never mind. After breakfast, you will accompany me to class. Meet me back here in an hour, when the bell rings four times."
Naruto wanted to argue, but – hell, I can just send a clone, right? Be patient. "Sure, fine, four bells, got it."
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
The atmosphere in the kitchen was...wild.
A dozen people, three different uniforms, all running at top speed between the ovens and the doors. It should have been a disaster, with a dozen delicious-looking crashes, but somehow they all wove around each other perfectly. It was like watching a taijutsu kata – or a well-functioning team.
That lasted until they noticed him. The controlled chaos didn't stop, of course – they had hungry nobles to feed. But somehow, regardless of what everyone was doing, everyone had an eye on him.
Just like his last breakfast. Or the duel. Damn it. Everywhere I go around here, it's like I'm on display. Oh well, here we go...
"Hey everybody. I heard I could get some food here, if that's cool."
Everyone turned to look a man in the back. He was huge, his knife was huge, and he was using it to carve up a chicken. Bones and all, from what Naruto could see. He looked Naruto up and down, and nodded.
"You're the new Noble, right?"
Ugh. Be patient... "No, but close enough I guess. Could I get some food?"
Big Knife Man smiled a secret little smile. "Sure. Pick something out for him, would you Siesta?"
One of the maids detached herself from the swirling mob, and shyly led him to a table in one corner. Her platter was piled with chicken legs.
"Please, take as many as you want."
"You sure?"
"Of course! We always have enough for everyone, it's a point of pride!"
"Ok then! I won't hold back!" Naruto grinned, and dug in.
Sixty seconds later, the platter was empty. He'd wanted to at least put back the bones, but Siesta – her expression progressively more and more awestruck – insisted on leaving them in the stewpot.
Even that wasn't enough to break the breakfast machine's smooth efficiency. Not quite. But maybe they were all just a little slower inside the kitchen, and maybe a few more of them passed by that overloaded stewpot than strictly had to. Maybe.
The head chef Marteau summed it up: "I dunno if you're a mage or what, kid, but I'll tell you this: you're sure no Noble."
Naruto beamed. Finally!
"Not with table manners like that."
Laughter rocked the room, but it was friendly laughter. That was worth something, right?
Marteau put a hand on his shoulder, smiling fondly. "Don't make that face, kid. You look like a commoner, you fight like a Noble, and you talk like a crazy person – what are we supposed to think? We had to know what we were getting into, letting you into our kitchen!"
Put that way, it made a sort of twisted sense. But Siesta didn't agree: "Don't listen to him, Mr. Naruto! I knew right from the start that you weren't anyone bad."
Marteau roared out another laugh. "Well, if Siesta likes you then I'm willing to trust in that. She's the one who picked out your clothes, you know."
Soft loose black pants and a tight grey shirt – he hadn't paid it that much attention, to be honest. Blushing, Siesta spoke up: "It's one of the old trainee uniforms, for fighters in the Queen's service. It's nothing much, but – "
"It sure beats fighting in my pajamas. Thanks, Siesta."
She smiled at him again, under her lashes. "Of course!"
Marteau was chopping carrots, now, but that didn't stop him from turning half-around to rejoin the conversation. "Anyway, Naruto, is it true that you're from another world?"
"Yeah. Hey, could I have some more chicken?"
"Hahah! No problems adjusting, it sounds like?"
Naruto laughed. "You know, it's weird, but I think being a ninja was good training for this. You're always getting into these crazy situations where you just kinda have to roll with it. Like, the first time I ever left my village, we thought we just had to protect this bridge-builder..."
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Professor Colbert came bounding, bounding into Osmond's office, beaming widely. What in the world...? But it didn't matter, not really. "Have a seat, Jean; there's something I have to tell you."
"Oh, there's no need, I've already heard! The fa – ah, Naruto's awake! He was sighted, well, fighting with Miss Vallière outside the Great Hall this morning. I suppose it's not an auspicious new beginning, but – "
"I'm sorry, Jean, but that's not why you're here. I've received a letter from the Palace." He held it out, eyes downcast.
Jean skimmed the letter quickly, then doubled back to the top, frowning. Any moment now, he'll figure it out for himself... "30 new gold per barrel is an amazing price, but they don't say what they're asking us to synthesize. Just, 'the substance we discussed...before...'" Colbert trailed off. Swallowed. Finally, he managed to say, "Not gunpowder? Surely..."
Gunpowder: the most terrible invention of the last two centuries. One pistol could turn any peasant into a deadly assassin. One cannon could knock down a castle wall, no matter how ill-bred its handlers. Any Noble could defeat such tactics, given some time to prepare...but there were ten peasants for every Noble.
Mazarin hadn't forgotten that; he'd been one of the finest students Osmond had ever taught. He knew exactly what he was doing, and didn't care. That meant...
"It's Reconquista, Jean. The Palace is convinced that they'll win. Prince Wales was the last of Albion's nobility, and even he's dropped out of sight. Soon, the revolution will be over. And once they've had a chance to consolidate..."
Jean nodded, face grey. "They'll come for us. The 'little country' first, then ally with one large power to attack the other."
"Right. This is different from five years ago; I'm not going to be able to weasel out of this. More to the point, sooner or later they'll remember you specifically. I'll push your responsibilities as teacher as far as I can, but..."
But Jean's Fire-Fire-Earth combination was perfect for this sort of work. But Jean was a noted researcher and inventor, even if all his inventions were useless. But some people certainly remembered the Flame Snake from 20 years ago.
Even trying to keep him out of this was probably treason, now that Osmond stopped to think about it.
Well, that was too bad. Patriotism was a fine thing, in moderation; Osmond didn't have the stamina to overdo anything anymore.
"You don't have to do anything yet, and there's still a chance that none of this will fall on you at all. But I wanted to warn you. Try not to lose any sleep."
Jean nodded heavily. Opened his mouth, closed it, finally settled on "Thank you." He stood, walked past Miss Loungeville without seeing her (a tragic shame, in that dress)
With his hand on the heavy brass doorknob, Colbert stopped. Without turning around, he said in a lost little voice, "Do you think it's a coincidence, Osmond? That just at this moment, the 'Shield – "
"I understand you." Probably no one was listening, but why take risks? "I think...that nothing ever happens for just one reason. Or as quickly as you'd want it to."
Jean nodded, accepting that on all its levels. The door swung shut behind him.
And if God wanted us to uncover the Holy Land, His servant Brimir would have managed it six thousand years ago.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
The Academy bell rang, five sonorous tones.
" – decided she wanted to go on being an actress even though she was really a princess all along, and I was asleep I guess, but it turned out – wait a sec."
As the servants went about their morning tasks, his audience had dwindled to just the cooks (who could work and listen) and Siesta (who didn't seem to have anything better to do). So at least there weren't too many witnesses around when he said, "So, uh, what happens with five bells? Is it before four bells, like maybe it counts down?"
Marteau poked his head in from the pantry. "Sorry kid, four bells was an hour ago. You have a date or something?"
"Crap!" Naruto leaped to his feet. "I promised Louise I'd meet her. I've gotta go." With that, he sprinted for the door.
Marteau rocked back on his heels, nonplussed. "I was just joking..."
Naruto stopped, and turned. "So...anyone know where Louise would be now?" Marteau just laughed, but Siesta said, "She's in Iyer, so...History next, for her."
"Thanks!" Naruto turned toward the door again, checked, and turned back with a sigh. "Uh...could you show me the way?"
Siesta beamed. "Of course!"
The two of them scampered through the doorway; one frantic, one probably too happy for her own good. Marteau had almost relaxed when Naruto burst back through the door.
"I almost forgot, there's something important I need to ask you." Naruto gazed up at the head chef, eyes deadly serious. "Have you ever heard of something called 'ramen'?"
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Siesta led Naruto through the Academy at her best possible speed. She didn't dare bump into any Noble children, of course, but there were tricks to weaving through a stream of people and it wasn't hard to pull a smallish blond boy along behind her. Naruto would rather have just run along the ceiling, but he'd've had to wait for Siesta anyway, right?
They almost made it.
"Though those doors," Siesta was saying, over her shoulder, "you'll find Professor de Godoy's lecture hall. You've still got time – oh!"
A pair of arms wrapped around him. Something soft – two somethings soft – pressed into his back. There might have been more, but Naruto was running on instinct by then: he broke the grab and fled to his new favorite vantage point, good old reliable ceiling. He landed on all fours and scuttled back a bit, the better to get a look at his attacker.
Red hair. Dusky skin. Challenging expression. She was wearing the standard black-cloak-and-white shirt uniform, but it wasn't up the challenge of containing her...her. Which his position above her was giving him a really amazing view of. She followed his gaze and took a careful, deliberate breath, smile widening.
"Well. You're feeling better."
"Thanks?" Did that answer even make sense? Naruto had no idea; his brain was still catching up with his eyes. His Jiraiya-honed instincts were screaming DANGER, DANGER! This woman understands a man's weakness and will exploit it ruthlessly! Another part was suddenly wondering how bad that could really be, and a third part was thinking about Louise for some reason.
Another crowd was forming around them. A fourth part of him tried to complain about that, and was ruthlessly shouted down by the other three.
"She's talking to him, now? What does it mean?"
"Anyway, I can see you're in a hurry so I won't keep you. Come by my room this afternoon, and we can talk some more."
"The same thing it always means, idiot."
"It's three doors down from Louise, so you shouldn't have any trouble finding me. Don't be late." With another wink, she sauntered away.
"Damn it! Weird foreign mages have all the luck."
The crowd dispersed. Or, didn't disperse so much as wander after Kirche, panting or glaring. Naruto sighed, and detached himself from the ceiling.
"Ugh...it's not even lunchtime yet. My sensei was right..."
"About what?"
"Er...forget it." And before she could press him: "Come to think of it – we're almost to Louise's class, right? Just through those doors?" Siesta nodded tightly. "Then, if you have the time, would you help me out a little more? There's something else I wanted to do today..."
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Her familiar turned up just before her class began, looking rather frazzled.
"Hmph. So you finally showed up?"
He scratched the back of his head, smiling uneasily. "Yeah, sorry about that. We got to talking and I lost track of time."
That figured. Finding him a place with the servants really had been a master-stroke. He probably hadn't made that connection for himself, so: "If you enjoyed yourself that much, then I expect you won't have any more complaints about eating there in the future."
He had no reply. Louise nodded to herself – control, that was what it was all about.
The class itself was a good one, a lecture on the Gallian reign of King Charles VI – the current Mad King Joesph's great-grandfather. Louise liked History; if she put in the work, she always got high marks.
Her familiar, predictably, hated it.
Naruto wasn't even pretending to pay attention; when he wasn't looking out the window he was making faces at her, and when he wasn't doing that he was playing some kind of finger-lacing game with himself. Professor de Godoy didn't say anything, but Louise's temples throbbed every time his gaze passed over her stupid, ignorant...
He did try to defend himself, on the way to their next class: "At least I was quiet, right?"
Put that way it did sound miraculous, but it wasn't enough. "It was still distracting! As my familiar you're supposed to assist me in all things!"
"It's just some boring junk anyway. I didn't even listen in my history class, so why would I ca - " which was when Louise kicked him.
Which was when he dissolved into smoke.
A clone. He was never here.
He'd wanted to go to the Headmaster's office, and pretended to forget about it just so he could trick her like this. It was already too late to catch him, and anyway she had another class, but after that...after that, she'd find him, and he'd pay. It would take time, but that was fine.
The longer it took to find him, the more time she'd have to think up a suitable punishment.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"Oh, Taaabitha!"
Kirche didn't feel the least bit of shame, bursting into her friend's room unannounced. As long as it was her, Tabitha would never complain.
Well, she wouldn't have complained in any case, but Tabitha had a very pointed way of not complaining, once you learned how to pay attention to her. In any case it didn't matter; she was out of her room.
That was bad. She'd skipped her last class, and that was unusual enough, but why wouldn't she be in her room? Where else would she go? She didn't even go to town, except when Kirche forced her to.
Worrying like this...it's not a good mood to be in, before starting things up with a new boy. What's going on...
It wasn't hard to figure out; Tabitha kept her room very tidy, once you understood that "books everywhere" didn't count as a mess in her mind. The letter on her desk, under the Gallian royal seal, stuck out immediately.
She didn't hesitate. She picked it up, read it, read it again – it was just a few lines – and tucked it into her cleavage. Really, the right thing was to destroy it right away, but who knew? It might be useful later.
Mind racing, Kirche von Zerbst hurried back to her room, to pack and change into her traveling clothes.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"So that's the way it is. I'm sorry, Naruto, but neither I nor my best researchers have yet found any way to return you to your world."
"Aw, c'mon, that's – "
"This is old, old magic, I'm afraid; to unravel the work of six thousand years will take more than just one week."
They were in Osmond's office, of course, surrounded by books. Naruto didn't care for books, as a rule, and he couldn't read these ones anyway, but there was something reassuring about seeing them all here. Like, a guy with this many books could figure anything out, you just had to give him time to read them all.
"May I ask why you're so impatient? From your perspective this is only your second day, isn't it?"
Patience again. "That's true, but...what am I supposed to be doing? I'm a ninja, and that means we do stuff! We go out, take missions, fight people! Right now I'd even chase a cat!"
"At the moment, you're still Louise's familiar."
"I know that, but – "
"Which means that you should focus on things you can do for her. She needs you, whether she knows it or not."
Huh. That made some sense. But... "How?"
Osmond chuckled. "I'm sure something will suggest itself. As her familiar you're closer to her than anyone; you're better-placed to learn these things than I am."
After that, he was politely shown the door.
He didn't mind. Something I can do for Louise...He wouldn't know a reagent if he fell in one, and she didn't have any enemies, so...Something I can do for Louise. Think, think, think...
He wandered back to the kitchens, planning to ask the servants about it. They went everywhere, so they'd know some stuff, right? But Siesta collared him right away, asking for stories from his homeland, and how could he refuse to tell tales of his own greatness?
He was still there when he heard the explosion.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Both in one day. Osmond could hardly believe his good luck.
Miss Vallière had been summoned before him for blowing up a classroom. Again. Accidentally, he trusted, though if she kept it up he'd really begin to wonder. Anyway, he'd left her standing rigid before his desk, and was instead kneeling by the corner of his bookcase, whistling softly and ignoring her completely.
Anyone else would have asked what he was doing right away, but not little Louise. Oh well; that's why we make backup plans. With a little flicker of concentration, he gave Motsognir his cue.
His cute little mouse ran out from under the bookcase, ignoring his master entirely. Instead, he scurried up the lining of Miss Vallière's cloak to nestle comfortably on her shoulder.
That broke her, finally. "Ah...Headmaster Osmond?
Osmond turned the Smile on her, full force. "He's angry at me, that's the trouble. He's saying, 'this person I hardly know is still better than someone as cruel as you.'"
She blinked, wavering under the Smile. "What are you going to do?"
He nodded. Good girl, you asked the right question. Have a cookie! "That's the question, isn't it? I could run after him, trying to earn his forgiveness. Or I could come up with some punishment so terrible that he'd never disobey me again..."
"But there's another way."
"You see, he's my familiar, whether he likes it or not – whether I like it or not. So long as we're connected, we live one shared life instead of two separate ones. That's the true power of the Familiar Summoning Ritual."
"Nothing he does can threaten that bond, anymore than I ever could. Sooner or later..." He gave Motsognir the second cue. His whiskers quivered in mute disapproval of the charade, but he obediently leaped from Miss Vallière's collar, and scrambled across the desk to curl in Osmond's palm.
"Sooner or later, that force, which is stronger than both of us, will move him."
Her spine had straightened, and she no longer looked quite so downcast. Good.
"But never mind that. You've destroyed valuable school property today, and not for the first time, either. The faculty will have to spent their time off repairing the damage, you know."
"I'm sorry," she offered. "It was a small mistake."
"I don't think Mr. Kaito will agree, once he regains consciousness. Don't worry," he added, before she could dwell on that too much, "Miss de Godoy reports that he'll suffer no permanent injury. Even so, I can't let you escape without punishment."
Miss Vallière was composed. She'd accept any punishment he gave her, now.
"I think...that you should clean up the classroom you've destroyed, so far as you can. Without magic."
She just nodded, every inch the unbreakable Noble. He thanked her for her time, and she left, and that was that.
Miss Loungeville eyed the closed door, and by implication its recent user, with cool disapproval. She'd never say "I am deeply disappointed that that worked," but then she didn't have to; she did "unspoken criticism" better than anyone he knew. It was just a shame she was so uptight!
He tried to explain: "We use the tools we have to hand. Not everyone can be Jean Colbert, you know." He strode back to his great chair and settled comfortably into it, then remembered one more chore.
"And my dear Miss Loungeville? Send down to the kitchens, would you? If Louise's familiar is there, have him sent up to me."
But he wasn't.
Good boy.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"Uh...hello?"
Her familiar's voice! Louise slowly straightened up from under the desk she'd been scrubbing.
"You're back," she said, tone as dead-level as she could make it. Inside, she was jumping for joy. He couldn't stay away! Louise de la Vallière's familiar taming experiment number one: success!
"Yeah. I heard about this, and I figured I could help, so..." He made a little beckoning gesture toward the doorway, and in tromped a whole troop of Narutos, each armed with rag, mop and bucket. "Right then. Let's go!" And the Narutos burst into a maelstrom of sweeping, mopping action.
A surprisingly effective maelstrom. Each Naruto (would she ever get used to that?) seized a little patch of classroom and got busy, carefully scrubbing away the soot and carting piles of wreckage out the door. To where? Wherever he'd got the buckets from, maybe.
The real Naruto squatted down beside her, rag and bucket in hand. "C'mon, we've gotta work too or they'll start slacking off."
Louise nodded. It was only right for her familiar to help her, but this was still her punishment. Although... "Before that, look away for a second."
He blinked, but obeyed willingly enough...and so was surprised when she slapped him upside the head. "Hey! What was that for!"
"I could say it's your punishment for running off, but really, I just wanted to be sure you were the real one." Satisfied, she bent back down and started scrubbing. Distantly, she was aware of some loud, annoying complaining noises coming out of her familiar's mouth. She let them run on for a bit, then overrode him: "You've got to work too, or the rest of you will start slacking off - isn't that right?"
More complaining noises, but quieter this time. Louise was satisfied.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
They worked in semi-companionable silence for a while. Scrub, wipe, wring. Scrub, wipe, wring. Scrub - but this patch of floor was clean already.
Dazed, Louise looked up. The floors were drying, the broken desk was cleared away - even the windows sparkled. Only two clones were left, and they were having an impromptu swordfight with a pair of mops. The original - she supposed - was sitting on one of the drying desks, watching her. We did all that, in just a few hours? It was just too surreal.
"So is cleaning a ninja job too, like walking dogs?"
Naruto shook his head, then frowned. "Actually I guess it is, sometimes, but this wasn't that. I learned this stuff before I graduated."
Ninja graduated young - he'd told her that before. Still..."Like training a woman for marriage, in case she can't succeed as a mage."
"Huh? Oh, no, nobody taught it to me on purpose - I didn't even learn it on purpose. It's just, y'see...I used to blow up a lot of classrooms too."
She looked up sharply, body stiff, alive to any hint of mockery. But he wasn't even looking at her; he'd turned a bit to take in the setting sun through the window, eyes distant, mouth soft with reminiscence.
"Not just blow them up, either! Paint, glue, frogs...I used all kinds of things. Whatever I could get my hands on. So when I got caught, the teachers made me clean everything up myself, and stay at it until I did it perfectly." He snorted. "Now that I think about it, that was probably the best teaching I ever got."
Now she was smiling too, despite herself. "So that's how the 'awesome' Uzumaki Naruto got his start? I can believe it."
"Well, that was just it. Back then..."
A silence fell, and stretched, and puddled around them. Before she could make up her mind about whether to yell at him to continue or to just change the subject, he took a breath and continued.
"Back then, I was the dead-last. The one who couldn't do anything right. The one no one wanted or cared about."
"Your parents - "
"My parents were dead. Since I was a baby."
A strange new feeling was building inside Louise, and she didn't fully understand it yet. My familiar...has a past. Has a future. Had...
She'd lost control of her face; Naruto jumped off his desk to land in front of her, alarmed. "Hey, it's not that big a deal! I never really knew them, and anyway, lots of peoples' parents died in Konoha." He stopped. "Huh, when you say it out loud that sounds kinda bad..."
"Never mind that!" she snapped, blinking hard. "I just - never mind. Go on with your story!" And it is a big deal. But she couldn't say it, not now.
He nodded, a little more at ease. "Well, even if no one cared, I couldn't just give up, right? If they didn't want to pay attention, I'd just make them! And it was good ninja training too: stealth, ambushes, evasion...it made me what I am today!"
"And so you pulled yourself up and passed at the head of your class, is that right?"
"Exactly!" But he wouldn't meet her eyes.
"Naruto..." He winced, then - impossibly - laughed. "You know, I think that's the first time you've ever said my name?" That can't be true. But before she had time to think about it: "Anyway, yeah, you're right. I failed the ninja exam - three times. That's usually the limit, but - uh, some stuff happened, and - um, better skip that part - the point is, in the end, my teacher made me a ninja of Konoha and gave me his own headband - even if it got left behind. 'It's safer in your rucksack', my ass. Damn you, Jiraiya!"
Random outbursts and complaints; this was more the Naruto she was used to. That serious face from before...
No one had ever told her anything like that.
'Your familiar is like a part of yourself, an extension of your magic. Closer to you than your family, or any lover you'll ever have!' Headmaster Osmond had said that, the day before the Summoning. The girls had all giggled, and the boys had all groaned. She'd stayed silent, and done a better job of Noble restraint than anyone there.
And so?
Naruto was about to launch into some other speech. Now or never.
"They thought there was something wrong with my wand, at first."
Naruto closed his mouth with a snap, and turned back to look at her, face grave, eyes warm. She didn't look back. It was easier that way.
"I was five. We tried a few different ones, and Mother brought in a healer. All the tests said I was fine. Mother tried to train me, then Father - I learned all about Willpower and Intent. But my success rate was always...zero."
She was whispering. That wouldn't do. She cleared her throat, and continued.
"My mother was a hero in the last war. Square class." Naruto's sympathetic look was drifting toward "bewildered", she could see out of the corner of her eye, so she added, "that means 'really powerful'. And Father's Triangle-class, which is almost as good. Everyone expected great things from their children. Especially Mother. But...she had one good daughter, one strong daughter...and then me."
Naruto was nodding. "You were alone, too."
She shook her head. "Not quite. There was one man...he could always cheer me up. Since we got along, our parents had us get engaged. I was six, he was sixteen." She ignored Naruto's outraged squawk, of course he wouldn't understand things like that. "It was my choice. I liked knowing...that there was someone like that out there."
"I always that if...things didn't work out...I could go to him. Or, I thought that when I was younger. He'd be 26 now - probably even stronger and handsomer than ever. I doubt he even remembers some little girl in a boat. But!" She raised one finger, gathering momentum. "That doesn't matter. Even he were the strongest, handsomest man in the world, and even if he loved me more than anyone...I don't want to live a life built around my marriage, around how strong my husband is. I don't want everyone to talk about Louise de la Vallière as Captain Wardes' wife. I want..." And there her momentum went again. To be powerful? To see my mother smile at me? All true, but...
"You want people to acknowledge you. For your strength, your skill. Not anyone else...or anything else." His face twisted, but Louise was too relieved to care.
Yes. That's what I want. And my familiar guessed it on the first try. We really are...
But something in atmosphere had changed. Naruto was still smiling, but it had taken on a nervous edge. "Listen...I don't usually tell people all that, about the Academy and stuff. I figure, who cares about that? I'll show people my strength as it is now, and to hell with the past, right? But I wanted to tell you, because, uh..." His nervousness was getting infectious; he was looking everywhere but her. Or...no. He was looking at the freshly-washed windows, and the empty space where the teacher's desk had been.
Oh.
He knew the truth all along.
He planned this whole thing from the start.
And very quietly, in the back of her mind: you could have told him all this this morning...
Naruto swallowed; she'd lost control of her face again, she supposed. It didn't seem to matter. "Yeah. Siesta filled me in. About your being 'the Zero' or whatever."
Who's Siesta? And what can I do to her without getting into trouble?
"But I don't really get it. I mean, you make big explosions. What's wrong with that? I'd - "
She stood, stiffly. "Don't you dare patronize me. I - " her familiar tried to interrupt, but she overrode him. "I thought, I really thought that you meant all that. That you understood. That when I told you my deepest secret, that you didn't already know. But no. You wouldn't laugh at me, but you'll look down on me all the same. You'll take all your power and your stupid muscles and try to bring some comfort to my worthless life. Do you really think that's better!"
She shuddered to a stop, fighting for breath and control. But her familiar didn't care about her rage, her confusion, didn't care at all, he just jumped right into the gap: "Damn it, Louise, I'm serious! I'd love to learn a technique like that! I could blown up that idiot Guiche on the first attack, it would've been great! He'd've been like, 'a rose blooms for the pleasure of all', and I'd've been like 'this time a rose BOOMS for the pleasure of all!'"
Louise's outrage stuttered to a stop. That wasn't...what? She tried again, more weakly: "The sublime art of the Noble - "
Naruto showed no interest, none at all, in sublime anything. "Could anyone else blow up a classroom like this? Huh?"
"That von Zerbst could probably - "
"And did anyone else summon a ninja from another world? Did they?" This time he didn't even pretend to give her a chance to answer. "I'll bet that's just one more way that we're the same! I used to suck at ninjutsu but you know what I learned? I was putting way to much chakra into everything! I was literally too awesome for normal techniques! Yeah! That's definitely what's going on! You use way too much power, so it turns into an explosion!"
There wasn't always an explosion. Sometimes her spells just failed. But her thoughts were too scattered to form words.
He knew what everyone was saying. No - he knew the truth. My magic, my worth as a Noble...so far, it really is Zero.
And he doesn't care at all.
He believes in me completely.
Naruto was still shouting, of course, and she'd lost the thread. "...and we'll have an amazing fight with your village's enemies! I'll have some cool name like 'Infinite Army Naruto', and you can be 'Louise the Bang'!" He winced preemptively, saving her the need to hit him. "Ok, ok, maybe not that exactly. But the basic idea's sound!"
She slumped back down to a crouch. Too many emotions, too little time to feel them in. "You're insane."
"Yeah, maybe, but I'm still right!"
"Hah. And you think we're the same?"
Even with thirty clones working together, they'd managed to miss lunch.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Naruto's clones mostly dispelled themselves, when they were done cleaning. It was a relief, really - why do boring stuff when you could not do boring stuff? They could get into the middle of whatever the hell was going on with Original Naruto and Louise, but - seriously, screw that. So they all just bopped themselves on the head and returned to blissful nonexistence.
Or, almost all.
One tried to break into Osmond's office through the window, and dispelled before he knew what hit him.
One went down to the familiar stables, and spent a frustrating few hours trying to figure out why the hell you'd name something that was just a giant floating eyeball a "bugbear".
And one clone remembered Kirche.
Well, not her name, that he'd never learned, just that redhead, who wanted to tell me something. The one the pervert sage would have liked. The one with the scary look in her eye...
But Uzumaki Naruto was never one to back down from a challenge. Especially not when he was made of smoke and chakra, and couldn't really be hurt in the first place. So he tried to follow her directions, and then he wandered around for a while, and then he stopped a black-clad servant and asked for help. Whatever, he got there eventually.
She didn't answer when he pounded on the door. She hadn't locked it, either. Lucky! Inside, Kirche's room was lit only by the moons through the window, and filled with the smell of strange, wonderful incense. And crowded: strange rugs and hangings, tables, chairs, desks, and bed even bigger than Louise's. It was so much to take in that it took him a moment to realize: Kirche wasn't there.
