Working at an incredible speed, I miraculously threw all my belongings into the back of my truck and was out of there by 5:00 in the evening. I wished that Jake and I could have still been friends, but I knew it would be hard on both of us. Maybe someday, when, God willing, we're both over this, we could be friends. But right now, it was out of the question.

I pulled up to Charlie's house around 8:30. At the age of 22, it has been about 4 years since I lived in this house. Welcome home, Bella.

I called Charlie that morning, letting him know I'd be there. He was more excited than anything. He probably just wanted his cook back. I smirked.

Just then he came barreling out the front door and swept me into a huge hug. "Oh, Bella, honey. I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Did the drive go well? Good thing you got that new truck! Here, come inside, we'll bring that load in later."

"Thanks, dad." What a relief it was being around him. I didn't think I could feel better, but thanks to Charlie, it was possible. I let myself fall into the hug and then we let go and wandered into my old home.

The smell never changed - the smell of rain, spice, and that one smell that every home has that you can never identify. It was heartwarming and exactly what I needed. Or at least I thought. This home also held other memories for me -- amazing and unexplainable memories, as well as heart-breaking ones. I looked into the family room where the couch and television sat in the exact same place. For a moment, I thought I saw a stone pale face glancing at me from the chair, giving me that oh-so-perfect smile that made my heart ache every time. Maybe this wouldn't be as easy as I thought. I'll make the best of it.

After bringing in my belongings and placing them in my room, I went back down stairs. Charlie had bought pizza and we had been eating it while watching a ball game.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Charlie asked hesitantly.

"The pizza? It's great. Do you order from somewhere new?" I tried to avoid the real question.

"Bella, you know what I mean." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"There's nothing to talk about. He fell in love with someone new. Simple as that, dad. Can we please leave it at that?" I begged, shoving the last piece of pizza into my mouth.

"Alright, then." He frowned and turned his gaze back to the television.

I trudged up the stairs after saying goodnight to Charlie. I took a shower and then stumbled into my bedroom, closing the door, and falling face-first onto my comforting bed. I rolled around, tangling up the comforter and sheets with my legs, as my thoughts fought a war with one another. Run back to Jake. Give up. Run back to Jake. Give up. Either way, I'll be miserable.

"The only logical reason, Bella, is to stay where you are. You'll be less miserable here." I nodded and agreed with myself.

My thoughts were still running rapid, so I decided to find my CD player, hoping music would calm my mind and drown out my thoughts. I opened my closet door and dug through the numerous boxes I stuffed lazily in there. I stopped. What…? I pulled out a small shoebox from the top shelf and brought it over to my bed. This can't be…I told Charlie to get rid of this. I took a deep breath and opened it. Yep. I groaned.

It was my Edward box. The simple things he'd given me or items that reminded me of him. Why didn't Charlie get rid of it? He probably forgot. I nibbled on my bottom lip and pulled out a CD case. When I meant music, I didn't mean this music. I softened my grip on the case and with a feather light touch, I flipped it open.

I knew exactly which song to not listen to first. But, do I ever do what I'm told? Not in the least bit.

Within a second, my lullaby was swimming from the headphones, into my ears. Edward…I tried not to, but sometimes I wondered what life would be like if I had chosen him. I loved him more than life itself, but when it came down to it, was I ever ready to stop living, to continuously be in danger? I didn't think so, and with the constant panging of Edward's words in my head: You should stay away from me…That didn't help whatsoever with a decision to stay with him. Edward left me. Did Jake ever leave me? No. And that is what ultimately made me choose that final decision. Jake, it is.

But, Edward. I could still vision him in my mind's eye. I wonder what he's doing now. Has he found a lover? Where is he living? Is he even alive!? That was preposterous. Of course he was alive.

As I listened to the last few seconds of my lullaby, I dug through the rest of that forbidden shoe box. Photos.

I didn't have to wonder if Edward still looked the same. I knew it. I was 22. He was a man over a hundred in the body of a 17 year old. What did it matter our age difference? We weren't together. Bella! Stop!

I groaned, opened my CD player, took the CD out, put it back in the box, put the lid on, and shoved it under my bed.

"Stop torturing me." I rubbed my eyes. I wasn't going to cry. I definitely wasn't going to cry over two men in the same day. How pathetic is that? How pathetic am I?

I found an old CD finally, and played it. Loud, obnoxious, and deafening. Perfect. After several minutes, I finally fell asleep, hoping to wake up to a brand new day.