Heaven and Hell

A humor story.

The main characters who died in the books wake up to find themselves in a large cavern. It has no exit or entrance, but a large lake off to the right, filled with fish. There is an unidentifiable light coming from the top of the cavern. How will our heroes-and anti-heroes-escape from the hellish confines of this cave? They must work together, each person agreeing, to escape.

Our cast is:

Ares, the flier
Bane, the gnawer
Solovet, the killer
Hamnet, the killer
Twitchtip, the gnawer
Henry, the killer
Tick, the crawler
Twirltongue, the gnawer
Thalia, the flier
Frill, the hisser


[Last week on 'Heaven and Hell': Twitchtip took charge, Hamnet totally lost it, and Twirltongue and Solovet showed some unity in their attempt to ward off the newly vicious peace advocate.

[Solovet and Twirltongue finally collapse on top of each other, breathing heavily. Hamnet stands triumphantly in front of them, having run them into exhaustion.

Hamnet: Gonna play nice?

Twirltongue: When I can move….you are so dead.

Solovet: Yeah…what she said…

Hamnet: -dreamy stare- aaawww they're getting along! -rounding on the others- You guys are next!

Ares: -confused- Um…who are you again?

Hamnet: -striking a dramatic pose- I am Hamnet, righter of wrongs, protector of the weak, and advocate of peace between all living creatures!

[Fireworks go off in the background. Frill looks embarrassed, and Ares looks incredibly unimpressed. Bane is just happy watching the lights.

Ares: You might be able to add 'complete nutcase' to that resume

Thalia: Omigosh that was so funny! -collapses in a giggle fit-

Bane: Preeeeetty colorssssss!

Frill: -sheepishly- I thiiiink the cutterssss affected hissssssss miiiiiiiind…

Solovet: Pfft he was crazy to begin with. Just like that…thing over there! -gestures toward Bane-

Bane: -sniffles- that wasn't Niiiiiiice!! -starts crying-

[Everyone starts backing away from the Bane as he warms up for a temper tantrum. Before this happens however, Twirltongue manages to sidle up to him and whisper something in his ear.

Bane: Ya…you're right! -snarls- I am king! -attacks Solovet-

Solovet: O.O AAACK!!! -is pwned-

Ares, Twitchtip, Frill, Tick, and Twirltongue: FINALLY!

[But, just as it seems Solovet is gone for good…her body disappears.

Bane: wtf?

Solovet: I'm Aliiiiive! -randomly appears two feet next to where her body was-

Bane: Oh no you don't! -attacks and kills Solovet again-

Solovet: -magically appears- Nyah nyah!

Bane: RRAAAAAWR!!!!! -pounce-

Twitchtip:…so…how long do you think this will last?

Ares: As long as Thalia can keep laughing….

[The two turn to the small peach bat who is still helplessly laughing.

Twitchtip: Is it possible for anything to last that long?

Ares:…we can find out….

[Ten minutes later….

Solovet: Ok…this is getting boring…-is pwned again-

Bane: Maybe this time…

Solovet: -appears and is kills again-

Bane: this time!

Solovet: -appears- WILL YOU CUT IT OUT!?!?!?! -dies-

Bane: This time! This time! This time!

Hamnet: guys, just get along!

Ares: Pass the popcorn….

Twirltongue: How can we have popcorn?

Twitchtip: I dunno ask the Narrator.

Ares, Frill, and Twirltongue: What?

Twitchtip: Uummmmm….-panics- Nothing….I don't even know what I said…I'm not in contact with the person who put us here. Nope. Nuh-uh. I don't know a thing.

Twirltongue: Bullshit…

Ares: Hey look! I think he's getting tired.

Bane: -scowl- screw it. -personality change- OMG A BLANK WALL!!!!! -runs over to the wall and stares at it-

Solovet: Well finally. What was that about?

Twitchtip: Well, it seems that we can't die, or be harmed here.

Ares: Finally some place that I'm not constantly hurt. -glares accusingly at Solovet-

Solovet: How do you know?!

Twirltongue: Let's test this theory, shall we? -bites Tick's head off-

Tick: -dies and reappears-

Twirltongue: Theory proven.

Tick: What the hell was that for you bitch!

[Everyone, even Bane, who was distracted by the wall, and Thalia, who is still laughing, turns and stares at Tick.

Tick: I, mean ow, I.

Solovet: Things just keep getting weirder and weirder...

Henry: -shouting- EVERYONE LISTEN TO ME!!!!

[What is going on? Why was Tick talking normally? What does Twitchtip know? What's up with people dying over and over again? And I wonder what Henry has to say...find out next week on 'Heaven and Hell'!!!

Tick: Migraine, I have, migraine...