Soothing Cold
Chapter 3
I don't know what to do the next morning when Rosalie magically shimmers into existence at me side, linking her arm through mine. It's cold and solid- comforting in the way that it is different than my experiences with the human body.
I don't know what to do other than let her lead me like we're best friends, with Emmett shadowing us like a childish bodyguard. His presence is a little disconcerting, but in the two days that they sat with me I've realizes they he really is more of a child. He's tolerable, enjoyable even, if I can forget about his very manly body.
Rosalie again pops up after first, and then second and third, and then she walks me to lunch. The entire time, I notice Mike sulking in the background, waiting for a chance when I'm not in class or surrounded by my two celestial guards.
I know that it's not their intentions, but I'm grateful nonetheless.
"So what do you do for fun?" She asks me during lunch where we are once again doing our back and forth eating.
My brows furrow. "Fun?"
"Yeah, you know, entertainment. You can't just go home from school and sit still the rest of the day."
My face flushes. That's exactly what I do. I get home, exhausted from the constant tensing of my muscles, and just lay there pondering life that usually ends in a nap before I get up and make dinner.
That hasn't changed since coming here.
"Um," I fish for something, "I like to read." Or, at least, I used to like to read. Maybe I could start that up again if this is how life is going to be from now on.
She grins as Emmett scoffs.
"That's not fun; that's homework," he claims earnestly, leaning forward across the table and making me uncomfortable. "You should come over some time and I'll show you some fun-"
A shutter shakes my frame as my body becomes suddenly cold.
"What are you doing in here? Is mom okay?"
"She's fine, but you looked rather bored today..."
"I finished my book and can't get another one until tomorrow."
"That seems rather dull. Let me show you some fun."
"What?"
"Take off your clothes."
"-some video games first, watch some TV, Batman or Psych, and we can get a good game of paintball going if I can convince Esme."
"Sure," I say weakly, and he seems ecstatic. Rosalie, though, is looking at me in concern.
I excuse myself to go to the restroom, hands shaking as I turn on the stream of hot water that steams as it hits the air.
It's scalding as I splash my face, but I ignore the pain of it. I'm not surprised when Rosalie follows me in.
She crosses her arms, leaning back into the sink, just observing as I pull paper towels from the dispenser.
"You know if you ever need to, or want to, talk, I'm right here," she says it so matter of factly. "Talking always helped me when I got anxiety or something was troubling me."
But she hasn't gone what I go through, or maybe she has, but that's somehow worse to think about. Maybe everyone goes through what I'm going through and I'm just not strong enough to handle it. Maybe this kind of thing is actually normal, happens to everyone, and everyone else is just better at hiding it than me.
How many girls have I walked past in the halls, have been raped?
The word stings my mind like a hot iron. I haven't actually thought the word until now; it's always been a taboo, something that can't be real unless I accept it as real.
I let out a slow breath even as my heart races.
"I'm fine," I say, my voice surprisingly steady and not sounding anything like my own.
She nods in acceptance, as if expecting my answer.
...
"It's nice to meet you, Isabella; how have you been?"
Voice soft, soothing, experienced, expectant.
"Fine."
The room is sweltering, constricting; the heater doing its job too well against the chilling air that is steadily growing colder outside. Pale grey-blue color and passionless splash against the wall. It's an uninteresting shade probably meant to not encourage a person to turn their attention away from the session.
I couldn't distract myself away from Dr. Roger even if I wanted to.
He's youngish probably in his early thirties, like Him, short brown hair atop his head, like Him, and a kind, friendly face, like Him.
One of the requirements of being relieved from Suicide Watch and moving in with my dad was going to therapy- and that's fine, deflecting and avoiding questions is easy enough- but why does it have to be a man as my doctor?
Why can't I have a kindly old woman who I can easily allow myself to be distracted, even by the simplicity of the these expressionless walls?
"Is school going well?" He asks. "Have you made any new friends?"
"Just ask what you really want to ask," I say tonelessly, or as close to it as I can muster. My nerves are already fried from being trapped in this room alone with him.
He smiles faintly, almost knowing, and I cringe at the familiarity of it.
"Why did you try to kill yourself?"
There's the question I was waiting for, the question always asked when someone new finds out.
"That doesn't matter anymore; I'm away from it and it's over with."
He nods and writes something down in his notebook.
"Okay then, but this is still required. Why don't you tell me about school? Have you made any new friends?" He asks once more.
I shift stiffly into a more comfortable position with a sigh.
...
Weeks pass in a routinely blur; not so bad or painful. His voice still whispers in my ear, and I still wake up sweating every night as He haunts my nightmares, but during the day the reality that He's not there leaves me stunned.
But I don't trust it, not for one moment.
Though my body has finally healed, the stitches that split my arm leaving only a dark pink scar, it still remembers every single abuse it has taken, and it knows as well as my mind that it will never be over.
He as much as told me so.
But Rosalie's cold touch, and through her, Emmett's, chases away feelings and thoughts and voices of Him for a short time.
I had learned of Emmett's matching cold when I tripped over a crack in the side walk and he caught me so fast I hadn't seen him move from his spot at Rose's side.
I hadn't immediately drawn away from him at the time, because the touch was so much like her's, and just as gentle. Knowing of his cold, my body seems to have become more comfortable around him by that extra difference that separates him from Him.
"Esme has been eager to meet you," Rosalie casually mentions, leaning against my old rusted truck with a grimace. She absolutely hates the thing, saying that it's not a car if it can't at least go from zero to sixty in point two seconds. My truck can barely reach fifty on a good day.
"You should come over for dinner. It'll be fun."
Emmett grins broadly. "Yeah, and I can teach you how to play some of my video games!"
My lips twist into something foreign. "Sure."
"Great!" Alice, their tiniest pixy of a sister who had taken to coming over as well in the mornings, says. She's sweet, if not a little hyper, and very affectionate.
She always seems to be touching someone, curled around my arm, curled around Rosalie's arm, holding onto Emmett's large hand, or when she is away from us, tucked under on of their other brother's arm, holding onto his waist.
It's actually really cute- she's like a little kid. Maybe that's why I don't mind her touch or holding me any either.
Alice detaches herself from Emmett and latches onto my hand, jumping.
"You can come over right after school and we can hang out, Emmett can teach you video games, you can meet our parents, and Rose can brag to you about her cars!"
The foreign twist of my lips widen, like it does every time Alice seems to speak.
"Alright," I agree almost too easily, but then again, who wouldn't?
When I look up to Rosalie, she had such a strange expression, but it's washed away the instant she meets my eyes, a grin flashing wide.
She's so beautiful and nice and perfect that I have to look away in shame, the way a sinner would when faced before God, about to be turned away from heaven.
"I'll drive you there since this shameful scrap of metal you call a truck probably won't keep up enough to follow behind my brother's soccer mom car."
"Okay," I say, straightening as the bell rings for first period.
A/N: Alright, here it is. Please review!
